When all of the sudden, there arose such a clatter...

[LCK]

I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter. 
I grabbed the chord and opened the blinds...
And there was my girlfriend, quite out of her mind.
My heart stopped, frozen with fear
As she tapped on the glass with a vodka bottle... filled just 'bout to here.
I knew the window couldn't much take it
And she was screaming "Unlock it, you bastard, or I swear I'll break it!"
I couldn't let her do that, it twas my father's place. 
So I opened the door... and she punched me in the face!
So summoning my manhood, from bottom to top...
I screamed like a little girl, "I'm calling the cops!"

Ah, god. I watched "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell is Bleeding" last night. Hot damn, I was laughing my ass off.