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Boyah Confession Booth (Retired)

Started by Boyager, July 14, 2008, 12:53:37 AM

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Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 24, 2008, 08:00:52 AM
I guess it was just a delusion for expecting someone to feel the same about me. I tried to tell them this, and they kept saying it wasn't true, but it was.
meaty cocks


Boyager

his pregger future drawing made me go aww :(

Boyager

God damn him for making me realize what the fuck is wrong with me. :(

Boyager


Boyager


Boyager

I wish there was an easy solution.

Boyager

today is the first time i've ever cried in public at school. ever. at any school.
it was so fucking embarrassing and i tried so fucking hard to not let tears roll down my cheeks but i just couldn't.
nobody wants this more than i do. and i hate that "oh, you're a junior, you have next year" is a deciding factor. :0
don't expect me to be alive tomorrow at this time.

Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 25, 2008, 04:51:58 PM
today is the first time i've ever cried in public at school. ever. at any school.
it was so fucking embarrassing and i tried so fucking hard to not let tears roll down my cheeks but i just couldn't.
nobody wants this more than i do. and i hate that "oh, you're a junior, you have next year" is a deciding factor. :0
don't expect me to be alive tomorrow at this time.
no. no.
Don't do that.  :(

just remember how it felt when someone else said something like that. don't repeat that :(

Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 25, 2008, 04:51:58 PM
today is the first time i've ever cried in public at school. ever. at any school.
it was so fucking embarrassing and i tried so fucking hard to not let tears roll down my cheeks but i just couldn't.
nobody wants this more than i do. and i hate that "oh, you're a junior, you have next year" is a deciding factor. :0
don't expect me to be alive tomorrow at this time.
what happened  saddood;

Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 25, 2008, 04:53:42 PM
no. no.
Don't do that.  :(

just remember how it felt when someone else said something like that. don't repeat that :(


i would never
i'm not suicidal and i wouldn't even do any physical self-infliction
i'm just really... some emotion words can't describe

Boyager

Tonight I read the most beautiful thing that I ever have. Ever.

I feel in love but with nobody and I hardly know what to do with myself.

Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 25, 2008, 05:32:28 PM
Tonight I read the most beautiful thing that I ever have. Ever.

I feel in love but with nobody and I hardly know what to do with myself.
what was ittt

Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 25, 2008, 05:38:12 PM
what was ittt


[spoiler]& a tree book to make people realize that they are already alive

you & I were ten & twelve when you told me that the most beautiful creatures in the world are made of butter. I did not believe in you, but you repeated yourself and asked

â,"are they made of clay then?â,
â,"no!â,
â,"so what are they made of?â,

and I was not sure what to say, I giggled and you smiled tenderly. and then a butterfly flew in the sky with a big white fluffy cloud, it was like a small rainbow had been attached to the blue sky and I told you to look at it and you did and grinned. I could tell from your eyes that everything was absolutely fine. then suddenly I realized,

â,"butterâ,¦
â,¦flies.â,

you burst into a laugh, but I was not even slightly amused. I left you in that place, and did not speak to you until the following morning. when I told my mum the story, she laughed the same way as you did and I did not speak to her for a minute or two. she made me hot chocolate and asked if you wanted some, but without a hesitation I replied for you and then there was an empty cup next to mine.

I never said I am sorry, although I wished to. but you were never angry, and you forgave me without me even asking for it. you told me that people do stuff that they do not mean to do, and then their actions lead to even worse situations when they have realized their mistakes. I was too young to follow your philosophy, but I felt like you understood me in every way possible and I began to encourage you to write a book!

â,"what would I write about?â,
â,"about butter?â,
â,"flies.â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"but that is our secret.â,
â,"is it a secret?â,
â,"well you did not know it before. people are build to miss the simplest things in their lives.â,
â,"why?â,
â,"when you notice them for the first time, you experience a feeling that makes everything beautiful around you. then you believe.â,
â,"believe in what?â,
â,"in the world.â,
â,"your book would make me believe in everything.â,

and then you began to write a book, not because I asked you to, but because you wanted to. you wrote words in my fatherâ,,,s grey notebook, once you did not have anything to write on but you felt like putting down your thoughts on something so you plucked a plum and wrote penned a word or two. one evening my mother wished to know how you were doing, and I told her that you were finally writing a book. what kind of a book, she asked and I did not what to say.

