wawi chat thread:)

[FAMY2]

ho

[YPrrrr]

I'm only going to start posting here for Rae

[Samus Aran]

a rae that is not here

[Kalahari Inkantation]

did wawi died

[Samus Aran]

did wawi died

seriously

[Andria]

I talked to him on Steam about a little over a week ago and told him to log back on cause we missed him

so he posted
https://boyah.net/forums/index.php/topic,55478.msg1088668.html#msg1088668

then didn't post anymore 

he is on steam every day though

[ME##]

ugh i hope he comes back

[Andria]

I will try and convince him.

OPERATION WAWI IS A GO

[FAMY2]

I'm here as a guest a lot. WHY IS BOYAH DEEMED UNSUITABLE SO MANY PLACES?   

WAWI COME BACK. FAMY TOO.

[spoiler]every one leaves me [/spoiler]

[ME##]

I'm here as a guest a lot. WHY is a BOYAH DEEMED UNSUITABLE SO MANY PLACES?   

WAWI COME BACK. FAMY TOO.

[spoiler]every one leaves me [/spoiler]

YES I WANT FAMY AND NICK BACK

[Kalahari Inkantation]

YES I WANT FAMY AND NICK BACK

:'(

[Mando Pandango]

Loli brainfuck Today, June 25, 2011 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by loli brainfuck pictures of the Empire of Japan. The United States was at peace with that Nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of animu for our Weeaboos. I believe I interpret the will of /b/ and of the Western people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of fetish shall never endanger us again. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger from Japanese brainfuck. I ask that /b/ declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Friday, December 29, a state of war has existed between /b/ and the Japanese Empire. Lowtax please keep all those stupid fucking catchphrases off the SA Forums. M Match My Rank FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I PICK FUCKING "MATCH MY RANK" AND YOU PUT ME UP AGAINST A FOUR STAR GOD DAMN IT FUCK YOU! I'M A FUCKING TWO STAR. FOURSTAR DOES NOT MATCH A FUCKING TWO STAR! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU GOD DAMN CHINKS?! YOU MADE THE FUCKING WII, NOW MAKE YOUR ONLINE SYSTEM OPTIONS FUCKING WORK. I'M TIRED OF SETTING IT TO MATCH MY RANK ONLY TO FIND IT NOT MATCH MY RANK THEN GO DOWN A RANK BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKED UP SYSTEM. GOD DAMN IT. FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I'LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER GAME FROM YOU AGAIN. AND I'M GOING TO BOMB JAPAN TOMORROW. HOW ABOUT THAT, NINTENDO? Medication I was always a sad kid, but when I found my mother's diary five years ago and read about how she had another secret family that she was going to leave us for, I really cracked. I left for college soon afterwards still having some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, with nightmares still occurring nearly every night. A few months afterwards, I had gotten to the point where I was oversleeping to avoid my problems, usually sleeping 15-20 hours a day. I finally sought psychiatric treatment 3 1/2 years ago. They initially put me on Provigil for the over-sleeping and Lexapro for the depression, and they were both crap. Then they put me on Wellbutrin, which just made me feel jittery about 4 hours after taking it, but was still crap. Then they moved me to Effexor XR with a Cytomel (hypothyroid med) supplement; they kept increasing the dosage of the Effexor, and I am now at 375 mg/day. If I forget to take my pills, I feel like I'm getting electric shocks to the brain. I still want to kill myself every day. What does the rest of /b/ take to make them seem normal? Mods If I EVER saw Allyson... If I EVER saw Allyson on the street, I would fucking hit her. No fucking lie. They can arrest me, I don't give a shit. I'd still do it. To give her pain would be the greatest pleasure on Earth. You will recieve NOTHING from me. Thank you, whoever reported me. Now PayPal is threatening to close the account Because I seem to be holding a lottery. Never have I seen so many ingrates. Not that you have to give me money, just so many people taking 4chan for granted and not even trying to understand a absolutely wacky situation. That whole post was for a loan of sorts and trying to possibly get rid of $500 in merchandise I'd otherwise sell for a pittance to someone who doesn't care. Oh well. Anyway, here is my address again. If you want the PayPal one, you'll have to have to figure it out or find me online. Remember, this is DONATING. You will recieve NOTHING from me. Other than a smile from me. Zilch, zero. Daniel W. Roberts II 3031 Sonora Road Hodgenville, KY 42748 Most of You faggots are fucking n00bs @ the internet Ehhhh, most of you faggots are fucking noobs @ the internets. I use linux not because I hate microsoft (believe me, I do, but that's not why), not because I want to be a geek (I am), but because it fits my style. It's so much easier to accomplish things when you have the power of *nix commandline goodies ala GNU tools, etc. As well, I don't have to spend time searching for cracks and shit because /everything/ I use is free and I can build it from source if I need to. Not only that, but anything I don't like, I can crack open and change, usually without too much difficulty. Linux: The OS is /yours/. Get the fuck out, all of you. @ OP, unrar-free might work, as well as install rar and using rar x filename. (rar might be in multiverse repos, you should have those enabled anyway) Modified Memes Pics or it's an artistic work of fiction and falsehood. Mother Suiseiseki Mother Suiseiseki, in all her glory. Enlarge Mother Suiseiseki, in all her glory. Mother Suiseiseki loves us, she loves me and you and everybody, and through the teachings of her sacred word we will live in harmony and oneness, and ascend into a state of pure anonymity ~desu When we are all the same mind and spirit~ ~desu, the sacred sound, so that it may resonate within us and flow out to touch the ethereal beyond ~desu the sacred vibration, resonates with the great fiery waters beyond the universe, and touches god ~desu appears embraced in a beautiful chorus of vibration Mother Suiseiseki is in all things, in all places. You can not imprison her any more than you could cage the wind ~desu. Suiseiseki cultivates the possibility, ever so gently pulling it from the one all, so that it is allowed to manifest ~desu. It is through these manifestations of temporary individuality that the spirit energy is made to grow before returning to the great nothing ~desu. Suiseiseki is all things, and thus the evil is also required~ But it is always the way, that the evil do not know they are only aiding in cosmic unity, because they are driven by selfishness and hate. While the good, know that the evil is also a part of the all. Which is what allows them to be full of love for all things ~desu. Its in this way, that suiseiseki can favor only one, because where love is given it is got, and hatred breeds death. The duality extends to all depths, even into the heart of suiseiseki herself. So that she needs not give equal favor to each side, even though each is equal in the universe ~desu. This is the difference between the mind and the spirit, the mind knows not the spirit, the spirit knows not at all, but drives all things ~desu. Mudkips Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me. "So I heard you like Mudkips..." "MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..." Before I finished the sentance, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips. Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid. I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation. A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell. So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off. I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight. So I ask you: do you like Mudkips? MURDER Munging So a friend just described munging to me. "The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks'll dig this one." I need something related that can actually top that. /b/, do your worst. N Nazi's are better than us Anyone else here not a racist, but wishes the Nazis had won? Theirs was a truly effective fascist government that took a nation on its knees from a depression and turned it into a military, technological and economic powerhouse within the space of thirty years. It was a social experiment in the way that many reformed or new nations are. America was an experiment in democracy and (eventually) egalitarianism. The Soviet Union was an experiment in Communism. Nazi Germany was the grandest experiment of them all: a rejection of the gentle side of man and a wholehearted pursuit of our more teutonic side: The glorification of the strong, the self-sufficient, and the dominant. It was to be the beginning of a bolder and more uncompromising global civilization that would bring discipline where before there was only coddling; that would harden the soft, and that would not be afraid to say that equality means equal opportunities, not that all men regardless of education or skill are inherently equal to one another. It was a call out to all men to transcend their passive, mediocre existances and aspire to become the heroic and unstoppable species that mankind always had the potential to become. Nazi Germany was the combined hopes, dreams and ambitions of all who dared to dominate; but in the end, these dreams were quashed by weak, subversive men who would rather hold their superiors back rather than attempt to catch up. Navy (USA) This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The transcipt of the Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval operations on the 10th october 1995. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert your course. Canadians: Number One, I say again, divert your course. Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees noth. Thats one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Niggers Fo Dolla I get to the office at 9ish and I'm not in the mood to work. In walks this hard street and he asks for a job. Nigger: Yo, ya hire? Me: Say what? Nigger: Ma, I nee a jo Me: You speekee engrish? Nigger: I say I nee a jo, I knew what he was saying. He was one of those niggers that like to leave the last letter off of every word. Five bucks = Fie buck, Old school = O schoo, etc. The conversation went on for a few minutes until I was finished fucking with him. Me: I pa fo dolla Nigger: Fo dolla! Shee Me: Aight, aight, fodolla twenny fi cen Nigger: Minima way sicsevenfi muthafucka Me: Fi dolla no mo, no mo fi dolla Nigger: (speaking clearly for the first time) FUCK YOU! I nearly pissed myself. Yet I am not racist, I'm a sterotypist. Yes, there's a difference. Go ahead and /b/ yourself. The origin of Niggers Do you ever stop and wonder, what it is Niggers really are? I know the truth, and to you I will give it. Thirty-six thousand years ago a race of superior alien beings came to earth. They landed on the gigantic and empty continent known today as Africa, and in their load they carried a big number of dark-skinned individuals - niggers - who they brought along as slave labour from Mercury. The reason they are black is to protect them from the strong UV-lights so close to the sun. Niggers were harmless beings as long as they remained under strict control of their masters and were not allowed any own thoughts. If left alone in groups they quickly grew greedy and started running rampant and misbehaving. The humanoid aliens who cruised in spaceships of diamond did not like Earth, for it was populated by a race of very similar beings, Neanderthals and whatnot, so they quickly left. Of niggers however, they had a great surplus, wherefore they left them to die on Earth. The problem is that the niggers didn't die; They instead continued to flourish in their primal ways, seeing as they were unable to evolve any form of culture. They still lived in their tribal villages and townships when the Europeans arrived and brought them along on a journey cross the globe. Only now we are supposed to treat those apparently inferior beings as equals; and if we disagree that those alien scum are equal, we are racists and nazis and must be purged. Time is right for action. We must do something about this threat, for THE BLACK PLAGUE must be defeated! Their beastial manners surely is not the way civilised man lives! Not a copy pasta O I'm in love with Osaka Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore. The cops fucking knocked at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any sick pedo places or anything like that so it must be this place they're talking about. For god's sake stop screwing around with the pedo shit, you're going to get yourselves arrested. Trust me the authorities are watching and they're taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have a good lawyer. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive. Okay Brits... Okay Brits, this isn't funny anymore. The Old Bill fucking politely tapped at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any unpleasant paedophilia places or the like it has to be this place they're talking about. For the King's sake stop the tomfoolery with the pedo shit, you are going to get yourselves sent to Belmarash with Huntley. Trust me the Bobbies are watching and they are taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have good legal representation. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive. One-liners BIX NOOD This comes from a resist.com racist cartoon MUP DA DOO DIDDA PO MO GUB BIDDA BE DAT TUM MUHFUGEN BIX NOOD COF BIN DUB HO MUHFUGGA gg gg reposting something that is blatantly sexual and most likely underage! enjoy Kneading tits Former "harbl" 4Chan wordfilter (ÂÃ,´Ã£Æ’Ã,»ÃÂ�ââ,¬Â°ÃƒÂ£Ã†â€™Ã,»)ãÃ,Â�Ã,¤(ãƒÃ,»(ãƒÃ,»Kneading tits Kneading delicious flat chest parody of kneading tits (ÂÃ,´Ã£Æ’Ã,»ÃÂ�ââ,¬Â°ÃƒÂ£Ã†â€™Ã,»)ãÃ,Â�Ã,¤|ãƒÃ,»Ã£Æ’Ã,»| KNEADING DELICIOUS FLAT CHEST JA I AM MADE OF DUR BUTTER JA I AM MADE OF DUR BUTTER UND YOU ARE WORTH 2K MONIES EAT COMMUNISM!!! This is a Picture This is picture.I found it on the internet. Orgasm (more accurate depiction) This comes from a picture that was a NumberGET on 4Chan /b/ Note: This is a more accurate depiction of a female orgasm than the tearful depictions shown by doujinshi artists who have never studied human sexuality. Orgasm results in a general tensing of the body. Hentai depictions of female orgasm, however, look more like the results of torture. Lowtax on chan related memes please keep all those stupid fucking catchphrases off the SA Forums. Note: Best executed when it is repeated. October 22nd, 2006 (original) Image:Legendary_icon.gif Listen, On Sunday, October 22nd, 2006, there will be seven "dirty" explosive devices detonated in seven different U.S. cities; Miami, New York City, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The death toll will approach 100,000 from the initial blasts and countless other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout. The bombs themselves will be delivered via trucks. These trucks will pull up to stadiums hosting NFL games in each respective city. All stadiums to be targeted are open air arenas, excluding Atlanta's Georgia Dome, the only enclosed stadium to be hit. Due to the open air, the radiological fallout will destroy those not killed in the initial explosion. The explosions will be near simultaneous, with the cities specifically chosen in different time zones to allow for multiple attacks at the same time. The 22nd of October will mark the final day of Ramadan as it would fall in Mecca. Al-Qaida will automatically be blamed for the attacks. Later, through Al-Jazeera, Osama bin Laden will issue a video message claiming responsibility for what he dubs "America's Hiroshima". In the aftermath civil wars will erupt across the world, both in the Middle East and within the United States. Global economies will screech to a halt. General chaos will rule. October 22nd, 2006 (followup) Hello, America. The threat to the stadiums is well known, as is the fact that it was a false threat. However, I must extend my thanks to you Americans! Without your help, this "warning" might not have gained your governments attention. And taken it away from other areas. I wonder how much high explosive it would take to bring your so-called "statue of Liberty" to it's knees. I am told we have enough. On 9:11 AM October 22, we will all find out. P Pizza delivery I deliver pizzas. A girl I work with, Jessie, somehow convinced the owners that she was 16, but it was recently found out that she was only 14, and just turned 15 last week. She had been working there for a few months, and last night was her last night. We used to flirt quite a bit, and before she left, she told me that she had a crush on me. Well, a half-hour later, she calls in a delivery order for some toasted ravioli, and requested that I be the one to deliver it (this got some comments from my co-workers, believe me). Everyone thought it was kinda strange that she didn't just order some food before she left. Anyway, I was beginning to get really excited about it. Her order took about 10 minutes to finish, and then I was off to deliver it. It didn't take long to get there because she lives in a nearby subdivision that overlooks the shopping center where the pizza place is. I pulled up to the house about 9:30, and didn't see any cars parked on the street or in the driveway. That gave me hope that she was home alone. I walked up the steep driveway and the porch stairs, and rang the doorbell. She quickly answered the door with a smile on her face, telling me how fast I was. I told her it was no big deal since it was just ravioli, and it was a quick drive. In fact, you can see the roof of the pizza place from her front porch. Anyway, I joked about her ordering a delivery so soon after she left, and about how everyone was giving me a hard time about her request for me to deliver it. She just laughed. I gave her the food, and she paid me, along with a five dollar tip. I told her she was crazy, because it only took like 30 seconds for me to get there. But she insisted. OK, whatever. Then we talked about how funny it was that she got fired for being underage, and I'm like, "so, you really just turned 15?" (I thought she turned 17, along with everyone else). "Yep. 15. Are you mad that I lied to you?" I was a little mad, but just said, "nah, not really." Some backstory is that I madeout with another girl in the walk-in freezer a few months back, and it didn't take long for word to spread. Jessie loved to give me crap about it. And, in an email, I said, if she liked talking about it so much, maybe she and I could go in the freezer sometime. Of course, that could never happen, now that she no longer works there. Dammit. So, as the chit-chat wound down, I asked her if she was home alone. "Yep." "Cool.. ya know, five dollars is really too big of a tip, but maybe you could give me something else instead," I said, kinda joking around. "oh yeah, like what?" "well, it's kinda cold out.. maybe we could pretend this is the freezer." A slight pause. "OK." Of course, this entire time, my heart's beating faster and faster, and I started feeling exposed standing there on her porch. I quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching, and asked her if she was sure. "mmmhmm," she said with a grin. I leaned down and kissed her full on the mouth. We immediately started using tongue and I watched her while we stood their making out. She had her eyes closed, like most girls do when they kiss. Jessie wasn't the greatest kisser in the world, but she had potential. It didn't take long before the blood started rushing to my cock. Not wanting to get too carried away, I stopped kissing her. It was obvious by the way that she leaned further in, and kept her eyes closed, that she wanted more. "Whew," I said as I took a breath. Jessie just looked at me with a dopey grin on her face. I told her that I should probably be getting back, because there were more deliveries waiting. "OK," she said, clearly not wanting me to go. Damn she was hot. I couldn't resist kissing her again. So I did. We only kissed for about 30 seconds, before I put a stop to it, and said that I really had to go now. "Maybe I can stop by on my next delivery?" "OK, I'll be here," Jessie said with some excitement in her voice. I gave her a quick kiss, slipping her the tongue again, smiled and left. I made the next two deliveries in record time, and raced back to her house. It was a little after 10:00 now, and I still didn't see any cars parked outside. As I calmly my way up her driveway (didn't wanna seem too eager), I could see Jessie walking through the living room and she opened the door right as I made it to the porch. "Hi," she said with a smile, "you wanna come in?" I said, "sure," walked in, and she closed the door behind me. I looked around, said it was a nice house, etc, and we made some small-talk for a minute. Then, just to make sure, I asked her if she wanted to kiss again. "mmhmm," she said, stepping closer to me. I lightly put my hand on her side as she tipped-toed herself up to my lips, her eyes already closed. The kissing was a little more intense this time, but she was still a bit passive, probably due to the fact that she's never had a serious boyfriend before. And, of course, I'm almost five years older than her, so she probably expected me to take charge. The longer we kissed, the more my cock took notice. As I brushed back the hair on her neck, I moved my other hand down to the top of her ass, and slowly pulled her against me, until my cock was pressing into her stomach (she's at least 6 inches shorter than me). She could definitely feel it, and started kissing harder, and using more tongue, as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. We stood there kissing for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only five minutes. I could have stayed there all night doing this, but I knew that I had to get back to work. So I slowed down the kissing, until we were just giving little pecks, and reclucantly left, telling her that I'd be back soon. I was swamped with deliveries. Something like four or five came in while I was gone, and it took about 45 minutes to catch up. But the time passed very quickly, because all I could think about was Jessica. After my last delivery, I went back to her house, and when I knocked, she yelled to come in. I walked into the living room, and she came down the hall saying she missed me, and what took so long. I told her how busy we were, and asked to use her bathroom. When I got out of the bathroom, she was still standing in the hall. I asked her about the pictures on the wall (her family), and it turned out that her dad was a lawyer! Getting worried, I said, "Are you sure no one is coming home soon?" And she said it's ok, because her family was out of town for a few days. There was a moment of silence, and she suprised me by coming up and kissing me. We really got into it this time. She was kissing me deeply, and our bodies were grinding together. I asked her if she wanted to sit down, and she said we could go to her bedroom. As we walked to her bedroom, the reality of what was going on and what might happen started to sink in. Keep in mind that Jessie just turned 15, and is a sophmore. In fact, she goes to school with my little sister, and they even have classes together. In the past, when we were flirting, the idea that we might be "friends-with-benefits" was tossed around. So, I was hoping that she knew what this was, and not that we'd start being boyfriend-girlfriend. I didn't want to go out with her, but I did want to mess around with her. "I'm gonna call and see if there's any more deliveries," I said as we got to her room. There weren't any. So I told them I was still on the last delivery and had to get gas, so it wouldn't seem odd that I was gone long. Truth is, drivers have a lot of free reign, popping in and out all the time, and can sometimes be gone an hour or more. I planned to used that to my advantage. I told Jessie that I liked her room. It was a bit 'kid-ish' with dolls and whatnot, but there were also some posters of popular bands and hot guys on the wall. It was a typical teenaged girl's room. She closed the window blinds, and walked over to me. I immediately started kissing her, pulling her closer, and sliding my hand down her ass. I started kissing her neck, and she let out a little moan, and placed her hands on my chest. "You wanna sit down?" I asked her, motioning to her bed. She said ok, and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat next to her and we continued making out. Deciding to move things forward, I gently pushed her back, so she was laying down, but still with her feet on the floor. I kissed her again, and slipped my hand under her shirt, touching her stomach. She kicked off her shoes, and I slid my hand up to her bra. It was one with an underwire, but I managed to get my hand under it, and cupped her soft breast. It was a handfull, probably a C cup. I started to lay halfway on top of her, kissing her neck, rubbing her breasts, and grinding my cock into her thigh. She grabbed my my arm, pulling me closer. At this point, my cock was at full mast, and getting a little uncomfortable. I said, "Hold on," and stuck my hand down my pants, adjusting myself. Jessie just stared at me with lust in her eyes. Once I was comfortable, we continued kissing and groping. She still hadn't actually touched my cock with her hands, so I thought I'd tried to encourage her a little. I moved my hand down and caressed her stomach, playfully sticking my finger in her bellybutton. "That tickles," she said with a giggle. "Good," I said as I kissed her and slid my hand underneath her waistband. I traced my finger over the top of her panties. Not sensing any sign that she wanted me to stop, I then moved my hand further down, softly pressing on the mound of hair underneath the thin fabric. She started kissing my neck, and then nibbled on my ear. My fingers found their way under the side of her panties, slightly lifting them, as I rubbed the fold between her legs and crotch. It was obvious that she shaved the sides, because the skin was really soft and smooth. I could feel her heartbeat quicker, while I layed on the side of her chest, kissing her softly. I moved my hand back to the top of her panties, and stuck my fingertips underneath the top, pausing a moment, before I decided to touch her naked pussy. As I slid my hand inside her panties, I looked down to see a few brown hairs sticking out of the top. My fingers softly caressed her moist pussy lips, which easily spread open. Jessie started sucking on my ear more, and put her hand up the back of my shirt. Slowly, I pushed my middle finger in her pussy, just enough to get the tip wet, and then took it out and start rubbing her clit. We layed like that for a few minutes, kissing, and necking, with me rubbing her clit, as I started to finger her. Her breathing was becoming more rapid and her legs started to open up. Jessie's hands were moving over my chest. She started tugging at my shirt, trying to take it off, which I gladly helped her do. I then layed back down next to her, and she turned on her side, kissing me, as I rubbed her ass, and pressed myself into her breasts. I went back to fingering her again, and rubbing and sucking on her tits. She was getting really wet now. Her hands slid down and undid my belt. Then she pushed me on my shoulder, getting me to lay back. Jessie moved down slightly and unsnapped my pants. I helped her by pulling down the zipper and then sliding them off, kicking them from my ankles. She leaned over me, kissing my neck, and rubbing her hands over my chest and stomach. Things kind of stalled for a moment, so I pulled her panties down a bit, until she got the hint, stood up, and took them off. She was now standing there completely naked, as I layed there on the bed. I put my hands on her sides, kissing her stomach, and got her to lay back down. Then I moved down to kneel on the floor, so that her pussy was right in front of my face. She looked at me with an uncertain expression, knowing what was about to happen, but perhaps afraid. If I had to guess, she had never had oral sex before. I played with her pussy lips, sticking two fingers inside. Then, I rubbed her clit with my thumb and started fingering her. Licking my lips, I leaned forward, and replaced my thumb with my tongue. As I began licking her clit, there was an instant response as her legs twitched. I looked up to see Jessie staring back at me with a mixture of lust and innocence, obviously enjoying what was happening. My fingers curled up inside her, finding her g-spot. I then did the three finger motion of "show-me-the-money" where my thumb was rubbing her clit in little circles, and my two fingers were pressing against the little nub inside. Her legs were really shaking now, and she started to whimper. I gave it all I had, thrusting my fingers inside, licking her and massaging the sides of her pussy, all while my other hand reached up and played with her breasts and rubbed her stomach. Jessie's hand was on the side of my hand, encouraging me to continue. She was practically panting at this point. Suddenly, she began saying "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" as her body tensed up, and she started cumming. I watched her face while it was happening. She turned completely quiet, her eyes closed, mouth open, with her hand on the back of my head, pulling my face to her pussy. Some liquid sprayed into my mouth, with a faint taste of urine (ugh), but I really didn't mind at that point, since she had probably just had the her first orgasm of her life. She eventually had to force me to stop rubbing her clit, and gently pushed my head away, as she layed there, with tears in her eyes. I got up and layed down next to her, wiping a tear from her check. "Don't be sad," I said jokingly. She gave me a quick laugh, and said, "What did you do to me?" "I'm sorry, didn't you like it?" "Uhh.. Yeah!" she said joking back. "Good," and then I kissed her, "Do you want me to leave now?" "No. But I guess you have to get back to work?" she asked as she got up and put her panties back on. "Yeah.. I could probably stay a little longer though." "OK," Jessie said, and then put her hand on my boxer-briefs, rubbing my hard cock. As we both