Fancy Feast

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

I’m an aware driver.
I’m an aggressive one though.

There are a few different types of aggressive drivers.

1. The tailgaters
2.  The authoritative driver

So there’s two types of aggressive drivers. I’m of the latter variety. See, when I get to that four way stop and four cars get there at once, I’m the one who leads the charge and creates order.  Authoritative drivers know their place on the road, both figuratively and literally. I stand by my driving habits.

So, I’m off to class this morning and I’m feeling about as chipper as the weird soggy sock that ended up in the tree in front of my house (it’s been there for months!) and I’m driving and everything. So, I’m on a two way street, but I have two lanes on my end, right? The right lane is right turn only and my lane is dedicated to going straight.

Easy.

There’s a rust bitten sedan on my three o clock and there’s loud music belching out of those tinted windows and everything. It’s delicious.

Me and sedan leave the stop sign at the same time, and instead of him going right, he decides to fly the straight and narrow.

This isn’t a very good thing because the two lanes have merged drastically into a cozy little single lane.

I see that he’s fully intended on going straight, so I accelerate and turn in front of him violently, missing the bumper of the vehicle going the opposite direction by inches.

I lay on my horn and, because of my happy mood, give him the extra one finger salute. But mr. sedan clearly is under the impression that I’m in the wrong. Or he didn’t like my finger.

He’s hot on my six, pounding his horn and gesticulating in rhythm to his glass shattering bass line. I didn’t think too much of it until it looked like maybe he was going exactly where I was going. Maybe.

So I turned down a remote little street.
Sedan follows.
I turn into a parking lot to turn around.
Sedan follows.

I don’t want to park my car now. What if this guy has a lead pipe in his front seat made for busting knees? What if he’s packing a six shooter or something?

If I park my car, he’s going to do something to me probably.
He’ll at least do something to my car when I walk to class.
Class was starting soon too.

So, I try to lose him. By now he knows I know he’s following me.
I slow down by a yellow light and gun through it last second.
Follows.
I make a few clean breaks by stop signs.
Fucker follows.
One of the last roads I was on runs next to a train track. And then, I see it. Train coming down. Just have to make it past it before I reach the crossing. Fucking cinematic.

But I got there too late.
I sat there for a minute with pissed off sedan behind me.

Eventually made a violent u-turn and sedan got cut off by another car in the next lane.

I was late for class.

[Socks]

Hahaha, I am of the same variety!

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

You should learn to be more confrontational.

I did. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I was driving down the street. There is a school bus stopped, dropping off children.

The pick up truck in front of me doesn't stop. The bus driver looks at the truck and throws his hands up.

I'm coming to a stop, the bus driver makes eye contact with me. He start pointing his finger at me and says "YOU BETTER STOP", after I've already stopped.

I point back at him, lean out my window and start yelling at him. "I AM STOPPED YOU ASSHOLE."

He gives me a thumbs up, and I keep jabbing my finger at him as we pass.

asshole.

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

You should learn to be more confrontational.

I did. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I was driving down the street. There is a school bus stopped, dropping off children.

The pick up truck in front of me doesn't stop. The bus driver looks at the truck and throws his hands up.

I'm coming to a stop, the bus driver makes eye contact with me. He start pointing his finger at me and says "YOU BETTER STOP", after I've already stopped.

I point back at him, lean out my window and start yelling at him. "I AM STOPPED YOU ASSHOLE."

He gives me a thumbs up, and I keep jabbing my finger at him as we pass.

asshole.

I can be plenty confrontational when I need to be.
I also don't like shitty drivers taking out their frustrations on my car windows when I'm in class though.

[snoorkel]

I have become far more confrontational since moving to CA, it's normal and accepted (as it is everywhere except the midwest / suburbs / other empty places probably) ... honk before the turn arrow even turns green, 19 cars on red, fuck if I have to wait more than 1.5 seconds for anything etc

[YPrrrr]

Sounds like he is confrontational enough, I'm not going to piss off a guy blaring music like an asshole from a shitty ass car. Because he's probably an asshole.

[Socks]

i was slightly drunk once and yelled at a lady in a Lincoln town car. she was behind me in line and was one of those women who think they are men, with their short slicked back hair and skinny necks. but really look like a hen in roost. there is a little winding exit entry pass from one freeway to another and you cannot see the end of it from either end. so we waited and waited and slowly inched our way forward. but aha, you see, at the mouth there is another lane which merges into and then both of these--but it is really one-- must merge into still another lane before it reaches the freeway. and yeah, it's a fucking stupid design and whoever built it should be shot. but this fucking bitch waits until we are almost there, and then beeps her horn at me when i have no where to go because a truck is zooming up with oncoming traffic. i am not dying for some stringed out whore. so i rolled down my window and let her have it. score.

[Hiro]

gimme a break, gim-me a break, break me off a piece of that fan-cy-feast...

[Commander Fuckass]

Im an alpha as fuck tailgating asshole

[silvertone]

i am a really Passive driver.