Hey son, the Crawdaddy Devil Dances Again

[silvertone]

If it ain't my favorite pimple, come here, Son and listen to your old Aunt Palukie remember things for a li'l while. Let me tell you of a day back when the sun was crisper on my eyes and the winters were brisker on my thighs. Your father was a thickheaded mean son of a bitch who'd raise hell until someone told him to shut up. Whenever someone did, he’d talk about his days in juvy until he balled up like a stack of branches shooting from electric phone wires.

This was back when he was still married to my sister, that's your mother, but marriage wouldn't stop him from slappin' my bottom and telling me that I cooked like a real man. You know what I mean? He was the kind of irresistible, and whenever he called I was there. He'd always cry for food, because that's all that men want. Beans and biscuits, whether it be at the table or in bed. I was more than happy to answer his baby cries, I’d crawl on my hands and knees with his favorite sandwich on my back.

You wanna know what he ate? Well, like all good sandwiches, I'd start with a slice of ham, then drop some sautéed, slimy okras with olive snippets and a gumbo slice of paprika with a dash of cream of lettuce on top. I’d finish it off with truckstop dump of horseradish then smudge the whole thing between two slices of pristine white bread. I'd also have for him a little tub of ketchup for dipping.

Ow, ow, ow, my tooth is at it again. Aren't you a doctor? Animal doctor, that's right. It don't matter, 'cause mankind's a dog anyway. Check out my tooth, is it fine?

It hurts to keep my jaw open this long, just look at it you little brat. You’re a snot you know that? A snot that won't even help your own aunt. You should just plug away the croaks with some cat morphine. Help me out. My whole jaw feels loose and my own sister's son won't do a god damn thing. Lord, please remember this moment. Remember how your child suffered at the hands of a member of her own family, and before you ask, yes I did floss everyday. Amen.
If you ain't going to be useful, at least bring me another beer.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, my mouth doesn't feel like anything again.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, yes I remember now, I always remember. I never forget. Your dad ate like a horse, he also ate pussy like a horse. Don't give me that look, you need to know everything about your father. That's what a son is for, documenting their good daddy. So one day, after crawling up to him, he looked me in the eyes and was like "Aw Paulie," that's what he called me. He said, "Aw Paulie you look so good for a fat woman." He licked the ketchup off his ring finger, "Aw Paulie, why don't we make ourselves a kid." He was all pepperdicked, and I was too. One thing happened after another and that's how you came about. Don’t give me that look, you pastry.

Now will you look at my god damn teeth?