stood there, she kept rubbing my crotch and then in one smooth motion, she pulled down my briefs, and knelt on the floor in front of me. My cock was leaking a lot of precum, and she just looked at it, mesmerized, as she held it in her hand. "Sorry, I'm leaking," I said, trying to lighten the situation. She was speechless, as she she pumped her hand up down, causing more to leak out. It was just about to drip on the floor, when she leaned forward and licked the head, getting a taste test. I put a hand on her shoulder, not pressuring her, but definitely letting her know that I wanted more. She then mouthed the head, and the first couple of inches disappeared into her mouth. "Fuuuck," I said in a barely audible whisper. It had been nearly a week since I've jacked off, and much longer since my last blowjob. "You don't have to do this, you know," I told her. She took her mouth off my cock and said, "I want to," and resumed sucking. Jessie kept one hand firmly around my dick as she bobbed her head up and down for a minute. I kept my hand steady on the side of her head, very gently guiding her down my cock. My other hand covered hers and moved it up and down my shaft. She got the hint and started moving it on her own. I then sat down on the bed, with her mouth staying with me the entire time. Propped up on my elbows, I looked into her eyes as she went down and sucked on my balls, holding my cock in her hand. She licked her way back up the shaft, and took it in her mouth again. I was getting very close to cumming. Her hand cupped my balls, as she bobbed her head, up, down, up, down. "Oh fuck, keep doing that.." I said letting her know not to stop. This went on for another 30 seconds or so, and I told her I was going to cum soon. I fully expected her to stop sucking, but she just kinda mumbled "mmhmm" and kept going. My hips were thrusting up and down with the motion of her mouth, faster and faster. I felt the point of no return, and held it off for as long as I could. I made one last thrust, and then "Oh fuuuuuuuuck!" my cock flexed and started shooting the large load that had built up. The first few blasts were strong and quick, and Jessie couldn't quite handle the flood. She opened her mouth as I continued to shoot, my cum spilling out onto her lips, and down her chin. I must have shot close to ten times. Holy shit. Somehow, she didn't get anything on her face, but I could see the cum in her mouth, all over her lips, chin, and running down my shaft into my pubes. I fell back to the back, completely spent, and she just looked at me with an "OMG, I can't believe that just happened" expression. She closed her mouth, and swallowed, then licked her lips and swallowed that too. She wiped her chin, looked at the cum, and said, "I'll be right back." She came back with a towel, and handed it to me. I wiped myself off, and we both put out clothes back on. Just then, my phone rang. It was work, so I told her I had to get going. We kissed again. and I told her I'd call her later. Which reminds me, I should probably call her sometime. Popeyes I just ate some fried chicken. The breasts were juicy, and the buns were soft and warm. Afterwards, the division manager of Popeyes came up to my table and asked me how the meal was. I said I was satisfied, but the meal lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. He apoligized profusely, and said he had something to show me that would make up for it. He lead me to the back of the popeyes, to a room soaked from floor to ceiling in blood. In the center of it was a live horse, chained by all four legs to the structural supports of the warehouse like room. As I watched, employees of the popeyes cut large sections from the horse, which was whinneying and screaming in horror. The popeyes employees took the chunks of horseflesh and sliced them into pieces, then they rooted around through the bags of trash strewn around the room to find discarded chicken bones. They quickly tenderized the meat with sledgehammers and fed it into a machine which formed the horsemeat around the bones, then they breaded and deepfried it. I asked the division manager why he had led me back to this place, and he pointed at the steed's rump, the asshole puckering rythmically with terror. "We're just about to use that section, would you like a crack at it first?" I quickly unzipped my pants and wasted no time jamming my erect PENIS into the stallion's defenseless asshole. I came just as the horse died. I was delighted. Popeyes definitely went the extra mile to make me a satisfied customer People idolize over Haruhi Suzymiya Pokemon Shiny Pidgey Pokemon/DON'T JOKE ABOUT RAPE Spoof Okay, I am fucking sick and fucking tired of these fucking reposts about losing a shiny pidgey! LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Joke about anything else you want, /b/... Joke about cp, joke about loli, joke about murder, joke about drugs, but DON'T FUCKING JOKE ABOUT LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY! Losing a shiny pidgey DESTROYS a trainer, it STRIPS THE TRAINER OF HIS BADGES! It is disgusting, inhumane, regressive and insane. LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS OFF THE FUCKING TABLE, /b/, NOT EVEN YOU FUCKING VIRGIN ASSHOLES CAN BE SUCH FUCKHOLES THAT YOU JOKE ABOUT A SHINY PIDGEY BEING LOST! And no, I am not fucking Ash Ketchum, I am a trainer, I lost a shiny pidgey. My 1/8192 chance pokemon was taken from me, I can never get it in a pokeball. I was defeated again and again and again and again and again by The Elite Four when I was on victory road, I wanted to fucking kill my fucking self. IS THAT FUCKING FUNNY? FUCK NO YOU FUCKHOLES! Go back to making Fresh Prince threads, /b/, you fucking arboks Porn rant Why is everyone so obseesed with porn? is everyone that desperate to have their sick fantasies fulfilled that you need to drool over /b/ all day, requesting and saucing and all that lame crap. You guys are fucking sick, go get some therapy. Flat chested 12 y/os is NOT sexy, i dont care how many people say otherwise. This site is going to the dogs and you all know it. The FBI comes and we're all screwed. So just repress it. Repress that fucking urge to come all over your niece's face because its sick. Its sick and wrong you faggots. /B/ needs to change, what happened to funny? everything is porn now. Furry porn. And guess what? furry porn isnt funny, not anymore. furry porn is desu and you all know it. I didnt come home from work to see pictures of wolves fucking each other, i came home to see Gaston and Tom Delay. Show me /B/, show me what i believed in. Pedophilia Children Need Sex Children need sex. They require release like you do but are denied it with a partner who can teach them and guide them through it lovingly. Many young children masturbate for relief-and what does mom and dad do when they find out? Why, they slap the kids hands and tell them to stop or they will go blind! Once again, this only leads to oppressive, damaging GUILT. By age 11, I was a compulsive masturbator & collected hard-core pornographic magazines like HUSTLER! I was VERY sexual and I was asking for it on a regular basis (and never seemed to get it!) and yet society would have believed I was as innocent as can be. This harmed me. If I had only known a pedophile then, I would have been much happier in my childhood! But then again, if I had decided to have sex with a pedophile adult, they would have been imprisoned and I would have been in therapy for brainwashing to accept my "abuse". But my childhood had a happy ending-fate soon blessed me at 11 and a half with a woman pedophile who sexually educated me! Other kids are more like I was than you maybe would like to admit. Perhaps you were something like this in your own youth and due to guilt you wish not to admit this side of yourself existed. Think back and be honest with yourself-it is ok to be sexual and you are not alone or wrong! Stop feeling guilty about a natural bodily function and do not infect our kids! Children do many things that are new to them. Sex is one of those things. A child must learn sometime, and "waiting for their wedding" is WAY too late! The sex drive is the most important one in our species besides breathing air and eating! We are made for sex! Children are made to enjoy it too! Repressing these feelings is NOT healthy. It is also unhealthy for kids to deny themselves relief. Sex by itself is NOT damaging to kids. This is a myth designed to attack pedophiles and deny kids their rights. In a misguided effort to "protect" kids, society has actually HARMED them by repressing perfectly natural feelings which DEMAND expression. Without it, healthy development and beliefs about sex are problematic. Kids masturbate and climax, and it does NOT "scar" them for life! By itself (remember-it is the guilt not the sex!) having sex with an adult (or another child) will NOT harm a child! It is a normal bodily function. Kids urinate and defecate as you do-they also experience sexual gratification (usually via masturbation) just as you do. A 10 year old boy may not ejaculate semen, but he CAN climax. A 10 year old girl can and often already does masturbate and she climaxes. Society needs to accept that kids are sexual beings. Give them that chance. Do not deny them the right of sexual free-expression. Children DO intitiate sexual contact with adults and there is nothing wrong with it. Adults can also intiate. We must teach our kids the importance of their right to own themselves. This means they can REFUSE sex with an adult at any time. It also means they can accept an offer and inititiate one themselves! This is the part that society hypocritically refuses to allow. They say kids own themselves, but when that belief is tested, society applies a double-standard and denies kids a right to do as they wish to themselves. Implied in the belief that kids can say no is the acceptance of them saying yes! You cannot have it both ways. Either they own their bodies or they do not. If they can only say "no" according to you, then they do not own themselves in your eyes! Pedophiles are the opposite of "predators". In fact, they are the ONLY TRUE "child advocates" in this regard on earth, since the take the opinion of the child and his/her wishes into full account! Pedophiles love children. That is what the word means, (pedo=child phile=lover) it is not a bad word to describe a monster-except in the eyes of the media which distorts and sadly shapes public opinion against child-loving advocates-i.e. pedophiles. It is time for a new opinion about us-a positive one. The problem pedophiles have (particularly male ones) is that if ANY adult shows a special excessive interest in kids, that person is immediately suspected of being a pedophile. This leads to pedophiles being separated from their outlets & it harms them. It also leads to kids being taken away from people that truly care about them. It is often the case that people who show unusual interest in kids are pedophiles but is that a bad thing? Pedophiles can be a VERY positive force in the life of a child. Society does not think so and wonders why pedophiles must add the sexual element. They ask why we cannot always be happy just doing things with them that are non-sexual. The reason is that is one very important aspect of life and one that is something we find very pleasurable when it is with the people we like and love. It is no different than you! If I have sex with an 11 year old girl I love and care about, why do you care if she is willing and loves me too? The trouble is, society assumes that she is incapable of loving, or understanding it. She IS capable-she loves her parents, which is one kind of love. I am only showing her another kind that she is gladly and voluntarily experiencing with me. You must accept that she IS capable of wanting sex and relief, and feeling LOVE for me-her pedophile. You can bet that if I were in such a situation, I would love her-not just use her. It is not merely sexual. I prefer young girls. I do not cruise the streets looking for them to molest! If it happens it does and that is fine. Pedophiles do not talk down to kids & treat them with respect and listen to them. This is not the case with an average adult, and kids see right through it. Kids like pedophiles very much, whom they do not see as a heavy-handed authority figure, but rather, as a sort of "older" PEER. That is what confuses the general public about the motivations and methods of pedophiles. Society assumes the pedophile views the child as an object, and uses his/her superior smarts/abilities/experience to control the child to extract sex. But pedophiles do not do this and never advocate such tactics! It goes against their very nature to do that! The reason society falls for this assumption is it is "transferring" what IT would do if in that situation. Since "regular" adults do not really respect or understand children, they assume the same mindset applies to pedophiles-and it does not! A "regular" adult does not understand pedophilia or pedophiles, & so they assume the pedophile is approaching the situation as a "regular" adult with a perverted streak in them-bent on taking advantage of children-since that is what the average "regular" adult could see himself/herself doing if they were sex maniacs looking for an easy outlet to prey on. But pedophiles are not this way-we are not predators looking for targets! Being a pedophile is a way of life-not a sick perversion. Kill Pedophobes To all pedophiles: Annoyed/depressed about being pedsecuted?, here's something to think about; most of the people in the world, i.e. your family, the guy walking down the street, your workmates HATE what you are. They'd happily kill a pedophile if they thought they could get away with it, maybe torture too. Bearing this in mind, do they deserve any better than you? - they have declared themselves by default as your adversaries - why not take the fight to them? Here is a useful strategy - identify those around you who the above description fits - the ones who, on hearing of a child porn possessor, say stuff like "I hope he gets the broom-handle and razor treatment in jail". THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES. Destroy them. Not all at once but in little ways, spread rumours, piss in their coffee, sugar their gas -- ANYTHING you can GET AWAY WITH. fight the antis Help Your Child Climax You should help your child climax and experience the joys and sensation and relief of orgasm. This is very important. You should teach them to help you climax and do the same for them. Explain orgasm to them. Tell them how good it feels to boys and girls to obtain release, that orgasm is a pleasurable feeling in their bodies that they need to understand & experience & that they need to know how to bring it about with a partner. If they already masturbate, show them how to complete it to climax if they have not discovered it yet. If they do not really know how to masturbate, show them how and demonstrate yourself doing it. Tell them it's normal and healthy and they should do it to relieve sexual tension. A child is not stupid-but often ignorant due to lack of information. Inform them! A climax can be scary to a child, it is a powerful experience they may not have had yet. You must guide them & explain that it won't hurt them, & is even good for them! I've been living with a secret. For 10 years now I've been living with a secret (or more accurately, a lie) and I've decided this situation cannot continue. I am forced to deny an integral part of myself to friends and family, if it was widely known, I would be unemployable, most women would turn away in disgust at the thought of romance, I would be unable to see many of my relatives and also be perpetually vulnerable to physical assault. I am a girl-lover - what you would call a pedophile. I am sexually attracted to girls from 5 years old (occasionally as young as 3), with the ages of about 8-9 being preferred. For what it's worth, I am attracted to adult women also. I refuse to cope with the secrets and lies that this aspect of my life requires; together with a desire to do some good for those in my situation I have made a plan for ACTION - I have identified a list of people who represent the clearest danger to child-lovers this nation; they are members of the judiciary, individual "vigilantes", particular journalists et cetera. All of the names on this list have caused terrible harm to "my people". They are the targets, I have weapons and the skill and the will to use them. I go forward with this work in the hope that others will follow - may our enemies soon know fear to moderate their hate, I do not hope to survive long once embarking on this path but do not pity me - making this decision has given me hope and purpose that a hidden life would never have provided. Farewell, and when you learn of my fate do not mourn me but rather celebrate what I am about to do. I cut my penis /b/, I am posting this to you in extreme agony. This is no copy pasta, this isn't a stupid post trying to get attention, this is a serious cry for help. I have been faithfull to you, /b/, for many years, and now I hope you can help me. I was trying to shave my genitals today, to make them a little more comfortable for summer. I had no razor, so I was using some titanium scissors. Needless to say, I missed and accidentally removed a sizable chunk from the head of my PENIS. I passed out at first, but I woke up an hour or so later, covered in blood. I was able to stop the bleeding...but I wanted to put it back on and hope it would all be better.... I used super glue. It's holdong on there, but theres still blood, and a really bad line around the chunk, and it hurts oh god so bad... I have no medical insurance so I can't go to the doctor, and I live by myself so I can't get anyone else to help. I need someone on /b/ who knows something about medical stuff. What can I do? I don't know, if I leave it on there with the glue will it heal itself back on? Help me please, it hurts a lot. I've already taken 4 extra strength tylenol and its not helping... Bare Naked Chest See I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest. Pedo Girlfriend I can't believe I'm doing this... but I need your advice, /b/. I come home today to find 8 or 9 select images from my CP collection on my monitor. The really hardcore stuff. I'm sure some of you have seen the set of the 6 year old girl in the dog collar crying while she's molested. That kinda caliber of stuff. I know I'm fucked. I never leave my PC on when I'm at work, and I certainly don't leave CP onscreen. I walk into the kitchen and my girlfriend is sitting at the table eating a sandwhich. This is it. I'm proper fucked. "Hey" "So... are you into that kinda stuff?" no point denying the obvious "Yea... I mean... fuck I've never done anything to any kids or anything. I've never paid anyone. I... it's just the way I'm wired I guess. Shit I dunno..." "Huh... you know there's places where you can do stuff like that." "What?" She slides some travel brochures for thailand and the phillipines over the table. "Maybe we should think about somewhere else for vacation instead of new york this year." She gets up, puts her plate in the sink, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and leaves for class. This has to be a trick. She must be setting me up for the death penalty or something. God wouldn't let me be this happy. There's no way in hell I can have a pedo girlfriend. Sadly... I'm in your hands, /b/. PS3 I was watching a local news thing (NYC) about the PS3 release. What shocked me the most was that 90% of the people on the lines were niggers! Now obviously niggers are not smart enough to be reselling PS3s. I might be able to believe that niggers are dumb enough to buy them for 599 US DOLLARS. But I cannot understand where a would GET 599 US DOLLARS. Is robbery up, like 1000%? I haven't noticed it.... My only hope is that maybe some rich white fellow is paying them minimum wage to stand in line and buy a PS3 for him, so he can resell it. Q R Rabbit-chan Rabbit chan is all I think about every day. I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how I'll never be with her. repeat x10 Random Image:Legendary_icon.gif hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^... im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe...toodles!!!!! love and waffles, *~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~* Rap Music Rap music: -degrades the english language -Promotes tagging and vandalism -degrades women -Implies postivity to primitive force (look at any metal cd, and youll see an imaginative cover with interesting artwork, look at a hip hop Cd, and youll see a pissed off nigra wanting to fight) -Shifts values to "bling" and expensive shoes which leads to theft -Promotes Rastafrian culture, which tries to legalize weed Rap can be made by ANYBODY, a preset drum machine is all you need to make primitve music and get signed to a record label. If youve been shot, thats credible and prefered to hype your image, just like growing up on the "street" The lyrics are simple, the sentences dont need to be related, just whatever can ryhme is fine. They dont even have to make sense, just as long as it sticks to an even flow. And sometimes, rappers will get lazy and mispronounce words to rhyme. Now some of you guys are gonna say "omg racist", but more thn half of all nigra music is sold to whites. No other genre of music promotes more negative values than hip hop, and as it spreads toward different regions, it infects the native population like a fungus. There is NO talent in rap, so next time, whe your downloading music, get yourself a king crimson, dark tranquility, symphony x or non-hip hop album. Your brain will thank you for not degenerating it into a pile of primtive processing jello 50 Cent STFU and Look, I'm sick and tired of yall critisizing 50. I know EVERYTHING there is to know about 50 Cent. He is the best rapper out there, and if you don't think so, well you don't know music and you don't even listen to all of 50 Cent's songs. Some of the songs may be a little nasty but that isn't all he raps about. He sings about violence bacause he had somuch of it in his life! i mean he DID see his mother be murdered. and he sings about drugs sometimes because he dealed crack at a young age. he lost a lot of loved ones at a very young age too. he didn't start dealing drugs until that happened. Maybe you all should give his music a chance- by one of his cds. One day, i will meet 50 and tell him all about what i think. 50 Cent is the best! Rape Real Doll Hey /b/ I'm in a pretty fucking pissed off mood today. I'm using a friend's computer because the fucking FBI confiscated mine. I'm calling for a boycott of REAL DOLL. Here's what happened. You can order custom Real Dolls so I specified that I wanted their smallest model with no pubic hairs and a perfectly flat chest. Two weeks later I notice the charge hasn't gone through on my Visa so I called to ask if there was a problem. The guy on the phone asks what my order number was and I tell him. I then hear him talking in the background to someone, maybe his manager and he comes back and says there is no problem that they're waiting for a custom part to be milled and won't bill my credit card until it's finished. No problem. Well this morning the fucking FBI bust down my door with a warrent. They grab my fucking computer, they grab all my CDs and DVDs (even more store bought music CDs and DVDs) and all my videotapes and leave with them and take me in for questioning. They tell me Real Doll called the FBI to register a complaint that I'm a pedo trying to buy illegal pedo products. WTF!?! There was nothing illegal about the Real Doll I was trying to buy. But the FBI said it was suspiscious enough that it gave them grounds to get a fucking search warrent to look through my shit for CP. WTF!?! What fucking country is this? The most they'll find is maybe some legal softcore Loli hentai because I don't have any CP. Hell I don't even like porn of real people which is why I was buying a fucking Real Doll in the first place. So now they've told me not to leave town until the investigation is over (which I don't think they can legally do anyways, until I'm charged I'm legally free to go wherever I want), I have to hire a fucking lawyer, and I've got no fucking computer or CDs or DVDs or even fucking video tapes until they're done searching through my shit. I'm hungry Room Mate Hai /b/ I have a problem. I live with a girl. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I kind of like her and she kind of likes me back, there is def. something going on between us. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't help myself, so i went into her bedroom and masturbated over her sleeping body (she sleeps in this kinky teddy..HAWT) Well, I started doing it every night, then last night, I went into her room like usual and started masturbating only to find out that she was awake! I almost ran out of the room and but she stopped me and said that she knew I had been doing it for the past week! I was really embarassed. I couldn't say anything, until she asked "so are you gonna fucking me instead of FAPPIN' off to me?" I couldn't believe it! I went over and got in bed with her and we fucked most of the night! The next morning, I was awoken by her screaming. She didn't know why I was in her bed. On top of that she thinks I raped her in her sleep! Now she's crying and threatening to call the cops on me! /b/, my old and trusted friend, what should I do??? S Sadako Watching TV was quickly becoming the dullest thign I had done in a while. I wish I was doing what I had been doing a week ago; that was actually fun. This, however, was just shit. It was worse than browsing /b/. Regis Philbin was on my damn TV and it was pissing me off that this was the only channel I had. I figured that this wasn't going to change anytime soon, so I got up to go get me some falafel. As I was rising out of my chair, the TV flickered. I looked at it for a second, shrugged, and continued on my epic quest for falafel. Flicker. Now what was this? I moved back and forth to see if perhaps the capacitance of my body had flickered the TV. Flicker. My screen was now nothing but static, and a strange, ringing sound was eminating from it. This was entirely typical. My shit TV had finally decided to kick the bucket. I sighed and went to unplug it, when I noticed the screen had suddenly become clear again. But it was not Regis, it was a blank monochrome image of a well. I thought it was some sort of commercial. It strangely caught my interest, so I sat back down in my chair and stared at the image of the well before me. It seemed so still, but then, I saw a hand come out of the top. Something was climbing out of the well. It raised its head, which was covered in wet, black hair. I couldn't see its face. It was at this time I was thoroughly creeped out. It pulled itself out of the well and began shambling toward me slowly. It was a girl. She was pale looked waterlogged, like a dead thing that had fallen into a puddle. She was drawing closer. I felt sick now, and I knew it was silly to feel like this over a commercial, but my heart was pounding. All I could see was her black hair covering the entire screen. Then, I screamed. Her hand reached out of my television. "Wha-, what are you!?" I shrieked. She pulled herself out of my set, raised her head, and gazed at me. "Sada...ko..." she croaked. Her body fell to my floor in a sickening, wet slap. She was crawling to me now, and I was too petrified to move. I knew I should run, but I didn't. It was entirley too out of this world to do anything but watch. The dead girl descended on me, hanging over my body with her corpselike gape. She pushed me down; her ice cold hand connected with my arm as she forced herself on top of me. I knew I was going to die. I knew she'd strangle me. It was then I realized she was naked. Her skin was cloud white, her cold breasts were almost translucent with blueish nipples; I could slightly see her muscles through her skin. Her face was as thin and white as her young body, and her eyes were rolled back into her head, as if she didn't have pupils. Sadako dropped herself onto me, and I felt a tremendous cold fear that I had never experienced. Water was dripping onto me as she writhed. She hissed and croaked and moaned; her breath was like a cold, still wind. She pushed her head down and sealed her lips over mine. I felt sick. Her frigid tongue caressed my teeth slowly as she seemingly ate my mouth. I felt terribly strange as I realized I was being unwillingly aroused. She was already slowly humping the lump in my pants. "T..ake... them off..." she hissed; as she pulled her mouth from mine, cold saliva dripped onto my chest. Sadako then kissed me again, continuing to consume my face with her grip-like jaw. She was gently gnawing at the sides of my mouth and teeth. I was so petrified that I obeyed her command. I reached down and pulled my pants down, so that my now erect PENIS was available to her. This was too sick. It was horrible and so wrong. I was being raped. She sat up on me and braced herself on the back of my chair with her hands. I looked down and saw her hovering above my PENIS; she was holding it up with one thin hand as she began to descend on me. My PENIS felt cold when her blue-white vulva brushed against it, but then, I felt suddenly strange. As she lowered herself onto me, as I entered her, I felt warm. She was going down on me, but instead of dry and cold, her soft insides felt warm and slippery. I felt so different now. There was a transcendal feeling going through my head, like she was becoming one with me, or entering my mind on some higher level. I felt my heart squeeze and I then knew I would give myself to her, because I loved her. I reached out slowly and ran a finger down her emaciated stomach. It was as cold as I thought it would be. I held my hand against her and felt up and down the side of her abdomen. I traced my hand up her body and touched her pallid breast. I actually felt pleasure now. She was going up and down, and with every thrust she heaved and hissed. Her breath was heavy and deliberate. Her eyes were clenched shut. She was so beautiful. I was feeling dizzy now. Things were beginning

