FUCK YOU PEOPLE'S GAS

[applesauce]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT

SO I FUCKING CALLED PEOPLE'S GAS TO SET UP AN ACCOUNT AND I GAVE THEM ALL MY INFORMATION AND SHIT AND THEN THEY HAD SOME FUCKING SECURITY QUESTIONS THAT WERE:

What city did you live in in 1997?
What county do you live in?
Which of the following phone numbers is associated with you?
Which of the following addresses is associated with you?

AND FOR EACH ONE THERE FOR FOUR OPTIONS AND NONE OF THE ABOVE AND THE ONLY ONE THAT AN OPTION WAS CORRECT FOR WAS WHERE I LIVED IN 1997, ALL THE OTHERS WERE NONE OF THE ABOVE AND THEN THE GUY WAS LIKE "DERP YOU FAILED NOW YOU NEED TO GO TO A CURRENCY EXCHANGE AND BRING YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARD FOR AN ID VERIFICATION AND THEN CALL US BACK AFTER 24 FUCKING HOURS". ALSO HE COULDN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE MINNEAPOLIS RIGHT.

SO NOW, BECAUSE THE FUCKERS DON'T HAVE MY CORRECT ADDRESS HISTORY AND BULLSHIT I NEED TO TAKE THE TIME TO GO TO A CURRENCY EXCHANGE, PAY MONEY FOR AN ID VERIFICATION AND WAITL IKE 4 FUCKNIG DAYS BECAUSE THEY'RE CLOSED N THEE WEEKEND. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT.

[snoorkel]

this happened to me once signing up for a bank account. I'm not sure why a utilities company would care that much though.

[Socks]

sounds like corporate gas to me.

[applesauce]

sounds like corporate gas to me.

 

[applesauce]

SO TODAY I WENT TO A CURRENCY EXCHANGE TO GET MY FUCKING ID VERIFIED FOR FUCKING PEOPLE'S GAS AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DON'T FUCKING DO IT. OF COURSE. SO I GO DOWNTOWN AND GO TO ANOTHER CURRENCY EXCHANGE. SAME FUCKING THING. SO I GO TO ANOTHER. WTF. A FOURTH. NO FUCKING SHIT.

SO I CALLED PEOPLE'S GAS LIKE "WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS SHIT, BITCH, GIVE ME A FUCKING ADDRESS" AND THE WOMAN WAS LIKE "OKAY WHERE" AND I WAS LIKE "I'M IN THE LOOP" AND SHE'S LIKE "I NEED A ZIPCODE" AND I WAS LIKE "FUCK YOU I DON'T KNOW THE ZIPCODE HERE" AND SHE STARTED ASKING IF I WAS NEAR ALL THESE RANDOM STREETS ON THE WEST SIDE AND I WAS LIKE "NO I AM IN THE FUCKING LOOP DON'T YOU FUCKING KNOW WHERE THE LOOP IS YOU LIVE IN CHICAGO YOU DUMB BITCH" AND SO I WAS LIKE WHATEVER, HERE ARE SOME STREETS NEAR ME BUT SHE STILL COULDN'T GIVE ME AN ADDRESS SO I RELUCTANTLY GAVE HER MY HOME ZIPCODE AND SHE GAVE ME AN ADDRESS IN CHINATOWN SO I HUNG UP ON THE FAGGOT AND TOOK A TRAIN TO CHINATOWN.

AND SO I FOUND THE SHITTY ASS CHINAMEN BANK AND THE WOMAN WAS ALL "WE STOPPED DOING THAT A LONG TIME AGO" AND i ASKED IF SHE KNEW WHERE I COULD AND SHE SAID PROBABLY AT THE GLOBAL PACIFIC ON WABASH SO I WENT THERE AND ON THE WAY PASSED A CURRENCY EXCHANGE SO I CHECKED THERE BUT NO AVAIL. SO AT THE GLOBAL PACIFIC THE BITCH WAS LIKE "YEAH, WE DO AT OUR OTHER LOCATION ON WENTWORTH, BUT THEY CLOSE AT 4 AND IT'S 4:10" AND I WAS LIKE "FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

SO I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND THEN HOME AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW, I GOT A FUCKING LETTER FROM PEOPLE'S GAS. INSIDE IT TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO VERIFY MY ID (NO SHIT, COCKFACE) AND THAT I NEEDED TO CALL A NUMBER TO PAY THE BALANCE ON MY ACCOUNT. THIS PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK DO I HAVE A BALANCE. I AM NOT GOING TO BE LEFT ON THE HOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S PAST DUE BALANCE. SO I CALLED THEM AND HAD TO TALK TO THE MACHINE AND SHIT AND THEN IT WAS LIKE "YOUR ACCOUNT NEEDS FURTHER INFORMATION, LET ME TRANSFER YOU TO AN AGENT" SO IT DID BUT INSTEAD OF A DUMB BITCH IT TRANSFERED ME TO A MACHINE THAT SAID THEY WERE CLOSED. WHY ARE YOU CLOSED IT IS ONLY 4:52

[Socks]

Hahaha, owned.

