if you had to fuck one food what would it be

[Kalahari Inkantation]

mayonnaise

[YPrrrr]

mayonnaise

the perfect crime

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

egg salad

[Mando Pandango]

macaroni and cheese

[Thyme]

pouding chômeur

[Hiro]

maybe cream cheese?????

this is actually a pretty good answer

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I was laying in bed before I had to head to work. I don't normally think about pizza dough when I'm not at work, but today was different. I knew that I'd be able to do this that that had been tempting me for the past several months. I was going to be by myself for a couple hours, so all I had to do was steal a ball of dough and lock myself in the bathroom. I was getting turned on just thinking about it. I masturbated.

I cleaned myself up and went to work. I go in the back door. My boss isn't there, which both surprised and relieved me. I say hi to a coworker. He's the only one here right now, and he's making the dough as we speak. "It's right fresh." I think to myself. I walk into the freezer. There sitting before me is several boxes of freshly made pizza dough. I pick one up in my hands.

It's still warm.

I reach into my pocket where I've hidden a large Ziploc bag and a condom. I stuff the dough into the bag and hide it in my jacket pocket. I intentionally wore a large jacket today, knowing that I'd need to smuggle the dough ball home. I didn't ever mean to fuck the dough at work. That would be unsanitary. If anyone found out, I'd probably be fired. So I get to work, trying not to think about what I've hidden in my jacket. But it's too much for me. I start to get an erection. I grab my jacket and go into the washroom.

I take off my pants and open up the bag. I poke a hole in the dough and massage it with my hands. I'm rock hard now. I open up the condom and put it on, before I go to town on the dough. After a few minutes, I cum. Not quite as hard as I was expecting, but considering I had just gotten off an hour prior to that, I was satisfied.

I realize that I don't know what to do with the dough. It weighs about a pound and a half, and it's too big to hide anywhere. Plus the night time staff would find it, and that would be some awkward explaining. There's a knock on the door. My manager is here and needs into the washroom to get changed. I quickly stuff the dough into the bag and back into my jacket before washing my hands. I then went over to another sink and washed my hands again.

For a few hours after that, I stood there, making pizzas, talking to customers, taking orders. No one that I talked to knew that I had fucked a pizza dough just before talking to them. Someone came in who was getting pizza for a birthday party, someone came in wanting a job, someone came in to talk about how good our pizzas always were.

None of them knew. It made me feel dirty, and kind of turned on.

At the end of my shift I ran home into my bedroom. I grabbed the dough out of my pocket while looking for a condom. I didn't have any more. So I went without. Lying on the bed, moving the dough up and down on my dick. I came again. I then wrapped the dough up in a bag and threw it in the garbage so that no one would accidentally come across it.

[YPrrrr]

maybe cream cheese?????

this is actually a pretty good answer

the evidence hides itself

[Mando Pandango]

I was laying in bed before I had to head to work. I don't normally think about pizza dough when I'm not at work, but today was different. I knew that I'd be able to do this that that had been tempting me for the past several months. I was going to be by myself for a couple hours, so all I had to do was steal a ball of dough and lock myself in the bathroom. I was getting turned on just thinking about it. I masturbated.

I cleaned myself up and went to work. I go in the back door. My boss isn't there, which both surprised and relieved me. I say hi to a coworker. He's the only one here right now, and he's making the dough as we speak. "It's right fresh." I think to myself. I walk into the freezer. There sitting before me is several boxes of freshly made pizza dough. I pick one up in my hands.

It's still warm.

I reach into my pocket where I've hidden a large Ziploc bag and a condom. I stuff the dough into the bag and hide it in my jacket pocket. I intentionally wore a large jacket today, knowing that I'd need to smuggle the dough ball home. I didn't ever mean to fuck the dough at work. That would be unsanitary. If anyone found out, I'd probably be fired. So I get to work, trying not to think about what I've hidden in my jacket. But it's too much for me. I start to get an erection. I grab my jacket and go into the washroom.

I take off my pants and open up the bag. I poke a hole in the dough and massage it with my hands. I'm rock hard now. I open up the condom and put it on, before I go to town on the dough. After a few minutes, I cum. Not quite as hard as I was expecting, but considering I had just gotten off an hour prior to that, I was satisfied.

I realize that I don't know what to do with the dough. It weighs about a pound and a half, and it's too big to hide anywhere. Plus the night time staff would find it, and that would be some awkward explaining. There's a knock on the door. My manager is here and needs into the washroom to get changed. I quickly stuff the dough into the bag and back into my jacket before washing my hands. I then went over to another sink and washed my hands again.

For a few hours after that, I stood there, making pizzas, talking to customers, taking orders. No one that I talked to knew that I had fucked a pizza dough just before talking to them. Someone came in who was getting pizza for a birthday party, someone came in wanting a job, someone came in to talk about how good our pizzas always were.

None of them knew. It made me feel dirty, and kind of turned on.

At the end of my shift I ran home into my bedroom. I grabbed the dough out of my pocket while looking for a condom. I didn't have any more. So I went without. Lying on the bed, moving the dough up and down on my dick. I came again. I then wrapped the dough up in a bag and threw it in the garbage so that no one would accidentally come across it.

i'm glad i read this while listening to surf rock

[ME##]

lotion

this was literally the dumbest thing ever on boyah

[Samus Aran]

lotion

this was literally the dumbest thing ever on boyah

yeah how did that even start? i don't remember the context of it at all

[strongbad]

lotion

this was literally the dumbest thing ever on boyah

poty of all years

[silvertone]

not evening OPNEING the thread here

[Kalahari Inkantation]

surf rock

don't even get me started

[Travis]

not evening OPNEING the thread here

man I HEAR that dude , you idiots really fuck steaks and shit ? oh man just thinking oof that type of thing is totally giveing me the heeby jeeby yo im outtie PEACE