My Life Story (Why I'm so fucked up)

[Title27GT]

I would've put this in serious discussion, but I figured there were more people here that wanted to know why I'm retarded.
It all started in Texas.
That's right. Fucking Texas.
I was born into a family with 3 other kids. One 10 years older than me, one 8 years older, and one 6 years older.
I had a loving family. It was awesome.
We skip ahead to the age of 3. My parents divorced because my father had been screwing around with his lawfirm's money and the IRS had been fucking with our lives. My father let my mother over 10,000 dollars in debt which she had to pay back immediatley. She has yet to be repaid.
In Preschool I was always the kid who randomly started crying until my mom came. Everyday after school we went to Macdonalds for the generic "101 Dalmations" happy meal toy that they always gave out.
When I was 5 we rented a condo in Austin. It sucked because we had to sell my German Shepard since he was too big. A year later, we moved to Connecticut, to the town that money magazine rated the 9th best place to live in the country. Of course a single mom with 4 kids couldn't really do this without commuting to NYC every day to work a 9 to 5 job. In 1st grade I was the first kid who got to read the chapter books. I was a .
In 3rd grade I wanted to kill myself.
In 4th and 5th grade, I was literally THE of the elementary school. I was so...fucking..popular. I think it's because I knew a lot about sports. In case you were wondering, that was the year Aaron Boone hit the walkoff in game 7, but enough about him.
Everyone was really excited about 6th grade, while I was still making jokes about how my fragile vagina could possibly handle 7 periods.
For the first two week of 6th grade I thought middle school was possibly the most awesome and revolutionary thing ever. And then my math teacher started to give me dirty looks. One time I made a joke about how UCONN lost to syracuse in the NCAA tournament, he stared me down and said "Matt, I don't think it's funny to make fun of other peoples sports teams." I think that's why I got a C. That was the worst year of my life. 7th grade was pure awesomeness. I was popular again and I was on the Jr.Babe Ruth all star team. I got good grades and had like 6 girlfriends that year. I made out with all of them and got a blowjob from the 4th one.
Just when life was awesome, my mom decided that after 6 years of commuting to New York, it was time to relocate. We found a rather shitty apartment on the EXTREMELY lower east side. I hate it. I went to PS 153. Most of the kids were asian. we were in the asian district. shit.
8th grade was horrible. It turns out, all of my teachers were asian as well.
In any case, I had one friend, and he was one of the only White kids there, and he liked baseball. My freshman year of high school was SLIGHTLY better. People knew who I was. The asian girls weren't hot asian girls, more like damaged goods. Nasty asian girls. I didn't really get good grades but I didn't give half a damn. This summer has not been cool.I did some damage to the apartment.
I was putting some potatoes in the oven for my mom, because we had potatoes with nearly every meal. (I know, I said pop tarts, but I was trying to be funny). Anyways, the oven was from 1974 from an unknown brand and it caught fire on the top of the cabinets. It did damage mainly to the kitchen, but it did enough structural damage that we couldn't live there anymore. We now live in a hotel at the end of 57th street, near Columbus Circle, until the apartment is liveable again.
Oh yea, my dad bought me a MacBook.
We travel in and out of Canada a lot now though, because my mom has meetings with the Montreal branch of her hedge fund.

The end.

[iWolf]

Can you summarize that..?

[Commander Fuckass]

I'm going to need a tissue. :'(

[anus]

omg i red it

Also, I'm not sure if you're a guy or a girl. 

[Title27GT]

Can you summarize that..?

Yea.
I'm retarded.

[Title27GT]

omg i red it

Also, I'm not sure if you're a guy or a girl. 

You obviously didn't read the part about the blowjob or the nasty asian girls.

[Tomboh]

The year you got a C was worse than the year you wanted to kill yourself?

[anus]

You obviously didn't read the part about the blowjob or the nasty asian girls.

girls can say other girls are nasty

also, they can blow your clit

burn

On a more serious note, why did you relocate? Lack of money?

[Title27GT]

girls can say other girls are nasty

also, they can blow your clit

burn

On a more serious note, why did you relocate? Lack of money?

Well my mom was seriously stressed out. She was never home. She had to go from CT to NYC every morning and every night.

[Title27GT]

The year you got a C was worse than the year you wanted to kill yourself?

I wanted to kill myself because my mom was never home 

[Tomboh]

I wanted to kill myself because my mom was never home 

Not the point...

Why was the year you got a C worse than the year you wanted to kill yourself?

[Title27GT]

Not the point...

Why was the year you got a C worse than the year you wanted to kill yourself?

Because I realized how retarded the next 7 years of my life were going to be, little did I know I was moving to asiantown.

[Title27GT]

rofl :'(

Why the fuck do you have the iChat smilies?

[LCK]

tl; dr

Why the fuck do you have the iChat smilies?

I assume that's the only one we have.
BUT IT'S ADORABLE.

[Andrew1911]

i luv how u embellished certain aspects leik u getin a blowjob

lol