[Nyerp]

sounds like you're short on your MOTTSAPPLESAUCE payment

[[REDACTED]]

we completely eliminated our direct natural gas feed because of the assholery in the natural gas industry
you should probably check a credit report because your identity may have been stolen

[applesauce]

Why would you say that?

[[REDACTED]]

Why would you say that?

well, it's the least probable scenario but i would take advantage of your free yearly credit report anyway
the more likely scenario is that their computer systems are probably fucked up, so you should initiate an EECB

[applesauce]

This is still a major issue. So, the Monday before last I went to that other Global Pacific location, and they were open and they did indeed to ID verification, but I STILL HAD A PROBLEM. The guy refused to accept my two forms of government issued ID (passport and driver's license) because the license is expired. I tried to explain to him that it is only expired, not invalid and that it sill counts as a valid government issued ID (it really does-- I've used it multiple times at airport security, US Bank, M&I Bank, and of course dozens of times when store clerks ask. Fuck, even the CPD accepted it as valid ID when booking me on criminal charges!) I argued with this guy for like 15 minutes, telling him about all the places I use it, about how he can still access my info with it, about how it is still valid id. He was having none of it. I showed him that I had student IDs from three different institutions, a health insurance card, two credit cards, and a debit card, all with everything matching and all valid, all photos looking like me. He said I needed a birth certificate or a social security card since he wasn't going to accept my DL. A FUCKING SOCIAL SECURITY CARD? SERIOUSLY, A FUCKING SOCIAL SECURITY CARD? THAT SHIT IS JUST YOUR NUMBER PRINTED ON FUCKING CARSDSTOCK! YOU CAN BUY FAKE ONES FROM THE GUY IN THE KMART PARKING LOT FOR $15! WHAT THE FUCK. Of course, my birth certificate and social security card are at my dad's office in Minneapolis, because the last time I needed to use them was over 4 years ago.

So one of my roomates decided to put it in his name and work it out. He calls them, and for the verification question about his most recent address, all of the addresses listed are in some Chicago suburb that he has never lived in. Of course. So, like I, they tell him he needs to get an ID verification. The only ID he personally has is his driver's license. His parents are currently going through a messy divorce (his father was abusive, including physically) and his dad is in possession of hid social security card and birth certificate, and it would take legal action to get it back, which obviously isn't timely to getting our account set up before they turn off our gas.

So now another one of my roomates is going to try and set it up in his name.

WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT. WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT ALL THIS ID VERIFICATION SHIT? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TAKE A FUCKING CHECK AND NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHERE IT COMES FROM AS LONG AS THEY GET PAID?!

[snoorkel]

WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT. WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT ALL THIS ID VERIFICATION SHIT? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TAKE A FUCKING CHECK AND NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHERE IT COMES FROM AS LONG AS THEY GET PAID?!

yeah really

well, it's the least probable scenario but i would take advantage of your free yearly credit report anyway

these piss me off, why the fuck is every male forced to register for selective service at age 18, while no one is allowed to opt-in or opt-out of this credit fuckery, or even delivered a notice about common credit reporting practices? the credit bureau's methods for obtaining information and rating credit should be common knowledge (like, a pamphlet or more likely a 2000 page manual mailed to you at age 18), yet it's not and as soon as you're of age you're expected to start playing ball with the credit system. but that doesn't happen, and if your parents don't pre-emptively boost your credit, you're pretty much at a major disadvantage.

why do I have to PAY to see the information some bullshit agency collects about me? why is it always wrong (my employer is actually listed as something I've NEVER heard of)? why are the credit bureau's websites the worst fucking websites ever, the only easy way to access your report is through some other awful website advertised on television commercials, and you get ONE report per bureau per year? Every 12 months (or every 4, if you space them out, but you need to check all three at once) is NOT a healthy interval for checking your credit. who the fuck set this evil controlling shit up and why is it working so well?!

[Socks]

That is because the human element is missing. Very few have character. And a lot more don't care for any.

Life -- or that entity and phenomena which constitutes your material and projected societal assortment of circumstances--isn't based on merits, but credentials.

Only there is one problem. We no longer face life face to face. The meetings are much more indirect and indifferent. There is a lot of us all the time. And we advance in an age of unseen encounters and signs, logging into symbols and getting passing grades.

No one knows you. No one had to know you. They think in terms of half, of pieces of knowledge and papers and facts.

Before you can settle in the documented world, you have to be and have been vetted through arbitrary filers and bureaucratic offices, agencies and organizations, eyes and circuit boars, webs and printers, chairs and trunks, and then selected, much as of chance as of design. Whoever is there is picked.

But the process before that is irrelevant. Only the result matters. You're a resume, a portfolio, a phone call, a video message, a letter, some name in lingo or a stranger knocking at the door. Nut you re never you. because after all, for all that you are, how could they know of you?

We don't write a journal and keep a diary of our thoughts and visions, doings and progress. Or show that to the world, when our claims is called into trial. That would be too shocking, too real, and too simple, so of course it is laughable. And dismissed.

We show grades and GPA, bulletin skills and schools of graduation. Recommendations to persons clueless of our soul and mind, and ultimately a name in a file or the bin.

Because there is no character. You don't need it. You're not Johnnies kid at the corner store buying milk for your mother. No, you're Mr. valid ID with the money in hand.

See how much shorter and logical that last sentence is! Transaction. Thank you.

Now there are credit scores! No familiarity. The latter is dead. The former... highly precise, legitimate and intoxicatingly pervasive. Following the same practice as the noted alchemist of the court.

Yet they don't tell you that a tenant is suspect and has poor ability to cope.  That he enjoys frequent naps and comes out very little, launders money, and needs a place to stay. Oh, and has no soul. So he could leave your heard rolling on the floor.

More important than financial history, is personal philosophy. What constitutes proof, and authenticity? But genuine display, in command and as master, of realty though character, the situation, the actuality of unfolding drama. That is a person. Not just some systematic facts.

Not some data on a chart. That can’t speak. Can’t remember its birthday over 21, the palm view of his house in the driveway, or the many tickets to Florida for his winder break. The long letters home, of lonely tears and time hard at work, and ultimately, sleep and redress. The storms, the drives, the endless long nights in the bar. Can’t be told in something six numbers long.

No. I don't need to develop character. I have proceeded though life in a series of consequences and institutions, procedures and beliefs. None of which is truly my reality, or required my input, simply my complicit involvement. And which contains and generates, the motions and entirety of my existence and behavior. Who I am.

I just need to satisfy the system and no further progress on my own to develop and manage the world and life with people is necessary. Cruise control. With me in passenger mode. Only the minimum standard. Some issued ID and information about me.

Why should I have an idea that I may want to implement and expand and be involved with and visit a welcoming body of loans and brains to express that notion and have an open and frank dialoged about my need of money and of my intent, my idea most of all.

Too cumbersome. Is suppose. Too open. Not systematic, but individual! So I just sit at home and check off a few boxes and then a piece of plastic card on my pocket pays for my goods and covers up my needs. Picking up the tab on necessity. No need to confront anyone about my troubles and what course or problem I have. No filters of control, only a way to continue, to ends reached by angled means.

It's unnatural. To pay for goods with nothing. It’s strange, to accompany someone in obscurity.

Intent is not often reality.

Oh. But I can get a job. Because I have high grades. Says so right here on my record. I’m very bright. Made honor two years straight. Went to class for three hours and knew it all. Texting lols and omgs, doodles the pens and twirling my tongue, with a finger. Paid no attention and left. Did all the work and never said much, answered no question; and was asked none back. I can't remember much. But I got an A+. And let be honest, that's all that you care about.

I park my car with the back facing front. Because I don't want to be seen. Inadvertently Inadvertadly displaying my license plate to the mark. I drive carefully and break safe apart, soft, staying four second behind. But there is smoke out the window and some light to observe. White lines to mark the road and keep us apart,  and rows of dotted stripes to cross with care. I am always away from authority, or some organism of control, that at that moment in time is responsible for me. Luke a plane being passed off to air traffic control, of zone to zone.

Yeah. For further information, please read the fucking resume.

D783Io93C&67K 

[applesauce]

So they gave my roommate an account without having him verify his ID. 

[snoorkel]

So they gave my roommate an account without having him verify his ID. 

is he white?