i have to admit something guys

[silvertone]

smol beans got smol brains

[Samus Aran]

Dinosaurs are cool

I like pachycephalosaurus

Same

[Thyme]

on a side note, i feel genuinely dumb around most """adults""" irl, people around my age or slightly older

to me, resourcefulness is not only a form of intelligence, but the most important one
like being able to repair stuff around the house, or on a car
or financial stuff, like investments
or child caring
not to mention dating or other various social interactions

i feel like i'm light years away from most people my age about these things and it makes me feel unintelligent

bringing this one back because i'm having ~night thoughts~

and i have a dumb technological analogy to propose

knowledge is to data what intelligence is to processing power

Because I do have some knowledge. Some people would call it culture. I've always been pretty good in school, at least up to a certain point, that point being when I started to need more processing power, ie. 9th/10th grade Math. I'm aware of certain regional and world events, I've watched some movies and some shows, I know the names of some people, important events, dates, art pieces, music, etc. I can write relatively well - I've even been complimented on it out of the blue by a coworker the other day. I know things. So when for some reason I describe myself as being dumb as a rock, people tend to react in mild shock or disbelief. My dad got even somewhat angry one time, as he compares himself to me, his reasoning being that if I'm not intelligent, then as a high school dropout, what is he?

Well, he's intelligent, for one. Maybe not for dropping out of high school, I'll give him that, but for the reasons mentioned in my previous post ITT and my analogy.

Processing power is quick thinking. It's being able to think on your feet, adapt, improvise, react in weird or awkward situations, and not stand there staring in empty space with your mouth half-open like a dumb fat fuck who probably looks like he has an actual genuine intellectual disability at that moment. It's knowing what to do in a group where you have to do something with your hands without having to ask what to do next every time you finish a small task. It's having witty remarks and not stutter when you fire them back (actual stutterers notwithstanding, I mean people who usually don't stutter in normal speech). It doesn't even have to be that witty, as long as it at least makes sense.

Hm, I don't really have any more examples, besides the ones in my previous post, though in retrospect some of those may be attributed to knowledge. Though I could also mention driving. I finished my driving class two years ago and at first, the instructions were very knowledge-based. Just rules you have to learn and some very common sense stuff. But then we got to the highway and the instructor was like "so you have to do this and this for some seemingly arbitrary reason because people expect you to this and this or else this and this will happen and people behind you will hate you" and it was going so fast and we were going so literally fast and I was like ???????what?????? and I crashed the car everything went fine in the end but honestly I don't think I learned anything on this particular day.

most people are clueless on these things

(rip rdx)
I don't know, man. I know it's a cliche that most people feel dumb about something, but I genuinely do believe that the type of quick thinking, adaptivity, social and spatial awareness I'm talking about is something most normies are competent at. And I'm not. And to me that makes me actually unintelligent.

[Kalahari Inkantation]

and i have a dumb technological analogy to propose

knowledge is to data what intelligence is to processing power

if it's dumb then i'm offended because i very often am tempted to use the same analogy but i try to limit myself in doing so because i feel like others would find it dumb or nonsensical lol

in fact, you should be the one who's offended that i even consider using the same analogy

[spoiler]

also short-term memory is obv. ram

i guess the gpu would be akin to the occipital lobe

one giant, distinct, relatively power-hungry structure dedicated strictly to processing visual information[/spoiler]

So when for some reason I describe myself as being dumb as a rock, people tend to react in mild shock or disbelief. My dad got even somewhat angry one time

have you considered that it's because you're probably wrong on this one

and not stand there staring in empty space with your mouth half-open like a dumb fat fuck who probably looks like he has an actual genuine intellectual disability at that moment. It's knowing what to do in a group where you have to do something with your hands without having to ask what to do next every time you finish a small task. It's having witty remarks and not stutter when you fire them back (actual stutterers notwithstanding, I mean people who usually don't stutter in normal speech). It doesn't even have to be that witty, as long as it at least makes sense.

