What are you doing with your life

[Socks]

[spoiler][/spoiler]

[silvertone]

[spoiler][/spoiler]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaj

[Socks]

[spoiler][/spoiler]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaj

dope shit right?

[rdl]

5 years from now i'll be 22. if things go well i'll have a shit damn wikipedia page and i guess i'll be dead, i dunno. hopefully i'll have saved a couple of lives in the process, that would be a nice bonus.

i actually accomplished this (probably). neat. when i was 22 i was interviewed by the ap and the new york times, so at the very least my name is in history, it actually ended up being an interview for an important issue so most likely it will be relevant. then i was pretty involved in the relief efforts with ebola in 2014 so (hopefully) i saved at least one life. and i havent really done anything this year other than collect the residuals of the work i put in up to pretty much 2014 plus about half of 2015, so, im basically dead cause 2017s going to be a dry year because i did pretty much nothing except lie in bed this year. from january thru december. back to back disability level illnesses. so thats like being dead. and in 2016 i was 22 for half of the year.

so basically i can see the future.

[strongbad]

You'll get back on your feet man you're a smart dude

I'm enjoying my work in the specialty coffee biz. Decent money and it is pretty interesting for now. Will soon have a place in downtown Seattle. Am maybe slightly more successful than I thought I'd be post graduation but still not "successful" I guess. I think I'll be content with this lifestyle for a couple years at least.

[rdl]

i just need to start over and put things back together but i have no idea what to do. feels like i lost all of the benefits of momentum and am now just another joe blow with nothing to do, no places to go or projects to work on.

2017s gonna be a tough year, even if i stay healthy, just cause i really cant expect anything to happen cause i havent done anything :\

[The artist formally known]

im sure glad i didn't post in this thread or i'd have egg on my face xD lol hahaah

me2

[YPrrrr]

I have no ideas what I want from life at the moment so my only real goals involve not being seen as a failure by my parents

hey I did it

[Daddy]

im sure glad i didn't post in this thread or i'd have egg on my face xD lol hahaah

me2

are you really living rn

[6M69I69B9]

Well, I've been quiet ever since 2017 started.  I am pretty insecure about all of this...but, at the same time, I feel like I just gotta stop keeping the bottle closed off. 

[spoiler]After I finished those classes I had in mid December, well, I completely lost all momentum.  I realized social work probably isn't for me with how recently I've been emotionally fragile, and plus the curriculum was so fucking half-assed, I just could not fathom being taught under such a rushed curriculum and the quality of professors just absolutely turned me off as well.  It's really hard for me to consider college now, because I almost have no interest in anything aside from just art, which is completely nothing.  I would still love to be a school social worker, but it's just so competitive still and regarding other social work fields you'd really have to give up your life for such mediocre pay and the thing is that with helping people, it's really up to them, so I'd be blamed for patients who wouldn't even think of helping themselves.  Social worker professors really put it out there how rough it can be, and that if you for one instance think the profession isn't for you, then it probably isn't.  And I did take these courses for the sake of knowing more about the major overall, so it wasn't a complete waste, and I at least maintain a 3.5 GPA there despite how lame I thought of the classes there. 

Anyway, yeah, I've been at a complete loss with what to do now.  I've never felt or been this low in my entire life, mostly because I don't know what the fuck to do anymore, my ideal job just out of the picture, art being a complete gamble, and just don't feel like I could offer anything to the world to be of actual use aside from some basic skill jobs.  My self-esteem has been so terrible.  My family has been concerned, I've been staying in my room mostly silent, but I try to keep up a good mood in front of family, and of course try to help with caretaking for my parents in general and helping them at appointments and just basic shit around the house.  Or I'll tutor my niece and nephews when they need it because somehow they don't get some shit.  But I get a talk here and there with my parents and my older sister- I know I have to do something and can't keep being down.  An adviser at my CC who kept in touch with me, well, I haven't messaged him in some time.  He told me to just get a job, in which I should.  But I've just been so fucking out of it.  I know, it's barely an excuse.  Haven't talked to him in a while, or anybody about anything much.  I still have a few friends I confide in and do shit with at the very least.  One of them has told me if they think I'm ready, they suggested I apply at a hardware shop and they'd give me a good word in.  So there's that, even if not guaranteed. 

Another thing is that my driving permit expires in a month, and the DMV thought it was suspicious about me having so many driving permits.  I just never really had anyone to teach me how to drive.  Everyone's just too nervous about me, and I just am scared.  I feel like I'd pass it, but my anxiety while driving is so bad that I forget a lot of basic shit.  But I feel like I should just take advantage of anything.  I need to not let these emotions get to me so much like they have been.  Even if I got the job I mentioned, it wouldn't be so bad, since the job is literally across the street.  But I still should do it. 

