fuck college.

[?????]

I was wired on amphetamines what the fuck do you expect? The other part I cannot understand.

Which part?

[Socks]

Which part?

Your lack of recognition.

[the shortest route to the sea]

Socks, have you read any LaVey, or anything on earth based religions? I can imagine/predict some of the critques you might have of the systems of organized religions themselves, but the kinds of thinkers and thought patterns, often moving out of Judeo-Christian narratives into something dripping and juiced with ambiguity and the self, make some very powerful claims about the self and it's worth. I think no one could get as deep into "An it harms none, do what thou wilt" as a Wiccan, for example. And LaVey himself was creating a hyper-conscious anti-religion in his Satanic Bible.

I'm at college to actualize myself, and to be honest the college space is a useful tool for that. It allows me resources of professors and people who deeply care about thisandthat, and from different backgrounds; it also requires me to break out of its bubble to achieve any kind of meaningful development. Oberlin is a wonderful bubble of social justice and academic study, but the Lorain County it's situated in has the highest unemployment of any county in the US, making it a huge battlefield for labor struggles. So many people blindly ignore the beauty and complexity of the midwest, coming in from NYC or LA or Boston to a liberal arts college. But even in the college, there's a huge, HUGE! library, many people who know what the fuck they're talking about.

To that end, I've split myself very thin among the institution. I'm building experience (and a resume) working as a Technical Director, Stage Manager, and Producer for 3-6 theater shows (of all kinds, student and department sponsored) a semester. In the theater vein, Carpentry is one of my majors, I'm employed as a set builder and stage hand, and I serve on a student theater board in charge of their technical supplies. Theater itself is a collaborative art, requiring the reconciliation of so many personalities, so many assholes with so many ideas. I drift through that clique uncomfortably yet solidly.

And then I'm booking a few shows for touring artists every semester, hanging out with them and the venue/event staff folk. I have two other majors, Mathematics and Music Composition, connecting me with professors and professionals in all different parts of the college. I've done a small amount of music on campus. I'm a fullback on the rugby team, and treasurer for that same team. I'm learning how to cook and live cooperatively/collectively.

I'm really sensitive to space, and often I'm not able to exist in that environment while moving beyond it the same time. That's my continuing journey, and probably the most constructive thing for me: learning how to do anything and still be in touch with the essence of myself. Like a circle drawn permanently around my heart. Especially after a friend committed suicide and my depression came back, I've started studying Paganism because most forms of it stress personal responsibility and love and respect for the earth and one's current space. Spells and goddesses are beautiful, instructive means to this end, though maybe that's too intellectually manipulative.



tl;dr I'm making the most of the opportunities that college offers while building and exercising the strength to transcend it as necessary, making me fit to follow my heart in the wider world while reconciling with the necessities (basic amenities, family connections) while challenging them (eating out of dumpsters etc.)

[?????]

Your lack of recognition.

Oh no,  I lose. 

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

I don't really enjoy college, or any type of "learning environment" for that matter. It seems like it's all a big scam. Pay money out the ass to go to school, take out loans, etc. I haven't done the research, but I feel like most people spend a good portion of their life paying off the debt they have accrued in college. I don't even think college offers as much in the way of knowledge as it says it does. Probably the biggest thing you earn from college is/are connections. This is at least what I'm seeing while studying art, which I'm realizing now is a stupid thing to do as well. I think that "art" isn't really something you can teach, you're better off developing your own style that suits your needs, But that is neither here nor there.

goddamn this keyboard is small. FUCK THIS COMPUTER I HAD A REALLY LONG RANT ABOUT HOW I THINK COLLEGE IS PUT ON THIS PEDESTAL AS BEING THE END ALL BE ALL PATH TO A BETTER LIFE, BUT THIS COMPUTER FUCKING SUCKS FUCKING COLLEG LIBRARY COMPUTERS WHAT THE FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA