Howdy

march vibe check???

current vibes: 

It's March Madness

quote button seems to never work for me anymore

anyway my march vibes are good, doing a lot and having a lot of fun this month

uh let's see the last 6ish weeks have been the following:

realized the girl i was seeing/have been friends with is a narcissist and blocked her (she has not taken this well)

uncle rushed to the OR. his brain was bleeding. he's still recovering but it's looking good, last i heard

car failed inspection - needs a catalytic converter (i can afford this but jesus christ and also i have to find the part first)

someone i've been playing music with + enjoying getting to know was outed as a sexual predator

i keep backing myself into corners at work where i let shit pile up and lie to my boss about it (hilarous) and then force myself to do it all at the last possible minute to avoid getting chewed out (my boss is a sweetheart - southern - but still. can't not do my job) - THIS IS VERY STRESSFUL. I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND IT

above all this the lease for the house i'm at is coming up soon and my housemates need an answer ASAP about if i'm staying or not and i don't really want to but it's not like i've been looking at places because i'm a little MENTALLY PREOCCUPIED


but good news:

assuming i keep my job i'll be receiving a contractually obligated raise which starts paying out in about a month

i'm starting back therapy in the morning

It's Friday night, my dudes

having surgery tomorrow morning to get my gallbladder removed
not even worried about the surgery itself, just the long term complications

doc said post-surgery there's:
50% chance of negative symptoms disappearing and i live life gr8
30% chance of having manageable symptoms long term
20% chance of having the same symptoms, potentially worse

so hope I'm in that 50% bracket

good luck

damn good luck MIB
and to Popsi as well

omg man ok so i feel like I've been less on edge since my surgery
smoke is still clearing out so I don't know how long it'll be until I start feeling my new baseline, but this pain is getting old
4 days in recovery so far

though ngl, before I couldn't fathom going anywhere for the sake of fun- just all been errand, appointment, medical, and grocery focused. It was only within the last 30 days I've been feeling more myself. Now I literally wouldn't mind going anywhere and it's just been 4 days since my operation. Something switched off.

also, I can pinpoint what I was actually feeling now:
https://now.aapmr.org/differential-diagnosis-and-treatment-of-visceral-pain-in-the-pelvis-and-abdomen/

Because my gallbladder wasn't functioning right, I started having visceral pain, which included a lot of nausea at its worse, and can even present emotional responses such as anxiety and impending doom. Visceral pain can be caused when an organ is damaged. I'd be feeling like I'd be on the edge of a cliff no matter how casual a situation was. It was wild. I honestly was near suicidal because facing life on edge was just not fathomable.

Thankfully, I don't have any extreme side effects from chucking it out so far.

Quote from: Mando Pandango on March 14, 2024, 11:56:00 PMuh let's see the last 6ish weeks have been the following:

realized the girl i was seeing/have been friends with is a narcissist and blocked her (she has not taken this well)

uncle rushed to the OR. his brain was bleeding. he's still recovering but it's looking good, last i heard

car failed inspection - needs a catalytic converter (i can afford this but jesus christ and also i have to find the part first)

someone i've been playing music with + enjoying getting to know was outed as a sexual predator

i keep backing myself into corners at work where i let shit pile up and lie to my boss about it (hilarous) and then force myself to do it all at the last possible minute to avoid getting chewed out (my boss is a sweetheart - southern - but still. can't not do my job) - THIS IS VERY STRESSFUL. I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND IT

above all this the lease for the house i'm at is coming up soon and my housemates need an answer ASAP about if i'm staying or not and i don't really want to but it's not like i've been looking at places because i'm a little MENTALLY PREOCCUPIED


but good news:

assuming i keep my job i'll be receiving a contractually obligated raise which starts paying out in about a month

i'm starting back therapy in the morning

jesus howd i miss this, rly hope things have been looking up since then. to face all of these in succession is ridic
is therapy going okie??

MIB before I answer that I will admit that I have not been keeping totally up on your health updates, partly because it seems really overwhelming and awful and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I'm glad you're at least mentally feeling better. Physical problems can make mental ones so much worse and vice versa. Sounds like you took a huge step forward in getting past that at least.

As for my problems, my job is safe for now, which is good because I mostly felt what pushed me into the danger was a lack of focus that was hugely exacerbated by my mental issues. So with that load off I've actually been able to focus more on fixing everything else.

My uncle is home recovering. Very thankful for that, but I've been avoiding calling him even though I know he'd love to talk. That's just me being on my bullshit though.

I've looked at one apartment so far, and I'll see a couple more this weekend. I actually don't see this being much of an issue! The apartment I saw today has some obvious flaws from my perspective, but nothing huge, and there are a lot of positives

Nothing about the car yet. One step at a time. Thankfully I work from home but I haven't been able to go to the gym which is a bummer. I suck at working out at home.

I like my new therapist so far.

AS FOR THE GIRL, I don't know man. We still have mutual friends. I don't mind being polite with her in public but the few things I've heard from her, I don't think she really gets that I don't want to talk to her ever again. And I don't want to tell her off because I'm pretty sure she's a narcissist. Staying on medium terms with her is probably the best I can do without her going off and slandering me on tiktok, if she hasn't already.

Housemate set me up with one of her friends but I haven't followed through on that yet. Dating puts me really really far out of my comfort zone so I didn't feel like it was something I had the capacity to push myself to do. But I think I might go do that soon. She's cute and she seems like fun and a real weirdo so that's right up my alley.

That's my life update thank you for listening.

how are you guys doing quoting, this shit just isn't working for me at all

anyways

MIB - great to hear that you're doing better following your procedure, hope this means you've hit that 50% and you won't have to deal with that visceral pain anymore cuz that shit sounded terrifying

popsi - I know the feeling of procrastinating shit at work all too well tho I think if you got a sweetheart manager then you have quite a lot of rope to burn and time to sort your shit out before things start to get real, hope you can get some of your focus back once all the other shit settles down. my car had some shit wrong with it recently too, i can still drive it but idk it doesn't feel good. got a quote of about $350 to fix it so i'm kinda dodging it for now and hopefully my car doesn't explode. Also got a giant hole in my rear bumper but that's like $700 so lol

ngl i also missed your initial post with all the shit that was happening but glad your uncle is recovering well now and hope you get some time to catch up eventually. seemed like you were on a bit of time pressure with looking for a new place based on your first post but seems like things are calm with that now and you're managing it which is good to hear too, is there like a certain date you have to be out by if you've told your housemates that you aren't staying?

the thing with the girl, did you gradually distance or did you just block her suddenly one day with no real explanation? based on what you posted sounds like she is fuming a bit rn but hope you can escape with minimal drama, with people like that i feel like they just need to find something else to get triggered by then they will forget about you

I blocked her because she suddenly became verbally abusive which put all of her past manipulation and emotional abuse into perspective. She basically cornered me at a show I was playing shortly after and gave me a really insulting, dismissive "apology" and after that I realized she actually has never considered my feelings. So I'm not really interested in making amends at this point.

yeah that's fair enough as a narcissist she probably won't understand and thinks her actions are justified but i think what you did was reasonable, like there is only so much abuse a man can take before it becomes obvious that it's just not worth it anymore. really shitty that you had to go through that and good that you're out of there now