Yeah, just screwed this chick that lives in my dorms.
I used a condom, of course. And what kind of condom? Trojan Climax control.
It's 30 minutes later, and my weiner is still numb from the lube in the rubber.
Teh fuck.
What a whinny faggot. Oh my life sucks because I have too much SEX and my penor feels slightly uncomfortable. Go die.
What's walter talking about Dude?
cut off your dick it's the only way
yessir
wait, climax control? i have never heard of these, they sound to be more trouble than they're worth
So you're saying you used a condom with a substance which prevents you from prematurely ejaculating and your penis is numb?
That's the point. baddood;
i'm content with regular lubricated latex condoms
called me old fashioned
Quote from: Billy Idol on October 15, 2009, 03:25:13 PM
What's walter talking about Dude?
Im talking about your penis and how I want to suck it. cjlubdoods;
hey look at me i stuck my dick in some girls hole and now it hurts wariodood;
just don't use a condom
Quote from: wziard on October 15, 2009, 08:16:39 PM
just don't use a condom
but then he will ejaculate prematurely
It's fun to be an idiot, isn't it?
You should have done it the old fashioned way... get drunk
Quote from: Trevor on October 15, 2009, 03:42:58 PM
i'm content with regular lubricated latex condoms
called me old fashioned
I love you Trevor. You seem to be the only one that understands.
You should rub Clearasil on it until the feeling comes back.
Quote from: Julius on October 15, 2009, 08:34:50 PM
I love you Trevor. You seem to be the only one that understands.
understands what.
numbing his penis doesn't really serve to give the guy more pleasure, it helps the female though. that is the opposite of being selfish. also consensual protected sex isn't being an idiot. akudood;
halbiar ftw
there is nothing wrong with a few simple 100% natural tricks here and there to prolong ejaculation, that's not the exception, it's the rule
Wasn't so much about being a premie.
More of I bummed the condom from a friend.
So yeah.
no worries, your sexual prowess was not being questioned
but the kiddies here should not think that numbing your dick with chemical substances is the magic bullet and the way to go
Well, if I had it muh way i woulodn't use a jerry cap
but i gots to, because society tells me to.
and aids.
sometimes i use one, sometimes i don't, it depends, but i don't like them either
wait, i dont get it.
did you make this thread just to brag about having sex? akudood;
Quote from: RDX on October 16, 2009, 01:39:16 AM
wait, i dont get it.
did you make this thread just to brag about having sex? akudood;
Yes. He's super cool, isn't he?
Quote from: Julius on October 16, 2009, 01:40:12 AM
Yes. He's super cool, isn't he?
you're just jealous akudood;
lol
rusty come back and tell us how you're so cool
Maybe rusty was a bit off in his choice of topic
But you guys are so incredibly bitter!
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 01:54:36 AM
Maybe rusty was a bit off in his choice of topic
But you guys are so incredibly bitter!
you're just jealous akudood;
robocop;
Quote from: Thyme on October 16, 2009, 01:56:24 AM
you're just jealous akudood;
Of sex with a female?
Why would I need to be?
akudood;
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 02:09:47 AM
Of sex with a female?
Why would I need to be?
[move]repetion joke is based on repetitioooooooooonnnn[/move]
wait so is the reason for the title of this thread supposed to insinuate that nobody else will ever have sex in college or that we will never use dick-numbing condoms
Quote from: Thyme on October 16, 2009, 02:18:59 AM
[move]repetion joke is based on repetitioooooooooonnnn[/move]
I thought that might be possible, but then I was like nahhh
:(
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 02:22:44 AM
I thought that might be possible, but then I was like nahhh
:(
I don't really see how I could have ever told you something like that without it being a joke. n_u
Quote from: Thyme on October 16, 2009, 02:27:22 AM
I don't really see how I could have ever told you something like that without it being a joke. n_u
Now I feel gullible. saddood;
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 02:57:44 AM
Now I feel gullible. saddood;
i have some delicious candy for you little girl, but you have to unzip my front pocket to get them giggle;
hey guys i just totally fucking PLOWED this smokin hot chick and my cock is so damn SORE
Quote from: Socks on October 16, 2009, 03:00:29 AM
i have some delicious candy for you little girl, but you have to unzip my front pocket to get them giggle;
I learned to avoid vans with bears in them, but this one might've caught me.
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 03:07:55 AM
I learned to avoid vans with bears in them, but this one might've caught me.
i usually tell them i'm lost and need directions, once they creep up the door opens and their virginity is history
Quote from: Admiral Cleman on October 16, 2009, 02:22:05 AM
wait so is the reason for the title of this thread supposed to insinuate that nobody else will ever have sex in college or that we will never use dick-numbing condoms
to never use dick numbing condoms.
Also, I'm not in college.
Quote from: Socks on October 16, 2009, 03:13:29 AM
i usually tell them i'm lost and need directions, once they creep up the door opens and their virginity is history
This reminds me of a fable that my parents told me once.
[spoiler=NSFW, to a certain extent.]So we drove out to where we knew she'd be coming and drove back and forth periodically so no one would see us just sitting there. Finally, we saw her walking down the road and we drove past her, then turned around and came up behind her at a bend in the road. I was driving and saw that no one else was in a line of sight to spot us, so I told Jeff it was go time. I slowed down, he opened the back door, grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her inside the car, then I accelerated, and headed toward the off-road camp site.
It wasn't too far from the main road, but there were enough trees that no one could see us, and when I stopped the car, it was like being in the middle of total wilderness. Jeff still had hold of her arms and a hand over her mouth, but her legs were kicking like hell into the space between the front seats and I set about putting an end to that.
