So what was with Padme's dominatrix outfit in Episode II?

[Andrew1911]

I don't understand it. She's trying to tell him to cool his jets yet this outfit says, "Mmm, you, me, your dick, and my vagina. Let's make it a meeting. How does right now work out for you?"

[Andrew1911]

"Lawrence, why do you like this barren, lifeless area?"



"It's clean."



"It has sand, dammit! Sand!"



"It's clean."



"You said that before! It has sand, man! Sand! Do you know what sand is? Sand is coarse and rough and gets everywhere!"



"It's clean."



"Fuck you, sand lover."

[Andrew1911]

"I am giving birth. Ouch."



"Push it. Push it real good."



"Obi-Wan, can I talk to you for a moment?"



"Yeah, what up, doc? Ah, that's a clever reference, isn't it? Now, enough funny business. How is she?"



"I'm afraid Padme is going to die."



"Why? She's perfectly fine. She just got choked a bit and went unconscious. She's fine. There's nothing medically wrong with her."



"She has lost the will to live. After she gives birth, she's going to die."



"This isn't making any sense. How can anyone die from losing the will to live when they don't have anything that could possibly kill them wrong with them? Did you even get a doctorate or a PhD?"



"Sir, I'll have you know I recieved my PhD after sending in five box tops from Frosted Flakes cereal."



"Uh-oh. Lost the will to live. Good-bye."

*Death rattle*

[Samus Aran]

i hate the birth scene of episode III so much

it's so disgustingly fake and way too fast-paced

she just shot out the kids within 5 minutes and then died

[Andrew1911]

"What am I, Lando?"



"You're a robot."



"But... Why do I... Feel?"



"I do not know."



"I do not know if I like this feeling or not."



"Okay."



"I am a monster. An abdomination to mankind."



"No, no, no, no, no, no... No. You're just... Hm... How to put this lightly... Not right for the world."



"Is there any meaning to my miserable existence?"



"Nope. You were just made to clean my cum socks."



"That's it? Well, thank God we're in a place called Cloud City! Good-bye, world!"

[Dives out window, killing himself]



"Fuck. Now, who's going to clean my cum sock drawer? Better get to the Lobot warehouse..."

[Andrew1911]

MEANWHILE AT VADER'S STAR DESTROYER



"You all have been gathered here today for one reason... And one reason only... To track down Luke Skywalker and his douchebag friends."



"Question: Can I use my space bears on them?"



"The hell? Space bears? What is that?"



"Bears. In space. Duh."



"No. Any other questions? Remember, there are no dumb questions. Yes, you. The retard with the helmet with the dumb question."



"I am Boba Fett. You killed my father. Or someone did. I don't know. I'm pretty sure some black guy did it but you killed him so it carries over to you now. Prepare to die."



"Hey, retard with the helmet, no one gives a shit about your daddy problems. I've already got my own problems with my retard son."



"You have convinced me."



"Alright, if there are no more questions..."



"Where am I? Why am I out of the hospital? Uh-oh, I'm cold and wet."



"This is the last time I put ads for bounty hunters in Highlights 4 Kids."

[Andrew1911]

I NEED TO SLEEP BUT MY BRAIN WON'T LET ME 



"What's the most you've ever lost in a coin toss?"



"I've never been in a coin toss before."



"Oh. Well... Shit. I was going to do this whole thing about fate and coin tosses being intertwined together... It was going to be really cool."



"Sure, it was."



"Really, it would be."



"Keep telling yourself that, friend-o."



"What the hell are you doing? That's my line!"



"I do what I want."



"You plagarized me!"



"Prove it, friend-o. Prove it."

[Andrew1911]

Meanwhile, in a colossal space battle over the Death Star!



"Damn, there's so many of them! I've got to manuever!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"Don't worry, man! I'm keeping focused on the target!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"Jesus, shut up, man. You've got to concetrate on your space battle."



"STAY ON TARGE-"



"Christ, shut up, fatty."



"Oh, God! My whole life is flashing before my eyes!"



"Stay... On... Target!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"STAY ON TARGET!"



"My life really never stayed on target. Alas, I go off into that good night... Not with a whimper but with a bang."



"Thanks, Dad!"



"You're welcome, my boy. Now, prepare to die."

[Andrew1911]

"I gonna bop you one, you damn stromtroopers! This is for my less known brother, Hans Solo!"



"Fuck me."



"Suck it, assholes! Solo, out!"



"Here we go, this is the way out!"



"You've got to be fucking shitting me!"



"God dammit, run! Run for your life, Chewie!"



"This has to be it... There's only four hallways..."



"WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHO'S FUCKING WITH ME?"



"Ain't I a stinker?"

[Andrew1911]

"Colonel Fingerbottom, what is the progress of the mission?"



"Well, sir, we've appeared to run into a bit of a snag... We didn't expect this kind of firepower."



"What are you talking about? They're basically little midgets in suits. Just kick them and they die. What is difficult about that?"



"Well, sir, they have rocks."



"Oh, my God. I had no idea."



"They also have logs."



