Boyah Noir: POST, FUCKERS

[Andrew1911]

Boyah Noir

There are over a thousand stories to tell in Boyah Noir... But we'll focus on the adventure of JMV, the hard boiled P.I. with a case that will test his limits. Will he pass or will he fail? Let us discover.

[mariofreak]

ok

[One Man Freak Show]

YAY

[Himu]

Sounds good so far. shlick;

[Andrew1911]

Prologue: The Prologue

Blood splattered against the grimy wall. Mariofreak shouted in pain. The punches continued and more blood spilled out of Mariofreak. He pleaded, "Please... Let me live... I'll do anything!" The hidden man smoked a cigarette and said, "You should have done what we told you to do, Mariofreak... Continue the torture, henchman." Mariofreak screamed as his leg was broken. The hidden man smiled as his henchman crushed Mariofreak's kneecap.

The hidden man said, "You know, a Merlot '23 would go great for this occasion. Would you like some, Mariofreak? It's delicious. Henchman, move aside." The hidden man broke the bottle in two and sliced Mariofreak's throat. The hidden man said, "Bring the body to the trash compactor and throw the trash compactor into the river. We can't let anyone find the body. Our plan must go along as scheduled." The large henchman nodded and grabbed Mariofreak's limp and lifeless body. The hidden man grabbed the bottom of the broken glass and poured it into a glass. He smirked, "Bottoms up..."

[Himu]

Poor Mariofreak.  So young... edumacate;

[One Man Freak Show]

Prologue: The Prologue

Blood splattered against the grimy wall. Mariofreak shouted in pain. The punches continued and more blood spilled out of Mariofreak. He pleaded, "Please... Let me live... I'll do anything!" The hidden man smoked a cigarette and said, "You should have done what we told you to do, Mariofreak... Continue the torture, henchman." Mariofreak screamed as his leg was broken. The hidden man smiled as his henchman crushed Mariofreak's kneecap.

The hidden man said, "You know, a Merlot '23 would go great for this occasion. Would you like some, Mariofreak? It's delicious. Henchman, move aside." The hidden man broke the bottle in two and sliced Mariofreak's throat. The hidden man said, "Bring the body to the trash compactor and throw the trash compactor into the river. We can't let anyone find the body. Our plan must go along as scheduled." The large henchman nodded and grabbed Mariofreak's limp and lifeless body. The hidden man grabbed the bottom of the broken glass and poured it into a glass. He smirked, "Bottoms up..."

keke;

[Andrew1911]

Chapter One: The First Chapter

James Melon Vanderweilt was smoking a cigarette while reading the Daily Boyager paper. Apparently, the day of October 3rd would now be known as FDR Day. That FDR... JMV needed a customer or he would have to go back to being a busboy. He still remembered the screams and yells of the customers... Complaining that they were not finished eating yet... Putting peanut butter onto the dishes to make sure he would drop them... The horrors he had witnessed... All those things that he had done... JMV snapped out of his flashback when he heard a knock on the door.

JMV ran to his desk and put out his cigarette. He cleared his throat and said badassly, "Come in." An older woman came in wearing expensive clothing and jewerly. She said, "Are you JMV, the private eye?" JMV lit up another cigarette and said, "I am JMV, the private eye. What's your business? Kitten lost in a tree? Light bulb won't go on? Husband's fucking around with another woman? Or man? The latter has happened before. You'd be surprised how much it happens." The woman sighed, "No, it's none of those... But, it is about my husband. He's gone missing recently and I'm worried! I need you to find out where he is!"

JMV said, "Why don't you ask the police? I'm not a missing persons kind of guy." The woman said, "I'll give you fifty thousand dollars." JMV dropped his lit cigarette in his lap and screamed, "Jesus ballfucking Christ! My pants! Ow! Fifty thousand? Jesus, lady, you really want your husband back! You've got a deal!" The woman said, "I'll give you half now with instructions and the other half when you find my husband." JMV grabbed the twenty five thousand from the lady and placed the money in his desk. The woman walked towards the door and said, "Oh and I'd put balm on that area."

JMV looked at the instructins and saw that the last place she saw her husband was at the Boyah Hospital. Her husband's name was Von Mariofreak.