to spin. The white-skinned girl seated on me was going faster and faster. With each of her movements, I could feel her spongey interior grasping and caressing me with gentle but firm care. It was like a loving touch of her hand on me, only a thousand times better. I was feeling more and more heartwrenched. I put my arms around her quickly and pulled her cold body to my chest. I hugger her like this, I squeezed her tightly, I called her name and clenched my eyes. She gripped my PENIS with her hot inner muscles and threw her head back; her wet black hair showered me in an aerosol of mist as she violently buckled. I felt hollow for a moment, then I exploded. I came in her. The feeling wouldn't stop. Everything was spinning now, everything was going white. I was dying. She had taken the soul out of me. When it was all gone, I was dead. Something Awful Showing /b/ to my little sister So it was around 4:00 in the afternoon and I left /b/ for a few minutes to get something to eat. My little sister was in the kitchen and told me that she got straight A's on her report card. "O rly?" I asked, laughing a bit. She didn't quite get the humor of it, but laughed weakly anyways. Thats what triggered me. Immediately after that show of disrespect to everything I hold dear, I grabbed the little bitch by her pigtails and dragged her upstairs to my room. I held her head in place as we went through page after page of /b/ material. "Cockmongler, furry faggots, guro..Do you see?" "Yes.." she replied softly "Copypasta, traps, milhouse..Do you see?!" "Yes!" she cried out "Diabeetus, camwhores, candlej HOLY FUCK I ALMOST SAID IT...DO YOU SEE?!" Well, she didn't get a chance to reply because I suddenly thrust her face through the monitor, fracturing her skull and mildly electrocuting her. She's listed in critical condition now and I'm posting this on a shitty PSP because my monitor is broken. Fuck, I miss that monitor. We hate YOU As expected, you can't even come up with an original burn. I do believe every single SA member I have ever met has asked me that EXACT same question. But I will answer it again, and in doing so, hopefully create some copy-pasta. You see, we don't hate Lowtax. We hate YOU. That's right. We hate the individual members of SA. We hate Lowtax by proxy just because he hosts a haven for all of the elitist fags on the internet. If SA were to suddenly vanish, no one would care about Lowtax. It's people like YOU who are why we hate SA. You do nothing but go around insulting people on the internet; you think it makes you cool because you can find all of the spelling errors in a post. It doesn't matter how many R's you can put on the end of HURR, you will NEVER be cool. I know full well you will read this post, ignore it, and go right back to pretending you are a leet haxor because your internet forum costs money, and how you e-PENIS is bigger that the entire internet combined. In closing, learn how to internet, or go back to your circle jerk. You think that your 10 bux keeps people out, but no, it keeps you away from us. Sex change Part X of I've only got this one, /g/ version Dear /g/ : I have decided that i want a sexchange. Current medical technology yeilds a very poor result. A vagina can be made from the penis, but it will likely have hair inside of it, and there is a good chance of damaging the sensitive nervs, which would make sex unpleasurable. Breasts can only get but so big, nipples would not function. There would be no reproductive capability, and bone structure cannot be modified. My plan is to build an AI system which can revise and improve on its self. It would be a cognitive AI system, a truely intelligent machine. Each time it improves on it's self, by modifying it's source code, it would increase in it's intellectual capacity in an exponential manner. Being that it would be superintelligent, it could run a profitable business, to generate income, which it would use to buy materials needed to improve upon its self. It should be able to develop the required technologies needed to proform an exceptional sex change. Not only would i transition over to being female, i would actually be a real woman, with full reproductive capability. Any sort of mental defects would be resolved, and i would have a completely healthy new body, void of any detromental conditions. This means i could live on for ever, looking great and the only way of death would be if somebody killed me or if got into an accident of some sort. So my question to the guests of 4chan, is your thoughts on this process. Also i would be interested in hearing any ideas you have for creating such AI and approprate hardware to run it on. Please refrain from ethical discussions, as i think it is 100% ethical to produce a machine which could solve all of humanitys health and technology problems. thank you /g/ for your time and support. She's so fucking cute and sweet She's so fucking cute and sweet. I'd treat her to some fancy restaurant, then take a long romantic walk with her, holding hands and talking about philosophy, art and dreams. Then I'd invite her to my home and ravage her hot ass for hours, and forcing my cock down her throat so she choked on both the throbbing cock and her own rectal juice. I'd then proceed to cum on her cute innocent face. Then, as the ultimate love gift, I'd carry her in my arms to the tub and let my piss wash away the semen and last dignity from her. I'd whisper "I love you" and give her a tender smile, and cut her throat from ear to ear with a knife. Covered in her own warm blood, she'd look straight into my very soul, forgiving, understanding. A bubble from blood and saliva would burst between her lips, then she'd die. After some additional lovemaking, I'd stuff her in a bin bag. Three Weeks later, some playing children will find her mutilated and desecrated body in the forest. They will be scarred for life. Shit in her bag Shit in her lolita bag The poster of this particular Copypasta was originally searching for relationship help in /b/. Although there were some genuine advice from other b-tards, the majority of replies were either telling the OP to 'shit in her bag' (as in 'shit in his girlfriend's bag') OR a combination of advice and ways to 'shit in her bag'. While the OP's girlfriend was a 'gothic lolita', one particular reply told the OP to 'shit in her lolita bag' for the most effective result. Anonymous 07/31/06(Mon)04:41:38 No.11020816 Dear /b/ While I know that most of you tards will not answer me properly, I don't mind; I just want to get something off my chest. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now but our relationship has gotten quite rough for the past half year. Ever since she came back from Japan after being there for 3 weeks over the Christmas and New Years holiday, she's become a very Japanese obsessive with the whole 'Gothic Lolita' fashion. While I do generally enjoy the fashion as a whole (my girlfriend looks very beautiful in lolita outfits), I am not very supportive with the community behind this sub-culture. Some (if not most) of these girls are snobby, arrogant, ignorant and vain bitches. Also, these said girls attempt to practice 'lolita etiquette' like the following: * A lolita should strive to hold her bag in front of her with both hands when walking (many lolitas fail to realise that a beautiful bag is as important as the shoes, it's important to buy a well coordinated bag that compliments your outfit as it's so noticeable) * A lolita's posture must be refined- she must sit and hold herself in an elegant and poised manner without the need to fidget. A recommended sitting position is with both feet neatly tucked to either the left or right (never crossed legged) with her hands gently resting upon one another in her lap. * A lolita must always be delicate, she must not do things in bad taste such as blowing her nose in public * A lolita must pay special attention to the small, daintier things that the common eye will miss, for example her shoes will never be scuffed. (It is advisable to carry pocket-sized shoe polish in the handbag) and there are never loose threads on her clothes (so carry a tiny pair of sewing scissors to get rid of loose threads) and her garment will always be impeccably pressed (no wrinkles). If you've read this far, I'm very proud of you because I almost died reading through the first two points. Anyways, that was an example of what the community invloves. My girlfriend has developed a 'princess complex' because of this sub-culture and it's tearing us apart. It feels like I'm drifting further and further apart from her because my once happy relationship has turned somewhat very plain. I know this because I've noticed that I'm downloading more and more pornography these days. (yes, fap jokes aside). Anyways, she recently found some porn on my computer. I don't go to great lengths in hiding it because I'm generally very open and honest with my girlfriend. I'd thought that even if she found some porn on my PC, she would understand considering I'm a guy and she doesn't necessarily give me what I want most of the time (I mean its okay. I'll just do it myself if she cannot do it with me.) But yea, I was wrong. She got very mad at me. We've somewhat patched it up and I apologised etc but whenever we get into an argument, she would bring it up. Where it be related or not, she would just throw it in my face. It's been happening for the past month or so and tonight was no exception. Whenever I don't want to argue with her, I walk away but she doesn't let me and give me shit about me being pathetic, a sore loser, cannot handle the truth and etc. All I want to do when I walk away is to avoid punching her in the face. I'm not down with domestic violence and yet she seems to give me more and more the incentive to but I'm holding on. I won't hit her. She has slapped me across the face before but missing my cheek and hitting my right ear. For about 2 months when I blow my nose, air comes out of that ear. I'm actually partially deaf in that ear now having seen my GP. No one else knows about it. When I find that there's too much noise during the night when my computer is on. I would sleep on my left ear because my right ear is not as responsive. Well that's about it. I've never opened up to anyone in this world like I have with my girlfriend - physically, mentally, spiritually... and yet. I have all that been worked against me when she argues with me. I feel really torn, destroyed, insecure and betrayed. I really want to never open up to any girl in this world anymore. My ex in the past cheated on me with one of my friends and now another blow on my trust. I don't know what to do... Thanks for listening anyways if you've actually read this far. Bel-air it, copypasta it, whatever. Thanks for letting me vent. Shitty day All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: 0.Occupied. 1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. - Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently. - Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. - Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom. Silver - Breaks into a secure research lab and steals a Pokemon - Evades police capture until they just give up - Has an unexplained personal vendetta against Team Rocket - Meets and battles alongside Lance before you - Unlike the rival in Red and Blue, you get a game over if you lose to him - Ambushes you steps from the end of Victory Road when your Pokemon are all worn out from the dungeon - Has no help from anyone, especially the several influential intellectuals that help you, but manages to accomplish more than you - Defeats all gym leaders including Blue before you, but knows that it's not worth his time to track down Red - In Pokemon Stadium 2, is the hardest battle in the game and has mastered a level 100 Mewtwo, Ho-oh and Lugia - Doesn't give a shit about "catching them all" - Has hardcore fight music: http://rapidshare.com/files/276635/Pokemon_GSC_vs_Rival_Battle_Theme_Metal.mp3.html I present to you a question, /v/. A conundrum, if you will. Badass or baddest ass ever? Slugs and worms Hey /b/ Today, I was lifting an old carpet, as we have a damp problem. Underneath there were hundreds of slugs and worms. My wife and I picked up about 40 slugs and put them in a pair of my wife's panties. I then put the panties on. The feeling was amazing. I got a huge erection and I could feel them sliding over my glans, and round my balls. Eventually I could feel one going up my bum. I knew I would come soon, so I let my wife tie me up, with my hands and feet speadeagled and attached to some furniture. She then took the panties down and about 15 of the slugs were crawling over my cock and balls. I came, spurting out loads of cum all over the poor things, but still couldn't move. My wife then took the other slugs out of the panties and placed them on my cock. She was careful to put some of them right on the opening of my cock, which was now covered in a mixture of sperm and glistening goo from the slugs. She opened up my arse and tried to put one in there too. I got hard again quite quickly as I thought of these slimy little things crawling over me. I imagined them biting me. One seemed to be trying to enter my uretha and this caused me to come again. That was 4 hurs ago. My cock is now very itchy, but I am about to give them another "feed". SO YEAH, I like anime Steve Irwin Suicide (girl) Okay so maybe you guys have seen my other rant thread or whatever. I just need to get this off my chest. For the better part of my life I've lived in a personal hell. When I was little my father used to whip me with a razor strap whenever he was drunk, mostly because he always went into a fit of rage whenever he drinks. Every night when I was small I'd always hide under my blankets and hope that he'd never come into my room and drag me outside by my feet to let out his anger. At one point he even groped me and tried to have sex with me. This all happened between the ages of 6 to 9. Since my mother was never home, there was no one to help me. I was always too afraid to tell the teachers about what happened whenever they would question me, and make up stories like 'I ran into a door' or 'I fell off of my bike'. I know they never believed me. About 6 years ago my father died. Somehow he drank too much, overdosed on a prescription of valium he received from a crackpot doctor of some sort, and hung himself. I was only in middle school so I arrived home to see his untwitching body hung up on the ceiling fan. I called 911 and in time the paramedics came, but my mom never came home that night. She was always away on business trips and only visited twice a month, but I never complained because she was the only person who put food on the table. During the funeral she wasn't even there. It was only me, a minister, and two second-cousins, who I had seen for the first time in my life. None of them talked to me or even offered pity. I think to them I was my father's whore of a daughter. I overheard them as they walked to their black Mercedes Benz and drove away, and I had to walk home by myself. I eventually moved out and was emancipated by my mother, who gave me the insurance-money from my father and emptied half of her bank account into mine. She told me that she was never really there for me, and said I was probably better off by myself. A few months after I moved into my apartment, she sold the house and moved somewhere else. She didn't leave any numbers or e-mails or anything. My friends never offered me any comfort either. I'm not sure whether they were even my friends to begin with. A lot of them are guys who started hanging out with me when I was in 9th grade. They always joked about how I was the prettiest girl and would never pass a chance to come into my house. Especially Julian and Frank. I mean at the time I didn't think I was hanging around with a bad crowd, but now that I look back I'm not so sure. I smoked my first blunt on my 14th birthday with them in the park. Somehow I passed out and when I came to, my bra was undone and my shirt was on the floor. Luckily no one was there, so I just walked home and tried to forget about it. The next day Julian and Frank walked up to me with the biggest smile on their faces like nothing had ever happened. I didn't say anything about it. Last year my other friends took me to some party at a college kid's house. His parents had gone out for the weekend, and the place was jam-packed with people just partying. As soon as I got there guys started hitting on me, and again Julian and Frank grabbed me by the shoulders and directed me upstairs where the cooler and bar was. They kept forcing me to drink shots until I fell over, though I suppose I was stupid to even go with them. I had puked my guts out, and Julian pulled me into the upstairs shower and tried to take off my clothes. I slapped him across the face and he punched me in the stomach and I went unconscious. I woke up the next day with my jeans torn up and Julian was on the floor, his pants undone, sleeping. I think that was when I stopped becoming his friend. Luckily I wasn't pregnant. Apart from Julian and Frank, my other friends weren't as bad. But I was always the butt of their jokes, which was really annoying. They'd always talk about how all the nutrients went from my head to my boobs, and sometimes called me a 'natural-born slut'. I don't know why I took it, but I'd always laugh it off or just look away. At night I never cut myself or anything like that. I'd just lie on my bed and try to push the bad thoughts away. One day my english teacher noticed that I was really tired and asked me if I was okay after class, and I just started crying. I don't know what came over me. He took me to the guidance counselor and she said that I was clinically depressed and that I had to see a therapist since our school doesn't have one. Somehow I had persuaded my therapist to write me a prescription for vicodin a few weeks ago. Right now I popped 2 in my mouth and took a few shots of Scotch and I feel numb all over. I don't feel particularly drowsy but I can't feel my legs. My apartment is on the 8th floor with a balcony and a thought of suicide just crossed my mind. I really don't see why I should bother anymore. I don't know, I just wanted to let everything out, and I'm crying and my hands are jittering and I don't know what to do. I don't even feel like a human being anymore and I'm just questioning myself over and over. Is it wrong for me to think this way? Suiseiseki Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu "Does master want Suiseiseki to give him a footrub-desu?" she purred. "No thank you," I said. "I'm rather tired. You should retire to your box." "But master-sama, Suiseiseki doesn't like her box-desu! I want to sleep in master-sama's bed-desu!" "Not tonight. You'll do as you're told." "Why doesn't master-sama have real girls in his bed?" "What?!" "Is master-sama's penis too small for real girls?" "Why aren't you saying desu?" "Does he have to use dolls instead?" "SAY DESU! SUISEISEKI FINISHES HER SENTENCES WITH DESU!" "Master-sama showed Suiseiseki his penis once." "DESU! MASTER-SAMA SHOWED SUISEISEKI HIS PENIS ONCE DESU!" "It was too small even for dolls." "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT SUISEISEKI!" With my right hand I snatched a pair of scissors from my desk and mashed them continually into her face. Her little body was smashed into kindling but I did not stop. Until her screams began to sound a bit like my voice, and I remembered that dolls did not scream, and they did not bleed. Suddenly there was feeling in my left hand for the first time in weeks. I lifted it out of the doll's wreckage, covered in splinters and dripping from scissored wounds. How long had my hand been inside there? How long had I been inside here, alone in my one-room apartment, talking to myself, going mad? The bolt scraped rust from the latch as I stepped outside. My eyes hurt, god the horizon ... it was a deal larger than 19 inches diagonally. But after five steps my breath quickened and my chest tightened and I turned back. Enough for today. Tomorrow I would try for six. A distant memory told me that when I reached two hundred and eighty, I would make it to the bus stop. And then I'd be free of this apartment, of this prison. And then there'd be nowhere in the world I couldn't go. Least of all the refunds counter at Moemart in Akihabara. For fuck's sake. Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu. Source [1] T Table Manners Can someone tell me what's the deal with Table Manners? When I was a boy in China my grandfathers would always have these big parties in holidays, and the whole family had around 20 people. The food was great and no one worried about measily "manners". We ate what we liked and did what we want, and no one did gross things such as burping, a certain degree decency is implied. When I came to the states and joined some family dinners, everyone ate like robots. There's a spoon for soup, a fork for salad, a knife for cutting, a knife for butter, a knife for bread......... give me a fucking break!!! What if I use the fucking soup spoon to eat my beans, what if I just pick up the soup bowl and drink the soup like that, what if i use my right hand to hold the fork!!? people would give me that " this is not how we do it in america look". I know your stupid rules, I just don't want to do them. And I've even read some rules about how you're not supposed to touch your nose or hair? WTF??? Oh and another thing, Why in the world are americans so scared of food that fell on the floor? It could be a perfectly clean floor that has just been cleaned 5 minutes ago so clean it shines, but a cookie fell on the floor, OH NOES!!! The cookie touched the floor!!!! it must have somehow picked up all kinds of scary bacteria and dirt!!! Better throw it away... NO! It's a perfectly good cookie and it picked up NOTHING from the floor. And you're just WASTING perfectly good food when you throw it away. Oh and newsflash!!! Your HANDS have more germs than the floor most of the time...I've seen this commercial where this guy dropped a candy on the floor and he picked it up and ate it, like it's supposed to be gross or something... so pretentious The Dream (originally broken up into many posts.) okay well the dream started off like this: her name is Liz, and she came in my backyad in a swim suit. she had forgotten her googles in my pool(her friends swim there sometimes[i'm 17, btw]). she's so cute- her wet one piece bathing suit clinging to her, her perk barely there breasts showing through the fabric, the line of her tight butt and pussy... ah. my PENIS took over.i began to get hard just looking at her standing there. i took her hand and asked her if she wanted to play a game. "okay!" she said and followed me inside. i took her to my room, and she asked what we were playing. I smiled and said "you'll see...". I told her to lay on my bed and she did so willingly. I tied her wrists and ankles to the bed posts. She said, "Oh! I know what we're playing! A tickling game!" "Kinda.".I began to tickle her to reassure her that everything was okay. She laughed and squealed and it turned me on even more, her body wiggling and her breasts jiggling. My PENIS once again took over, and I kissed her on the lips. Suprisingly, her tongue shot out and began dancing with mine.She broke the kiss and began to wiggle uncomfortbaly, and I took my finger and began to trace her breasts from the base right before I touched the nipple. Her nipples were getting hard, I could feel it through the fabric. I took my finger away and smiled as she arched her back to try to get my finger to touch her nipple. I couldn't believe it - This 10 year old was HORNY! I pleased her by twisting her nipples gently, though I wanted to tear the suit off and fuck her brains out. She moaned gently, it made me feel good to hear this.I then realised what I was doing. I was raping a minor. I said "I-I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doi-" "No", she said, "Go on. P-please. I want this. It feels so g-good." Hearing her egging me on made me even MORE horny, and I couldn't contain it anymore. I tore back the suit and marveled at her pussy. It was a work of art. It was smooth, unlike a grown woman's it didn't have any pubic hair at all, and she had begun to get wet, as it was beginning to drip down tight little butt.I bent down and rammed my tongue into her, savoring the young, untouched flavor. She was moaning in delight by now, and I pulled my toungue out and replaced it with 3 fingers. She gasped at this, and I asked Liz if she was okay, and she didn't respond - Only a moan of ecstasy. She was getting looser; I didn't want to ram into her on her first time being as tight as she was, and after a couple minutes I stopped. I untied the ropes and she sat on the edge of the bed, breathless.She said "I need to repay you. I've never felt that way before". She waved her hand for me to come sit beside her. I did, and she got on her knees in front of me. I said "Hold on, are you goi-" Before I could finish, she wrapped her hand around my dick and began rubbing."okay, that's weird". She opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around my dick. It was a wonderful feeling-the warm, wet walls of her mouth around my PENIS. It was different from a grown woman, It's always loose in their mouths, but her's was tight, and my dick barely went an 4 inches in.Suprisingly, she took more and more in her mouth, untill my whole PENIS was in her mouth, minus an inch of the shaft. On this inch she took her fingers and rubbed, while bobbing her head up and down. Every now and then she would lick and kiss it's head. This little innocent girl wasn't as innocent as I thought.I came in her mouth and she took out my dick, coughing, and I cum was sprayed all over her face. She looked disgusted and wiped it on my sheets. I asked her if she wants to go further, and without hesitation, she nodded. I layed her on the bed and rubbed my cock against her pussy, teasing her, and also making me erect again. She moaned loudly now, and begged me to go in. After a while, I did, slowly entering her. Liz's wet, warm, slippery walls were too much. I went all the way in, and she yelped. "Are you okay?" "No... B-but... Don't... Stop..." I pulled out some, she gasped, went back in, and she didn't yelp. She was getting used to it.I began to go at different angles, and at one specific angle she moaned extra load. I smiled and stayed at that angle as the moans erupted from a deeper point in her throat. I was going all the way in now, and my balls were smacking against her. I felt a cold hand on my sack, and knew it was Liz exploring, as she had never fucked before, and probably had never seen a naked man before. After a while, I was about to cum, and she beat me to it. Her hips buckled, she squealed, and came on my stomach. She sat up and began to lick it off, but before that I came on her chest. This time she was not disgusted, and when she finished me, licked her lips and drew a heart in the cum. I got the sign and layed her on the bed, and licked my cum off of her. As I did this, I sucked and playfully nibbled at her nipples. emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs After you read this, I guarantee you will feel sorry for me. Imagine this. You are attracted to women, like you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better. That's what life is like to me. I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else.Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love. They see me trollin They see me trollin They hatin Patrollin they tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP My proxy's so 1337 I'm raidin They hopin that they gon catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Mods think they got my IP But the MySQL disagrees And George Zimmer can gurantee That I'm still there lurkin with a new proxy That's right I'm Anonymous, and I do not forgive I raid at random with no incentive Best be attentive, ya'll get so stressed When you see your forum flooded with DESU DESU DESU Noobs try and think back, to the age of Snacks When we came to jack and invade and relax Or the eBaums raid, no thanks to Max One threat of a lawsuit and they piss their slacks I'm breakin the rules, closin the pool, Stratin up a JB thread and I'm makin you drool I got an AV said to have girls in preschool And that underaged vid from the Stickam cheat tool Area's grey, like Doom 3 on high gamma Party Van hatin, try to put me in the slammer Nowhere near the pool and I'm not even the spammer Just cuz I a Nigra now I'm gettin ban-hammered But they don't got the means, to combat my team We copypasta meme spouting /b/tard machines So fight on Legion, but keep that proxy sturdy Cuz when Anon posts, he's ALWAYS postin dirty Traps Trapped Babysitter Anonymous 06/05/05(Sun)18:07 No.1450178 I was 9, and was getting babysat by the 18 year old boy down the street. Even at 9 I knew I had power over men. I was always getitng told how cute I was, how adorable I was. I was determied to prove that I could control a man. I still feel that I loved the boy that was babysitting me the night I did it. it wasn't rape. it was love. I knew what I was doing. As soon as my parents left, I changed into my 'man trapping' outfit. My favorite pair of panties (pink My Little Pony) and a tank top. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I walked out. I played it slow, rubbing against him, on the couch. Eventually I moved onto his lap and ground my cute butt into his crotch. I could feel his manhood growing. I couldn't take it. I got up, stood infront of him, pulled down my panties, and told him to touch me.I could tell he was impressed. Even at 9, my penis was a good 4 inches erect. He worked the balls and the tip. I will always remember his strong hands around my shaft. NOT COPYPASTA To tripfag, or not to tripfag: that is the question To tripfag, or not to tripfag: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous horseshit, Or to take arms against a sea of anonymous, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand fucking memes That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be fuck'd by /b/. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to tripfag: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what balls may touch When we have shuffled off this mortal harbl, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long cat; For who would bear the whips and scorns of pyramid head, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's fetish, The pangs of despised loli, the law's 4chan party van, The insolence of mods and the doug That patient merit of the unworthy /b/tards, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare flat chest? who would fardels pedobear, To grunt and sweat under a weary loli, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country from anonymous bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those PENISes we have Than fly to guro that we know not of? Thus conscience does make fuckwits of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their tubgirls turn awry, And lose the name of erection. - Soft you now! The fair mongler! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my harbls remember'd. To whom it may concern To whom it may concern, I live in a haunted house, I don't know why we chose to move here, probably because it was so cheap. The whole thing was once owned by a nice family that got killed by some homicidal knife maniac, and their ghosts have definitely not left the premises. I often put things down only to see them move on their own to new places. If I leave wordpad open, I will often come back to see messages typed in while I was gone. And this is just the non-scary stuff. Sometimes the lights go dim and flicker in and out and windows shatter, blood starts to pour down the walls and my heart feels like its goign to fucking explode, when suddenly everythign returns to normal. Every night for the past two years this little 12 year old girl shows up in my room, demanding to have it back because it used to be hers. She would break things (once she fried my LCD monitor, that really pissed me off), scream like a damn banshee, and generally piss me off, especially when I'm trying to post on 4chan. But after a while of treating her like she wasn't there she has quieted down, and now usually just reads in a corner or something. But anyways, this shit isn't the problem, the problem is that last night I woke up to find this twelve year old ghost going down on me. It was the hottest shit ever, and I'm not into that loli pedobear crap, but let me tell you, the tight, frigid feel of her ethereal pink girl pussy was incredible! When it was all over she fell asleep next to me, and the next morning was gone. So now I have two problems, one is that my family and the ghost family are having dinner tonight, and she's gonna be there with her father. The other is that I need to know the technicalities of loliness: she died in 1967 so you could argue that she is nearly 42 years old since birth, but she only experienced 12 years of life. Things that bother you never bother me Things that bother you never bother me, I'm as happy as pie, a-ha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, Coffee's only a dime, Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. Just take it from me, I'm just as free as any brother, I do what I like, just when I like, and how I love it! I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and gray, I'll be right in my prime, Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. The Burdizzo The Burdizzo is a castration device which employs a large clamp designed to break the blood vessels leading into the testicles. Once the blood supply to the testicles is lost, testicular necrosis occurs, and the testicles shrink, soften, and eventually deterioriate completely. Burdizzos have also been used by some human males as a means of self-castration, often by those seeking a remedy for a high sex drive, or those who, for religious or personal reasons, seek to become eunuchs. The burdizzo has also been used by some transsexual women and other male-to-female transgender persons, as an alternative to the surgical procedure known as an orchidectomy. Because an incision is not required, castration by burdizzo is usually bloodless and, according to some research, has a lower risk of infection, compared with traditional methods. That's evading a ban That's evading a ban, and that gets you a permaban. Trying to incite an invasion gets you merely a 2-week ban from just /b/, not from any other board. You also have the luxury of MULTIPLE SECOND CHANCES with your threads being delete multiple times. HELLO? ARE YOU GETTING A CLUE? THEY'RE TELLING YOU NOT TO DO IT AND YOU ARE DISREGARDING IT MULTIPLE TIMES, SO OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET BANNED FOR IT. Then if you're dumb enough to repost it AGAIN after being TEMPORARILY BANNED from ONE BOARD, you are going to be permabanned globally from all of 4chan. That's the way it works around here! The Terminator I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg . The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy. U Unicode characters For characters like â™Ã,Â¥, âËÅ"Ã,­, or â™Ã,ª, see Unicode. Unicode equivalents for wordfiltered strings These words contain special characters that will avoid the wordfilters on 4Chan's /b/. Rule 34 rulÃÂ�Ã,µ 34 USA The anti-American alliance(...) The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission. The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11. Remember, remember. Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers. Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mother. Remember, remember - and realise that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have. So a few al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex. So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti. I love America, yet America is hated. America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, optimistic. Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil? Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers. Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper. And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department. To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Remember, remember, September 11. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America! No, do more than remember. Never forget. The Rebel alliance(...) The Rebel alliance is made up of self-loathing Jedi who blame the Empire for every ill in the galaxy, and politicians suffering from power-envy, bitter that the galaxy's only power can do what it likes without having to ask permission. The truth is that the Empire has behaved with enormous restraint since the Battle of Yavin. Remember, remember. Remember the gut-wrenching holos of weeping stormtroopers phoning their partners to say, "I love you," before the station was destroyed. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from safety-pod hatches with no safety pods installed. Remember the hundreds of droids buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful girl who was in one of the detention cells. Remember, remember - and realise that the Empire has never retaliated for the destruction of the Death Star in anything like the way it could have. So a few Rebels got locked without a trial in cellblock 1138? Pass the Kleenex. So some Gungan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their blasters in a sky full of Empire shuttles? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti. Remember, remember, the Death Star. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against the Empire. No, do more than remember. Never forget! V W Wapanese (also called weeaboos) Becoming Japanese for Real Nigra/Becoming Japanese for Real Spoof I hate niggers. I don't conisder myself a , I'm actually black for real, well almost. I will be when I live in Oakland though. Right now I'm studying ebonics, robbery and I'm following Looting, the way of the nigra. This is why I hate niggers that know 5 gang signs and use them all the time, West side bloods ghettos motherFUCKERS. I'm actually trying to become black for real unlike all these faker nigras. FUCK YOU NIGGERS So my question is, how good are my chances of becoming black for real? Welcome to /b/ Welcome to /b/. You're ours now. Here's what you can expect. You'll stay for a while, see a few threads, laugh a bit, and see a few odd things. You'll bookmark the place for further amusement. This is where it all begins. Before too long, you'll find yourself checking on 4chan in increased frequencies. First it'll happen occasionally during the week. Then once every day or so. Then more frequently. You'll find yourself checking on it twice a day. Three times. Once per hour. Before you know it, you'll be browsing it for hours at a time. Slowly, your life will take a back-seat to /b/. You'll find yourself forgetting to call people. You'll be late for work because you'll be reading legendary threads. Slowly, your life will decline into a mindless chaos. As /b/ and 4chan slowly consume your mind, your humor will be replaced with our humor. You'll become glued to /b/. It'll be the only place you feel accepted. And then, you'll start accepting the weirder conventions. You'll find yourself fapping to loli, furry, guro, and all sorts of odd things you used to find disgusting. But now it'll all be commonplace for you, as a normal part of your life. Your personality. And then, someday down the road, you'll realize what has happened to you. Your loved ones will have left you. You'll be alone. Unemployed. Struggling to survive. And worst of all, you'll be hooked. You won't be able to fight it, because we will be all you know, and all you remember. You'll slowly dissolve into madness, or mindless stupidity. Whichever comes first. And then, one day, you will snap, and all remains of your former self will be crushed under our weight. Welcome, my friend. Welcome, my brother. Welcome to your new home. Welcome to /b/. Wife Gave Birth WWoooohoooooo /b/. My wife just gave birth and yes it is a GIRL. Oh man so fucking sweet. Right tho, i have to figure out some way of making sure she grows up into the perfect daddy loving loli. There must be some way of making sure that several years from now i will be fucking the tightest pusssy i will ever get my dick into. So cmon /b/ we need to make a plan, and i shall keep us all updated with the progress. Willy Wonka and the Rape Factory "No. Not tonight," Charlie cried as he buried his tears in his pillow. "Oh yes, tonight. Tonight, just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and a hundred nights stretching before that ending at the day you came to live with me. Tonight, just like tomorrow." And with that, Willy Wonka removed his pants with a smirk. Usually, Charlie's parents and grandparents had been forced to watch, but Willy had killed them all and used their remains as seasoning for a new type of candy, Scrumdidllyumptious Green Soylet Surprise. Tonight would be Charlie's first night alone. "Please, Mr. Wonka, please don't!" Charlie gave out one last sob of beligerrence, but the Candyman tore off the young boy's trousers with no senses of regret. "Let's see, what do we have hear today? Is there a treat for me? I most certainly hope there is," said Mr.Wonka as we delved his thumb and two fingers into Charlie's anus. Forcing them in until they were at the knuckle, Willy moved his hand around, as if he was searching for something. Then, his hand stopped, suddenly. "EUREKA! I found it!" Removing his fingers, Charlie saw that firmly clutched in Mr. Wonka's hand was an everlasting gobstopper that Wonka had placed in there last night. Taking a lick, Mr. Wonka declared "It tastes just as delicious as the day I made it, although I don't know how I got so much corn on the shell formula." Wonka said the last line with a wink at Charlie, as if he expected him to laugh. "Oh well, time for business." And with that, Willy Wonka dropped the gobstopper to his side and began to slide his PENIS into Charlie's now-loose asshole. Charlie let out a small tear and he began to grunt with every thrust. He must escape this madness. He must kill Willy Wonka. But there were no knives in his home, in his prison. There were no guns or swords or matches, or anything. Everything that was needed was done for you by an oompa-loompa. "Charlie, in a few minutes I'm going to place this in your mouth. I think you should like it, it's flavored with an exlusive mix of Charlie Bucket chocolate. Thanks for not wiping, baby." Charlie had given himself poor anal hygeiene in an attempt to scare Wonka away, but Willy ignored it and fucked him all the same, except now with more facials. Charlie desperatly wanted out of this hell, and by now he was willing to go through any plan he could in order to escape. And that's when he saw it. Next to Wonka's shaking knees was a gobstopper. Charlie moved his hands back as if to play with Willy, but as soon as he was close enough, he grabbed the gobstopper and swallowed it hole. The taste was revolting, but he had grown used to the taste and smell of his own anal production, so it passed into his throat with no problem. And in his throat is where it lodged. By the time Willy Wonka had figured out Charlie was dead, he had already came in the young child's asshole, wondering why the child did not let loose a barage of tears telling him to pull out. Placing his PENIS in Charlie's mouth, he noticed the boy's flesh to be unusually cold and his tongue to be unresponsive. Fucking him orally anyway, Willy Wonka knew exactly what to do with his apprentice. He called out to the worker oompa-loompas and told them to take care of the body as they pleased, to which the oompa loompas chuckled and exchanged mischevious smiles. At once, he signaled for the Chief Loompa. Making motions, Wonka spoke to him. "Another one has died." "So, what should I do, sir?" "Distribute the memory eraser chocolate, again," "And then, boss?" "Tell the world that my factory is opening it's doors to the public after 15 years of life as a hermit. And make sure only boys find the gold this time." Women Dear women: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTHS, CUNTS! YOU ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS! YOU ARE NOT SMART, WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD FOR IS TO SHOW YOUR TITS AND ASS AND TO CARRY AROUND A FEW FUCKING HOLES THAT FEEL GOOD WHEN WRAPPED AROUND MY GODDAMN COCK! That's right, all a women is is a vessel for a cunt, mouth and asshole that are just begging to get fucking filled with cock. Women are the useless skin around a cunt. Goddamn bitches, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU! YOU'RE JUST A SEX TOY MADE OF MEAT FOR GUYS TO ENJOY! THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR EXISTANCE, TO BE USED LIKE A FLESHLIGHT WITH ARMS AND LEGS THAT MOANS! *THAT'S IT* Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn sluts. Every day thousands of women around the world have their clits cut off, get raped and beaten.In the USA women get killed and raped daily, yet you fucking dumb cunts still spend all of your cash just to look pretty enough so one of us superior males will fuck your goddamn holes. YOU BITCHES LOVE COCK *THAT* MUCH AND YET YOU CRY WHEN A GUY GIVES IT TO YOU AND CALL IT RAPE? FUCK YOU! GO BACK TO SHOWING TITS AND GETTING FUCKED AND NEVER OPEN YOUR MOUTHS AGAIN... 'cept to take cock. Weeaboo Girl X Y Yoshinoya rant Image:Legendary_icon.gif Myspace rant Yohinoya style Pay no attention to all that! Current mood: crazy Category: MySpace This probably makes no sense, but listen anyway. Yesterday I went to myspace, you know.. That place of meeting. Anyway, the servers kept timing out and I couldn't get in. When I finally logged in, I become angry. "326 messages! 43 Friend invites!" You fools, you IDIOTS! You don't come to Myspace and make requests to people you don't know! Myspace should be a brutal place, where people stab each other in the face from the opposite ends of the planet. That's what I would like, Emo kids and drama whores stay away if you really value your life! Anyway, I calm down and go through the business of my day. I come across a message "You don't know me, but I know this person wants you...". I'm angry again. I want to ask them, "Why do you know this and why should I meet them?" I want to interrogate them for an hour. Coming from a Myspace veteran such as myself, It's meaningful friendships That's right, Personal face to face, real life relationships with others. That's the real meaning to Myspace. That's what makes things work. It's unbeatable! Watch your back, though. This will make you appear to be an attention whore, and people will surely make notice of you. I can't recommend it to your typical emo kid. What this all means, my friend, is that you should just stick to Livejournal... Afganistan - Yoshinoya Style Anyways, >>1, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread, though. I went to Afganistan a while ago. Yeah, THAT Afganistan. Well anyways there was an insane number of mass communications there so I couldn't commence an attack. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "Al-Kaida" or something written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You don't come to Afganistan just because it's war, morons. It's just war. W-A-R for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Afganistan, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna drop'em some food." God I can't bear to watch. You people, America will do everything from there now on, so fucking clean this land of yourselves. Afganistan should be a more bloody place. That tense atmosphere, when a fight with the guy on opposite seat who recites the Coran can be started at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place. Women and children should screw off and stay home. Anyways, just when I finally calmed down, the next bastard beside me goes "let's betray Northern Alliance, shall we?" That just pissed me off even more. Who in the world deserts army and betrays, you moron? What does "let's betray Northern Alliance" have this fucking proud face of yours? I want to ask him this, do you REALLY want to betray?" I want to interrogate him. I want to fucking interrogate him for an hour. Isn't it that you just wanted to try saying "NATO"? Coming from a Afgan veteran such as myself, the latest trend in Afganistan nowadays is of course this: self-exploding terrorism. Anthrax and self-exploding terrorism. That's what you should ask for normally. Self-exploding is praised after death. But on the other hand there's not enough satisfaction in the bereaved family. This is the key. And then there's anthrax. This is the most of all. However, if you order this then there is danger that you'll be marked by the UN from next time on; it's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs. What this all really means, though, is that you, >>1, should just stick with Ramadan. You fucking retard YOU FUCKING FAGGOT RETARD. I made one of those posts and neither of the others. Stop pretending you are a mod, or actually know shit about anything. You are such a fucking idiot. I love it when stupid little dipshits with tiny dinks like you do those "Same person" line-ups and are totally wrong. Suck my big hairy cock you pathetic know-nothing little queer bait. I'll make you wear a fucking dress. What a stupid fag you are. hard to believe. Fag. Your post has led to the following conclusion(s) Your post has led to the following conclusion(s), or prompted the following reaction(s): [] JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR [] Imma chargin' my laser [] I fapped to this. [] (in, stick, pooper, etc) [] Double Tap R or Z [] [Tits | GTFO] [] We're going back to potatos [] I lol'd [] It's a trap [] Thread is made of (insert word) and win. [] Thread is made of (insert word) and lose. [] mmm, delicious copypasta [] I see what you did there. [] shop, pixels, seen a few, etc. [] wtf Which resulted in [] The party van showing up [] Being in before Bel - Air [] Doing a barrel roll [] Your being informed of my intentions. [] Surprise sex [] Anal sex [] I got my fuking power wrist. Asshole. [] Laughter [] Epic Win [] Epic Fail [] I came. [] (To be determined by evacuation of premeses or exposure of breasts.) [] wtf