"Logs? Jesus Christ. Colonel, pull your men out of there immediatly. Damn, it's going to be a slaughter."

[Andrew1911]

"Welcome to the O'Reilly Factor! Here's your host, Bill O'Reilly! *EXPLOSION*



"Hello, I'm Bill O'Reilly, welcome to my show, The O'Reilly Factor. I'm your host, Bill O'Reilly. Apparently, these damn liberal rebels have done it again. I've just gotten news they blew up the Death Star. The Death Star? Our glorious Emperor Palpatine created the Death Star to protect us from people who would try to hurt our fragile economy. Now, I'm just Bill O'Reilly but I think it's highly ridiculous that these damn rebels should get away with this."



"There's been a rumor floating around that Princess Leia might have had something to do with the attack. Possibly in retailiation against the Imperial Empire for blowing up the hippie planet, Dantooine. Good riddance I say to that ridiculous planet. It's such a dumb name that we shouldn't even pay it any attention if you ask me. Now, we have a special guest coming from exile on an undisclosed planet. You're on, Yoda."



"Disagree I must, O'Reilly. Millions killed for Palpatine's blood for lust. Deaths numerous everywhere. Ignore this fact, you cannot."



"Hey... Hey... Hey... Shut the fuck up. This is my show, you god damn muppet. You don't shout hippie bullshit here. Why don't you go dance with Kermit the fucking Frog in your shit swamp?"



"Large temper, have you. Tiny penis, I sense."



"GOD DAMMIT, GET HIM OFF OF THE SCREEN! THIS IS MY SHOW! THE EMPEROR WILL HAVE HIS DAMN MUPPET HEAD WHILE I SKULL FUCK IT! We'll be right back after this commercial break."

[Andrew1911]

"Hello, my sweet pretties. Meanwhile, on the set of Return of the Jedi..."



"Hey, I'm just here to check on the set. Just seeing if everything's going well. So, how's it going, David?"



"It's fine."



"Fine? I've just gotten some of your... Uh... Budget requests in... For some of the supplies you needed... I just needed you to specify what this means here..."



"Ah, those. For that, I'm going to create a VCR player onto Luke's body."



"... A VCR player? You mean... Those things that will lose to Betamax?"



"Yep. I sense you are having doubts on what I am doing here."



"Well, what are you going to do?"



"After Luke is fused with a fly, he confronts his father on the Death Star. Vader orders Luke to go back to Endor like a good Skyfly. Luke flies with his lightsaber and saws Vader's arm off."



"Wha? He was fused to a fly? When the hell did this happen?"



"The Ewoks experimented on him. I hope you don't mind but I changed the Ewoks into ten foot, blood sucking monsters from another dimension. I think the sequence works beautifully when Leia has to dress in a cheerleader costume to seduce the Skyfly. It works and two have sex. Afterwards, Luke realizes he has to defeat Vader to save his lover. Luke flies to the Death Star an-"



"David, Luke can't fly in space. He'd run out of oxygen. He'd die."



"Don't worry, it's cool. He was fused to a space fly. Anyway, as I was saying, Vader stops his son by screaming, 'WAIT! I HAVE A VHS FOR YOU TO WATCH!' This will get us some good product placement with the VHS companies. Vader rips his son's shirt open. Luke is astonished to find out he has a vagina like hole in his body.

Vader forces the VHS in with his good hand. Vader then says, "Luke... The truth is in the tape." In a few seconds, Luke realizes Leia is his sister. Luke gets down on his knees and screams, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Emperor just laughs at Skyfly. Luke tosses his lightsaber into The Emperor's throat and he is defeated. Vader and Skyfly decide they are not fit to survive in this world and blow up the Death Star. What do you think?"



"I hate it. I'm getting Lynch back. I did like the NOOOOOOOOOOOO! idea, though. I might use that in a later film. You'll never work in this business again, Cronenberg. I can bet my life on it."

[Andrew1911]

"This ghost cereal is a little soggy."



"God dammit, Anakin... The cereal is fine."



"No, I think it's soggy. These ghost robes also feel a little too starchy. Anyone else feel the same way?"



"You know, you don't have to refer to everything as ghost cereal and ghost robes, right? I understand you're new at this kind of thing but we normally don't talk like that in the afterlife."



"Why not? If I was a ghost, I'd try to ghost milk out of this whole ghost situation."



"Jesus, Anakin. I get it. You're a ghost. Don't you need training to become one with the Force or something? I had to get training from fucking Qui-Gon over here."



"Where is he, by the way?"



"You know what, he hasn't come to see me once since you struck me down."



"Oh, yeah... Sorry about that, by the way. Anyway, I didn't get any special training. My son just put me on a bunch of sticks and let my rotting carcass burn."



"That's god damn bullshit! I had to sit in the hottest damn cave on Tatooine for so many years while you got to sit in a nice air-condition space station!"



"Yeah, funny how things worked out in the end, didn't it?"



"You two, quiet. Attempting to masturbate with ghost hand down here. Hard enough with two bitches standing beside me."



"I hate this ghost afterlife."

[Nyerp]

what the fuck

[Feynman]

what a waste of time