â,"a book.â,
â,"but what kind of a book?â,
â,"you tell me, you were the one who suggested that I should write a book.â,
â,"maybe you should write a flower book and make them alive!â,
â,"but they are already alive.â,
â,"no they are not.â,
â,"who told you that?â,
â,"no one. but they do not move nor do they speak. how could they be alive?â,
â,"have you ever seen a flower in love?â,
â,"no.â,
â,"because you believe that they cannot be in love?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"have you ever seen a tree shivering?â,
â,"how does it shiver?â,
â,"when its friends begin to fall from the branches.â,
â,"but it does not have any friends.â,
â,"leaves. it loses its friends every autumn.â,
â,"that is sad.â,
â,"I know.â,
â,"you should write a tree book.â,
â,"to make them alive?â,
â,"no, silly. to make people realize that they are already alive.â,

when I saw a maple tree shivering its leaves, it was the first time I felt sad for something that I thought was not alive. one morning I walked across a blooming flower field with my mother, and told her the same story. we both decided to be careful with daisies and papavers as we did want to trample on them when knowing that they are alive. when I saw a mahogany tree on the path to the school stripped off from its friends, I sat next to it and spoke to it. people walked by, wondering if I was lost and crying and then the tree whispered

â,"thank you.â,
â,"you speak?â,
â,"occasionally.â,
â,"why not more often?â,
â,"to whom I would talk?â,
â,"your friends.â,
â,"they are not here.â,
â,"and when they are?â,
â,"we do not talk.â,
â,"why?â,
â,"because.â,
â,"because?â,
â,"we do not need words.â,
â,"but you have conversations?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"how?â,
â,"with our minds.â,
â,"is that possible?â,
â,"I guess so if I do it.â,
â,"wow.â,

when I told you the story about the fields, the mahogany tree and his (or her, I am not completely sure) magical way to connect with his friends, you smiled and said

â,"Iâ,,,m happy.â,
â,"why?â,
â,"because youâ,,,re happy.â,
â,"am I?â,
â,"are not you?â,
â,"should I be?â,
â,"how many questions can we answer by asking a question?â,
â,"there are a bucketful of questions in the world.â,
â,"four.â,
â,"four what?â,
â,"we answered a question with a question four times.â,
â,"so there are not a bucketful of questions?â,
â,"you love questions, you know that?â,
â,"I do. that is how you solve the world.â,
â,"you do not need to ask questions to solve this mystery.â,
â,"what then?â,
â,"well I cannot really answer to your question now or otherwise you just figured out the worldâ,,,s mystery by asking a question.â,
â,"see.â,
â,"and now you resolved the problem yourself.â,
â,"what?â,
â,"to see.â,
â,"see what?â,
â,"you figure out the world by seeing. people do not only miss the simplest things in the world, but also the answers to the questions that are asked every single day by at least sixteen different people.â,
â,"where?â,
â,"in front of you.â,
â,"now?â,
â,"always.â,
â,"I do not see it.â,
â,"because you are looking for something.â,
â,"is not that the point?â,
â,"no.â,
â,"I feel like I should ask a question.â,
â,"I was not expecting one.â,
â,"because I do not solve the worldâ,,,s mystery by presenting questions.â,
â,"but if you wish to â,“ â,"
â,"what about blind people?â,
â,"what about them?â,
â,"how will they see?â,
â,"they see.â,
â,"but they are blind.â,
â,"and a blind person does not see?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"fine.â,
â,"you want to tell me that they can see?â,
â,"more than anyone else.â,

we had conversations about stars that became rain, you spoke of African dream and I had always a bucketful of questions with me. then something began to change. we grew.

the older I was, the less I saw you. my mother ceased asking questions about you. I pretended to be blind to find you, but it was too bright. one morning, when walking to my school for the last time, I saw the mahogany tree with his friends, they were cheerfully green.

â,"hello there.â,
â,"your friends are beautiful.â,
â,"thank you.â,
â,"why are you speaking to?â,
â,"because I felt like it.â,
â,"you are as confusing as my friend used to be.â,
â,"used to be?â,
â,"I have not seen my friend for long time?â,
â,"where did you friend go?â,
â,"I do not know.â,
â,"have you tried closing your eyes?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"why did he go?â,
â,"because I grew older, I think.â,
â,"how old are you?â,
â,"thirteen.â,
â,"and your friend is?â,
â,"eleven.â,
â,"can I be honest with you?â,
â,"I guess so.â,
â,"I know your friend.â,
â,"what? do you know how I could find â,“â,
â,"no, I do not.â,
â,"your friend spoke a lot of good things about you. we met long before you talked to me.â,
â,"thank you. I guess.â,
â,"do not be sad. you have not lost your friend.â,
â,"but it feels like it.â,
â,"you will be together again.â,
â,"how do you know?â,
â,"you like to ask questions, donâ,,,t you?â,
â,"I am tired of asking.â,
â,"do not be.â,
â,"was not that the lesson?â,
â,"I do not know.â,
â,"who knows?â,
â,"your friend.â,
â,"who is gone.â,
â,"not for long time.â,
â,"what do you know?â,
â,"I lose my friends every autumn, and they still come back.â,
â,"Iâ,,,m sorry.â,
â,"Iâ,,,m not.â,