I forced her legs open and got between them and for the first time got a really up close and personal look at her. Her face was caked in make-up like a chinese doll and she was wearing a skirt so short, taking a picture of her would have been considered child pornography.
"Fucking slut," I hissed.
"You're about to lol," Jeff laughed.
"lol"
I started feeling up her legs, but as much as I wanted to pace myself, I went straight for her pussy and couldn't think of anything else but getting her panties off so I could. I stuck my hand up underneath them and felt around for a few seconds, confused.
"Dude," I said, "She must have started puberty when she was seven and never learned to trim. This bitch has so much muff hair, it's like fur."
I didn't realize it then, but I was starting to. Before I could express it in words, Jeff said, "Yeah, well she still seems pretty flat. Let me see how those mosquito bites feel." And with that, he took his hand off of her mouth and she roared.
It was then that I realized she wasn't a ten year old girl at all; she was a bear disguised as a human.
Jeff was shocked but I don't think he even saw the paw come up and hit him across the face. His jaw splattered against the side window and he just started screaming, making the most awful sound in the world because he only had half a mouth to do it.
I was pretty much scared shitless and I let go of its legs and started trying to crawl out on of the doors, but it kicked me and I flew through the front windshield in a crash of glass and broken bones. I skidded off the top of the hood and from my spot on the ground, I watched the bear maul Jeff and what was left of Jeff for the next five minutes, but I couldn't think of anything but trying to get to the road for help. I couldn't have pulled the bear off of him if I'd tried, but even if I'd managed to wave down an ambulance and two police cars, I don't know if it would have done any good. They later explained to me that it was like the bear was an interior decorator, and the theme of the inside of my car had been "Jeff". They recovered his jaw but they never found the rest of his head.
I dragged my bruised, broken, and bloody body toward the main road as fast as I could, eventually collapsing at the edge of it. I turned over and looked back into the forest to see if the bear was coming after me, but even after it got out of the car, it was still busy with Jeff for the next few minutes.
After that, the bear wandered off into the woods, and I passed out in a pool of my own blood. [/spoiler]
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 04:02:25 AM
This reminds me of a fable that my parents told me once.
[spoiler=NSFW, to a certain extent.]So we drove out to where we knew she'd be coming and drove back and forth periodically so no one would see us just sitting there. Finally, we saw her walking down the road and we drove past her, then turned around and came up behind her at a bend in the road. I was driving and saw that no one else was in a line of sight to spot us, so I told Jeff it was go time. I slowed down, he opened the back door, grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her inside the car, then I accelerated, and headed toward the off-road camp site.
It wasn't too far from the main road, but there were enough trees that no one could see us, and when I stopped the car, it was like being in the middle of total wilderness. Jeff still had hold of her arms and a hand over her mouth, but her legs were kicking like hell into the space between the front seats and I set about putting an end to that.
I forced her legs open and got between them and for the first time got a really up close and personal look at her. Her face was caked in make-up like a chinese doll and she was wearing a skirt so short, taking a picture of her would have been considered child pornography.
"Fucking slut," I hissed.
"You're about to lol," Jeff laughed.
"lol"
I started feeling up her legs, but as much as I wanted to pace myself, I went straight for her pussy and couldn't think of anything else but getting her panties off so I could. I stuck my hand up underneath them and felt around for a few seconds, confused.
"Dude," I said, "She must have started puberty when she was seven and never learned to trim. This bitch has so much muff hair, it's like fur."
I didn't realize it then, but I was starting to. Before I could express it in words, Jeff said, "Yeah, well she still seems pretty flat. Let me see how those mosquito bites feel." And with that, he took his hand off of her mouth and she roared.
It was then that I realized she wasn't a ten year old girl at all; she was a bear disguised as a human.
Jeff was shocked but I don't think he even saw the paw come up and hit him across the face. His jaw splattered against the side window and he just started screaming, making the most awful sound in the world because he only had half a mouth to do it.
I was pretty much scared shitless and I let go of its legs and started trying to crawl out on of the doors, but it kicked me and I flew through the front windshield in a crash of glass and broken bones. I skidded off the top of the hood and from my spot on the ground, I watched the bear maul Jeff and what was left of Jeff for the next five minutes, but I couldn't think of anything but trying to get to the road for help. I couldn't have pulled the bear off of him if I'd tried, but even if I'd managed to wave down an ambulance and two police cars, I don't know if it would have done any good. They later explained to me that it was like the bear was an interior decorator, and the theme of the inside of my car had been "Jeff". They recovered his jaw but they never found the rest of his head.
I dragged my bruised, broken, and bloody body toward the main road as fast as I could, eventually collapsing at the edge of it. I turned over and looked back into the forest to see if the bear was coming after me, but even after it got out of the car, it was still busy with Jeff for the next few minutes.
After that, the bear wandered off into the woods, and I passed out in a pool of my own blood. [/spoiler]
Huh to think my bear stories revolved around aryan girls and porridge
1. Not sure that's a fable for one's children.
2. Why did I read that.
3. Nice alliteration on this piece...
Quote from: Alyssa the Glowing Sole on October 16, 2009, 04:02:25 AM
I dragged my bruised, broken, and bloody body toward the main road as fast as I could, eventually collapsing at the edge of it.
Quote from: Socks on October 16, 2009, 04:11:21 AM
1. Not sure that's a fable for one's children.
2. Why did I read that.
3. Nice alliteration on this piece...
If the prose was a bit more descriptive and had a better sense of flow, this would be hands-down my favorite copypasta in the whole wide universe.
:(
jesus christ this thread is terrible
not because of how it was started, but because of half the replies