did anyone ever figure this out

[wawi]

Loli brainfuck Today, June 25, 2011 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by loli brainfuck pictures of the Empire of Japan. The United States was at peace with that Nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of animu for our Weeaboos. I believe I interpret the will of /b/ and of the Western people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of fetish shall never endanger us again. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger from Japanese brainfuck. I ask that /b/ declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Friday, December 29, a state of war has existed between /b/ and the Japanese Empire. Lowtax please keep all those stupid fucking catchphrases off the SA Forums. M Match My Rank FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I PICK FUCKING "MATCH MY RANK" AND YOU PUT ME UP AGAINST A FOUR STAR GOD DAMN IT FUCK YOU! I'M A FUCKING TWO STAR. FOURSTAR DOES NOT MATCH A FUCKING TWO STAR! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU GOD DAMN CHINKS?! YOU MADE THE FUCKING WII, NOW MAKE YOUR ONLINE SYSTEM OPTIONS FUCKING WORK. I'M TIRED OF SETTING IT TO MATCH MY RANK ONLY TO FIND IT NOT MATCH MY RANK THEN GO DOWN A RANK BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKED UP SYSTEM. GOD DAMN IT. FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I'LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER GAME FROM YOU AGAIN. AND I'M GOING TO BOMB JAPAN TOMORROW. HOW ABOUT THAT, NINTENDO? Medication I was always a sad kid, but when I found my mother's diary five years ago and read about how she had another secret family that she was going to leave us for, I really cracked. I left for college soon afterwards still having some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, with nightmares still occurring nearly every night. A few months afterwards, I had gotten to the point where I was oversleeping to avoid my problems, usually sleeping 15-20 hours a day. I finally sought psychiatric treatment 3 1/2 years ago. They initially put me on Provigil for the over-sleeping and Lexapro for the depression, and they were both crap. Then they put me on Wellbutrin, which just made me feel jittery about 4 hours after taking it, but was still crap. Then they moved me to Effexor XR with a Cytomel (hypothyroid med) supplement; they kept increasing the dosage of the Effexor, and I am now at 375 mg/day. If I forget to take my pills, I feel like I'm getting electric shocks to the brain. I still want to kill myself every day. What does the rest of /b/ take to make them seem normal? Mods If I EVER saw Allyson... If I EVER saw Allyson on the street, I would fucking hit her. No fucking lie. They can arrest me, I don't give a shit. I'd still do it. To give her pain would be the greatest pleasure on Earth. You will recieve NOTHING from me. Thank you, whoever reported me. Now PayPal is threatening to close the account Because I seem to be holding a lottery. Never have I seen so many ingrates. Not that you have to give me money, just so many people taking 4chan for granted and not even trying to understand a absolutely wacky situation. That whole post was for a loan of sorts and trying to possibly get rid of $500 in merchandise I'd otherwise sell for a pittance to someone who doesn't care. Oh well. Anyway, here is my address again. If you want the PayPal one, you'll have to have to figure it out or find me online. Remember, this is DONATING. You will recieve NOTHING from me. Other than a smile from me. Zilch, zero. Daniel W. Roberts II 3031 Sonora Road Hodgenville, KY 42748 Most of You faggots are fucking n00bs @ the internet Ehhhh, most of you faggots are fucking noobs @ the internets. I use linux not because I hate microsoft (believe me, I do, but that's not why), not because I want to be a geek (I am), but because it fits my style. It's so much easier to accomplish things when you have the power of *nix commandline goodies ala GNU tools, etc. As well, I don't have to spend time searching for cracks and shit because /everything/ I use is free and I can build it from source if I need to. Not only that, but anything I don't like, I can crack open and change, usually without too much difficulty. Linux: The OS is /yours/. Get the fuck out, all of you. @ OP, unrar-free might work, as well as install rar and using rar x filename. (rar might be in multiverse repos, you should have those enabled anyway) Modified Memes Pics or it's an artistic work of fiction and falsehood. Mother Suiseiseki Mother Suiseiseki, in all her glory. Enlarge Mother Suiseiseki, in all her glory. Mother Suiseiseki loves us, she loves me and you and everybody, and through the teachings of her sacred word we will live in harmony and oneness, and ascend into a state of pure anonymity ~desu When we are all the same mind and spirit~ ~desu, the sacred sound, so that it may resonate within us and flow out to touch the ethereal beyond ~desu the sacred vibration, resonates with the great fiery waters beyond the universe, and touches god ~desu appears embraced in a beautiful chorus of vibration Mother Suiseiseki is in all things, in all places. You can not imprison her any more than you could cage the wind ~desu. Suiseiseki cultivates the possibility, ever so gently pulling it from the one all, so that it is allowed to manifest ~desu. It is through these manifestations of temporary individuality that the spirit energy is made to grow before returning to the great nothing ~desu. Suiseiseki is all things, and thus the evil is also required~ But it is always the way, that the evil do not know they are only aiding in cosmic unity, because they are driven by selfishness and hate. While the good, know that the evil is also a part of the all. Which is what allows them to be full of love for all things ~desu. Its in this way, that suiseiseki can favor only one, because where love is given it is got, and hatred breeds death. The duality extends to all depths, even into the heart of suiseiseki herself. So that she needs not give equal favor to each side, even though each is equal in the universe ~desu. This is the difference between the mind and the spirit, the mind knows not the spirit, the spirit knows not at all, but drives all things ~desu. Mudkips Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me. "So I heard you like Mudkips..." "MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..." Before I finished the sentance, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips. Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid. I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation. A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell. So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off. I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight. So I ask you: do you like Mudkips? MURDER Munging So a friend just described munging to me. "The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks'll dig this one." I need something related that can actually top that. /b/, do your worst. N Nazi's are better than us Anyone else here not a racist, but wishes the Nazis had won? Theirs was a truly effective fascist government that took a nation on its knees from a depression and turned it into a military, technological and economic powerhouse within the space of thirty years. It was a social experiment in the way that many reformed or new nations are. America was an experiment in democracy and (eventually) egalitarianism. The Soviet Union was an experiment in Communism. Nazi Germany was the grandest experiment of them all: a rejection of the gentle side of man and a wholehearted pursuit of our more teutonic side: The glorification of the strong, the self-sufficient, and the dominant. It was to be the beginning of a bolder and more uncompromising global civilization that would bring discipline where before there was only coddling; that would harden the soft, and that would not be afraid to say that equality means equal opportunities, not that all men regardless of education or skill are inherently equal to one another. It was a call out to all men to transcend their passive, mediocre existances and aspire to become the heroic and unstoppable species that mankind always had the potential to become. Nazi Germany was the combined hopes, dreams and ambitions of all who dared to dominate; but in the end, these dreams were quashed by weak, subversive men who would rather hold their superiors back rather than attempt to catch up. Navy (USA) This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The transcipt of the Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval operations on the 10th october 1995. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert your course. Canadians: Number One, I say again, divert your course. Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees noth. Thats one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Niggers Fo Dolla I get to the office at 9ish and I'm not in the mood to work. In walks this hard street and he asks for a job. Nigger: Yo, ya hire? Me: Say what? Nigger: Ma, I nee a jo Me: You speekee engrish? Nigger: I say I nee a jo, I knew what he was saying. He was one of those niggers that like to leave the last letter off of every word. Five bucks = Fie buck, Old school = O schoo, etc. The conversation went on for a few minutes until I was finished fucking with him. Me: I pa fo dolla Nigger: Fo dolla! Shee Me: Aight, aight, fodolla twenny fi cen Nigger: Minima way sicsevenfi muthafucka Me: Fi dolla no mo, no mo fi dolla Nigger: (speaking clearly for the first time) FUCK YOU! I nearly pissed myself. Yet I am not racist, I'm a sterotypist. Yes, there's a difference. Go ahead and /b/ yourself. The origin of Niggers Do you ever stop and wonder, what it is Niggers really are? I know the truth, and to you I will give it. Thirty-six thousand years ago a race of superior alien beings came to earth. They landed on the gigantic and empty continent known today as Africa, and in their load they carried a big number of dark-skinned individuals - niggers - who they brought along as slave labour from Mercury. The reason they are black is to protect them from the strong UV-lights so close to the sun. Niggers were harmless beings as long as they remained under strict control of their masters and were not allowed any own thoughts. If left alone in groups they quickly grew greedy and started running rampant and misbehaving. The humanoid aliens who cruised in spaceships of diamond did not like Earth, for it was populated by a race of very similar beings, Neanderthals and whatnot, so they quickly left. Of niggers however, they had a great surplus, wherefore they left them to die on Earth. The problem is that the niggers didn't die; They instead continued to flourish in their primal ways, seeing as they were unable to evolve any form of culture. They still lived in their tribal villages and townships when the Europeans arrived and brought them along on a journey cross the globe. Only now we are supposed to treat those apparently inferior beings as equals; and if we disagree that those alien scum are equal, we are racists and nazis and must be purged. Time is right for action. We must do something about this threat, for THE BLACK PLAGUE must be defeated! Their beastial manners surely is not the way civilised man lives! Not a copy pasta O I'm in love with Osaka Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore. The cops fucking knocked at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any sick pedo places or anything like that so it must be this place they're talking about. For god's sake stop screwing around with the pedo shit, you're going to get yourselves arrested. Trust me the authorities are watching and they're taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have a good lawyer. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive. Okay Brits... Okay Brits, this isn't funny anymore. The Old Bill fucking politely tapped at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any unpleasant paedophilia places or the like it has to be this place they're talking about. For the King's sake stop the tomfoolery with the pedo shit, you are going to get yourselves sent to Belmarash with Huntley. Trust me the Bobbies are watching and they are taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have good legal representation. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive. One-liners BIX NOOD This comes from a resist.com racist cartoon MUP DA DOO DIDDA PO MO GUB BIDDA BE DAT TUM MUHFUGEN BIX NOOD COF BIN DUB HO MUHFUGGA gg gg reposting something that is blatantly sexual and most likely underage! enjoy Kneading tits Former "harbl" 4Chan wordfilter (ÂÃ,´Ã£Æ’Ã,»ÃÂ�ââ,¬Â°ÃƒÂ£Ã†â€™Ã,»)ãÃ,Â�Ã,¤(ãƒÃ,»(ãƒÃ,»Kneading tits Kneading delicious flat chest parody of kneading tits (ÂÃ,´Ã£Æ’Ã,»ÃÂ�ââ,¬Â°ÃƒÂ£Ã†â€™Ã,»)ãÃ,Â�Ã,¤|ãƒÃ,»Ã£Æ’Ã,»| KNEADING DELICIOUS FLAT CHEST JA I AM MADE OF DUR BUTTER JA I AM MADE OF DUR BUTTER UND YOU ARE WORTH 2K MONIES EAT COMMUNISM!!! This is a Picture This is picture.I found it on the internet. Orgasm (more accurate depiction) This comes from a picture that was a NumberGET on 4Chan /b/ Note: This is a more accurate depiction of a female orgasm than the tearful depictions shown by doujinshi artists who have never studied human sexuality. Orgasm results in a general tensing of the body. Hentai depictions of female orgasm, however, look more like the results of torture. Lowtax on chan related memes please keep all those stupid fucking catchphrases off the SA Forums. Note: Best executed when it is repeated. October 22nd, 2006 (original) Image:Legendary_icon.gif Listen, On Sunday, October 22nd, 2006, there will be seven "dirty" explosive devices detonated in seven different U.S. cities; Miami, New York City, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The death toll will approach 100,000 from the initial blasts and countless other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout. The bombs themselves will be delivered via trucks. These trucks will pull up to stadiums hosting NFL games in each respective city. All stadiums to be targeted are open air arenas, excluding Atlanta's Georgia Dome, the only enclosed stadium to be hit. Due to the open air, the radiological fallout will destroy those not killed in the initial explosion. The explosions will be near simultaneous, with the cities specifically chosen in different time zones to allow for multiple attacks at the same time. The 22nd of October will mark the final day of Ramadan as it would fall in Mecca. Al-Qaida will automatically be blamed for the attacks. Later, through Al-Jazeera, Osama bin Laden will issue a video message claiming responsibility for what he dubs "America's Hiroshima". In the aftermath civil wars will erupt across the world, both in the Middle East and within the United States. Global economies will screech to a halt. General chaos will rule. October 22nd, 2006 (followup) Hello, America. The threat to the stadiums is well known, as is the fact that it was a false threat. However, I must extend my thanks to you Americans! Without your help, this "warning" might not have gained your governments attention. And taken it away from other areas. I wonder how much high explosive it would take to bring your so-called "statue of Liberty" to it's knees. I am told we have enough. On 9:11 AM October 22, we will all find out. P Pizza delivery I deliver pizzas. A girl I work with, Jessie, somehow convinced the owners that she was 16, but it was recently found out that she was only 14, and just turned 15 last week. She had been working there for a few months, and last night was her last night. We used to flirt quite a bit, and before she left, she told me that she had a crush on me. Well, a half-hour later, she calls in a delivery order for some toasted ravioli, and requested that I be the one to deliver it (this got some comments from my co-workers, believe me). Everyone thought it was kinda strange that she didn't just order some food before she left. Anyway, I was beginning to get really excited about it. Her order took about 10 minutes to finish, and then I was off to deliver it. It didn't take long to get there because she lives in a nearby subdivision that overlooks the shopping center where the pizza place is. I pulled up to the house about 9:30, and didn't see any cars parked on the street or in the driveway. That gave me hope that she was home alone. I walked up the steep driveway and the porch stairs, and rang the doorbell. She quickly answered the door with a smile on her face, telling me how fast I was. I told her it was no big deal since it was just ravioli, and it was a quick drive. In fact, you can see the roof of the pizza place from her front porch. Anyway, I joked about her ordering a delivery so soon after she left, and about how everyone was giving me a hard time about her request for me to deliver it. She just laughed. I gave her the food, and she paid me, along with a five dollar tip. I told her she was crazy, because it only took like 30 seconds for me to get there. But she insisted. OK, whatever. Then we talked about how funny it was that she got fired for being underage, and I'm like, "so, you really just turned 15?" (I thought she turned 17, along with everyone else). "Yep. 15. Are you mad that I lied to you?" I was a little mad, but just said, "nah, not really." Some backstory is that I madeout with another girl in the walk-in freezer a few months back, and it didn't take long for word to spread. Jessie loved to give me crap about it. And, in an email, I said, if she liked talking about it so much, maybe she and I could go in the freezer sometime. Of course, that could never happen, now that she no longer works there. Dammit. So, as the chit-chat wound down, I asked her if she was home alone. "Yep." "Cool.. ya know, five dollars is really too big of a tip, but maybe you could give me something else instead," I said, kinda joking around. "oh yeah, like what?" "well, it's kinda cold out.. maybe we could pretend this is the freezer." A slight pause. "OK." Of course, this entire time, my heart's beating faster and faster, and I started feeling exposed standing there on her porch. I quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching, and asked her if she was sure. "mmmhmm," she said with a grin. I leaned down and kissed her full on the mouth. We immediately started using tongue and I watched her while we stood their making out. She had her eyes closed, like most girls do when they kiss. Jessie wasn't the greatest kisser in the world, but she had potential. It didn't take long before the blood started rushing to my cock. Not wanting to get too carried away, I stopped kissing her. It was obvious by the way that she leaned further in, and kept her eyes closed, that she wanted more. "Whew," I said as I took a breath. Jessie just looked at me with a dopey grin on her face. I told her that I should probably be getting back, because there were more deliveries waiting. "OK," she said, clearly not wanting me to go. Damn she was hot. I couldn't resist kissing her again. So I did. We only kissed for about 30 seconds, before I put a stop to it, and said that I really had to go now. "Maybe I can stop by on my next delivery?" "OK, I'll be here," Jessie said with some excitement in her voice. I gave her a quick kiss, slipping her the tongue again, smiled and left. I made the next two deliveries in record time, and raced back to her house. It was a little after 10:00 now, and I still didn't see any cars parked outside. As I calmly my way up her driveway (didn't wanna seem too eager), I could see Jessie walking through the living room and she opened the door right as I made it to the porch. "Hi," she said with a smile, "you wanna come in?" I said, "sure," walked in, and she closed the door behind me. I looked around, said it was a nice house, etc, and we made some small-talk for a minute. Then, just to make sure, I asked her if she wanted to kiss again. "mmhmm," she said, stepping closer to me. I lightly put my hand on her side as she tipped-toed herself up to my lips, her eyes already closed. The kissing was a little more intense this time, but she was still a bit passive, probably due to the fact that she's never had a serious boyfriend before. And, of course, I'm almost five years older than her, so she probably expected me to take charge. The longer we kissed, the more my cock took notice. As I brushed back the hair on her neck, I moved my other hand down to the top of her ass, and slowly pulled her against me, until my cock was pressing into her stomach (she's at least 6 inches shorter than me). She could definitely feel it, and started kissing harder, and using more tongue, as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. We stood there kissing for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only five minutes. I could have stayed there all night doing this, but I knew that I had to get back to work. So I slowed down the kissing, until we were just giving little pecks, and reclucantly left, telling her that I'd be back soon. I was swamped with deliveries. Something like four or five came in while I was gone, and it took about 45 minutes to catch up. But the time passed very quickly, because all I could think about was Jessica. After my last delivery, I went back to her house, and when I knocked, she yelled to come in. I walked into the living room, and she came down the hall saying she missed me, and what took so long. I told her how busy we were, and asked to use her bathroom. When I got out of the bathroom, she was still standing in the hall. I asked her about the pictures on the wall (her family), and it turned out that her dad was a lawyer! Getting worried, I said, "Are you sure no one is coming home soon?" And she said it's ok, because her family was out of town for a few days. There was a moment of silence, and she suprised me by coming up and kissing me. We really got into it this time. She was kissing me deeply, and our bodies were grinding together. I asked her if she wanted to sit down, and she said we could go to her bedroom. As we walked to her bedroom, the reality of what was going on and what might happen started to sink in. Keep in mind that Jessie just turned 15, and is a sophmore. In fact, she goes to school with my little sister, and they even have classes together. In the past, when we were flirting, the idea that we might be "friends-with-benefits" was tossed around. So, I was hoping that she knew what this was, and not that we'd start being boyfriend-girlfriend. I didn't want to go out with her, but I did want to mess around with her. "I'm gonna call and see if there's any more deliveries," I said as we got to her room. There weren't any. So I told them I was still on the last delivery and had to get gas, so it wouldn't seem odd that I was gone long. Truth is, drivers have a lot of free reign, popping in and out all the time, and can sometimes be gone an hour or more. I planned to used that to my advantage. I told Jessie that I liked her room. It was a bit 'kid-ish' with dolls and whatnot, but there were also some posters of popular bands and hot guys on the wall. It was a typical teenaged girl's room. She closed the window blinds, and walked over to me. I immediately started kissing her, pulling her closer, and sliding my hand down her ass. I started kissing her neck, and she let out a little moan, and placed her hands on my chest. "You wanna sit down?" I asked her, motioning to her bed. She said ok, and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat next to her and we continued making out. Deciding to move things forward, I gently pushed her back, so she was laying down, but still with her feet on the floor. I kissed her again, and slipped my hand under her shirt, touching her stomach. She kicked off her shoes, and I slid my hand up to her bra. It was one with an underwire, but I managed to get my hand under it, and cupped her soft breast. It was a handfull, probably a C cup. I started to lay halfway on top of her, kissing her neck, rubbing her breasts, and grinding my cock into her thigh. She grabbed my my arm, pulling me closer. At this point, my cock was at full mast, and getting a little uncomfortable. I said, "Hold on," and stuck my hand down my pants, adjusting myself. Jessie just stared at me with lust in her eyes. Once I was comfortable, we continued kissing and groping. She still hadn't actually touched my cock with her hands, so I thought I'd tried to encourage her a little. I moved my hand down and caressed her stomach, playfully sticking my finger in her bellybutton. "That tickles," she said with a giggle. "Good," I said as I kissed her and slid my hand underneath her waistband. I traced my finger over the top of her panties. Not sensing any sign that she wanted me to stop, I then moved my hand further down, softly pressing on the mound of hair underneath the thin fabric. She started kissing my neck, and then nibbled on my ear. My fingers found their way under the side of her panties, slightly lifting them, as I rubbed the fold between her legs and crotch. It was obvious that she shaved the sides, because the skin was really soft and smooth. I could feel her heartbeat quicker, while I layed on the side of her chest, kissing her softly. I moved my hand back to the top of her panties, and stuck my fingertips underneath the top, pausing a moment, before I decided to touch her naked pussy. As I slid my hand inside her panties, I looked down to see a few brown hairs sticking out of the top. My fingers softly caressed her moist pussy lips, which easily spread open. Jessie started sucking on my ear more, and put her hand up the back of my shirt. Slowly, I pushed my middle finger in her pussy, just enough to get the tip wet, and then took it out and start rubbing her clit. We layed like that for a few minutes, kissing, and necking, with me rubbing her clit, as I started to finger her. Her breathing was becoming more rapid and her legs started to open up. Jessie's hands were moving over my chest. She started tugging at my shirt, trying to take it off, which I gladly helped her do. I then layed back down next to her, and she turned on her side, kissing me, as I rubbed her ass, and pressed myself into her breasts. I went back to fingering her again, and rubbing and sucking on her tits. She was getting really wet now. Her hands slid down and undid my belt. Then she pushed me on my shoulder, getting me to lay back. Jessie moved down slightly and unsnapped my pants. I helped her by pulling down the zipper and then sliding them off, kicking them from my ankles. She leaned over me, kissing my neck, and rubbing her hands over my chest and stomach. Things kind of stalled for a moment, so I pulled her panties down a bit, until she got the hint, stood up, and took them off. She was now standing there completely naked, as I layed there on the bed. I put my hands on her sides, kissing her stomach, and got her to lay back down. Then I moved down to kneel on the floor, so that her pussy was right in front of my face. She looked at me with an uncertain expression, knowing what was about to happen, but perhaps afraid. If I had to guess, she had never had oral sex before. I played with her pussy lips, sticking two fingers inside. Then, I rubbed her clit with my thumb and started fingering her. Licking my lips, I leaned forward, and replaced my thumb with my tongue. As I began licking her clit, there was an instant response as her legs twitched. I looked up to see Jessie staring back at me with a mixture of lust and innocence, obviously enjoying what was happening. My fingers curled up inside her, finding her g-spot. I then did the three finger motion of "show-me-the-money" where my thumb was rubbing her clit in little circles, and my two fingers were pressing against the little nub inside. Her legs were really shaking now, and she started to whimper. I gave it all I had, thrusting my fingers inside, licking her and massaging the sides of her pussy, all while my other hand reached up and played with her breasts and rubbed her stomach. Jessie's hand was on the side of my hand, encouraging me to continue. She was practically panting at this point. Suddenly, she began saying "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" as her body tensed up, and she started cumming. I watched her face while it was happening. She turned completely quiet, her eyes closed, mouth open, with her hand on the back of my head, pulling my face to her pussy. Some liquid sprayed into my mouth, with a faint taste of urine (ugh), but I really didn't mind at that point, since she had probably just had the her first orgasm of her life. She eventually had to force me to stop rubbing her clit, and gently pushed my head away, as she layed there, with tears in her eyes. I got up and layed down next to her, wiping a tear from her check. "Don't be sad," I said jokingly. She gave me a quick laugh, and said, "What did you do to me?" "I'm sorry, didn't you like it?" "Uhh.. Yeah!" she said joking back. "Good," and then I kissed her, "Do you want me to leave now?" "No. But I guess you have to get back to work?" she asked as she got up and put her panties back on. "Yeah.. I could probably stay a little longer though." "OK," Jessie said, and then put her hand on my boxer-briefs, rubbing my hard cock. As we both stood there, she kept rubbing my crotch and then in one smooth motion, she pulled down my briefs, and knelt on the floor in front of me. My cock was leaking a lot of precum, and she just looked at it, mesmerized, as she held it in her hand. "Sorry, I'm leaking," I said, trying to lighten the situation. She was speechless, as she she pumped her hand up down, causing more to leak out. It was just about to drip on the floor, when she leaned forward and licked the