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General => The Lobby => Topic started by: hotlikesauce. on August 21, 2008, 05:21:02 PM

Title: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: hotlikesauce. on August 21, 2008, 05:21:02 PM
We had to do a myth about why something is the way it is.



(Tell my if the font doesn't work)



Why dolphins make the noise they do.

By Kevin Byington.




One day Mr. Dolphin wanted to go to the store. He went to the underwater dolphin Wal-Mart and parked in the dolphin lot.

As he walked inside, they had sample sandwiches of beef, cheddar, and catfish. He tried one, and it got stuck in his throat. He didn't take much mind to it, and continued shopping.

He went through each aisle, got his daily servings of veggies, carrots, chocolate and dolphin-nip. Down one aisle he found some toy cars and a ping pong ball. As he walked through the last aisles, he found some kitty litter ice cream (His favorite!).

He proceeded through final aisle, and made his way to the register. He heard on the radio "Hey Mr. Dolphin". He started to hum the words "Oh.. It's when you swim to me...."

The register dolphin was a fast one, and before Mr. Dolphin knew it, everything was accounted for. He started to pull out his wallet, and noticed that the sandwich was stuck in his throat. He went to the back to get a drink, and found some hair tonic.

Considering that this would help him grow his braided beard goatee, he grabbed a can and swam his fins off to the register. As he mistakenly forgot to read "Not for dolphins of any age" (Even though this was the dolphin Wal-Mart), he gulped down the whole can.

He started thanking the register, but a loud screechy like squeak came out. He tried talking again. And it still didn't work!

He became furious and enraged. So furious and outraged that he bought an infinity supply of hair tonic. What would he do with that? Why! Infiltrate every dolphins house in Dolphinia! He was so mad that he wanted every dolphin in the dolphiny land of dolphins to talk like him.

Eventually, dolphins babies were born with this defect, and it became a standard. Mr. Dolphin had actually made every dolphiny dolphin in Dolphinia lose their voice!
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Det in F♯ Major on August 21, 2008, 05:29:32 PM
The words in your title should all have capital first letters except for the word 'the'.

Also specify what he tried in the second...paragraph. And also, when someone chokes on something, how do they NOT pay mind to it? It could ultimiately end their lives.

And carrots are veggies, Kevin.  doodthing;

Seventh paragraph, I think you mean cashier instead of register.

"He became furious and enraged. So furious and outraged" Use the same word, since you're using furious in both sentences.

"Why! Infiltrate every dolphins house in Dolphinia!" It should be "Why, infiltrate every dolphin's house in Dolphinia!"
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: hotlikesauce. on August 21, 2008, 05:30:55 PM
Quote from: Det. ;] on August 21, 2008, 05:29:32 PM
The words in your title should all have capital first letters except for the word 'the'.


Oh yeah
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Det in F♯ Major on August 21, 2008, 05:37:37 PM
ya i editid mi poast so reed it  baddood;

i luv inglish :3
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: CutLess on August 21, 2008, 05:39:42 PM
Is this for 2nd graders or something? doodthing;

Because your tone is way too happy-go-lucky.  I mean, if you really like writing with that tone, go ahead; however, I'd absolutely never write in that way.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Houdini on August 21, 2008, 05:48:49 PM
Well, the basis of the paper is faulty. Species can't actually inherit acquired traits.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Det in F♯ Major on August 21, 2008, 06:01:15 PM
Quote from: Houdini on August 21, 2008, 05:48:49 PM
Well, the basis of the paper is faulty. Species can't actually inherit acquired traits.


haven't you seen teh hills have eyes  baddood;
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: YPrrrr on August 21, 2008, 06:36:25 PM
Quote from: Hipster Mipster on August 21, 2008, 05:21:02 PM
We had to do a myth about why something is the way it is.



(Tell my if the font doesn't work)



Why dolphins make the noise they do.

By Kevin Byington.




One day Mr. Dolphin wanted to go to the store. He went to the underwater dolphin Wal-Mart and parked in the dolphin lot.

As he walked inside, they had sample sandwiches of beef, cheddar, and catfish. He tried one, and it got stuck in his throat. He didn't take much mind to it, and continued shopping.

He went through each aisle, got his daily servings of veggies, carrots, chocolate and dolphin-nip. Down one aisle he found some toy cars and a ping pong ball. As he walked through the last aisles, he found some kitty litter ice cream (His favorite!).

He proceeded through final aisle, and made his way to the register. He heard on the radio "Hey Mr. Dolphin". He started to hum the words "Oh.. It's when you swim to me...."

The register dolphin was a fast one, and before Mr. Dolphin knew it, everything was accounted for. He started to pull out his wallet, and noticed that the sandwich was stuck in his throat. He went to the back to get a drink, and found some hair tonic.

Considering that this would help him grow his braided beard goatee, he grabbed a can and swam his fins off to the register. As he mistakenly forgot to read "Not for dolphins of any age" (Even though this was the dolphin Wal-Mart), he gulped down the whole can.

He started thanking the register, but a loud screechy like squeak came out. He tried talking again. And it still didn't work!

He became furious and enraged. So furious and outraged that he bought an infinity supply of hair tonic. What would he do with that? Why! Infiltrate every dolphins house in Dolphinia! He was so mad that he wanted every dolphin in the dolphiny land of dolphins to talk like him.

