Things you actually want to do but rather not to because you're a giant fatass.

[Hiro]

because we are too lazy to get one while you aren't allowed to get one thus do not have to bear our burden

But I want a job

[Houdini]

N/A. I'm not fat.

[Socks]

Getting a job is not hard, you just need to know someone. I've had a job since I was 15 but in each case it was because I knew the manager or supervisor.