In the end, I feel like I'm stuck right now, physically, mentally.  It's like another existential crisis.  I honestly lost my will for a lot of things now.  But there's still some sort of fire in me to do something, but...I just don't know.  I just can't help but feel like I'm just the most pathetic piece of shit in the world, especially to my parents.  The worst thing is that I acknowledge this but keep letting myself go further and further into depression and bad anxiety. 

Honestly, I wouldn't mind just offing myself right now.  But I can't fathom that, there are still people that would be affected no matter how small it'd be.  Depression's been pretty bad, which means escapism has been awful for me.  The only thing that ties me back to reality, is literally the Hotel Dusk 215 soundtrack of all things.  And I've been listening to it and have been gradually just been thinking differently. 

But yeah, that's what I've been not doing. 

Lol, the only thing that's been on my mind is coding (probably a big gamble, too but I'm willing to try anything new), but I've yet to start shit.  If anybody wants to help me delve into it, PM me with some stuff I can start out with, please.  [/spoiler]

[Samus Aran]

Honestly, I feel that. When I was in college, it was to make my family happy and because I figured it might help me figure out what I wanted to do. Well, I graduated with a pretty useless degree and realized I didn't really want to do anything that wasn't writing. I then opted to try going for a teaching license. And discovered that I hated the classes and curriculum involved in the process, and didn't really like kids much either. I failed every class that semester out of not going to class because I was just that fucking lost and depressed. And have never gone back to school since.

I pretty quickly realized I needed a job though. So I've been working lame retail jobs since. And I've kinda come to terms with the idea of just working wherever seems the least painful, because unless I can make it writing, I'll probably never have an ideal "career."

But honestly I'm pretty ok with that. I have very small needs in life. I still have fun doing my own thing and I take it easy at work and still get paid so whatever lol

[rdl]

fwiw i feel the same way applying for jobs. i can volunteer til my ass turns blue but i need a career. why don't he want me man. im sick of myself, sick of family, sick of the place i live, sick of people, i should probably "recharge" but that's easier said than done.

im not breaking yet. but i dont like being totally out to sea with my career. i worked too hard to not be anywhere.

something's gotta come. i don't get why it wouldn't. but here i am with barely any interviews.

i know it's the school i went to, because every job ive ever had has been working with uc berkeley, sf based colleges and ivy leagues. never anybody from my school. but wtf can i do not my fault i was poor.

even when i volunteer on side projects im working with people from cornell and sequoia capital. like wtf. and then ask, hey um can u give me a job and then they never speak to you again lol.

[The artist formally known]

im sure glad i didn't post in this thread or i'd have egg on my face xD lol hahaah

me2

are you really living rn

im ok just making those dollars right now. 

[Hiro]

i'm struggling but trying to get three summer classes done online through my community college and try to go back to my university when possible, so I can get a degree and try to get a real job for once
I know a film degree is somewhat worthless but it should at least give me enough experience and possibly some small projects in order to get an actual job in film somehow

[JohnnyRingo2]

   Taking a role as a Housekeeping Supervisor in Wyoming. I'm in a California park now, and my role as Front Desk Supervisor was eliminated due to COVID. I'm hoping to continue building my resume in hotels and parks until eventually I can become a Hotel Manager at Crater Lake. I was an Assistant Manager prior, and am trying to regain that fine balance between power and freedom.

   Outside of work, taking seasonal jobs across the country to see more of the US and hike in more places. I use the National Parks I live in a a springboard to explore the surrounding states. I started collecting animal bones back in Utah and making them into things, so trying to get better at that. My family asks when I'm going to settle down, and I think they're starting to worry I won't. The most frustrating thing about it is that I love this and explaining it to other people only gets indirect questions towards the things that they perceive I don't have. If I tell people that I plan on remaining single I get these responses like "That's very brave of you." and "I'm glad you've made peace with that" like I'm terminally ill. If I tell them I don't plan on becoming a Director or General Manager, there's this assumption that I'm not ambitious enough. I have built my life to this exact end, engineered it to the best of my ability, and they're complaining about the aesthetic. 
 
  Two of my players from the D&D campaign I DM'ed are getting married in October. I'm going to drive back out to Kentucky and visit them and run the gauntlet of old friends. Two of my friends here are going to piggyback with me on a roadtrip as I drop them off at their respective homes. Overall, I live a good life. I think I'll continue park hopping for a bit before bidding for another salary position. Eventually, I'd like to buy land out in the woods near a wilderness area. I'll hang birdhouses made of animal bones around a wilderness shrine to Hecate, where screaming fowl of every creed will nestle in the hollowed ribs of dead deer. I'll have a rustic cabin heated by an iron stove and I'll explore the woods in my free time. I think I'd like that.