there's this commercial I've seen recently, one of those "what would you do for a klondike bar" things. the premise is the husband has to listen to his wife talk for five seconds, and that's difficult enough that he deserves a klondike bar and confetti falling from the sky as a reward after he's done!
I know it's a joke, but it wouldn't be the premise of a commercial if it weren't based in reality. and I see it all the time. So many people date someone of the opposite sex that they don't really like spending time with. like, she's my "girfriend," but I don't like talking to her for long periods of time, and whenever I want to do something fun that I like, I go out with my guy friends. When they spend time with their girlfriend it's for "couple" things, going on dates, etc. This goes both ways, of course. Girls who go out with their girlfriends for a good time and don't really care about their "boyfriend" except when he buys her a nice dinner. it's like they're never really showing their real self to the other person.
What would be the downside of dating/marrying someone who's, oh I dunno, your best friend that you could talk with for hours and never get sick of being around them? Wouldn't that make more sense? Why do people marry someone who they love as a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" but wouldn't consider them their friend? I don't see how you could be happy long in a marriage/relationship if you only like them in a romantic way. that shit isn't lasting. you've gotta have a real connection in there somewhere.
what does boyah think
aaaaaand now you know why divorce rates are so high
i think that the importance of social constructs such as "dating" and "marriage" are so exaggerated in our society that most people will take any chance at doing them that they can get, regardless of whether or not they actually like the other person
oh yeah, and for sex. that too.
so it just doesn't occur to most people that you're supposed to be friends with the person you spend the rest of your life with? and the sex reason...it's all so short-sighted. maybe people don't think long-term enough
People change overtime. It is kind of strange that we believe that we can love someone for our whole life and claim it wasn't true love if it doesn't last.
well, if it helps at all, there are plenty of people that think the way you do, myself included. guess there's just a lot more that don't...or they do, but they can't manage to actually apply it to their lives/relationships.
the coolest thing about my relationship with hensa was specifically that we were both best friends and boyfriend/girlfriend. we had extremely lengthy phone conversations and never really got bored of talking every single day - it was honestly hard to find a reason to get off the phone. and when we were together, a lot of times we could just chill, like friends.
unfortunately i took the whole "friends" thing a bit too far by simply not acting like a boyfriend nearly enough, so i guess i'm proof that things can go wrong that way, too.
Quote from: Kaz on July 22, 2011, 12:58:40 PM
guess there's just a lot more that don't...or they do, but they can't manage to actually apply it to their lives/relationships.
because they're skeptical that it's even possible to find that perfect person.....so they settle for what seems right based on what everyone else's general attitude toward relationships is?
Quote from: vulpix on July 22, 2011, 01:08:38 PM
because they're skeptical that it's even possible to find that perfect person.....so they settle for what seems right based on what everyone else's general attitude toward relationships is?
probably, or their relationship simply turned sour later on
I guess another part of the problem is the emphasis on marriage....I feel like there are some people (i guess women) who are so fixed on getting "that ring" that they don't even care who the person is or what the relationship's like. As if everything will suddenly be perfect after they get married. if people were smart they'd wait years to get married--find out what it's like to grow and change together, then decide whether or not to make a lifelong commitment
I think our society places a whole lit of emphasis on the yuppie/suburban glamourous lifestyles that people have really bad ideas about what to value in a partner. I feel like a whole lot of people, even if they don't want a glamourous lifestyle, look for those qualities of oppulence, frivolity, and beauty, because that's what tv and magazines tell them to do. Also, just look at how stupid like 60% of people are. How can you expect them to make good decisions on something so complex?
I can't even imagine how going out to a bar or party or what have you, looking for a date...how could you ever seriously date someone who you weren't friends with first? I don't understand that.
because jesus hates divorce
and people hate being forever alone
Combination of various other attractions (sexual, romantic) that fade or change over time, financial benefits, rushing in to things, simply being around the same person for too long, etc. etc. etc. etc.
When I marry someone, I am going to make CERTAIN that she is awesome and I enjoy every aspect of her, and every second of being with her.
people do drugs together and think they are in love as a result.
i'd marry someone i didn't love because of obligation or feeling too afraid to reject them after all they have done for me ("lol k i'm rejecting all your efforts bye lol!")
although faintly similar, the lover i am with now hardly compares with my best frands
sure, we communicate, but i don't *know* why we're lovers and not friends or something
is it the sexual intimacy?
i could do that with my friends and they'll still be friends
does monogamy define 'love'?
then that would imply polygameous couples don't love one another!
what the fuuuuuuuu
Quote from: Clucky on August 03, 2011, 07:44:54 AM
i'd marry someone i didn't love because of obligation or feeling too afraid to reject them after all they have done for me
seriously?
Quote from: vulpix on August 04, 2011, 07:45:31 PM
seriously?
