duck thread

[burzumfan420]

A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks if they have chap-stick and the girl behind the counter responds "yes, now will that be paper or plastic." to which the duck says "just put it on my bill"

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

Customer: How much is that duck?
Shopkeeper: Ten dollars.
Customer: Okay, could you please send me the bill?
Shopkeeper: I'm sorry, but you'll have to take the whole bird.

[Samus Aran]

all ze ducks are swimming in ze water

[YPrrrr]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LET'S GO OREGON

[Commander Fuckass]

OREGON DUCKS LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[Andria]

[Samus Aran]

on the third day of christmas my echo gave to me...three turtle ducks

[ME##]

i shot a mallard before

[Commander Fuckass]

I ran over a squirrel once

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

Q: What do you call a crate full of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!

[Samus Aran]

so...if she weighs...the same as...a duck...

[Socks]

Costumer 1: I'll have the crispy duck.
Costumer 2: I'll have the duck pappardelle. Is that good?

Me: Two ducks, something's gotta quack.

Costumer 1: We'll all quack along!

Usually they're drier, this one had some sauce.

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

Pearl was a duck who lived down in a small alcove near the end of a large lake next to a small town that bordered a larger town that was several miles from a big city in the middle of a state on the east side of the country. Pearl was all too content to swim and dodge her head underwater and eat stale bread from the sad old men who tossed bags of the stuff when they felt particularly blue.

Near valentines day, the same old men even occasionally tossed bits of those spongy processed cake which were shaped like hearts. Pearl didn't touch those.

All in all, it was a life, and a life worth living. Twice even. The lake was always warm and the winters mild and the atmosphere calming. Sunsets were a treat, even to a bird.

One day, a crowd of people showed up near the outskirts of the lake. They came in large trucks and set up red and blue tents and brought big boxes that spat out sound. There were new smells and food scraps all over the ground and so many people.

Pearl feasted.

She dug in for the night, dozing to the dusk sky, amidst the occasional roar from the crowd of humans, which were getting louder as the sky grew darker.

Morning came too soon. It was only daybreak, but Pearl was awakened by the sound of thunder. But the sky was clear. In fact, the last of the morning stars were still flying high, refusing to be extinguished.  Yet, there was that sound. Sharp cracks.

And the sound of dogs barking.

Her fellow fowl were shooting out of the grass, out from behind the rocks and into the air. Some fell.
Panicked, Pearl took flight. Through the crashes were whining sounds, coming from the insects which were whirring past her head, kicking violent gusts beneath her wings.

And the humans were following, pointing metal rods and wearing orange hats. It was chaos.
And, just as she was crossing the crest of a hill on the edge of the lake, Pearl felt  her right wing tear open. A hole had appeared which she could see through the cloud of feathers, her feathers, that suddenly erupted from her body.

She fell, crashing into the tall grass below.

Dazed, she stumbled forward, ignoring the useless right wing. The grass was thick and provided good cover. Overhead, birds were flying violently away from where she'd come.

And then behind her came a sound, a crashing thump and heavy breathing. Through the reeds above her came a mouth full of dripping teeth which snarled and reeked. She ran, heading for the water, the mouth, now a nose and black eyes as well, followed, impervious to the stringy grass that caught Pearls legs. And just as she could see the edge of the water, just as her right foot made contact, the mouth closed in.

Pearls body was grabbed and shaken violently, just once, but enough to break bones and disorient.

She was looking up at her killer, who now stood above her, howling and barking as more birds flew and fell overhead.
Her vision fading, she managed to see a large muddy boot, a hand that stroked the head of the animal, and then nothing.

[ME##]

oh my, how could i have forgotten this
http://www.youtube.com/v/nwH1taatvyM&autoplay=1


[spoiler]>mfw all of the english ones are of horrid quality [/spoiler]

[Commander Fuckass]

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT DAVID