Being the third wheel

[Classic]

I don't have any wheels. I'm too heavy, and they popped.

[Zach]

These are the words you used to describe yourself, your actions, and how people interact with you.

It sounds to me like you're feeling frustrated, sad, and even angry and helpless because your need for social appreciation, closeness, authenticity, and contribution are being threatened.  Is this correct?

I recommend reflecting on the specific instances which aroused these unpleasant feelings.  The more specific you get, the easier it is to see how to achieve fulfillment.

That sounds accurate. I don't like feeling left out. Even if I'm not totally ignored, I still feel like I'm just kind of there. Like my contributions to the conversation aren't important. I don't know what to think -- do I just possess poor social skills, or am I stuck in a social circle where I'm not valued?

This can extend to all areas of my social life. In class, I want to talk to people but I have this irrational fear that people won't like me. Sometimes I say a few things and maybe make a joke, and then I go right back to being silent and serious because I don't know how to continue the conversation for fear that I'll once again run out of things to say. This amplified if it's a girl I want to talk to.

With friends, I'm not scared to talk, but, as I already outlined, I still feel left out.

It's probably not as bad as I make it sound, but unfortunately most of the times I come to Boyah these days is when I'm depressed and don't know who to talk to. I've been trying to focus on finding the line between confidence and arrogance -- I want to be confident in myself and unafraid, but at the same time I don't want to fall into my old habits of being an arrogant asshole.

[6M69I69B9]

That sounds accurate. I don't like feeling left out. Even if I'm not totally ignored, I still feel like I'm just kind of there. Like my contributions to the conversation aren't important. I don't know what to think -- do I just possess poor social skills, or am I stuck in a social circle where I'm not valued?

This can extend to all areas of my social life. In class, I want to talk to people but I have this irrational fear that people won't like me. Sometimes I say a few things and maybe make a joke, and then I go right back to being silent and serious because I don't know how to continue the conversation for fear that I'll once again run out of things to say. This amplified if it's a girl I want to talk to.

With friends, I'm not scared to talk, but, as I already outlined, I still feel left out.

It's probably not as bad as I make it sound, but unfortunately most of the times I come to Boyah these days is when I'm depressed and don't know who to talk to. I've been trying to focus on finding the line between confidence and arrogance -- I want to be confident in myself and unafraid, but at the same time I don't want to fall into my old habits of being an arrogant asshole.

These are just from my own perspective, experiences, opinions, and etc..  I don't mean to offend in anyway, and I'm sorry if I do.  I'm limited in knowledge like fuck.  I'm only going to be suggesting things, but anyway:

Aside from what I think are some confidence issues.  You seem to be disinterested a bit towards your friends- to me, anyway.  Or, at least towards their topics, I'm not too sure.  I think you should continuously reassess comfort and discomfort with yourself and others.  Just until you find out what you want from people and yourself, especially- finding your certainty.  There may even be a time when you'll be ditching some of your current friends and making new ones.  

Maybe you could talk to one of your current friends on a deeper level that you feel comfortable with, if possible.  One thing that separates people from a "surface" level and an "underground" level in a group of friends, is the knowledge of a topic, the people you're with, and/or maturity.  I always think that people forget that you don't always have to have fun with friends, it can also be serious.  When friends focus on each other for the sake of having fun, without any sensitivity, it may lead to departing quickly.  You must walk where it doesn't feel like you're stepping on pebbles barefoot, even with shoes.  If not comfortable already, either replace them or endure it.  Also, I wonder what would make you "fall into old habits of being an arrogant asshole?"- if not too personal?  To me, it doesn't seem right.    

In the end, I may be mistaking things.  Even through some of the suggestions/advice I've presented- I'm still unsituated with my own situation.  Though, I still believe in what I've said.  

[Zach]

Well, I finally had something of a positive interaction with the opposite sex but apparently my friends were none to happy about it. I was at a party at a friend's house the other night and at one point had three girls sitting on me. It eventually dwindled down to one, and she curled up in my lap and talked to me for a while. Eventually we started making out, but apparently that's not kosher with my social circle.

[Classic]

Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. 

[ME##]

love was invented by hallmark to sell greeting cards

[YPrrrr]

Well, I finally had something of a positive interaction with the opposite sex but apparently my friends were none to happy about it. I was at a party at a friend's house the other night and at one point had three girls sitting on me. It eventually dwindled down to one, and she curled up in my lap and talked to me for a while. Eventually we started making out, but apparently that's not kosher with my social circle.

Eh as long as you're not fucking her it's all good and Christian anyway right?

What're they complaining about?

[Travis]

Eh as long as you're not fucking her it's all good and Christian anyway right?

What're they complaining about?

yeah, what? your friends are not cool

[Hiro]

why would your friends be upset that you got something you wanted?

[silvertone]

because having friends is for fucking losers

[ME##]

why would your friends be upset that you got something you wanted?

because they're afraid they'll lose time with him

[Hippopo]

Well, we don't know the full story guys.  He could have been sucking face in front of his friend's grandma or sumthin

[silvertone]

i am the grandma. i dont even care.

[YPrrrr]

because they're afraid they'll lose time with him

I think they've been watching too much Lion King

[Zach]

It's pretty straight forward. I'm sitting in a chair, she's curled on my lap, she starts kissing me and I reciprocate. Friends get bitchy.