SNORKEL's life story. The one you've all been waiting for.

[Snorkel]

All these life story threads made me want to recount my own, more for my own interest than wanting to show it off actually, but here you are regardless:

I was five, it was my first day of kindergarten. I played on the rocks in front of our apartment complex, waiting for the bus. I lived outside Minneapolis, and went to a public K-6 elementary school. One of the only things I remember from this period of my life is making a big paper jungle in my kindergarten room for some endangered species thing, and leaving The Jungle Book on VHS in our apartment when we moved out. We moved out because my dad had two years previously started up a business that could now provide us with a nicer home, and to my dismay, a different school. We moved to the south side of Minneapolis, a nicer part of town, and from this point forward my wonderful mother thought it necessary that I have a Christian education.

I spent the next years of my life at a Catholic elementary school. First through third grade were lonely and boring, I spent my free time playing games on my computer or playing Pokemon with the only friend I had, Cody. Fourth grade brought several lasting changes to my life. A Jewish kid arrived at the school, who would later become one of my best friends, and remains so. There was also a new girl, who I took an immediate 4th grade level affection toward. The next year I could officially gloat that I had a girlfriend -- that's what you did in Catholic elementary school; at this time I probably didn't even know the specifics of what sex was, thanks to the wonderfully sheltered atmosphere. Around this time my parents also started to fight. Every so often I'd hear them yelling and throwing things; I'd retreat to my room and listen to music (which, at the time, I had very poor taste in). I hated it.

From there things started going downhill. The next year I sort of woke up to the fact that the world is indeed a cruel place where people judge you and where you need to fit in, and I was overwhelmed with the people I had previously called friends (save for the Jewish kid and Cody) ridiculing me, as well as the escalating animosity between my parents. During the spring of that year -- 6th grade, my last year at the Catholic elementary school -- my mom, my brother, and I went on a cruise in the Caribbean for a week over spring break. To my delight, my Jewish friend's family had booked cabins on the same ship, and so I spent one of the more enjoyable weeks of the year with him. Thinking everything was great, my facade of happiness came crashing down upon arriving at home. My dad was waiting there -- he had not gone on the vacation with us on account of having to work -- and explained that he felt it'd be better for everyone if he left. He had already taken his things out of the house, and when he was finished talking he left the house and drove away.

This was the beginning of what would prove to be an awful year and a half of my life. At the beginning I was far from dismayed at his departure; he had moved 20 minutes away, and I was happy to not hear him shouting every evening. What made it bad was the long and incredibly long process that was the official divorce. My mom thought she was being cheated out of money, and spent a huge amount on lawyers trying to get it out of my dad. She told me that he, in turn, was attacking her for being mentally ill and neglecting me and my brother, among a myriad of other things. I was stupid and confused, and believed her. And so for the next year, I hated my dad, because I thought he was trying to unfairly cheat my mom out of money. Only now, years later, do I realize that it was truly the reverse. He knew what she was doing, and I feel so sorry for him now. Both his children hated him, he spent his days battling lawyers and making stupid court appearances, all the while maintaining his business so he could support us. My mom has never had a job, and still doesn't.

That was all happening in the background, at the time. I was occupied with 7th grade, which brought me to my current high school (it goes grades 7-12). It was also Catholic, although so liberal that you wouldn't really believe it. It was a welcomed change, and the Jewish friend was there too. At first it was somewhat overwhelming -- the responsibility I had in every aspect of school now, as opposed to the sheltered elementary school I had attended. I was really, really out of place for most of the year, and didn't make any new lasting friendships. I've also been told that the whole year I was sort of outwardly irritable and not a great person to approach, no doubt a side effect of the ongoing legal battle between my parents. Probably the only highlight of the year was going to a party I had been invited to by someone I knew in my neighborhood who went to a different school. I had no idea what to expect, having never been to a real high school "party". Some girl I haven't met since put her hand in my pants, and asked if I wanted to watch her piss. I declined.

The next year was better. Much better. The first months were the same as the previous year, but during Christmas break I completely changed for the better. I met someone who is now one of my best friends, who I found I could really relate to. His dad was an alcoholic and had been having a lot of trouble, and he (the friend, he was called Mickey) was similarly distraught with the effects on his family that this had. I can also credit him with waking me up to a lot of things; until that time I had been one of those kids that had the same religious and political views as their parents, and had never really thought about such things. Mickey was a smart guy, and really made me think about a lot of things for myself. Not only religion and politics, but things like my appearance and how I acted in front of people. Over Christmas break I went and got some new clothes, ones I actually found much more appealing than the ones my mom had always picked out for me. At this time I also started to realize the truth of what was going on between my mom and dad, who had at least become civil toward one another by this time. I started warming up to my dad again, and realized my mom was a pretty bad person. I demanded that I stay with my dad a full half of the year instead of just weekends and a couple weeks in the summer.

