Chicken of the Sea Mermaid and Other Mascots That Offend Me

[Geno]

There are many, many advertising mascots that fill me with righteous indignation. I have already touched upon the Pillsbury Doughboy, Frankenberry, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, Chef Boyardee, Snuggle Bear, as well as Ronald McDonald et al. Here are some more. . .

The Chicken of the Sea Mermaid


This half-fish, half-woman is one hundred percent tramp. She has a shapely fish tail, curvy hips, a tight torso, and ample bosom. To top it off, she holds a phallic scepter. How many otherwise pure-minded men have had dirty thoughts about opening her can of tuna? The answer is countless. Shame on you, Ralston Purina, Inc.

The Hamburger Helper Helping Hand

Ostensibly this mascot is supposed to help your wife prepare dinner in a timely fashion, but his knowing smirk and wiggly, phallic fingers suggest he would like to help himself to your wife's cooter. The number of women who have gone to hell for having illicit thoughts about the Helping Hand is incalculable.

The Dutch Boy

One word: gay. Two more words: big time.

The Vlasic Stork

I don't think I have to explain this one.

As a Christian I can not believe the level of ocular abuse we must endure in this smut filled society. Secular advertising seems to just live to rub pornographic imagery into out faces. The fact they attach it to our food means they are trying to shove it down our very throats like some kind of stand in for Satanââ,¬â,,¢s tallywacker.

That Chicken of the Sea mermaid alone has done incapable mischief here in Freehold among the young men. Going by the number of calls we get in church security being spiritually violated by that fish tailed succubus almost seems like a right of passage among young men. Even a good mother like Sister Bible Thumbing Blonde had deal with her own son being tempted by incest by proxy by that cartoon harlot.

Look at that knowing smile on that mermaid. She is mocking us!

[Pele]

You're retarded.

[YPrrrr]

This thread is horrible.

[Socks]

You're retarded.

Yup.

[superclucky]

Go back to playing WoW.

[Geno]

Go back to playing WoW.

No

[Title27GT]

God, you're a dipshit.

[Full Metal Ryder]

Look at this jokester.