So I was taking a shit...

[ncba93ivyase]

Deep into a game of EBA, when I felt something round and soft (like a cherry) on my back. I swatted my back real quick, waited a second, then jumped up without bothering to wipe my ass. There was no cherry. There was nothing. BUT WAIT--what's that thing in the corner? It was a hugeass wolf spider. The damn beast was about the size of a peanut in it's shell. If it had bit me, I would've been screaming in pain.

So I took a step back and grabbed a wad of toilet paper. My ass needed wiping, and I wiped it. I tossed the shitty paper into the pot, flushed, and examined the beast on my floor; it didn't harm me, and I wasn't going to harm it.

I went out to the kitchen and constructed a little box. I left the bottom open so I could slip in a sheet of paper. When I went back to the bathroom, I couldn't find it. After about 2 minutes of searching, I discovered it was trying to squeeze into a crack in my corner. I tried for around 5 minutes to catch it, and when I finally got the box on it, it squeezed out of an untaped hole.

I went back out to my kitchen, covered the shit with duck tape, put little slips on the bottom (so that the paper wouldn't get caught on anything), and went back in. THE LITTLE BASTARD WAS GONE AGAIN. I looked in my hall and saw he was right in front of my room. I slipped the box on top, slid my sheet of paper underneath, walked out to my garage (door is open), and let him loose. Suddenly, an albatross descended from Valhalla and destroyed my spider with the mighty hammer of Thor. Aroused by this event, I whipped out my godly PENUS and banged the hell out of this bird. Right as I was about to cum, my mother pulled in and she said"You're movin with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!"

I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'Fresh' and had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought 'Nah, forget it - Yo, home to Bel-Air!'

I pulled up to the house at bout seven or eight, I yelled to the cabbie "Yo home, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there!To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air!

I took pictures, but my dad left the camera plug thing in NC and it turns out I also need it to setup the wifi connection.

[ClassicTyler]

I actually believed the first part.
Then the Bel-Air shit came in, and my bedtime story was ruined. 

[MARIOMANIAC21]

 That was a pretty good story

[ncba93ivyase]

I actually believed the first part.
Then the Bel-Air shit came in, and my bedtime story was ruined. 

RUINED? IT'S ALL TRUE, MA'AM.

[ClassicTyler]

I actually believed the first part.
Then the Bel-Air shit came in, and my bedtime story was ruined. 

RUINED? IT'S ALL TRUE, MA'AM.

DON'T YOU LIE TO ME YOU SMELLY PIRATE HOOKER. 

[MARIOMANIAC21]

I actually believed the first part.
Then the Bel-Air shit came in, and my bedtime story was ruined. 

RUINED? IT'S ALL TRUE, MA'AM.

Picture of your PENUS beating the Albatross NAO

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I HATE SPIDERS
I read the end of the story before finishing it. flower;

[ncba93ivyase]

I HATE SPIDERS
I read the end of the story before finishing it. flower;

I'm fine with spiders as long as they're not on me. Except for jumping spiders, because they're cute and harmless.

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I HATE SPIDERS
I read the end of the story before finishing it. flower;

I'm fine with spiders as long as they're not on me. Except for jumping spiders, because they're cute and harmless.

I'm horrified of 'em. If I find one in my room, I move to the other side of the room and throw things at it like a little girl.

[Tomboh]

I HATE SPIDERS
I read the end of the story before finishing it. flower;

I'm fine with spiders as long as they're not on me. Except for jumping spiders, because they're cute and harmless.

I'm horrified of 'em. If I find one in my room, I move to the other side of the room and throw things at it like a little girl.

gtfo pussi

[Wrench]

That was alright. I found it semi-fast though.  edumacate;

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I HATE SPIDERS
I read the end of the story before finishing it. flower;

I'm fine with spiders as long as they're not on me. Except for jumping spiders, because they're cute and harmless.

I'm horrified of 'em. If I find one in my room, I move to the other side of the room and throw things at it like a little girl.

gtfo pussi

you cant even spell pussy

[Bushy]

I HATE SPIDERS
I read the end of the story before finishing it. flower;

I'm fine with spiders as long as they're not on me. Except for jumping spiders, because they're cute and harmless.

I'm horrified of 'em. If I find one in my room, I move to the other side of the room and throw things at it like a little girl.

gtfo pussi

you cant even spell pussy

You can't spell "can't"

[caponehollywood]

Lol @ unexpected plot twist.

[Feynman]

Lol @ unexpected plot twist.

lol @ Lol