It's tough growing oldsmobile

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

Took my lunch break behind the store today, in my car, because I've been trying to avoid this new co-worker for about a week and a half now. He's this twitchy, mouse-faced guy with a greasy head of slicked back hair, straight out of East of Eden.

Came in last week with his work shirt sleeve rolled up and a pack of newports tucked under it, in real fifties fashion, minus the menthol.

He'll follow you around everywhere. He's still learning the ropes and everything, but if he sees you leave the room, he'll follow a few inches behind your back.

If you're working with a customer, he'll stand directly behind you so you trip over his designer steel toes when you turn to walk away.

Take a piss break, and you'll hear the door squeak open behind you.

Anyways, the parking lot of the store I work at is situated right next to a mcdonald's drive through line. It's one of those with two diverging lines that splits like a tuning fork, so people are always vollying to get into place, to have their turn.
It's lunch hour and there's the big rush from all the other retail swabs and the sunday shoppers and everything, so the line is very busy. Notice a guy in a silver oldsmobile speed up and cut a woman off, taking a primo spot in the outer line, the right side of the fork.

Guy is visbily agitated, sends a few horn bursts to the fat family in the town and country ahead of him, as if it wouldn't throw them off ordering or anything. Gets to the speaker and orders his shit.
Without waiting, oldsmobile swerves to the right to make a heavy maneuver giving him enough room to make a sharp turn in to steal the left fork's spot.

But, as he's making his grab, the other guy in the right fork, assuming oldsmobile had left the line, pulls ahead and takes his spot.

Kind of looks like this, but it isn't a very good indicator of how he pulled it off.


The driver whose spot in line oldsmobile was trying to steal caught on and accelerated enough to cut him off. The driver behind oldsmobile pulled forward, closing the gap and effectively forcing him out of line completely.

Oldsmobile hand cranks down his window and unleashes a torrent of old timey profanity like "You fucking cockwhore pieces of shit" and "I'm going to break your goddamn windows you fucking fucks".

And, how satisfying, how fucking perfect, he slowly pulls back around and gets back in his rightful spot in the back of the line, pissed and defeated.

Turn around and there's ol' mouse-face standing by the corner of the building.....