I sat next to the tree, and we discussed some more. he reminded me of you, although he was a lot grumpier than you were when I answered to his question by asking another question. he told me stories about you, and I told him stories about you and we both felt that we knew you better than anyone else in the world.

â,"the most beautiful creatures are made of butter.â,
â,"I know.â,
â,"how? it was a secret.â,
â,"because you told me it without talking.â,



your book was entitled, a tree book to make people realize that the trees are already alive. you spoke to me without words, and I understood it.[/spoiler]


Hope you think it's as good as I do because I feel very strange for it (good things, of course)

Boyager

Quote from: Boyager on September 25, 2008, 05:41:47 PM
[spoiler]& a tree book to make people realize that they are already alive

you & I were ten & twelve when you told me that the most beautiful creatures in the world are made of butter. I did not believe in you, but you repeated yourself and asked

â,"are they made of clay then?â,
â,"no!â,
â,"so what are they made of?â,

and I was not sure what to say, I giggled and you smiled tenderly. and then a butterfly flew in the sky with a big white fluffy cloud, it was like a small rainbow had been attached to the blue sky and I told you to look at it and you did and grinned. I could tell from your eyes that everything was absolutely fine. then suddenly I realized,

â,"butterâ,¦
â,¦flies.â,

you burst into a laugh, but I was not even slightly amused. I left you in that place, and did not speak to you until the following morning. when I told my mum the story, she laughed the same way as you did and I did not speak to her for a minute or two. she made me hot chocolate and asked if you wanted some, but without a hesitation I replied for you and then there was an empty cup next to mine.

I never said I am sorry, although I wished to. but you were never angry, and you forgave me without me even asking for it. you told me that people do stuff that they do not mean to do, and then their actions lead to even worse situations when they have realized their mistakes. I was too young to follow your philosophy, but I felt like you understood me in every way possible and I began to encourage you to write a book!

â,"what would I write about?â,
â,"about butter?â,
â,"flies.â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"but that is our secret.â,
â,"is it a secret?â,
â,"well you did not know it before. people are build to miss the simplest things in their lives.â,
â,"why?â,
â,"when you notice them for the first time, you experience a feeling that makes everything beautiful around you. then you believe.â,
â,"believe in what?â,
â,"in the world.â,
â,"your book would make me believe in everything.â,

and then you began to write a book, not because I asked you to, but because you wanted to. you wrote words in my fatherâ,,,s grey notebook, once you did not have anything to write on but you felt like putting down your thoughts on something so you plucked a plum and wrote penned a word or two. one evening my mother wished to know how you were doing, and I told her that you were finally writing a book. what kind of a book, she asked and I did not what to say.

â,"a book.â,
â,"but what kind of a book?â,
â,"you tell me, you were the one who suggested that I should write a book.â,
â,"maybe you should write a flower book and make them alive!â,
â,"but they are already alive.â,
â,"no they are not.â,
â,"who told you that?â,
â,"no one. but they do not move nor do they speak. how could they be alive?â,
â,"have you ever seen a flower in love?â,
â,"no.â,
â,"because you believe that they cannot be in love?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"have you ever seen a tree shivering?â,
â,"how does it shiver?â,
â,"when its friends begin to fall from the branches.â,
â,"but it does not have any friends.â,
â,"leaves. it loses its friends every autumn.â,
â,"that is sad.â,
â,"I know.â,
â,"you should write a tree book.â,
â,"to make them alive?â,
â,"no, silly. to make people realize that they are already alive.â,

when I saw a maple tree shivering its leaves, it was the first time I felt sad for something that I thought was not alive. one morning I walked across a blooming flower field with my mother, and told her the same story. we both decided to be careful with daisies and papavers as we did want to trample on them when knowing that they are alive. when I saw a mahogany tree on the path to the school stripped off from its friends, I sat next to it and spoke to it. people walked by, wondering if I was lost and crying and then the tree whispered