startlingly familiar feels

[spoiler]sometimes i wonder if people think i might be a literal bumbling barely-functioning retard

they might not be wrong

it's like i suddenly develop five different speech impediments every time i open my mouth

and oh god, that nervous, obviously fake chuckle-laugh thing i do every ten seconds during the rare face-to-face conversation, as if to seem engaged

my reactions to regular human situations are just completely inhuman lol [/spoiler]

I finished my driving class two years ago and at first, the instructions were very knowledge-based. Just rules you have to learn and some very common sense stuff. But then we got to the highway and the instructor was like "so you have to do this and this for some seemingly arbitrary reason because people expect you to this and this or else this and this will happen and people behind you will hate you" and it was going so fast and we were going so literally fast and I was like ???????what?????? and I crashed the car everything went fine in the end but honestly I don't think I learned anything on this particular day.

yeah same except i actually did fail the first driving test out of anxiety-enhanced stupidity lol

i wanted to die

most people are clueless on these things

(rip rdx)
I don't know, man. I know it's a cliche that most people feel dumb about something, but I genuinely do believe that the type of quick thinking, adaptivity, social and spatial awareness I'm talking about is something most normies are competent at. And I'm not. And to me that makes me actually unintelligent.

but you're actually wrong about this though lol

i genuinely audibly lol'd the other day when you suggested that you couldn't handle something as simple as partitioning an ssd despite having done the same thing on an hdd in the past, because it sounds absurd and is absurd that you, as an experienced web developer, would truly be unable to figure something so simple out

especially with the internet as your disposal, which is perhaps the world's single greatest resource ever, and one you obviously know how to use

what i see here is deep insecurity lol

adx himself (rip ) exhibited a very similar thinking pattern, and it's ultimately what led him to foolishly retreat from boyah (oh god he must genuinely hate me )

also adx is right in that most people are clueless about those things

everyone's only pretending to be an adult (or at least i tell myself that to help me sleep slightly less restlessly at night )

i don't even pretend i'm not a manchild though

[Hiro]

thyme, i'm with you on most of that
i feel truly incompetent, and despite appearing smart to most people, I'm incapable of completing any task without annoying people
the only job I've had where I wasn't looked down on was at a daycare where I had only one co-worker I saw on a daily basis, who was my boss, and required extremely little of me (in fact she encouraged me to just sit at the desk and relax while she did half of the day's activities, i was just there to assist with things like signing kids in, play board games with them, take a small group to the restroom, etc
when that person left and I was told to apply for her position, i was too overwhelmed by the idea and felt that I couldn't do it properly (i'd have to come up with a daily activity for 20-30 elementary school kids and talk to parents if a child did something etc)

[silvertone]

sing to your co workers.

[Himu]

i've always thought you came across as very smart kaz

i often feel like i'm probably more intelligent than i present myself to be. idk if i dumb myself down as some sort of defense mechanism or if i'm too afraid that i'll sound too much like an annoying pseudo-intellectual.

it doesn't help that anytime i make a mistake i know it'll be ingrained in the back of my mind forever and i'll build multiple associations to remind myself of that mistake

"oops lol i burnt the cookies in the oven that one time so i guess i'm going to remember it and second guess myself every time i bake anything for anyone ever for the rest of my life lol"

[Kalahari Inkantation]

to be fair, being able to buy a house doesn't necessarily mean anything about being smart or not

well at your age, home ownership does indicate that either you're extremely successful, extremely lucky, or absolutely horrible at making sound investments

you kinda make it sound like my success and ability came from motivation and hard work, but I think it's more like I'm lucky to have a lot of innate talent, enough that just going with the flow (not even proactively striving for success) lets me move up in life

well regardless of the source your skills it's still impressive

it's not like anyone can tell whether you worked for them or they're innate lol

I had to be very proactive to get any progress

this is probably good general life advice

I had to be very proactive to get any progress

I had to be proactive about house hunting

and now job applications

i sense a theme here

but every other way I've progressed in life has kinda just been handed to me

I was referred to my last job by my old professor

and I was working with him in the first place because he recruited me

hmmm, i see, i guess this does just seem like mere happensta--

he recruited me from a class that I did well in.