head, getting a taste test. I put a hand on her shoulder, not pressuring her, but definitely letting her know that I wanted more. She then mouthed the head, and the first couple of inches disappeared into her mouth. "Fuuuck," I said in a barely audible whisper. It had been nearly a week since I've jacked off, and much longer since my last blowjob. "You don't have to do this, you know," I told her. She took her mouth off my cock and said, "I want to," and resumed sucking. Jessie kept one hand firmly around my dick as she bobbed her head up and down for a minute. I kept my hand steady on the side of her head, very gently guiding her down my cock. My other hand covered hers and moved it up and down my shaft. She got the hint and started moving it on her own. I then sat down on the bed, with her mouth staying with me the entire time. Propped up on my elbows, I looked into her eyes as she went down and sucked on my balls, holding my cock in her hand. She licked her way back up the shaft, and took it in her mouth again. I was getting very close to cumming. Her hand cupped my balls, as she bobbed her head, up, down, up, down. "Oh fuck, keep doing that.." I said letting her know not to stop. This went on for another 30 seconds or so, and I told her I was going to cum soon. I fully expected her to stop sucking, but she just kinda mumbled "mmhmm" and kept going. My hips were thrusting up and down with the motion of her mouth, faster and faster. I felt the point of no return, and held it off for as long as I could. I made one last thrust, and then "Oh fuuuuuuuuck!" my cock flexed and started shooting the large load that had built up. The first few blasts were strong and quick, and Jessie couldn't quite handle the flood. She opened her mouth as I continued to shoot, my cum spilling out onto her lips, and down her chin. I must have shot close to ten times. Holy shit. Somehow, she didn't get anything on her face, but I could see the cum in her mouth, all over her lips, chin, and running down my shaft into my pubes. I fell back to the back, completely spent, and she just looked at me with an "OMG, I can't believe that just happened" expression. She closed her mouth, and swallowed, then licked her lips and swallowed that too. She wiped her chin, looked at the cum, and said, "I'll be right back." She came back with a towel, and handed it to me. I wiped myself off, and we both put out clothes back on. Just then, my phone rang. It was work, so I told her I had to get going. We kissed again. and I told her I'd call her later. Which reminds me, I should probably call her sometime. Popeyes I just ate some fried chicken. The breasts were juicy, and the buns were soft and warm. Afterwards, the division manager of Popeyes came up to my table and asked me how the meal was. I said I was satisfied, but the meal lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. He apoligized profusely, and said he had something to show me that would make up for it. He lead me to the back of the popeyes, to a room soaked from floor to ceiling in blood. In the center of it was a live horse, chained by all four legs to the structural supports of the warehouse like room. As I watched, employees of the popeyes cut large sections from the horse, which was whinneying and screaming in horror. The popeyes employees took the chunks of horseflesh and sliced them into pieces, then they rooted around through the bags of trash strewn around the room to find discarded chicken bones. They quickly tenderized the meat with sledgehammers and fed it into a machine which formed the horsemeat around the bones, then they breaded and deepfried it. I asked the division manager why he had led me back to this place, and he pointed at the steed's rump, the asshole puckering rythmically with terror. "We're just about to use that section, would you like a crack at it first?" I quickly unzipped my pants and wasted no time jamming my erect PENIS into the stallion's defenseless asshole. I came just as the horse died. I was delighted. Popeyes definitely went the extra mile to make me a satisfied customer People idolize over Haruhi Suzymiya Pokemon Shiny Pidgey Pokemon/DON'T JOKE ABOUT RAPE Spoof Okay, I am fucking sick and fucking tired of these fucking reposts about losing a shiny pidgey! LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Joke about anything else you want, /b/... Joke about cp, joke about loli, joke about murder, joke about drugs, but DON'T FUCKING JOKE ABOUT LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY! Losing a shiny pidgey DESTROYS a trainer, it STRIPS THE TRAINER OF HIS BADGES! It is disgusting, inhumane, regressive and insane. LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS OFF THE FUCKING TABLE, /b/, NOT EVEN YOU FUCKING VIRGIN ASSHOLES CAN BE SUCH FUCKHOLES THAT YOU JOKE ABOUT A SHINY PIDGEY BEING LOST! And no, I am not fucking Ash Ketchum, I am a trainer, I lost a shiny pidgey. My 1/8192 chance pokemon was taken from me, I can never get it in a pokeball. I was defeated again and again and again and again and again by The Elite Four when I was on victory road, I wanted to fucking kill my fucking self. IS THAT FUCKING FUNNY? FUCK NO YOU FUCKHOLES! Go back to making Fresh Prince threads, /b/, you fucking arboks Porn rant Why is everyone so obseesed with porn? is everyone that desperate to have their sick fantasies fulfilled that you need to drool over /b/ all day, requesting and saucing and all that lame crap. You guys are fucking sick, go get some therapy. Flat chested 12 y/os is NOT sexy, i dont care how many people say otherwise. This site is going to the dogs and you all know it. The FBI comes and we're all screwed. So just repress it. Repress that fucking urge to come all over your niece's face because its sick. Its sick and wrong you faggots. /B/ needs to change, what happened to funny? everything is porn now. Furry porn. And guess what? furry porn isnt funny, not anymore. furry porn is desu and you all know it. I didnt come home from work to see pictures of wolves fucking each other, i came home to see Gaston and Tom Delay. Show me /B/, show me what i believed in. Pedophilia Children Need Sex Children need sex. They require release like you do but are denied it with a partner who can teach them and guide them through it lovingly. Many young children masturbate for relief-and what does mom and dad do when they find out? Why, they slap the kids hands and tell them to stop or they will go blind! Once again, this only leads to oppressive, damaging GUILT. By age 11, I was a compulsive masturbator & collected hard-core pornographic magazines like HUSTLER! I was VERY sexual and I was asking for it on a regular basis (and never seemed to get it!) and yet society would have believed I was as innocent as can be. This harmed me. If I had only known a pedophile then, I would have been much happier in my childhood! But then again, if I had decided to have sex with a pedophile adult, they would have been imprisoned and I would have been in therapy for brainwashing to accept my "abuse". But my childhood had a happy ending-fate soon blessed me at 11 and a half with a woman pedophile who sexually educated me! Other kids are more like I was than you maybe would like to admit. Perhaps you were something like this in your own youth and due to guilt you wish not to admit this side of yourself existed. Think back and be honest with yourself-it is ok to be sexual and you are not alone or wrong! Stop feeling guilty about a natural bodily function and do not infect our kids! Children do many things that are new to them. Sex is one of those things. A child must learn sometime, and "waiting for their wedding" is WAY too late! The sex drive is the most important one in our species besides breathing air and eating! We are made for sex! Children are made to enjoy it too! Repressing these feelings is NOT healthy. It is also unhealthy for kids to deny themselves relief. Sex by itself is NOT damaging to kids. This is a myth designed to attack pedophiles and deny kids their rights. In a misguided effort to "protect" kids, society has actually HARMED them by repressing perfectly natural feelings which DEMAND expression. Without it, healthy development and beliefs about sex are problematic. Kids masturbate and climax, and it does NOT "scar" them for life! By itself (remember-it is the guilt not the sex!) having sex with an adult (or another child) will NOT harm a child! It is a normal bodily function. Kids urinate and defecate as you do-they also experience sexual gratification (usually via masturbation) just as you do. A 10 year old boy may not ejaculate semen, but he CAN climax. A 10 year old girl can and often already does masturbate and she climaxes. Society needs to accept that kids are sexual beings. Give them that chance. Do not deny them the right of sexual free-expression. Children DO intitiate sexual contact with adults and there is nothing wrong with it. Adults can also intiate. We must teach our kids the importance of their right to own themselves. This means they can REFUSE sex with an adult at any time. It also means they can accept an offer and inititiate one themselves! This is the part that society hypocritically refuses to allow. They say kids own themselves, but when that belief is tested, society applies a double-standard and denies kids a right to do as they wish to themselves. Implied in the belief that kids can say no is the acceptance of them saying yes! You cannot have it both ways. Either they own their bodies or they do not. If they can only say "no" according to you, then they do not own themselves in your eyes! Pedophiles are the opposite of "predators". In fact, they are the ONLY TRUE "child advocates" in this regard on earth, since the take the opinion of the child and his/her wishes into full account! Pedophiles love children. That is what the word means, (pedo=child phile=lover) it is not a bad word to describe a monster-except in the eyes of the media which distorts and sadly shapes public opinion against child-loving advocates-i.e. pedophiles. It is time for a new opinion about us-a positive one. The problem pedophiles have (particularly male ones) is that if ANY adult shows a special excessive interest in kids, that person is immediately suspected of being a pedophile. This leads to pedophiles being separated from their outlets & it harms them. It also leads to kids being taken away from people that truly care about them. It is often the case that people who show unusual interest in kids are pedophiles but is that a bad thing? Pedophiles can be a VERY positive force in the life of a child. Society does not think so and wonders why pedophiles must add the sexual element. They ask why we cannot always be happy just doing things with them that are non-sexual. The reason is that is one very important aspect of life and one that is something we find very pleasurable when it is with the people we like and love. It is no different than you! If I have sex with an 11 year old girl I love and care about, why do you care if she is willing and loves me too? The trouble is, society assumes that she is incapable of loving, or understanding it. She IS capable-she loves her parents, which is one kind of love. I am only showing her another kind that she is gladly and voluntarily experiencing with me. You must accept that she IS capable of wanting sex and relief, and feeling LOVE for me-her pedophile. You can bet that if I were in such a situation, I would love her-not just use her. It is not merely sexual. I prefer young girls. I do not cruise the streets looking for them to molest! If it happens it does and that is fine. Pedophiles do not talk down to kids & treat them with respect and listen to them. This is not the case with an average adult, and kids see right through it. Kids like pedophiles very much, whom they do not see as a heavy-handed authority figure, but rather, as a sort of "older" PEER. That is what confuses the general public about the motivations and methods of pedophiles. Society assumes the pedophile views the child as an object, and uses his/her superior smarts/abilities/experience to control the child to extract sex. But pedophiles do not do this and never advocate such tactics! It goes against their very nature to do that! The reason society falls for this assumption is it is "transferring" what IT would do if in that situation. Since "regular" adults do not really respect or understand children, they assume the same mindset applies to pedophiles-and it does not! A "regular" adult does not understand pedophilia or pedophiles, & so they assume the pedophile is approaching the situation as a "regular" adult with a perverted streak in them-bent on taking advantage of children-since that is what the average "regular" adult could see himself/herself doing if they were sex maniacs looking for an easy outlet to prey on. But pedophiles are not this way-we are not predators looking for targets! Being a pedophile is a way of life-not a sick perversion. Kill Pedophobes To all pedophiles: Annoyed/depressed about being pedsecuted?, here's something to think about; most of the people in the world, i.e. your family, the guy walking down the street, your workmates HATE what you are. They'd happily kill a pedophile if they thought they could get away with it, maybe torture too. Bearing this in mind, do they deserve any better than you? - they have declared themselves by default as your adversaries - why not take the fight to them? Here is a useful strategy - identify those around you who the above description fits - the ones who, on hearing of a child porn possessor, say stuff like "I hope he gets the broom-handle and razor treatment in jail". THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES. Destroy them. Not all at once but in little ways, spread rumours, piss in their coffee, sugar their gas -- ANYTHING you can GET AWAY WITH. fight the antis Help Your Child Climax You should help your child climax and experience the joys and sensation and relief of orgasm. This is very important. You should teach them to help you climax and do the same for them. Explain orgasm to them. Tell them how good it feels to boys and girls to obtain release, that orgasm is a pleasurable feeling in their bodies that they need to understand & experience & that they need to know how to bring it about with a partner. If they already masturbate, show them how to complete it to climax if they have not discovered it yet. If they do not really know how to masturbate, show them how and demonstrate yourself doing it. Tell them it's normal and healthy and they should do it to relieve sexual tension. A child is not stupid-but often ignorant due to lack of information. Inform them! A climax can be scary to a child, it is a powerful experience they may not have had yet. You must guide them & explain that it won't hurt them, & is even good for them! I've been living with a secret. For 10 years now I've been living with a secret (or more accurately, a lie) and I've decided this situation cannot continue. I am forced to deny an integral part of myself to friends and family, if it was widely known, I would be unemployable, most women would turn away in disgust at the thought of romance, I would be unable to see many of my relatives and also be perpetually vulnerable to physical assault. I am a girl-lover - what you would call a pedophile. I am sexually attracted to girls from 5 years old (occasionally as young as 3), with the ages of about 8-9 being preferred. For what it's worth, I am attracted to adult women also. I refuse to cope with the secrets and lies that this aspect of my life requires; together with a desire to do some good for those in my situation I have made a plan for ACTION - I have identified a list of people who represent the clearest danger to child-lovers this nation; they are members of the judiciary, individual "vigilantes", particular journalists et cetera. All of the names on this list have caused terrible harm to "my people". They are the targets, I have weapons and the skill and the will to use them. I go forward with this work in the hope that others will follow - may our enemies soon know fear to moderate their hate, I do not hope to survive long once embarking on this path but do not pity me - making this decision has given me hope and purpose that a hidden life would never have provided. Farewell, and when you learn of my fate do not mourn me but rather celebrate what I am about to do. I cut my penis /b/, I am posting this to you in extreme agony. This is no copy pasta, this isn't a stupid post trying to get attention, this is a serious cry for help. I have been faithfull to you, /b/, for many years, and now I hope you can help me. I was trying to shave my genitals today, to make them a little more comfortable for summer. I had no razor, so I was using some titanium scissors. Needless to say, I missed and accidentally removed a sizable chunk from the head of my PENIS. I passed out at first, but I woke up an hour or so later, covered in blood. I was able to stop the bleeding...but I wanted to put it back on and hope it would all be better.... I used super glue. It's holdong on there, but theres still blood, and a really bad line around the chunk, and it hurts oh god so bad... I have no medical insurance so I can't go to the doctor, and I live by myself so I can't get anyone else to help. I need someone on /b/ who knows something about medical stuff. What can I do? I don't know, if I leave it on there with the glue will it heal itself back on? Help me please, it hurts a lot. I've already taken 4 extra strength tylenol and its not helping... Bare Naked Chest See I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest. Pedo Girlfriend I can't believe I'm doing this... but I need your advice, /b/. I come home today to find 8 or 9 select images from my CP collection on my monitor. The really hardcore stuff. I'm sure some of you have seen the set of the 6 year old girl in the dog collar crying while she's molested. That kinda caliber of stuff. I know I'm fucked. I never leave my PC on when I'm at work, and I certainly don't leave CP onscreen. I walk into the kitchen and my girlfriend is sitting at the table eating a sandwhich. This is it. I'm proper fucked. "Hey" "So... are you into that kinda stuff?" no point denying the obvious "Yea... I mean... fuck I've never done anything to any kids or anything. I've never paid anyone. I... it's just the way I'm wired I guess. Shit I dunno..." "Huh... you know there's places where you can do stuff like that." "What?" She slides some travel brochures for thailand and the phillipines over the table. "Maybe we should think about somewhere else for vacation instead of new york this year." She gets up, puts her plate in the sink, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and leaves for class. This has to be a trick. She must be setting me up for the death penalty or something. God wouldn't let me be this happy. There's no way in hell I can have a pedo girlfriend. Sadly... I'm in your hands, /b/. PS3 I was watching a local news thing (NYC) about the PS3 release. What shocked me the most was that 90% of the people on the lines were niggers! Now obviously niggers are not smart enough to be reselling PS3s. I might be able to believe that niggers are dumb enough to buy them for 599 US DOLLARS. But I cannot understand where a would GET 599 US DOLLARS. Is robbery up, like 1000%? I haven't noticed it.... My only hope is that maybe some rich white fellow is paying them minimum wage to stand in line and buy a PS3 for him, so he can resell it. Q R Rabbit-chan Rabbit chan is all I think about every day. I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how I'll never be with her. repeat x10 Random Image:Legendary_icon.gif hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^... im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe...toodles!!!!! love and waffles, *~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~* Rap Music Rap music: -degrades the english language -Promotes tagging and vandalism -degrades women -Implies postivity to primitive force (look at any metal cd, and youll see an imaginative cover with interesting artwork, look at a hip hop Cd, and youll see a pissed off nigra wanting to fight) -Shifts values to "bling" and expensive shoes which leads to theft -Promotes Rastafrian culture, which tries to legalize weed Rap can be made by ANYBODY, a preset drum machine is all you need to make primitve music and get signed to a record label. If youve been shot, thats credible and prefered to hype your image, just like growing up on the "street" The lyrics are simple, the sentences dont need to be related, just whatever can ryhme is fine. They dont even have to make sense, just as long as it sticks to an even flow. And sometimes, rappers will get lazy and mispronounce words to rhyme. Now some of you guys are gonna say "omg racist", but more thn half of all nigra music is sold to whites. No other genre of music promotes more negative values than hip hop, and as it spreads toward different regions, it infects the native population like a fungus. There is NO talent in rap, so next time, whe your downloading music, get yourself a king crimson, dark tranquility, symphony x or non-hip hop album. Your brain will thank you for not degenerating it into a pile of primtive processing jello 50 Cent STFU and Look, I'm sick and tired of yall critisizing 50. I know EVERYTHING there is to know about 50 Cent. He is the best rapper out there, and if you don't think so, well you don't know music and you don't even listen to all of 50 Cent's songs. Some of the songs may be a little nasty but that isn't all he raps about. He sings about violence bacause he had somuch of it in his life! i mean he DID see his mother be murdered. and he sings about drugs sometimes because he dealed crack at a young age. he lost a lot of loved ones at a very young age too. he didn't start dealing drugs until that happened. Maybe you all should give his music a chance- by one of his cds. One day, i will meet 50 and tell him all about what i think. 50 Cent is the best! Rape Real Doll Hey /b/ I'm in a pretty fucking pissed off mood today. I'm using a friend's computer because the fucking FBI confiscated mine. I'm calling for a boycott of REAL DOLL. Here's what happened. You can order custom Real Dolls so I specified that I wanted their smallest model with no pubic hairs and a perfectly flat chest. Two weeks later I notice the charge hasn't gone through on my Visa so I called to ask if there was a problem. The guy on the phone asks what my order number was and I tell him. I then hear him talking in the background to someone, maybe his manager and he comes back and says there is no problem that they're waiting for a custom part to be milled and won't bill my credit card until it's finished. No problem. Well this morning the fucking FBI bust down my door with a warrent. They grab my fucking computer, they grab all my CDs and DVDs (even more store bought music CDs and DVDs) and all my videotapes and leave with them and take me in for questioning. They tell me Real Doll called the FBI to register a complaint that I'm a pedo trying to buy illegal pedo products. WTF!?! There was nothing illegal about the Real Doll I was trying to buy. But the FBI said it was suspiscious enough that it gave them grounds to get a fucking search warrent to look through my shit for CP. WTF!?! What fucking country is this? The most they'll find is maybe some legal softcore Loli hentai because I don't have any CP. Hell I don't even like porn of real people which is why I was buying a fucking Real Doll in the first place. So now they've told me not to leave town until the investigation is over (which I don't think they can legally do anyways, until I'm charged I'm legally free to go wherever I want), I have to hire a fucking lawyer, and I've got no fucking computer or CDs or DVDs or even fucking video tapes until they're done searching through my shit. I'm hungry Room Mate Hai /b/ I have a problem. I live with a girl. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I kind of like her and she kind of likes me back, there is def. something going on between us. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't help myself, so i went into her bedroom and masturbated over her sleeping body (she sleeps in this kinky teddy..HAWT) Well, I started doing it every night, then last night, I went into her room like usual and started masturbating only to find out that she was awake! I almost ran out of the room and but she stopped me and said that she knew I had been doing it for the past week! I was really embarassed. I couldn't say anything, until she asked "so are you gonna fucking me instead of FAPPIN' off to me?" I couldn't believe it! I went over and got in bed with her and we fucked most of the night! The next morning, I was awoken by her screaming. She didn't know why I was in her bed. On top of that she thinks I raped her in her sleep! Now she's crying and threatening to call the cops on me! /b/, my old and trusted friend, what should I do??? S Sadako Watching TV was quickly becoming the dullest thign I had done in a while. I wish I was doing what I had been doing a week ago; that was actually fun. This, however, was just shit. It was worse than browsing /b/. Regis Philbin was on my damn TV and it was pissing me off that this was the only channel I had. I figured that this wasn't going to change anytime soon, so I got up to go get me some falafel. As I was rising out of my chair, the TV flickered. I looked at it for a second, shrugged, and continued on my epic quest for falafel. Flicker. Now what was this? I moved back and forth to see if perhaps the capacitance of my body had flickered the TV. Flicker. My screen was now nothing but static, and a strange, ringing sound was eminating from it. This was entirely typical. My shit TV had finally decided to kick the bucket. I sighed and went to unplug it, when I noticed the screen had suddenly become clear again. But it was not Regis, it was a blank monochrome image of a well. I thought it was some sort of commercial. It strangely caught my interest, so I sat back down in my chair and stared at the image of the well before me. It seemed so still, but then, I saw a hand come out of the top. Something was climbing out of the well. It raised its head, which was covered in wet, black hair. I couldn't see its face. It was at this time I was thoroughly creeped out. It pulled itself out of the well and began shambling toward me slowly. It was a girl. She was pale looked waterlogged, like a dead thing that had fallen into a puddle. She was drawing closer. I felt sick now, and I knew it was silly to feel like this over a commercial, but my heart was pounding. All I could see was her black hair covering the entire screen. Then, I screamed. Her hand reached out of my television. "Wha-, what are you!?" I shrieked. She pulled herself out of my set, raised her head, and gazed at me. "Sada...ko..." she croaked. Her body fell to my floor in a sickening, wet slap. She was crawling to me now, and I was too petrified to move. I knew I should run, but I didn't. It was entirley too out of this world to do anything but watch. The dead girl descended on me, hanging over my body with her corpselike gape. She pushed me down; her ice cold hand connected with my arm as she forced herself on top of me. I knew I was going to die. I knew she'd strangle me. It was then I realized she was naked. Her skin was cloud white, her cold breasts were almost translucent with blueish nipples; I could slightly see her muscles through her skin. Her face was as thin and white as her young body, and her eyes were rolled back into her head, as if she didn't have pupils. Sadako dropped herself onto me, and I felt a tremendous cold fear that I had never experienced. Water was dripping onto me as she writhed. She hissed and croaked and moaned; her breath was like a cold, still wind. She pushed her head down and sealed her lips over mine. I felt sick. Her frigid tongue caressed my teeth slowly as she seemingly ate my mouth. I felt terribly strange as I realized I was being unwillingly aroused. She was already slowly humping the lump in my pants. "T..ake... them off..." she hissed; as she pulled her mouth from mine, cold saliva dripped onto my chest. Sadako then kissed me again, continuing to consume my face with her grip-like jaw. She was gently gnawing at the sides of my mouth and teeth. I was so petrified that I obeyed her command. I reached down and pulled my pants down, so that my now erect PENIS was available to her. This was too sick. It was horrible and so wrong. I was being raped. She sat up on me and braced herself on the back of my chair with her hands. I looked down and saw her hovering above my PENIS; she was holding it up with one thin hand as she began to descend on me. My PENIS felt cold when her blue-white vulva brushed against it, but then, I felt suddenly strange. As she lowered herself onto me, as I entered her, I felt warm. She was going down on me, but instead of dry and cold, her soft insides felt warm and slippery. I felt so different now. There was a transcendal feeling going through my head, like she was becoming one with me, or entering my mind on some higher level. I felt my heart squeeze and I then knew I would give myself to her, because I loved her. I reached out slowly and ran a finger down her emaciated stomach. It was as cold as I thought it would be. I held my hand against her and felt up and down the side of her abdomen. I traced my hand up her body and touched her pallid breast. I actually felt pleasure now. She was going up and down, and with every thrust she heaved and hissed. Her breath was heavy and deliberate. Her eyes were clenched shut. She was so beautiful. I was feeling dizzy now. Things were beginning