[Andrew1911]

Chapter Two: Another Chapter

JMV grabbed his trademark grey fedora with a white streak in the middle and grabbed the cigarette he had dropped in his lap and put it in his mouth to smoke. He ran out of his office and walked over to the trolley. He walked up to the trolley man and asked, "How much is it?" The trolley man answered, "Fifty cents and that's exact change, mister." JMV had five dollars and no change. JMV said, "I don't suppose you would take a five." The trolley man laughed, "Ha, ha, ha! No, I won't! Quick, Dave! Drive, drive! Ha, ha, ha!" JMV loathed that trolley man with the entire being of his soul. He waited a moment for the trolley to pass, ran to the back of the trolley, and hopped on.

JMV hopped off when they reached the Boyah Hospital. Before the trolley could drive off, JMV ran to the trolley man and laughed in his face. The trolley man screamed, "I'll get you, JMV! If it's the last thing I ever do, I will get you!" JMV ran to the hospital while laughing manically. He walked into the lobby and over to the information desk. The nurse said, "What's the matter with you? Gun shot? Knife wound? Broken leg? Can't get it up?" JMV said, "For your information, I have no wounds and all of my limbs are fine. Repeat, ALL of my limbs are fine. I'm here to find Dr. Von Mariofreak. My cousin recommended him for... Uh... My brain. See, it's all out of wack sometimes, Miss?" The nurse said without a smile, "My name's Hime." JMV smiled and said, "Ah, Hime the nurse. So, Hime... Do you know where that pesky doctor is?" Hime said, "That "pesky" doctor is the best doctor we have on staff. He's also been missing for two days. Now, if you don't have any problems, you can just go back out and get stabbed by someone." JMV asked, "You wouldn't happen to know any place where he might have gone to?" Nurse Hime answered, "The only place I can think of is the Roast Duck Club in Chinatown. Now, leave me alone, please. I have a ton of work to do since he's missing." JMV asked, "So, after work... Do you want to go to this Roast Duck Club?" Nurse Hime scoffed, "I'd rather get stabbed." JMV muttered as he left, "That can be arranged..." He hopped onto the back of a trolley and awaited Chinatown.

Finally, the trolley reached the Roast Duck Club and JMV entered. He looked around for a bartender. They were always the source of fun information. He walked up to a bartender and said, "Gimme a scotch on the rock." The bartender said, "It's eleven in the morning..." JMV said, "Hm... You're right. I should be drunk by now. Better make it two." The bartender made the drinks and JMV drank the first one with quick speed. He asked, "So, did you work here two nights ago?" The bartender raised his eyebrow and said suspciously, "Yes..." JMV said, "Just asking cause my wife was here yesterday. I think she might be having an affair. Did you see some rich doctor fellow come in?" The bartender said, "Maybe I did... Maybe I didn't..." JMV knew how to deal and slipped him five dollars. The bartender said, "Dr. Von Mariofreak is his name. He was here with the usual gang." JMV became suspicious and asked, "Usual gang? What's that? Gangbangers?" The bartender said, "You know what I mean... The Mafia..." JMV said, "Jesus... Not the mob... Did the good doctor ever leave here?" The bartender answered, "In a way..." JMV said, "Thanks for the drinks and the information. I have somewhere I need to go."

[mariofreak]

coool

[Himu]

You fit my "bitch under a lot of stress" personality so well. caterpie;

[Andrew1911]

Chapter Three: Part Three

JMV walked outside, pulled out a cigarette, and his lighter. His hands were shaking as he lit the cigarette. JMV had too many encounters with the Mob to comfortable. Now, JMV knew what Imp had been doing and he could finally finish this damn case. JMV looked at the directions to make sure he had completed his orders. He was dismayed when he read, "You won't recieve any money unless you find my husband's body if he is dead." JMV cursed in his mind and jumped onto another trolley to go to his destination. After several minutes, JMV got off at the Rotten Fish Club. This place had so many memories...