I went back to school in January a completely new person, not only in appearance but in outlook. Soon thereafter I picked up my first real girlfriend, who was the first person I shared a real kiss with. I believe it was also around this time that I realized that music was an amazing thing. I had been learning to play sax since fourth grade, but never really thought seriously about music. I acquired a real taste in music I listened to, as well as played. I picked up electric bass that year as well, hoping to expand my musical capabilities and maybe even start up a band with Mickey sometime, who played guitar at the time. I did just that in the spring of that year. For the summer it was nothing more than an inexperienced group of junior high kids annoying the hell out of whoever's garage they were in.

The next year was my first in the Senior High part of the school. I began it with confidence, having acquired quite a group of people I could call good friends, with Mickey and the Jewish kid at their center. My parents had also finally, after long last, legally completed the divorce procedure. By this time I had grown quite close to my dad, something I'm very happy about, and started to dislike my mom for more reasons than what she had done to my dad. All I'll say is that she's a conservative Christian. 9th grade was really when music became close the center of my life. It started when my and Mickey attended a party with a bunch of kids from a neighboring school who we both knew. We quickly learned that a few people we were sort of friends with has musical interests as well, and formed a new group. This was also my introduction to marijuana.

Subsequently the band thing became much more than a stupid junior high experiment. We actually played real shows, although for the most part they were at a teen coffee shop where admission is free and you don't get any money for playing. It didn't matter; I was playing in a band on stage and that was cool. I really think that then was the first time I was truly not a sheltered Catholic school kid anymore, and I was really, truly understanding and enjoying my life. That year also introduced me to the second girl I have ever called a girlfriend, who remains so, 18 months later. I did a lot of things I'd never done before with her, and needless to say this was a good experience. The only bad thing is that she went (and still goes, in fact) to a different school than I do. The remainder of the year was occupied with band practice, attending local shows, drug-filled parties where I bummed more marijuana from people than I should have, and attempting to academically perform to my parents' high standards, which I more or less achieved.

The summer was the best I'd ever experienced. Half of it was spent in San Diego, where my dad had recently expanded his business to. During the other half I probably slept in my own bed about 40% of the time. There was one week in particular I remember where me and Mickey and David drove with Mickey's older sister down to Mankato to see a concert, and then Mickey's sister was somewhat tipsy and didn't want to drive, so we walked to the nearest hotel and stayed there for the night. Upon arriving back in Minneapolis I spent the next two days at Mickey's, practicing in his basement (at this point I played tenor sax in our group). The next day we were invited to play at someone's party in their garage. This was my introduction to LSD, against my will. It was one of the better evenings of my life. So finally I got home and was yelled at for an extended amount of time. I didn't care. The rest of the summer was similar, except not to such an extreme degree.

Sophomore year was more of the same. Nothing particularly exciting happened. I got to go to New York with the school band to play at a festival thing, which was fun. The band I played sax in was becoming a serious undertaking, with practices once or twice weekly, and shows at real local venues. I got to meet and play with a couple local bands that I idolized, and got close to actually getting offered a deal with a local record label. We didn't end up getting signed, but we recorded an EP and had 200 copies of it produced by a band member's dad's friend's CD labeling company. The band member's dad happens to be Bobby Z Rivkin, previous drummer of Prince & The Revolution. At this time I also noticed that I needed money to support my hobbies, so I applied at a few places. Realizing I didn't want to spend my evenings unpacking shit at Target, I decided to start up my own mini-business. I spent all my money buying vintage Mac stuff in bulk from people locally, and sold them all on eBay with a 100-500% markup. That provided income over the course of the year.

So here I be in the middle of the summer, looking back on my life and realizing how fortunate I am. I read these other life summaries, like JMV's, and really feel lucky to never have experienced something like the death of a friend. If I was a Christian man I'd thank God for my blessings, but years of Catholic schooling never really did much for me.  flower;

[Snorkel]

Holy shit that's long.

You could just start in the middle, that's where it gets good.

[The artist formally known]

ill read it after i poop

[guff]

Unless it ends with your death, I'm not reading it.

[Daddy]

Nice story. Why didn't you say your Jewish friend's name?

[Snorkel]

Nice story. Why didn't you say your Jewish friend's name?

I thought it was funny.  china;

His name's David, predictably.

[ncba93ivyase]

I'D WATCH A LOLI PISS.

[Title27GT]

I thought it was funny.  china;

His name's David, predictably.

Why did you drag out the divorce?
My dad lives 2,000 miles away from me, I didn't have to drag it out like I actually care!

[The artist formally known]

Some girl I haven't met since put her hand in my pants, and asked if I wanted to watch her piss. I declined.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU STUPID ASSHOLE 


I feel like writing one of these but I am way too lazy

[Snorkel]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU STUPID ASSHOLE 


I feel like writing one of these but I am way too lazy

I was thinking about that, and you know, if I had, I could always say, "I once watched a girl I didn't even know piss", which is not cool.

[The artist formally known]

I was thinking about that, and you know, if I had, I could always say, "I once watched a girl I didn't even know piss", which is not cool.

WHAT

ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING? THAT WOULD BE SO ;_;

[Commander Fuckass]

Whose the chick in your sig and Avatar?  navi;

[Snorkel]

Whose the chick in your sig and Avatar?  navi;

Aforementioned current girlfriend.

[Feynman]

cocks

[Commander Fuckass]

Aforementioned current girlfriend.

How old.