Being the third wheel

[Zach]

I don't want this to be a pathetic dear diary post, but I do want to ask some advice on how to handle always being the third wheel in social situations. If I'm out with friends, I'm the one that gets pushed to the side. In a large group, I'm the one that no one is interested in. This is further complicated when I want to talk a girl that's in the group -- in one-on-one situations I do much better because there are no distractions.

I know I'm not a particularly outgoing guy, but I don't think I'm hideously boring, either. I know part of it is social anxiety, but even in groups of people I'm completely comfortable with it's hard to feel like I'm part of the conversation. I usually end up injecting myself into the conversation in an awkward way.

Is it simply a matter of improving my conversation skills? Is it a matter of shitty friends? How do I correct this situation?

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

drink more

[Zach]

drink more

Well, yes, that works too, but I'm looking more for advice to help me when I'm sober.

[Hiro]

it sounds like you just need more practice to me then again i don't think any of us can really know the exact situation
it sucks though, i become extremely boring one on one but in a group i just kind of fade into things and don't stand out at all nor do i even attempt to try to talk to very many people, but it's not even a conscious decision
don't know man

[snoorkel]

just be silent if you want to and look calm and mystical, women like that more anyway

and get different friends who aren't interested in bullshit

[??????]

holy shit you sound like your social anxiety is eating you alive
i bet you have a nerdy personality too huh
you're so sensitive and docile and precious 

[silvertone]

me and my friend's gf just became best friends so we dont have to deal w/ that. they are also my only friends.

[Daddy]

I used to be the third wheel before I got a girlfriend

NOW WE ARE AN ATV

[ncba93ivyase]

talk to other people

once a group of friends gets too tight, it's impossible to ever squeeze in

[Daddy]

talk to other people

once a group of friends gets too tight, it's impossible to ever squeeze in

Yes, even if you try to squeeze in you end up just being that guy awkwardly sitting on the couch or in the corner watching TV or playing on your phone while everyone is talking and you can't relate to fit into the conversation.

While people might not say anything about it they definitely notice and bring it up while you'e not there.

[??????]

While people might not say anything about it they definitely notice and bring it up while you'e not there.

"..does, does he hate me?"

[Daddy]

Yes

I am awesome so I can fit in with ppl

[Hippopo]

pathetic

third wheel in social situations.

pushed to the side.

no one is interested in [me].

I'm not a particularly outgoing guy

social anxiety

hard to feel like I'm part of the conversation.

awkward.

These are the words you used to describe yourself, your actions, and how people interact with you.

It sounds to me like you're feeling frustrated, sad, and even angry and helpless because your need for social appreciation, closeness, authenticity, and contribution are being threatened.  Is this correct?

I recommend reflecting on the specific instances which aroused these unpleasant feelings.  The more specific you get, the easier it is to see how to achieve fulfillment.

[Hiro]

hippo knows best 

[Hippopo]

And by fulfillment, I meant death.