Eventually, dolphins babies were born with this defect, and it became a standard. Mr. Dolphin had actually made every dolphiny dolphin in Dolphinia lose their voice!
3rd paragraph: it should be "getting," not "got"
5th paragraph: what det said

Also, it is way too childish for whatever grade you're in, unless part of the assignment is to write it for like a 3 year old
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Kalahari Inkantation on August 21, 2008, 07:02:28 PM
Like everyone else has said, it's very childish. The title could be better, and if I were choking on something, I'd pay attention to it. doodthing;
Also, what's a "Mr. Dolphin" doing buying toy cars and a ping pong ball? befuddlement
and why on earth would you drink hair tonic
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Selkie on August 21, 2008, 07:05:28 PM
I really don't know whether or not this is a joke...
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Daddy on August 21, 2008, 07:07:22 PM
Just start over.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: The artist formally known on August 21, 2008, 07:14:30 PM
commit suicide
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Houdini on August 21, 2008, 08:54:12 PM
Yeah, considering your age you should be ashamed of this.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Det in F♯ Major on August 21, 2008, 09:01:35 PM
Also why would Dolphin Wal-Mart sell products harmful to dolphins.  baddood;
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Geno on August 21, 2008, 09:02:12 PM
Mippo is just asking for a dipshitting
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Houdini on August 21, 2008, 09:07:19 PM
Quote from: Geno on August 21, 2008, 09:02:12 PM
Mippo is just asking for a dipshitting
I have no idea why it hasn't happened yet.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Kalahari Inkantation on August 21, 2008, 09:11:04 PM
Quote from: Det. ;] on August 21, 2008, 09:01:35 PM
Also why would Dolphin Wal-Mart sell products harmful to dolphins.  baddood;
well human wal-mart sells paint baddood;
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Det in F♯ Major on August 21, 2008, 09:13:21 PM
Quote from: TECTRON on August 21, 2008, 09:11:04 PM
well human wal-mart sells paint baddood;


But dolphins don't have hair while humans have houses.  baddood;
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Kalahari Inkantation on August 21, 2008, 09:18:56 PM
Quote from: Det. ;] on August 21, 2008, 09:13:21 PM
But dolphins don't have hair while humans have houses.  baddood;
oh right :'(
rofl this essay's a failure
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: YPrrrr on August 21, 2008, 09:22:38 PM
Quote from: Det. ;] on August 21, 2008, 09:13:21 PM
But dolphins don't have hair while humans have houses.  baddood;
all mammals have hair
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Kalahari Inkantation on August 21, 2008, 09:23:43 PM
Quote from: Flying Circus on August 21, 2008, 09:22:38 PM
all mammals have hair
now i was going to say this but i decided not to because a dolphin wouldn't want hair if none of the others have any that's visible because it'd look weird
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Det in F♯ Major on August 21, 2008, 09:24:48 PM
Quote from: Flying Circus on August 21, 2008, 09:22:38 PM
all mammals have hair


i dont
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Houdini on August 21, 2008, 09:25:27 PM
Quote from: Det. ;] on August 21, 2008, 09:24:48 PM
i dont
you're not a mammal
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: The spy who loves you on August 21, 2008, 09:26:13 PM
I haven't laughed this hard in a while.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Daddy on August 21, 2008, 09:27:50 PM
Dear M!ppo: [wiki=The Boble]Here[/wiki] is how you properly write a myth.  baddood;
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Lozal on August 21, 2008, 09:39:12 PM
Mippo, you're a sad, sad sack of shit.

As the others have said, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Geno on August 21, 2008, 09:39:59 PM
Quote from: Laakeri. on August 21, 2008, 09:39:12 PM
Mippo, you're a sad, sad sack of shit.

As the others have said, you should be ashamed of yourself.
I fucking love when Lozal is mean to Mippo.
It's like her evil side.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Nyerp on August 22, 2008, 08:03:08 PM
why are you people taking this so seriously
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: laskfn on August 22, 2008, 08:11:44 PM
umm technicallly the dolphin dies in the second paragraph, hello people he got a sandwitch of which kind nobody knows stuck in his little dolphin throat, i dont think that people just get things in their throats and are just magically okay!
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Himu on August 22, 2008, 08:14:03 PM
Omgsh I wuvs it.  It's so randum. ^-^

Haha see what I did there? ^_^;
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: hotlikesauce. on August 22, 2008, 08:56:52 PM
Quote from: Spunky on August 22, 2008, 08:14:03 PM
Omgsh I wuvs it.  It's so randum. ^-^

Haha see what I did there? ^_^;


You forgot the 'b'.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: [REDACTED] on August 22, 2008, 11:05:59 PM
ya it's even worse than my writing
go do yourself a favor, don't major in english or math
go be a loser and get an MBA
thx
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Squirtlejazz on August 23, 2008, 10:26:58 PM
Suck less.
Title: Re: Tell me how my English paper is.
Post by: Houdini on August 23, 2008, 10:33:12 PM
Quote from: Squirtlejazz on August 23, 2008, 10:26:58 PM
Suck less.
Says the guy who's taking "World Histort"