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Started by C.Mongler, August 07, 2018, 04:52:37 PM

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Nyerp

reading a bunch of my own posts and wow i'm a really negative and unlikable person. anyway time for bed

YPrrrr

Wow there were a lot of posts yesterday.

Get well soon Ridley

YPrrrr



Sports, pokemon, smash, mtg, and I'm the last person alive to still watch nostalgia critic

I'm sorry you all had to see this

YPrrrr

Quote from: Nyerp on March 14, 2019, 02:51:25 AMreading a bunch of my own posts and wow i'm a really negative and unlikable person. anyway time for bed
You may be negative but far from unlikable  :3

C.Mongler

reading my posts i just like to argue a lot

YPrrrr

Yeah pretty much half my posts are just me being contrarian

C.Mongler

Quote from: YPrrrr on March 14, 2019, 06:25:33 AMYeah pretty much half my posts are just me being contrarian
fuck you, no you're not!!!

antmaster5000

Quote from: Minus; on March 14, 2019, 12:35:30 AM
Quote from: Samus Aran on March 13, 2019, 05:32:31 PMi've gotten alpharad stuff in my recs too, mostly because i follow lythero

I probably just watch too many smash ultimate videos
It's like I want to get better so I watch videos, but then I just suck
The vids will help but ULTIMATEly you just have to play a fuck ton

YPrrrr

Quote from: C.Mongler on March 14, 2019, 06:28:00 AM
Quote from: YPrrrr on March 14, 2019, 06:25:33 AMYeah pretty much half my posts are just me being contrarian
fuck you, no you're not!!!
If we just argue back and forth forever we can save boyah hocuspocus;

C.Mongler

just need to vent for a sec cuz i had a weird soft mental breakdown at like 3 am last night


but watching someone you love die of cancer sucks fucking shit man  saddood; 

YPrrrr

It's not going well?  :(

C.Mongler

naw, not at all. i havent really updated in a while, mostly cuz it makes me sad to talk about and i also have been busy as a dog in heat, but yeah. long story short, she had a proceedure done in oct that in nov they thought showed great signs of success. there wasn't really anything else they could do at the time, so we were told to chill until jan when they would do another scan and see how the treatment progressed.

well in jan we did the scan and we got some shitty fucking news. the treatment didn't progress, the cancer did. her tumor continued to grow and had become metastatic, spreading to her stomach, ovaries, and lungs. we were fucking floored because she seemed to have been doing so well prior to that. she was given 4 to 6 months to live in january.

in that time i had gotten engaged, and we were tentatively planning our wedding for december. this is why we did a rush turnaround and planned a small wedding in 6 weeks that happened at the beginning of this month. i had to have her be there, i didn't really give a shit if it wasn't a dream wedding or whatever, though it turned out great anyway too. i'm happy as fuck she made it for that, because i hope once this is all settled that will be one of our fondest (final) memories of her. here's a nice pic of us all



anyway, i think the wedding was giving her a lot of life and energy, because while she seemed in full spirits at the wedding, her health has been rapidly deteriorating. she barely has the energy to be out of bed for more than 2-3 hours a day now. she's coughing a fuck ton. she's retaining a ton of liquid (we had to get it drained last week) so she's super bloated, and it's a likely sign her liver is starting to fail. she can barely eat, which probably isn't helping her energy levels. she's constantly uncomfortable, again, because it looks like her abdomen is more tumor than organs at this point. she's quickly losing mobility, and i'm not sure she's even going to be able to shit or shower on her own come next week.

i really don't know how much time we have left. i think my gf is trying to be optimistic about it so i havent said or talked about this with anyone really, but i think we only have weeks left at this point, if that. i think it would be a god damn miracle if she made it to the end of april at the rate things seem to be going. which sucks, because she's been like a second mother to me these past few years. and she's my wife's ONLY blood family, and on top of her severe depression, i'm also fucking terrified of what it's going to do to her when her mom does pass. idk.

the hardest thing right now is just watching her suffer. it's getting to the point where she's basically not even "living", she's just kind of getting by until her body shits the bed. ive never really had to deal with it before, but now that i'm here i think its kind of bullshit that our society dictates that there is some sanctity and having her just suffer until her body can't take it anymore. i think it'd be a shitload more dignified to be able to say our goodbyes, cry and embrace, and hold her hand as a doctor artificially pulls the plug. idk maybe this is out of left field but my mental crisis last night just revolved around how much we're going to have to watch her endure this suffering, which just breaks my heart.

anyway i said this would be short, but yeah get yourselves checked for whatever cancer screenings are available yall i wouldnt wish this shit on anyone

YPrrrr

Oh my god...

I had no idea, that's horrible I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what that must be like. I don't know what to say... :(

C.Mongler

Quote from: YPrrrr on March 14, 2019, 09:00:28 AMOh my god...

I had no idea, that's horrible I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what that must be like. I don't know what to say... :(
that's fine homey, there's not really much anyone can say. it's part of my problem with trying to help my wife too, there's nothing i can really say either, all i can do is listen. not like you can "it'll be fine" because, well, she's gonna die. it's not gonna be fine in that regard.
but idk, there's silver linings i guess. i've gotten to know her mom so much better than i ever have going through this with them. and while cancer is a slow, shitty process, there are definitely diseases (and circumstances like a car accident or some shit) that take lives much more rapidly and unexpectedly than this does. we at least have had months to make peace, make memories, and try to make her last days the best we possibly can.
at the end of the day, this will eventually be over and we'll move on with our lives and i have to hold on to that. it sucks that 'being over' will mean that we'll be without her, but she will at least finally be at peace and I think that's all we want more than anything, at least given the realistic options on the table.
call ya mommas y'all thats all i can say

David

Quote from: Nyerp on March 14, 2019, 02:51:25 AMreading a bunch of my own posts and wow i'm a really negative and unlikable person. anyway time for bed


I don't think you're unlikable :(

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