more teenage angst

[Boyager]

has anyone ever said that they "love you"?

i dont think anybody has. im sure my momma has once. what kind of shitty mother would never say that? i just dont remember it.

though at the same time i'd be surprised if she never did. growing up i always acted like "love" was a dirty word. i was the only person in the family who flipped shit when someone talked about boyfriends and girlfriends. the funny thing about that is im the only person who had members of the opposite sex interested in me. perhaps that added to it.

i dunno boyah mang. im just rambling. i feel off.

[Boyager]

LOVE WILL SAVE YOU FROM THE GUILT YOU FEEL WHEN YOU BETRAY YOUR ONLY FRIEND
But it won't save me. 

[Boyager]

stfu clucky i need positive reinforcements

[Boyager]

what exactly are you trying to say
you've never felt genuine love before?
you don't know what genuine love is?
you're afraid of love?
you envy others' love that they have for one another?

[Boyager]

im trying to say that while others love me, they dont tell me that they love me. i've never heard "i love you" before. or at least i dont remember it.

at the end of the day i feel like everything i've ever done is taken for granted. and i know it is, that's the whole point of my approach to life. but without those small compliments and words of gratitude, what else is going to drive me? the purpose i had devoted my life to has been fulfilled, so, now what? i live off of others satisfaction. but when my intake is so low, what do i do? switch to being an attention whore? look mommy i cleaned the fishtank? no, fuck that.

but then i cant really bitch can i.

pft.

[Boyager]

the funny thing about that is im the only person who had members of the opposite sex interested in me.

how can anyone proceed in life thinking this way? it must be a terrible mess.

[Boyager]

oh boyah

how can anyone proceed in life thinking this way? it must be a terrible mess.

oh no, i asked them. we had a family convo, with all the siblings, about the number of people who have asked them out. flirting doesn't count. i had like, 4, everyone else had 0. im sure somebody liked them, but they somehow werent ballsy enough to ask.

[Boyager]

you guys had a 'family convo' to discuss this? i find that incredibly lame behavior. you want to be loved and don't even know what romance is. that's funny. meanwhile my guitar gently weeps, and i notice the world is turning. but i might have a broom that needs sweeping.

[Boyager]

family convo as in me, and three of my sisters happened to be in the same room and we started talking and eventually we got on that subject.

nah jk i proclaimed that we all meet in the dining room to talk about our experiences with the opposite sex over a cup of tea.

[Boyager]

wait a second when did i mention romance?

it's not really about love socks, it's moreso about gratitude and all that stuff. i guess that can be classified as love, but im not looking for a relationship, seriously, if i wanted to get a girl, while there isn't a line or anything, i could definitely get one. im not a pussy, i can ask a girl out.

[Boyager]

There are people that truly do love you.

[Boyager]

I never said that they didn't. I said that I want to hear those three words.

damnit people

[Boyager]

i love you

[Boyager]

i love him more

[Boyager]

I love lamp