how do you like my po-um

[??????]

I once knew a man with the best advice
that I've ever heard before in my short life
not saying he was was wise, alcohol was his vice
he told me he'd reform while he was alive
now, he wasn't a drunk, but a dreamer
because everything he said just became deeper
"huh what's the point of growing older?
to make pain in the brain just above our shoulders?
No, not like that, it's a journey
life wouldn't be much if it was laid out before me"
His thoughts were good but his advice - better
helped out with the care of a bonesetter
brutally honest, with patience, for my thick head
convinced me that I wasn't better off another kid dead
not a case of suicide, but a life thrown away
not saying homocide, but how'd he say..
just existance doesnt count for living
work to live and live for working
nine to five for a nice car and a lawn to maintain
this security for a life thrown away to sustain

[Travis]

wow you could make a career out of these

[YPrrrr]

I don't think it has much flow or rhythm but the rhyming's a-ok

[??????]

I lied, it's Paperyoshi's poem.   

all up in your personal bias

[YPrrrr]

I lied, it's Paperyoshi's poem.   

all up in your personal bias

I was being objective, it really does have poor rhythm and flow

[Thyme]

I lied, it's Paperyoshi's poem.   

all up in your personal bias

I thought it was good either way, but you wouldn't believe me.

[??????]

I lied, it's Paperyoshi's poem.  

all up in your personal bias

I don't think it has much flow or rhythm but the rhyming's a-ok

[04:26] PaperYogi: oh fuck that guy, he read it in his head
[04:26] PaperYogi: you have to read it outloud in a specific pattern

[??????]

so, his advice to me was utterly astounding
he told me: "son, you better start drinking
because your path has too much thinking,
doubt your life then your wife will leave you,
and that's not the way that I want to see you.
Celebrate the future with ribbons of gold
don't wait now, do it before you get old
or else you'll be stuck in the same place
living the everyday businessman, house from ikea,
king of suburbia, neighborhood assosciation, ratrace;
where you don't get the cheese, but you attempt the chase.

[Geno]

it sucks

[YPrrrr]

[04:26] PaperYogi: oh fuck that guy, he read it in his head
[04:26] PaperYogi: you have to read it outloud in a specific pattern

I think she has more personal bias than I

[Samus Aran]

It's all right I guess. It's a start. Pretty boring word choice, no real control over when to slant rhyme and when to rhyme completely, and it relies way too much on this magical "certain way" you're supposed to read it according to Paper.

Poetry is supposed to be written in a way that it can be at least mostly universally read with some enjoyment, not tied down to bullshit rules the poet came up with. It's a people's art as much as an artist's art.

[the shortest route to the sea]

it's more rap than poetry. the cadence of it isn't totally awful. meaning is kinda...nowhere...