Why is Boyah

[Zach]

I've never been good with the ladies. All throughout high school I was socially awkward to a ridiculous extent - all I did was post on message boards and play video games and I dressed poorly. I really believe that spending so much time online stunted my social skills, and I'm still trying to recover.

I desire female companionship. The biological urge to fuck is always there, and while sex would be nice it isn't my main concern. Sex also doesn't factor into my plans because I am attempting to remain abstinent. I want to find a girl that I can one day marry - I want a career and a family and all that stuff. Part of the problem is that most girls I meet are sluts. The bigger problem is my psychological hangups. If I'm talking to a girl that's a little bit underage, my confidence soars because I know that nothing is going to happen. But if I'm talking to a girl closer to my age that appears to be potential girlfriend material, my confidence plummets and I lose my ability to hold a conversation. If I think I might want to date a person, I get so concerned that I might do something to screw it up that I fail right from the start. It's all in my mind, but I can't get past it.

The fact remains that there are not many girls out there that I consider datable. I want someone who is pretty, intelligent, and shares my morals and values. There are always girls in my classes that I want to talk to, but I'm not a natural lady killer so I never do. I don't know how to approach a girl and be flirtatious. I worry that I'll come off as a creep. Unlike some people, I can't just walk up to a girl I see on campus and start talking to her and get her number.

Another aspect is that my confidence is so low because I'm not satisfied with my life. I'm starting my fourth year of college this fall. I should be a senior, but I am still a freshman by credit hours. I am unemployed. I live with my parents. I have the frame of a 12 year old boy. I have nothing going for me whatsoever.

I just want someone to talk to and cuddle with and enjoy life with. Someone that would be an excellent wife and mother. All the girls I'm most interested in invariable end up dating complete douchebags. It's how life works. I wouldn't say that I'm a "nice guy" as typically portrayed, but I'm not an asshole and that is a severe handicap.

I have had one girlfriend, and we dated only five weeks before she dumped me. She lied to me - she said that she really liked me but she didn't feel like she wanted a relationship. A week later she's fucking a friend of mine from the college band. She later tells him that she felt like we were "just friends." My only other serious opportunity was with a girl that is very nice and sweet but just wasn't my type personality-wise. She's now dating another friend of mine and they seem to be getting along great. I'm happy for them.

In short there's a lot I don't like about myself and how my life has gone the past few years and it has left me incapable of finding the female companionship I desire. I'm sorry for confessing my life story like a drunk person but I just wanted to get this off my chest. I pen these things up and it takes its toll on me emotional. I wouldn't consider myself a depressed person, and much of the time I'm mildly content, but sometimes these things bog me down and I just wanted to write these things out to gather my thoughts.

Thanks for listening.

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

I've never been good with the ladies. All throughout high school I was socially awkward to a ridiculous extent - all I did was post on message boards and play video games and I dressed poorly. I really believe that spending so much time online stunted my social skills, and I'm still trying to recover.

I desire female companionship. The biological urge to fuck is always there, and while sex would be nice it isn't my main concern. Sex also doesn't factor into my plans because I am attempting to remain abstinent. I want to find a girl that I can one day marry - I want a career and a family and all that stuff. Part of the problem is that most girls I meet are sluts. The bigger problem is my psychological hangups. If I'm talking to a girl that's a little bit underage, my confidence soars because I know that nothing is going to happen. But if I'm talking to a girl closer to my age that appears to be potential girlfriend material, my confidence plummets and I lose my ability to hold a conversation. If I think I might want to date a person, I get so concerned that I might do something to screw it up that I fail right from the start. It's all in my mind, but I can't get past it.

No offense, but this came off as incredibly elitist while still maintaining that glowing flowing air of self depreciation.

Often times the harder you look for something the harder it is to find it. I lost my keys last week right before work, and I desperately needed my keys because they turn my car on and I need my car to drive to work, right? So, I'm looking in all the wrong places, beneath my mattress, under my sofa, in the gutter, underneath the thin layer of gravel next to my sidewalk and I'm losing my mind in absolute panic and frustration. I'm rambling to anyone who can listen to me about how terrible my predicament is and they're all giving me that slant-eyed, fuck all, look of "this kid's lost his mind".

Then I found my keys on the nightstand in the bowl I use to store my keys in.

-Don't define your interactions with people based on some vapid pre-concieved notions. So your potential girlfriend (ugh) radar blips and you meet someone and you automatically resort to those rosy red daydreams and you mess your own shit up in the process. Abandon it.

-Don't rationalize inability or perceived inability with past struggle. Get over it and realize that the person you were five years ago is as dead as the bird I accidentally hit with my car on the way home yesterday. 



Relationships aren't hard when

-You realize there's no formula, that your hollywood-esque perceptions are paper thin and Un-substantiated and ridiculous.
-You ditch the long term plans until you actually get to know someone. 75% of serial killers want to marry before the first date, after the first interaction.

But, whatever. Fuck it.
You have more years ahead of you than you can picture, and you'll evolve into someone else a few years down the line. Don't limit yourself to some bullshit rationalization of who you are now and what you haven't accomplished. If anything, use it as a basis of change.

[ncba93ivyase]

I think less about myself when I have someone else around. It makes me less anxious and happier with life.

[Hippopo]

Some people are blinded by romance.

[ME##]

Some people are blinded by romance.

you mean lust

[Classic]

Some people are blinded by romance.

[Zach]

No offense, but this came off as incredibly elitist while still maintaining that glowing flowing air of self depreciation.

A little late getting back to this post, and while I think you give a lot of good advice I must admit that I'm slightly confused by this part. That's probably just ego fucking with me.

A lot of that post is me when I'm feeling low and get overly emotional, but I think I can still apply a lot of what you said. Don't pay too much to the comments about family and marriage -- I'm not approaching women in a "I want to marry you" way. That's just me commenting more about how, long-term, I want a family. I'm not trying to put a ring on a girl's finger as soon as I meet her.

It's just that I've always struggled socially. It's not that I'm overly adherent to Hollywood cliches about how people should interact with one another, though that is somewhat present. I've never been satisfied with my personality and I've often attempted to mask it by emulating other people. When I act normally I'm still unable to thrive in social settings. I have friends and family and I'm not completely awkward, but I'm not naturally a very charismatic person. I struggle greatly to hold basic conversations with strangers.

Part of this is that I'm just very self-conscious about it and thus dwell far too long on it and end up convincing myself that I'm far worse at talking to people than I actually am. I've always been a whiny little bitch. I don't want to be, but that in turn just makes me whiner and mopey. I'm a sad little person. I accept that. I want to change it. I'm getting off on another overly-emotional rant, and I ask that you please don't get upset. I appreciate the bluntness of your post.

My problem is that I want to change some things about my life, but I'm unable to approach doing so in a healthy manner. I'm emotionally fragile.