Wait a minute. This isn't mere happenstance.

you weren't just chosen randomly out of a box

you were proactive and effective enough in that class that you made an impression, obviously

yet you keep dismissing your academic accomplishments as mere happenstance

but yeah, you're right, my family situation didn't do much to help. Fairly low income (and pretty careless with it), very little emotional support, and didn't teach me much of anything after early childhood. My family didn't even have its first computer until 2005 when I was 12 years old

i got my first in 2004 and look where i ended up

[spoiler]that is to say, nowhere [/spoiler]

[Kalahari Inkantation]

kaz frightens and intimidates me with his knowledge

this was recorded in the dossier, actually

[spoiler]

CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET

[[[LORD KAZM]]] DOSSIER

• Said to be violent and intimidating in private

[/spoiler]

[bluaki]

I had to be very proactive to get any progress

I had to be proactive about house hunting

and now job applications

i sense a theme here

Two of those are very recent (less than a year ago), meaning the only thing left that I seriously worked towards until recently was my gender transition.

and that doesn't really have anything to do with financial success. At least I'm alive, I guess.

Also, the job hunting was ultimately pointless, since this job that I'm in now was basically handed to me after my former boss referred me.

he recruited me from a class that I did well in.

Wait a minute. This isn't mere happenstance.

you weren't just chosen randomly out of a box

you were proactive and effective enough in that class that you made an impression, obviously

yet you keep dismissing your academic accomplishments as mere happenstance

I listened to the lectures that I had to attend and I fulfilled just the minimum requirements for the assignments, but I even outright skipped a few of them. That's not very far from "I'll avoid failing" levels of effort. Plenty of my classmates put much more serious effort in that class (and every other class I took) than I did.

I got an A in that class, but the numbers didn't make sense and I don't think I should've.

So yeah, I think it's fair to say the only reason I made an impression is my talent, not really effort.

[Hiro]

i often feel like i'm probably more intelligent than i present myself to be. idk if i dumb myself down as some sort of defense mechanism or if i'm too afraid that i'll sound too much like an annoying pseudo-intellectual.

i feel like women do this a lot

it doesn't help that anytime i make a mistake i know it'll be ingrained in the back of my mind forever and i'll build multiple associations to remind myself of that mistake

"oops lol i burnt the cookies in the oven that one time so i guess i'm going to remember it and second guess myself every time i bake anything for anyone ever for the rest of my life lol"

gf does this one too 

[bluaki]

it doesn't help that anytime i make a mistake i know it'll be ingrained in the back of my mind forever and i'll build multiple associations to remind myself of that mistake

"oops lol i burnt the cookies in the oven that one time so i guess i'm going to remember it and second guess myself every time i bake anything for anyone ever for the rest of my life lol"

I thought this happens to everyone

I do this all the time

[Kalahari Inkantation]

i do it too lol

and perhaps excessive apologizing

and just general deference to whoever the conversation partner is

[Kalahari Inkantation]

it doesn't help that anytime i make a mistake i know it'll be ingrained in the back of my mind forever and i'll build multiple associations to remind myself of that mistake

and yup

"oops lol i burnt the cookies in the oven that one time so i guess i'm going to remember it and second guess myself every time i bake anything for anyone ever for the rest of my life lol"

and yep

the healthy way to handle this, of course, would be to assess the post-mistake environment, figure out where the mistake was made or what caused the mistake to be made, and then incorporate that information into a slightly modified strategy for dealing with similar situations in the future

but when you instinctively just start blaming yourself it's extremely difficult to learn

it's supposed to be a process of

trial -> error -> learn -> trial -> lesser/no error -> learn -> trial...

but the self-doubt that emerges after an error wastes processing power (to use thyme's analogy) and instead yields:

trial -> error -> insecurity -> program hang

[YPrrrr]

Cooking stresses me the hell out because of past imperfections I hate that shit 

Somehow I still like baking tho. I guess it's easier