It was 1926. The Mob was out giving alcohol to the needy adults of Boyah. JMV was an enforcer for the Mob, beating people down... Stealing money from others... Taking candy from babies (Literally. The Mob boss wanted candy from a baby)... JMV hated the Mob but, in those years, he was quaint from his position. The moment where JMV changed his sides was on a brisk December night... JMV and his partner, Wrenchninja, had orders to torch a barber shop. Wrenchninja was reluctant to do it but, in the end, JMV convinced him to go. The money was too good. The two threw a couple of molotov cocktails into the barber shops. JMV lit a cigarette using the fire from the barber shop. The horror happened a few moments after, though. Two children came running out... They were on fire. They died on the spot. JMV dropped his cigarette and watched in horror as they died. Wrenchninja cried and screamed to God why he would do something like that. JMV heard sirens in the distance and tried to convince Wrenchninja to move. Wrenchninja just laid on the ground... JMV heard the sirens getting closer and decided to leave his friend for the fuzz. That night haunted JMV for the rest of his night and he decided that the Mob was not right for him. Wrenchninja was executed a few days after. JMV never got a chance to say good-bye.

Back in the present, JMV walked into the bar and looked for his old mob boss, Andrew1911. JMV saw him, crowded around by various henchmen. JMV said, "Anjew... Long time, no see." Andrew1911 said, "Ah, JMV... One of my best henchmen. Shame that you had to leave us high and dry. Heh, get it? See, I was making a reference to alcohol there. Eh, it's lost on the stupid. So, what event has forced you to come back into the filth of the Mob, JMV?" JMV said, "Let me get to the point, Anjew. You had someone off Mariofreak. I want to know why," Andrew1911 said, "Ah, JMV... Come into my office." Andrew1911 stood up and beckoned two henchmen over to his position. He brought the three into his office which was located in an alley. JMV said, "You moved your office into an alley? It's fitting for your trash. So, I take it, you two are going to beat the shit out of me. I also take it that the lump in the bag is the remains of our mutual acquaintance, Dr. Mariofreak. So, you're going to frame me for the murder. Fantastic." Andrew1911 clapped slowly and said, "You win the prize, dear boy. Everyone in the bar will claim they saw Imp and you argue a few hours ago. We have also found a reason why Mariofreak would be missing for two days."

JMV sighed, "At least, let me smoke a cigarette." Andrew1911 said, "I see no harm." JMV took out a cigarette and lit it, puffing in the rich taste of nicotine. Andrew1911 said, "No hard feelings. It's just business. The cops should be coming here in thirty minutes. I say, we'll just need a five minute beating. Have fun, Bluto and Bluto." Andrew1911 left JMV with the company of Bluto and Bluto. JMV said, "Bluto and Bluto? What a lame name." Bluto and Bluto screeched and punched JMV as hard as they possible could. JMV's blood splattered across the wall as the punches came. A few minutes later, the horrific beating was over and the two henchmen let Imp's body out of the bag. They placed a shattered bottle in the barely conscious JMV's hand. The two laughed as they walked back in the bar. JMV had a few minutes before the cops came. He had a chance. He tried to feel his legs. There was some feeling there. He stood up and fell back down. He held in the urge to not scream and crawled out of the alley. He heard the sound of a trolley and crawled as hard as he could. Unfortunately, the trolley that pulled up was the trolley man JMV loathed. The trolley man laughed, "Hey, Dave! It's JMV! Laugh at him! Laugh! Stupid bastard." The trolley drove away but JMV mustered all the strength in his body to grab a hold of the back end of the trolley. He crawled onto it and waited for the hospital. When the trolley moved out, he could hear police sirens over at the bar. Andrew1911 underestimated him.

Finally, JMV dropped off the trolley and yelled in pain. The trolley man heard JMV's struggles and screamed, "God dammit! One day! One day, JMV! Bam! Zoom! Straight to the moon!" JMV rolled all the way into the hospital and made it to the information desk. JMV barely muttered, "Hime the nurse... Are you there? I think I am in need of assistance." Hime looked under her desk and saw JMV, brutually beaten. She screamed, "Stat! We've got a brutually beaten patient here!" An hour later, JMV was stitched up. He had a few broken ribs but that was about it. He had to leave before the cops figured he might show up here. Also, he didn't have any money to pay the hospital. JMV said, "God dammit, I need to plan this better. Now, where would I go if I was a thieving Jew mob bastard?" JMV broke the window in his hospital room and dropped down. Unfortunately, it was two stories high so JMV hit the ground hard. He want off in search of a certain thieving Jew mob bastard.

[Andrew1911]

READ IT CUNTS

[Andrew1911]

bumpz

[Selkie]

good so far, but you better finish this one, you rat bastard.