to spin. The white-skinned girl seated on me was going faster and faster. With each of her movements, I could feel her spongey interior grasping and caressing me with gentle but firm care. It was like a loving touch of her hand on me, only a thousand times better. I was feeling more and more heartwrenched. I put my arms around her quickly and pulled her cold body to my chest. I hugger her like this, I squeezed her tightly, I called her name and clenched my eyes. She gripped my PENIS with her hot inner muscles and threw her head back; her wet black hair showered me in an aerosol of mist as she violently buckled. I felt hollow for a moment, then I exploded. I came in her. The feeling wouldn't stop. Everything was spinning now, everything was going white. I was dying. She had taken the soul out of me. When it was all gone, I was dead. Something Awful Showing /b/ to my little sister So it was around 4:00 in the afternoon and I left /b/ for a few minutes to get something to eat. My little sister was in the kitchen and told me that she got straight A's on her report card. "O rly?" I asked, laughing a bit. She didn't quite get the humor of it, but laughed weakly anyways. Thats what triggered me. Immediately after that show of disrespect to everything I hold dear, I grabbed the little bitch by her pigtails and dragged her upstairs to my room. I held her head in place as we went through page after page of /b/ material. "Cockmongler, furry faggots, guro..Do you see?" "Yes.." she replied softly "Copypasta, traps, milhouse..Do you see?!" "Yes!" she cried out "Diabeetus, camwhores, candlej HOLY FUCK I ALMOST SAID IT...DO YOU SEE?!" Well, she didn't get a chance to reply because I suddenly thrust her face through the monitor, fracturing her skull and mildly electrocuting her. She's listed in critical condition now and I'm posting this on a shitty PSP because my monitor is broken. Fuck, I miss that monitor. We hate YOU As expected, you can't even come up with an original burn. I do believe every single SA member I have ever met has asked me that EXACT same question. But I will answer it again, and in doing so, hopefully create some copy-pasta. You see, we don't hate Lowtax. We hate YOU. That's right. We hate the individual members of SA. We hate Lowtax by proxy just because he hosts a haven for all of the elitist fags on the internet. If SA were to suddenly vanish, no one would care about Lowtax. It's people like YOU who are why we hate SA. You do nothing but go around insulting people on the internet; you think it makes you cool because you can find all of the spelling errors in a post. It doesn't matter how many R's you can put on the end of HURR, you will NEVER be cool. I know full well you will read this post, ignore it, and go right back to pretending you are a leet haxor because your internet forum costs money, and how you e-PENIS is bigger that the entire internet combined. In closing, learn how to internet, or go back to your circle jerk. You think that your 10 bux keeps people out, but no, it keeps you away from us. Sex change Part X of I've only got this one, /g/ version Dear /g/ : I have decided that i want a sexchange. Current medical technology yeilds a very poor result. A vagina can be made from the penis, but it will likely have hair inside of it, and there is a good chance of damaging the sensitive nervs, which would make sex unpleasurable. Breasts can only get but so big, nipples would not function. There would be no reproductive capability, and bone structure cannot be modified. My plan is to build an AI system which can revise and improve on its self. It would be a cognitive AI system, a truely intelligent machine. Each time it improves on it's self, by modifying it's source code, it would increase in it's intellectual capacity in an exponential manner. Being that it would be superintelligent, it could run a profitable business, to generate income, which it would use to buy materials needed to improve upon its self. It should be able to develop the required technologies needed to proform an exceptional sex change. Not only would i transition over to being female, i would actually be a real woman, with full reproductive capability. Any sort of mental defects would be resolved, and i would have a completely healthy new body, void of any detromental conditions. This means i could live on for ever, looking great and the only way of death would be if somebody killed me or if got into an accident of some sort. So my question to the guests of 4chan, is your thoughts on this process. Also i would be interested in hearing any ideas you have for creating such AI and approprate hardware to run it on. Please refrain from ethical discussions, as i think it is 100% ethical to produce a machine which could solve all of humanitys health and technology problems. thank you /g/ for your time and support. She's so fucking cute and sweet She's so fucking cute and sweet. I'd treat her to some fancy restaurant, then take a long romantic walk with her, holding hands and talking about philosophy, art and dreams. Then I'd invite her to my home and ravage her hot ass for hours, and forcing my cock down her throat so she choked on both the throbbing cock and her own rectal juice. I'd then proceed to cum on her cute innocent face. Then, as the ultimate love gift, I'd carry her in my arms to the tub and let my piss wash away the semen and last dignity from her. I'd whisper "I love you" and give her a tender smile, and cut her throat from ear to ear with a knife. Covered in her own warm blood, she'd look straight into my very soul, forgiving, understanding. A bubble from blood and saliva would burst between her lips, then she'd die. After some additional lovemaking, I'd stuff her in a bin bag. Three Weeks later, some playing children will find her mutilated and desecrated body in the forest. They will be scarred for life. Shit in her bag Shit in her lolita bag The poster of this particular Copypasta was originally searching for relationship help in /b/. Although there were some genuine advice from other b-tards, the majority of replies were either telling the OP to 'shit in her bag' (as in 'shit in his girlfriend's bag') OR a combination of advice and ways to 'shit in her bag'. While the OP's girlfriend was a 'gothic lolita', one particular reply told the OP to 'shit in her lolita bag' for the most effective result. Anonymous 07/31/06(Mon)04:41:38 No.11020816 Dear /b/ While I know that most of you tards will not answer me properly, I don't mind; I just want to get something off my chest. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now but our relationship has gotten quite rough for the past half year. Ever since she came back from Japan after being there for 3 weeks over the Christmas and New Years holiday, she's become a very Japanese obsessive with the whole 'Gothic Lolita' fashion. While I do generally enjoy the fashion as a whole (my girlfriend looks very beautiful in lolita outfits), I am not very supportive with the community behind this sub-culture. Some (if not most) of these girls are snobby, arrogant, ignorant and vain bitches. Also, these said girls attempt to practice 'lolita etiquette' like the following: * A lolita should strive to hold her bag in front of her with both hands when walking (many lolitas fail to realise that a beautiful bag is as important as the shoes, it's important to buy a well coordinated bag that compliments your outfit as it's so noticeable) * A lolita's posture must be refined- she must sit and hold herself in an elegant and poised manner without the need to fidget. A recommended sitting position is with both feet neatly tucked to either the left or right (never crossed legged) with her hands gently resting upon one another in her lap. * A lolita must always be delicate, she must not do things in bad taste such as blowing her nose in public * A lolita must pay special attention to the small, daintier things that the common eye will miss, for example her shoes will never be scuffed. (It is advisable to carry pocket-sized shoe polish in the handbag) and there are never loose threads on her clothes (so carry a tiny pair of sewing scissors to get rid of loose threads) and her garment will always be impeccably pressed (no wrinkles). If you've read this far, I'm very proud of you because I almost died reading through the first two points. Anyways, that was an example of what the community invloves. My girlfriend has developed a 'princess complex' because of this sub-culture and it's tearing us apart. It feels like I'm drifting further and further apart from her because my once happy relationship has turned somewhat very plain. I know this because I've noticed that I'm downloading more and more pornography these days. (yes, fap jokes aside). Anyways, she recently found some porn on my computer. I don't go to great lengths in hiding it because I'm generally very open and honest with my girlfriend. I'd thought that even if she found some porn on my PC, she would understand considering I'm a guy and she doesn't necessarily give me what I want most of the time (I mean its okay. I'll just do it myself if she cannot do it with me.) But yea, I was wrong. She got very mad at me. We've somewhat patched it up and I apologised etc but whenever we get into an argument, she would bring it up. Where it be related or not, she would just throw it in my face. It's been happening for the past month or so and tonight was no exception. Whenever I don't want to argue with her, I walk away but she doesn't let me and give me shit about me being pathetic, a sore loser, cannot handle the truth and etc. All I want to do when I walk away is to avoid punching her in the face. I'm not down with domestic violence and yet she seems to give me more and more the incentive to but I'm holding on. I won't hit her. She has slapped me across the face before but missing my cheek and hitting my right ear. For about 2 months when I blow my nose, air comes out of that ear. I'm actually partially deaf in that ear now having seen my GP. No one else knows about it. When I find that there's too much noise during the night when my computer is on. I would sleep on my left ear because my right ear is not as responsive. Well that's about it. I've never opened up to anyone in this world like I have with my girlfriend - physically, mentally, spiritually... and yet. I have all that been worked against me when she argues with me. I feel really torn, destroyed, insecure and betrayed. I really want to never open up to any girl in this world anymore. My ex in the past cheated on me with one of my friends and now another blow on my trust. I don't know what to do... Thanks for listening anyways if you've actually read this far. Bel-air it, copypasta it, whatever. Thanks for letting me vent. Shitty day All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: 0.Occupied. 1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. - Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently. - Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. - Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom. Silver - Breaks into a secure research lab and steals a Pokemon - Evades police capture until they just give up - Has an unexplained personal vendetta against Team Rocket - Meets and battles alongside Lance before you - Unlike the rival in Red and Blue, you get a game over if you lose to him - Ambushes you steps from the end of Victory Road when your Pokemon are all worn out from the dungeon - Has no help from anyone, especially the several influential intellectuals that help you, but manages to accomplish more than you - Defeats all gym leaders including Blue before you, but knows that it's not worth his time to track down Red - In Pokemon Stadium 2, is the hardest battle in the game and has mastered a level 100 Mewtwo, Ho-oh and Lugia - Doesn't give a shit about "catching them all" - Has hardcore fight music: http://rapidshare.com/files/276635/Pokemon_GSC_vs_Rival_Battle_Theme_Metal.mp3.html I present to you a question, /v/. A conundrum, if you will. Badass or baddest ass ever? Slugs and worms Hey /b/ Today, I was lifting an old carpet, as we have a damp problem. Underneath there were hundreds of slugs and worms. My wife and I picked up about 40 slugs and put them in a pair of my wife's panties. I then put the panties on. The feeling was amazing. I got a huge erection and I could feel them sliding over my glans, and round my balls. Eventually I could feel one going up my bum. I knew I would come soon, so I let my wife tie me up, with my hands and feet speadeagled and attached to some furniture. She then took the panties down and about 15 of the slugs were crawling over my cock and balls. I came, spurting out loads of cum all over the poor things, but still couldn't move. My wife then took the other slugs out of the panties and placed them on my cock. She was careful to put some of them right on the opening of my cock, which was now covered in a mixture of sperm and glistening goo from the slugs. She opened up my arse and tried to put one in there too. I got hard again quite quickly as I thought of these slimy little things crawling over me. I imagined them biting me. One seemed to be trying to enter my uretha and this caused me to come again. That was 4 hurs ago. My cock is now very itchy, but I am about to give them another "feed". SO YEAH, I like anime Steve Irwin Suicide (girl) Okay so maybe you guys have seen my other rant thread or whatever. I just need to get this off my chest. For the better part of my life I've lived in a personal hell. When I was little my father used to whip me with a razor strap whenever he was drunk, mostly because he always went into a fit of rage whenever he drinks. Every night when I was small I'd always hide under my blankets and hope that he'd never come into my room and drag me outside by my feet to let out his anger. At one point he even groped me and tried to have sex with me. This all happened between the ages of 6 to 9. Since my mother was never home, there was no one to help me. I was always too afraid to tell the teachers about what happened whenever they would question me, and make up stories like 'I ran into a door' or 'I fell off of my bike'. I know they never believed me. About 6 years ago my father died. Somehow he drank too much, overdosed on a prescription of valium he received from a crackpot doctor of some sort, and hung himself. I was only in middle school so I arrived home to see his untwitching body hung up on the ceiling fan. I called 911 and in time the paramedics came, but my mom never came home that night. She was always away on business trips and only visited twice a month, but I never complained because she was the only person who put food on the table. During the funeral she wasn't even there. It was only me, a minister, and two second-cousins, who I had seen for the first time in my life. None of them talked to me or even offered pity. I think to them I was my father's whore of a daughter. I overheard them as they walked to their black Mercedes Benz and drove away, and I had to walk home by myself. I eventually moved out and was emancipated by my mother, who gave me the insurance-money from my father and emptied half of her bank account into mine. She told me that she was never really there for me, and said I was probably better off by myself. A few months after I moved into my apartment, she sold the house and moved somewhere else. She didn't leave any numbers or e-mails or anything. My friends never offered me any comfort either. I'm not sure whether they were even my friends to begin with. A lot of them are guys who started hanging out with me when I was in 9th grade. They always joked about how I was the prettiest girl and would never pass a chance to come into my house. Especially Julian and Frank. I mean at the time I didn't think I was hanging around with a bad crowd, but now that I look back I'm not so sure. I smoked my first blunt on my 14th birthday with them in the park. Somehow I passed out and when I came to, my bra was undone and my shirt was on the floor. Luckily no one was there, so I just walked home and tried to forget about it. The next day Julian and Frank walked up to me with the biggest smile on their faces like nothing had ever happened. I didn't say anything about it. Last year my other friends took me to some party at a college kid's house. His parents had gone out for the weekend, and the place was jam-packed with people just partying. As soon as I got there guys started hitting on me, and again Julian and Frank grabbed me by the shoulders and directed me upstairs where the cooler and bar was. They kept forcing me to drink shots until I fell over, though I suppose I was stupid to even go with them. I had puked my guts out, and Julian pulled me into the upstairs shower and tried to take off my clothes. I slapped him across the face and he punched me in the stomach and I went unconscious. I woke up the next day with my jeans torn up and Julian was on the floor, his pants undone, sleeping. I think that was when I stopped becoming his friend. Luckily I wasn't pregnant. Apart from Julian and Frank, my other friends weren't as bad. But I was always the butt of their jokes, which was really annoying. They'd always talk about how all the nutrients went from my head to my boobs, and sometimes called me a 'natural-born slut'. I don't know why I took it, but I'd always laugh it off or just look away. At night I never cut myself or anything like that. I'd just lie on my bed and try to push the bad thoughts away. One day my english teacher noticed that I was really tired and asked me if I was okay after class, and I just started crying. I don't know what came over me. He took me to the guidance counselor and she said that I was clinically depressed and that I had to see a therapist since our school doesn't have one. Somehow I had persuaded my therapist to write me a prescription for vicodin a few weeks ago. Right now I popped 2 in my mouth and took a few shots of Scotch and I feel numb all over. I don't feel particularly drowsy but I can't feel my legs. My apartment is on the 8th floor with a balcony and a thought of suicide just crossed my mind. I really don't see why I should bother anymore. I don't know, I just wanted to let everything out, and I'm crying and my hands are jittering and I don't know what to do. I don't even feel like a human being anymore and I'm just questioning myself over and over. Is it wrong for me to think this way? Suiseiseki Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu "Does master want Suiseiseki to give him a footrub-desu?" she purred. "No thank you," I said. "I'm rather tired. You should retire to your box." "But master-sama, Suiseiseki doesn't like her box-desu! I want to sleep in master-sama's bed-desu!" "Not tonight. You'll do as you're told." "Why doesn't master-sama have real girls in his bed?" "What?!" "Is master-sama's penis too small for real girls?" "Why aren't you saying desu?" "Does he have to use dolls instead?" "SAY DESU! SUISEISEKI FINISHES HER SENTENCES WITH DESU!" "Master-sama showed Suiseiseki his penis once." "DESU! MASTER-SAMA SHOWED SUISEISEKI HIS PENIS ONCE DESU!" "It was too small even for dolls." "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT SUISEISEKI!" With my right hand I snatched a pair of scissors from my desk and mashed them continually into her face. Her little body was smashed into kindling but I did not stop. Until her screams began to sound a bit like my voice, and I remembered that dolls did not scream, and they did not bleed. Suddenly there was feeling in my left hand for the first time in weeks. I lifted it out of the doll's wreckage, covered in splinters and dripping from scissored wounds. How long had my hand been inside there? How long had I been inside here, alone in my one-room apartment, talking to myself, going mad? The bolt scraped rust from the latch as I stepped outside. My eyes hurt, god the horizon ... it was a deal larger than 19 inches diagonally. But after five steps my breath quickened and my chest tightened and I turned back. Enough for today. Tomorrow I would try for six. A distant memory told me that when I reached two hundred and eighty, I would make it to the bus stop. And then I'd be free of this apartment, of this prison. And then there'd be nowhere in the world I couldn't go. Least of all the refunds counter at Moemart in Akihabara. For fuck's sake. Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu. Source [1] T Table Manners Can someone tell me what's the deal with Table Manners? When I was a boy in China my grandfathers would always have these big parties in holidays, and the whole family had around 20 people. The food was great and no one worried about measily "manners". We ate what we liked and did what we want, and no one did gross things such as burping, a certain degree decency is implied. When I came to the states and joined some family dinners, everyone ate like robots. There's a spoon for soup, a fork for salad, a knife for cutting, a knife for butter, a knife for bread......... give me a fucking break!!! What if I use the fucking soup spoon to eat my beans, what if I just pick up the soup bowl and drink the soup like that, what if i use my right hand to hold the fork!!? people would give me that " this is not how we do it in america look". I know your stupid rules, I just don't want to do them. And I've even read some rules about how you're not supposed to touch your nose or hair? WTF??? Oh and another thing, Why in the world are americans so scared of food that fell on the floor? It could be a perfectly clean floor that has just been cleaned 5 minutes ago so clean it shines, but a cookie fell on the floor, OH NOES!!! The cookie touched the floor!!!! it must have somehow picked up all kinds of scary bacteria and dirt!!! Better throw it away... NO! It's a perfectly good cookie and it picked up NOTHING from the floor. And you're just WASTING perfectly good food when you throw it away. Oh and newsflash!!! Your HANDS have more germs than the floor most of the time...I've seen this commercial where this guy dropped a candy on the floor and he picked it up and ate it, like it's supposed to be gross or something... so pretentious The Dream (originally broken up into many posts.) okay well the dream started off like this: her name is Liz, and she came in my backyad in a swim suit. she had forgotten her googles in my pool(her friends swim there sometimes[i'm 17, btw]). she's so cute- her wet one piece bathing suit clinging to her, her perk barely there breasts showing through the fabric, the line of her tight butt and pussy... ah. my PENIS took over.i began to get hard just looking at her standing there. i took her hand and asked her if she wanted to play a game. "okay!" she said and followed me inside. i took her to my room, and she asked what we were playing. I smiled and said "you'll see...". I told her to lay on my bed and she did so willingly. I tied her wrists and ankles to the bed posts. She said, "Oh! I know what we're playing! A tickling game!" "Kinda.".I began to tickle her to reassure her that everything was okay. She laughed and squealed and it turned me on even more, her body wiggling and her breasts jiggling. My PENIS once again took over, and I kissed her on the lips. Suprisingly, her tongue shot out and began dancing with mine.She broke the kiss and began to wiggle uncomfortbaly, and I took my finger and began to trace her breasts from the base right before I touched the nipple. Her nipples were getting hard, I could feel it through the fabric. I took my finger away and smiled as she arched her back to try to get my finger to touch her nipple. I couldn't believe it - This 10 year old was HORNY! I pleased her by twisting her nipples gently, though I wanted to tear the suit off and fuck her brains out. She moaned gently, it made me feel good to hear this.I then realised what I was doing. I was raping a minor. I said "I-I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doi-" "No", she said, "Go on. P-please. I want this. It feels so g-good." Hearing her egging me on made me even MORE horny, and I couldn't contain it anymore. I tore back the suit and marveled at her pussy. It was a work of art. It was smooth, unlike a grown woman's it didn't have any pubic hair at all, and she had begun to get wet, as it was beginning to drip down tight little butt.I bent down and rammed my tongue into her, savoring the young, untouched flavor. She was moaning in delight by now, and I pulled my toungue out and replaced it with 3 fingers. She gasped at this, and I asked Liz if she was okay, and she didn't respond - Only a moan of ecstasy. She was getting looser; I didn't want to ram into her on her first time being as tight as she was, and after a couple minutes I stopped. I untied the ropes and she sat on the edge of the bed, breathless.She said "I need to repay you. I've never felt that way before". She waved her hand for me to come sit beside her. I did, and she got on her knees in front of me. I said "Hold on, are you goi-" Before I could finish, she wrapped her hand around my dick and began rubbing."okay, that's weird". She opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around my dick. It was a wonderful feeling-the warm, wet walls of her mouth around my PENIS. It was different from a grown woman, It's always loose in their mouths, but her's was tight, and my dick barely went an 4 inches in.Suprisingly, she took more and more in her mouth, untill my whole PENIS was in her mouth, minus an inch of the shaft. On this inch she took her fingers and rubbed, while bobbing her head up and down. Every now and then she would lick and kiss it's head. This little innocent girl wasn't as innocent as I thought.I came in her mouth and she took out my dick, coughing, and I cum was sprayed all over her face. She looked disgusted and wiped it on my sheets. I asked her if she wants to go further, and without hesitation, she nodded. I layed her on the bed and rubbed my cock against her pussy, teasing her, and also making me erect again. She moaned loudly now, and begged me to go in. After a while, I did, slowly entering her. Liz's wet, warm, slippery walls were too much. I went all the way in, and she yelped. "Are you okay?" "No... B-but... Don't... Stop..." I pulled out some, she gasped, went back in, and she didn't yelp. She was getting used to it.I began to go at different angles, and at one specific angle she moaned extra load. I smiled and stayed at that angle as the moans erupted from a deeper point in her throat. I was going all the way in now, and my balls were smacking against her. I felt a cold hand on my sack, and knew it was Liz exploring, as she had never fucked before, and probably had never seen a naked man before. After a while, I was about to cum, and she beat me to it. Her hips buckled, she squealed, and came on my stomach. She sat up and began to lick it off, but before that I came on her chest. This time she was not disgusted, and when she finished me, licked her lips and drew a heart in the cum. I got the sign and layed her on the bed, and licked my cum off of her. As I did this, I sucked and playfully nibbled at her nipples. emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs After you read this, I guarantee you will feel sorry for me. Imagine this. You are attracted to women, like you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better. That's what life is like to me. I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else.Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love. They see me trollin They see me trollin They hatin Patrollin they tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP My proxy's so 1337 I'm raidin They hopin that they gon catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Mods think they got my IP But the MySQL disagrees And George Zimmer can gurantee That I'm still there lurkin with a new proxy That's right I'm Anonymous, and I do not forgive I raid at random with no incentive Best be attentive, ya'll get so stressed When you see your forum flooded with DESU DESU DESU Noobs try and think back, to the age of Snacks When we came to jack and invade and relax Or the eBaums raid, no thanks to Max One threat of a lawsuit and they piss their slacks I'm breakin the rules, closin the pool, Stratin up a JB thread and I'm makin you drool I got an AV said to have girls in preschool And that underaged vid from the Stickam cheat tool Area's grey, like Doom 3 on high gamma Party Van hatin, try to put me in the slammer Nowhere near the pool and I'm not even the spammer Just cuz I a Nigra now I'm gettin ban-hammered But they don't got the means, to combat my team We copypasta meme spouting /b/tard machines So fight on Legion, but keep that proxy sturdy Cuz when Anon posts, he's ALWAYS postin dirty Traps Trapped Babysitter Anonymous 06/05/05(Sun)18:07 No.1450178 I was 9, and was getting babysat by the 18 year old boy down the street. Even at 9 I knew I had power over men. I was always getitng told how cute I was, how adorable I was. I was determied to prove that I could control a man. I still feel that I loved the boy that was babysitting me the night I did it. it wasn't rape. it was love. I knew what I was doing. As soon as my parents left, I changed into my 'man trapping' outfit. My favorite pair of panties (pink My Little Pony) and a tank top. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I walked out. I played it slow, rubbing against him, on the couch. Eventually I moved onto his lap and ground my cute butt into his crotch. I could feel his manhood growing. I couldn't take it. I got up, stood infront of him, pulled down my panties, and told him to touch me.I could tell he was impressed. Even at 9, my penis was a good 4 inches erect. He worked the balls and the tip. I will always remember his strong hands around my shaft. NOT COPYPASTA To tripfag, or not to tripfag: that is the question To tripfag, or not to tripfag: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous horseshit, Or to take arms against a sea of anonymous, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand fucking memes That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be fuck'd by /b/. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to tripfag: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what balls may touch When we have shuffled off this mortal harbl, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long cat; For who would bear the whips and scorns of pyramid head, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's fetish, The pangs of despised loli, the law's 4chan party van, The insolence of mods and the doug That patient merit of the unworthy /b/tards, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare flat chest? who would fardels pedobear, To grunt and sweat under a weary loli, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country from anonymous bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those PENISes we have Than fly to guro that we know not of? Thus conscience does make fuckwits of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their tubgirls turn awry, And lose the name of erection. - Soft you now! The fair mongler! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my harbls remember'd. To whom it may concern To whom it may concern, I live in a haunted house, I don't know why we chose to move here, probably because it was so cheap. The whole thing was once owned by a nice family that got killed by some homicidal knife maniac, and their ghosts have definitely not left the premises. I often put things down only to see them move on their own to new places. If I leave wordpad open, I will often come back to see messages typed in while I was gone. And this is just the non-scary stuff. Sometimes the lights go dim and flicker in and out and windows shatter, blood starts to pour down the walls and my heart feels like its goign to fucking explode, when suddenly everythign returns to normal. Every night for the past two years this little 12 year old girl shows up in my room, demanding to have it back because it used to be hers. She would break things (once she fried my LCD monitor, that really pissed me off), scream like a damn banshee, and generally piss me off, especially when I'm trying to post on 4chan. But after a while of treating her like she wasn't there she has quieted down, and now usually just reads in a corner or something. But anyways, this shit isn't the problem, the problem is that last night I woke up to find this twelve year old ghost going down on me. It was the hottest shit ever, and I'm not into that loli pedobear crap, but let me tell you, the tight, frigid feel of her ethereal pink girl pussy was incredible! When it was all over she fell asleep next to me, and the next morning was gone. So now I have two problems, one is that my family and the ghost family are having dinner tonight, and she's gonna be there with her father. The other is that I need to know the technicalities of loliness: she died in 1967 so you could argue that she is nearly 42 years old since birth, but she only experienced 12 years of life. Things that bother you never bother me Things that bother you never bother me, I'm as happy as pie, a-ha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, Coffee's only a dime, Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. Just take it from me, I'm just as free as any brother, I do what I like, just when I like, and how I love it! I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and gray, I'll be right in my prime, Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. The Burdizzo The Burdizzo is a castration device which employs a large clamp designed to break the blood vessels leading into the testicles. Once the blood supply to the testicles is lost, testicular necrosis occurs, and the testicles shrink, soften, and eventually deterioriate completely. Burdizzos have also been used by some human males as a means of self-castration, often by those seeking a remedy for a high sex drive, or those who, for religious or personal reasons, seek to become eunuchs. The burdizzo has also been used by some transsexual women and other male-to-female transgender persons, as an alternative to the surgical procedure known as an orchidectomy. Because an incision is not required, castration by burdizzo is usually bloodless and, according to some research, has a lower risk of infection, compared with traditional methods. That's evading a ban That's evading a ban, and that gets you a permaban. Trying to incite an invasion gets you merely a 2-week ban from just /b/, not from any other board. You also have the luxury of MULTIPLE SECOND CHANCES with your threads being delete multiple times. HELLO? ARE YOU GETTING A CLUE? THEY'RE TELLING YOU NOT TO DO IT AND YOU ARE DISREGARDING IT MULTIPLE TIMES, SO OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET BANNED FOR IT. Then if you're dumb enough to repost it AGAIN after being TEMPORARILY BANNED from ONE BOARD, you are going to be permabanned globally from all of 4chan. That's the way it works around here! The Terminator I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg . The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy. U Unicode characters For characters like â™Ã,Â¥, âËÅ"Ã,­, or â™Ã,ª, see Unicode. Unicode equivalents for wordfiltered strings These words contain special characters that will avoid the wordfilters on 4Chan's /b/. Rule 34 rulÃÂ�Ã,µ 34 USA The anti-American alliance(...) The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission. The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11. Remember, remember. Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers. Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mother. Remember, remember - and realise that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have. So a few al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex. So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti. I love America, yet America is hated. America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, optimistic. Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil? Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers. Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper. And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department. To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Remember, remember, September 11. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America! No, do more than remember. Never forget. The Rebel alliance(...) The Rebel alliance is made up of self-loathing Jedi who blame the Empire for every ill in the galaxy, and politicians suffering from power-envy, bitter that the galaxy's only power can do what it likes without having to ask permission. The truth is that the Empire has behaved with enormous restraint since the Battle of Yavin. Remember, remember. Remember the gut-wrenching holos of weeping stormtroopers phoning their partners to say, "I love you," before the station was destroyed. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from safety-pod hatches with no safety pods installed. Remember the hundreds of droids buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful girl who was in one of the detention cells. Remember, remember - and realise that the Empire has never retaliated for the destruction of the Death Star in anything like the way it could have. So a few Rebels got locked without a trial in cellblock 1138? Pass the Kleenex. So some Gungan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their blasters in a sky full of Empire shuttles? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti. Remember, remember, the Death Star. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against the Empire. No, do more than remember. Never forget! V W Wapanese (also called weeaboos) Becoming Japanese for Real Nigra/Becoming Japanese for Real Spoof I hate niggers. I don't conisder myself a , I'm actually black for real, well almost. I will be when I live in Oakland though. Right now I'm studying ebonics, robbery and I'm following Looting, the way of the nigra. This is why I hate niggers that know 5 gang signs and use them all the time, West side bloods ghettos motherFUCKERS. I'm actually trying to become black for real unlike all these faker nigras. FUCK YOU NIGGERS So my question is, how good are my chances of becoming black for real? Welcome to /b/ Welcome to /b/. You're ours now. Here's what you can expect. You'll stay for a while, see a few threads, laugh a bit, and see a few odd things. You'll bookmark the place for further amusement. This is where it all begins. Before too long, you'll find yourself checking on 4chan in increased frequencies. First it'll happen occasionally during the week. Then once every day or so. Then more frequently. You'll find yourself checking on it twice a day. Three times. Once per hour. Before you know it, you'll be browsing it for hours at a time. Slowly, your life will take a back-seat to /b/. You'll find yourself forgetting to call people. You'll be late for work because you'll be reading legendary threads. Slowly, your life will decline into a mindless chaos. As /b/ and 4chan slowly consume your mind, your humor will be replaced with our humor. You'll become glued to /b/. It'll be the only place you feel accepted. And then, you'll start accepting the weirder conventions. You'll find yourself fapping to loli, furry, guro, and all sorts of odd things you used to find disgusting. But now it'll all be commonplace for you, as a normal part of your life. Your personality. And then, someday down the road, you'll realize what has happened to you. Your loved ones will have left you. You'll be alone. Unemployed. Struggling to survive. And worst of all, you'll be hooked. You won't be able to fight it, because we will be all you know, and all you remember. You'll slowly dissolve into madness, or mindless stupidity. Whichever comes first. And then, one day, you will snap, and all remains of your former self will be crushed under our weight. Welcome, my friend. Welcome, my brother. Welcome to your new home. Welcome to /b/. Wife Gave Birth WWoooohoooooo /b/. My wife just gave birth and yes it is a GIRL. Oh man so fucking sweet. Right tho, i have to figure out some way of making sure she grows up into the perfect daddy loving loli. There must be some way of making sure that several years from now i will be fucking the tightest pusssy i will ever get my dick into. So cmon /b/ we need to make a plan, and i shall keep us all updated with the progress. Willy Wonka and the Rape Factory "No. Not tonight," Charlie cried as he buried his tears in his pillow. "Oh yes, tonight. Tonight, just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and a hundred nights stretching before that ending at the day you came to live with me. Tonight, just like tomorrow." And with that, Willy Wonka removed his pants with a smirk. Usually, Charlie's parents and grandparents had been forced to watch, but Willy had killed them all and used their remains as seasoning for a new type of candy, Scrumdidllyumptious Green Soylet Surprise. Tonight would be Charlie's first night alone. "Please, Mr. Wonka, please don't!" Charlie gave out one last sob of beligerrence, but the Candyman tore off the young boy's trousers with no senses of regret. "Let's see, what do we have hear today? Is there a treat for me? I most certainly hope there is," said Mr.Wonka as we delved his thumb and two fingers into Charlie's anus. Forcing them in until they were at the knuckle, Willy moved his hand around, as if he was searching for something. Then, his hand stopped, suddenly. "EUREKA! I found it!" Removing his fingers, Charlie saw that firmly clutched in Mr. Wonka's hand was an everlasting gobstopper that Wonka had placed in there last night. Taking a lick, Mr. Wonka declared "It tastes just as delicious as the day I made it, although I don't know how I got so much corn on the shell formula." Wonka said the last line with a wink at Charlie, as if he expected him to laugh. "Oh well, time for business." And with that, Willy Wonka dropped the gobstopper to his side and began to slide his PENIS into Charlie's now-loose asshole. Charlie let out a small tear and he began to grunt with every thrust. He must escape this madness. He must kill Willy Wonka. But there were no knives in his home, in his prison. There were no guns or swords or matches, or anything. Everything that was needed was done for you by an oompa-loompa. "Charlie, in a few minutes I'm going to place this in your mouth. I think you should like it, it's flavored with an exlusive mix of Charlie Bucket chocolate. Thanks for not wiping, baby." Charlie had given himself poor anal hygeiene in an attempt to scare Wonka away, but Willy ignored it and fucked him all the same, except now with more facials. Charlie desperatly wanted out of this hell, and by now he was willing to go through any plan he could in order to escape. And that's when he saw it. Next to Wonka's shaking knees was a gobstopper. Charlie moved his hands back as if to play with Willy, but as soon as he was close enough, he grabbed the gobstopper and swallowed it hole. The taste was revolting, but he had grown used to the taste and smell of his own anal production, so it passed into his throat with no problem. And in his throat is where it lodged. By the time Willy Wonka had figured out Charlie was dead, he had already came in the young child's asshole, wondering why the child did not let loose a barage of tears telling him to pull out. Placing his PENIS in Charlie's mouth, he noticed the boy's flesh to be unusually cold and his tongue to be unresponsive. Fucking him orally anyway, Willy Wonka knew exactly what to do with his apprentice. He called out to the worker oompa-loompas and told them to take care of the body as they pleased, to which the oompa loompas chuckled and exchanged mischevious smiles. At once, he signaled for the Chief Loompa. Making motions, Wonka spoke to him. "Another one has died." "So, what should I do, sir?" "Distribute the memory eraser chocolate, again," "And then, boss?" "Tell the world that my factory is opening it's doors to the public after 15 years of life as a hermit. And make sure only boys find the gold this time." Women Dear women: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTHS, CUNTS! YOU ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS! YOU ARE NOT SMART, WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD FOR IS TO SHOW YOUR TITS AND ASS AND TO CARRY AROUND A FEW FUCKING HOLES THAT FEEL GOOD WHEN WRAPPED AROUND MY GODDAMN COCK! That's right, all a women is is a vessel for a cunt, mouth and asshole that are just begging to get fucking filled with cock. Women are the useless skin around a cunt. Goddamn bitches, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU! YOU'RE JUST A SEX TOY MADE OF MEAT FOR GUYS TO ENJOY! THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR EXISTANCE, TO BE USED LIKE A FLESHLIGHT WITH ARMS AND LEGS THAT MOANS! *THAT'S IT* Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn sluts. Every day thousands of women around the world have their clits cut off, get raped and beaten.In the USA women get killed and raped daily, yet you fucking dumb cunts still spend all of your cash just to look pretty enough so one of us superior males will fuck your goddamn holes. YOU BITCHES LOVE COCK *THAT* MUCH AND YET YOU CRY WHEN A GUY GIVES IT TO YOU AND CALL IT RAPE? FUCK YOU! GO BACK TO SHOWING TITS AND GETTING FUCKED AND NEVER OPEN YOUR MOUTHS AGAIN... 'cept to take cock. Weeaboo Girl X Y Yoshinoya rant Image:Legendary_icon.gif Myspace rant Yohinoya style Pay no attention to all that! Current mood: crazy Category: MySpace This probably makes no sense, but listen anyway. Yesterday I went to myspace, you know.. That place of meeting. Anyway, the servers kept timing out and I couldn't get in. When I finally logged in, I become angry. "326 messages! 43 Friend invites!" You fools, you IDIOTS! You don't come to Myspace and make requests to people you don't know! Myspace should be a brutal place, where people stab each other in the face from the opposite ends of the planet. That's what I would like, Emo kids and drama whores stay away if you really value your life! Anyway, I calm down and go through the business of my day. I come across a message "You don't know me, but I know this person wants you...". I'm angry again. I want to ask them, "Why do you know this and why should I meet them?" I want to interrogate them for an hour. Coming from a Myspace veteran such as myself, It's meaningful friendships That's right, Personal face to face, real life relationships with others. That's the real meaning to Myspace. That's what makes things work. It's unbeatable! Watch your back, though. This will make you appear to be an attention whore, and people will surely make notice of you. I can't recommend it to your typical emo kid. What this all means, my friend, is that you should just stick to Livejournal... Afganistan - Yoshinoya Style Anyways, >>1, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread, though. I went to Afganistan a while ago. Yeah, THAT Afganistan. Well anyways there was an insane number of mass communications there so I couldn't commence an attack. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "Al-Kaida" or something written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You don't come to Afganistan just because it's war, morons. It's just war. W-A-R for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Afganistan, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna drop'em some food." God I can't bear to watch. You people, America will do everything from there now on, so fucking clean this land of yourselves. Afganistan should be a more bloody place. That tense atmosphere, when a fight with the guy on opposite seat who recites the Coran can be started at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place. Women and children should screw off and stay home. Anyways, just when I finally calmed down, the next bastard beside me goes "let's betray Northern Alliance, shall we?" That just pissed me off even more. Who in the world deserts army and betrays, you moron? What does "let's betray Northern Alliance" have this fucking proud face of yours? I want to ask him this, do you REALLY want to betray?" I want to interrogate him. I want to fucking interrogate him for an hour. Isn't it that you just wanted to try saying "NATO"? Coming from a Afgan veteran such as myself, the latest trend in Afganistan nowadays is of course this: self-exploding terrorism. Anthrax and self-exploding terrorism. That's what you should ask for normally. Self-exploding is praised after death. But on the other hand there's not enough satisfaction in the bereaved family. This is the key. And then there's anthrax. This is the most of all. However, if you order this then there is danger that you'll be marked by the UN from next time on; it's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs. What this all really means, though, is that you, >>1, should just stick with Ramadan. You fucking retard YOU FUCKING FAGGOT RETARD. I made one of those posts and neither of the others. Stop pretending you are a mod, or actually know shit about anything. You are such a fucking idiot. I love it when stupid little dipshits with tiny dinks like you do those "Same person" line-ups and are totally wrong. Suck my big hairy cock you pathetic know-nothing little queer bait. I'll make you wear a fucking dress. What a stupid fag you are. hard to believe. Fag. Your post has led to the following conclusion(s) Your post has led to the following conclusion(s), or prompted the following reaction(s): [] JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR [] Imma chargin' my laser [] I fapped to this. [] (in, stick, pooper, etc) [] Double Tap R or Z [] [Tits | GTFO] [] We're going back to potatos [] I lol'd [] It's a trap [] Thread is made of (insert word) and win. [] Thread is made of (insert word) and lose. [] mmm, delicious copypasta [] I see what you did there. [] shop, pixels, seen a few, etc. [] wtf Which resulted in [] The party van showing up [] Being in before Bel - Air [] Doing a barrel roll [] Your being informed of my intentions. [] Surprise sex [] Anal sex [] I got my fuking power wrist. Asshole. [] Laughter [] Epic Win [] Epic Fail [] I came. [] (To be determined by evacuation of premeses or exposure of breasts.) [] wtf

anyone ever figure this out

do i need to spell it out for you?

[Mando Pandango]

nah

[wawi]

ok have a good night