YES
it's terrible
it's too hard for me to be overly direct (yet I can be in other situations??)
i also never know if what i'm doing is grounded anyways
i keep getting stuck on what to actually do and time just flies by and everything is becoming developed and grown and i'm having both sadness and fun and there's just too many choices and too many steps cry;
i plan on being single forever and just fuck sluts. won't be hard once i'm a rockstar.
but honestly speaking, people have issues and as long as they believe love will solve all their problems they'll keep doing the same dumb shit.
not that i'm claiming to be more well adjusted or anything.
I have a theory. When you like someone, generally your instinct is to act in a way you think would impress them. Many relationships probably start this way - both partners acting differently than they normally do to impress the other.
Several things can happen with this. Possibility one is that neither partner puts on an act to begin with - they both approach each other acting like themselves, and either they fall in love and live comfortably together or realize they're not compatible and move on.
Possibility two is that both partners gradually let down their act, realize that they both feel the same way about things, and continue on happily. This is also good.
Possibility three is that the two never truly become comfortable together. They think love entails compromising their own happiness and doing things they don't like in order to be with the other person. They inevitably find escapes from each other that allow them to "be themselves" when the other isn't around. This continues on until one or both partners can eventually admit to themselves that they're not right for each other.
I think generally people are just stupid when it comes to relationships and either don't know what they want or are too neurotic to make peace with what they want.
I'm super afraid of being alone the rest of my life. So, I can foresee myself being with someone i don't really care for strongly just to not be alone. This fear kind of hurts my relationships, I think.
I see my father, who is almost 50 and in prison and won't have a place to go when he gets out. My dad fucked up a whole lot when he was married to my mom, now he's alone and will most likely be homeless again when he gets out of prison.
It scares the hell out of me, the thought of fucking up a relationship and ending up alone like my dad, so I typically will do whatever I can to please whoever I am dating. When things don't work out, I freak out and imagine being alone forever. It's completely irrational, I know. However, my feelings have a tendency to take away control from my...uh...rational side.
So, long story short, I would be with someone I didn't love out of my fear of being alone.
[spoiler]what's the phobia for this?[/spoiler]
Quote from: On Stid on August 06, 2011, 10:27:48 PM
I'm super afraid of being alone the rest of my life. So, I can foresee myself being with someone i don't really care for strongly just to not be alone. This fear kind of hurts my relationships, I think.
I see my father, who is almost 50 and in prison and won't have a place to go when he gets out. My dad fucked up a whole lot when he was married to my mom, now he's alone and will most likely be homeless again when he gets out of prison.
It scares the hell out of me, the thought of fucking up a relationship and ending up alone like my dad, so I typically will do whatever I can to please whoever I am dating. When things don't work out, I freak out and imagine being alone forever. It's completely irrational, I know. However, my feelings have a tendency to take away control from my...uh...rational side.
So, long story short, I would be with someone I didn't love out of my fear of being alone.
[spoiler]what's the phobia for this?[/spoiler]
Eremophobia or monophobia
I dated a girl earlier this year really only because she liked me, and after I realized that she was awkward and I didn't like her anymore, I stopped dating her. I'm not going to date a girl I don't like, because I'm not stupid.
I've seen what happens when you're stuck with someone you just don't fancy, and I absolutely don't want that happening to me. I'm not going to settle for anyone.
Quote from: On Stid on August 06, 2011, 10:27:48 PM
I'm super afraid of being alone the rest of my life. So, I can foresee myself being with someone i don't really care for strongly just to not be alone. This fear kind of hurts my relationships, I think.
It scares the hell out of me, the thought of fucking up a relationship and ending up alone like my dad, so I typically will do whatever I can to please whoever I am dating.
being with/doing things for someone you don't care for isn't a real relationship, and therefore will never last. as long as you have "relationships" like that, there probably is a higher chance you'll end up alone....because the relationship isn't based on mutual love for who the other truly is. without that bond, it's screwed. you've gotta try dating people who really love you for who you are, and who you truly love for who they are.
Quote from: Houdini on August 06, 2011, 01:56:06 PM
Possibility three is that the two never truly become comfortable together. They think love entails compromising their own happiness and doing things they don't like in order to be with the other person. They inevitably find escapes from each other that allow them to "be themselves" when the other isn't around. This continues on until one or both partners can eventually admit to themselves that they're not right for each other.
THIS. when you're with the person you're dating you should feel the most like yourself. you should be able to be free to be the person you really are. but all this compromising for the sake of a relationship traps people in something that's based on a lie.
but you can get rid of all of that by doing this:
Quote from: Houdini on August 06, 2011, 01:56:06 PM
Possibility one is that neither partner puts on an act to begin with - they both approach each other acting like themselves, and either they fall in love and live comfortably together or realize they're not compatible and move on.