A problem most of you won't have.

[Thyme]

Maybe rusty was a bit off in his choice of topic

But you guys are so incredibly bitter!

you're just jealous

[Norwegian Lesbians]

robocop;

[the shortest route to the sea]

you're just jealous

Of sex with a female?

Why would I need to be?

[Classic]

 

[Thyme]

Of sex with a female?

Why would I need to be?

[move]repetion joke is based on repetitioooooooooonnnn[/move]

[caponehollywood]

wait so is the reason for the title of this thread supposed to insinuate that nobody else will ever have sex in college or that we will never use dick-numbing condoms

[the shortest route to the sea]

[move]repetion joke is based on repetitioooooooooonnnn[/move]

I thought that might be possible, but then I was like nahhh

[Thyme]

I thought that might be possible, but then I was like nahhh

I don't really see how I could have ever told you something like that without it being a joke.

[the shortest route to the sea]

I don't really see how I could have ever told you something like that without it being a joke.

Now I feel gullible. 

[Socks]

Now I feel gullible. 

i have some delicious candy for you little girl, but you have to unzip my front pocket to get them 

[Nyerp]

hey guys i just totally fucking PLOWED this smokin hot chick and my cock is so damn SORE

[the shortest route to the sea]

i have some delicious candy for you little girl, but you have to unzip my front pocket to get them 

I learned to avoid vans with bears in them, but this one might've caught me.

[Socks]

I learned to avoid vans with bears in them, but this one might've caught me.

i usually tell them i'm lost and need directions, once they creep up the door opens and their virginity is history

[Norwegian Lesbians]

wait so is the reason for the title of this thread supposed to insinuate that nobody else will ever have sex in college or that we will never use dick-numbing condoms

to never use dick numbing condoms.
Also, I'm not in college.

[the shortest route to the sea]

i usually tell them i'm lost and need directions, once they creep up the door opens and their virginity is history

This reminds me of a fable that my parents told me once.

[spoiler=NSFW, to a certain extent.]So we drove out to where we knew she'd be coming and drove back and forth periodically so no one would see us just sitting there. Finally, we saw her walking down the road and we drove past her, then turned around and came up behind her at a bend in the road. I was driving and saw that no one else was in a line of sight to spot us, so I told Jeff it was go time. I slowed down, he opened the back door, grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her inside the car, then I accelerated, and headed toward the off-road camp site.

It wasn't too far from the main road, but there were enough trees that no one could see us, and when I stopped the car, it was like being in the middle of total wilderness. Jeff still had hold of her arms and a hand over her mouth, but her legs were kicking like hell into the space between the front seats and I set about putting an end to that.

I forced her legs open and got between them and for the first time got a really up close and personal look at her. Her face was caked in make-up like a chinese doll and she was wearing a skirt so short, taking a picture of her would have been considered child pornography.

"Fucking slut," I hissed.

"You're about to lol," Jeff laughed.

"lol"

I started feeling up her legs, but as much as I wanted to pace myself, I went straight for her pussy and couldn't think of anything else but getting her panties off so I could. I stuck my hand up underneath them and felt around for a few seconds, confused.

"Dude," I said, "She must have started puberty when she was seven and never learned to trim. This bitch has so much muff hair, it's like fur."

I didn't realize it then, but I was starting to. Before I could express it in words, Jeff said, "Yeah, well she still seems pretty flat. Let me see how those mosquito bites feel." And with that, he took his hand off of her mouth and she roared.

It was then that I realized she wasn't a ten year old girl at all; she was a bear disguised as a human.

Jeff was shocked but I don't think he even saw the paw come up and hit him across the face. His jaw splattered against the side window and he just started screaming, making the most awful sound in the world because he only had half a mouth to do it.

I was pretty much scared shitless and I let go of its legs and started trying to crawl out on of the doors, but it kicked me and I flew through the front windshield in a crash of glass and broken bones. I skidded off the top of the hood and from my spot on the ground, I watched the bear maul Jeff and what was left of Jeff for the next five minutes, but I couldn't think of anything but trying to get to the road for help. I couldn't have pulled the bear off of him if I'd tried, but even if I'd managed to wave down an ambulance and two police cars, I don't know if it would have done any good. They later explained to me that it was like the bear was an interior decorator, and the theme of the inside of my car had been "Jeff". They recovered his jaw but they never found the rest of his head.

I dragged my bruised, broken, and bloody body toward the main road as fast as I could, eventually collapsing at the edge of it. I turned over and looked back into the forest to see if the bear was coming after me, but even after it got out of the car, it was still busy with Jeff for the next few minutes.

After that, the bear wandered off into the woods, and I passed out in a pool of my own blood. [/spoiler]