â,"thank you.â,
â,"you speak?â,
â,"occasionally.â,
â,"why not more often?â,
â,"to whom I would talk?â,
â,"your friends.â,
â,"they are not here.â,
â,"and when they are?â,
â,"we do not talk.â,
â,"why?â,
â,"because.â,
â,"because?â,
â,"we do not need words.â,
â,"but you have conversations?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"how?â,
â,"with our minds.â,
â,"is that possible?â,
â,"I guess so if I do it.â,
â,"wow.â,

when I told you the story about the fields, the mahogany tree and his (or her, I am not completely sure) magical way to connect with his friends, you smiled and said

â,"Iâ,,,m happy.â,
â,"why?â,
â,"because youâ,,,re happy.â,
â,"am I?â,
â,"are not you?â,
â,"should I be?â,
â,"how many questions can we answer by asking a question?â,
â,"there are a bucketful of questions in the world.â,
â,"four.â,
â,"four what?â,
â,"we answered a question with a question four times.â,
â,"so there are not a bucketful of questions?â,
â,"you love questions, you know that?â,
â,"I do. that is how you solve the world.â,
â,"you do not need to ask questions to solve this mystery.â,
â,"what then?â,
â,"well I cannot really answer to your question now or otherwise you just figured out the worldâ,,,s mystery by asking a question.â,
â,"see.â,
â,"and now you resolved the problem yourself.â,
â,"what?â,
â,"to see.â,
â,"see what?â,
â,"you figure out the world by seeing. people do not only miss the simplest things in the world, but also the answers to the questions that are asked every single day by at least sixteen different people.â,
â,"where?â,
â,"in front of you.â,
â,"now?â,
â,"always.â,
â,"I do not see it.â,
â,"because you are looking for something.â,
â,"is not that the point?â,
â,"no.â,
â,"I feel like I should ask a question.â,
â,"I was not expecting one.â,
â,"because I do not solve the worldâ,,,s mystery by presenting questions.â,
â,"but if you wish to â,“ â,"
â,"what about blind people?â,
â,"what about them?â,
â,"how will they see?â,
â,"they see.â,
â,"but they are blind.â,
â,"and a blind person does not see?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"fine.â,
â,"you want to tell me that they can see?â,
â,"more than anyone else.â,

we had conversations about stars that became rain, you spoke of African dream and I had always a bucketful of questions with me. then something began to change. we grew.

the older I was, the less I saw you. my mother ceased asking questions about you. I pretended to be blind to find you, but it was too bright. one morning, when walking to my school for the last time, I saw the mahogany tree with his friends, they were cheerfully green.

â,"hello there.â,
â,"your friends are beautiful.â,
â,"thank you.â,
â,"why are you speaking to?â,
â,"because I felt like it.â,
â,"you are as confusing as my friend used to be.â,
â,"used to be?â,
â,"I have not seen my friend for long time?â,
â,"where did you friend go?â,
â,"I do not know.â,
â,"have you tried closing your eyes?â,
â,"yes.â,
â,"why did he go?â,
â,"because I grew older, I think.â,
â,"how old are you?â,
â,"thirteen.â,
â,"and your friend is?â,
â,"eleven.â,
â,"can I be honest with you?â,
â,"I guess so.â,
â,"I know your friend.â,
â,"what? do you know how I could find â,“â,
â,"no, I do not.â,
â,"your friend spoke a lot of good things about you. we met long before you talked to me.â,
â,"thank you. I guess.â,
â,"do not be sad. you have not lost your friend.â,
â,"but it feels like it.â,
â,"you will be together again.â,
â,"how do you know?â,
â,"you like to ask questions, donâ,,,t you?â,
â,"I am tired of asking.â,
â,"do not be.â,
â,"was not that the lesson?â,
â,"I do not know.â,
â,"who knows?â,
â,"your friend.â,
â,"who is gone.â,
â,"not for long time.â,
â,"what do you know?â,
â,"I lose my friends every autumn, and they still come back.â,
â,"Iâ,,,m sorry.â,
â,"Iâ,,,m not.â,

I sat next to the tree, and we discussed some more. he reminded me of you, although he was a lot grumpier than you were when I answered to his question by asking another question. he told me stories about you, and I told him stories about you and we both felt that we knew you better than anyone else in the world.

â,"the most beautiful creatures are made of butter.â,
â,"I know.â,
â,"how? it was a secret.â,
â,"because you told me it without talking.â,



your book was entitled, a tree book to make people realize that the trees are already alive. you spoke to me without words, and I understood it.[/spoiler]


Hope you think it's as good as I do because I feel very strange for it (good things, of course)

From what I understand his/her friend was [spoiler]an imaginary friend?[/spoiler]

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