Boyah Confession Booth (Retired)

[Boyager]

because i abuse luff

k

You'll have to start caring about yourself first

Why?

For luls.

oh

[Boyager]

Why?

because you'll be some parasite depending on some person for happiness forever

[Boyager]

because you'll be some parasite depending on some person for happiness forever

So I'm just a parasite?

[Boyager]

So I'm just a parasite?

you're the tape worm to my duodenum

[Boyager]

you're the tape worm to my duodenum

No, tell me.
Do you only see me as a parasite?

[Boyager]

No, tell me.
Do you only see me as a parasite?

no
you're heading in that direction though meaty cocks

[Boyager]

no
you're heading in that direction though meaty cocks

awesome.

[Boyager]

awesome.

[Boyager]

You act like you're the only one hurt by this when you're not.  You know damn well that I didn't mean it, but are you certain that you're not just hurting me to get back at me?
You claim "it doesn't matter anymore[:" yet your behavior says otherwise.  You still hold simple mistakes against me.

I get it; you're not happy.  How exactly is pushing away somehow who loves you supposed to fix that?  You tell me about your parents, psychologists, teachers, and everyone who tried to get through and couldn't so they gave up.  I'm not giving up, stop trying to make me give up.

You said you don't want that bullshit that everyone else has given you: "You're a wonderful intelligent, gifted person".  I'm not giving you that.  I'm not going to lie to you or make you think everything is okay constantly.  Yes, I probably am too aggressive when going after problems but you have to realize ignoring them won't do anything.  Yes, it hurts a little to talk about them or think about it, but it will help if you just discuss them and stop pretending they aren't there.  Acknowledge them, I do and, to me, they don't get in the way of your perfection.

There are other people telling me to do the same to you.  To make you feel awful, be mean to you, insult you, and all of what you do when I screw up, just so you can see how it feels.  I can't do that to you, I know how terrible it is and I couldn't put you through the same thing.

And yes, I'm sorry I broke that promise.  I didn't mean to though.  Let's look at the circumstances that I made the promise under:  I was rejected twice in one day, then LIED to about something and got upset--you wanted that.  You said you did it because "you wanted me to hate you", but I only got upset: I got mad at myself I didn't hate you.  I didn't know you were lying though; instead I felt awful.  I thought I had really hurt your feelings because you had done nothing wrong.   I made the promise that it wouldn't happen again--a promise that was based on something that never really happened. No, it doesn't diminish the fact that I promised something and I'm not expecting it to, but can you at least forgive me now?

For someone who's made so many promises herself and broke them(calling, picture with the only comment upon breaking that promise being "whoops", another picture, and plenty of other promises. Hey, wasn't NOT lying anymore one of those promises?) intentionally I don't see how you can be so upset to not talk to me and not forgive me for breaking a promise I didn't mean to break and was based on something you lied to me about. I've repeatedly apologized and I meant it.  How many times did you show concern when you broke a promise knowing how much they mean to me?

I try to do so much for you, and you won't ever just let a small mistake drop.  You insist on making me feel awful for something I didn't mean to do, while I forgive you right away for anything; lying, insulting me, everything. Let's go back to last year.  I got you a game, you said nothing; I did not complain or ask for anything.  I bought you some music; you said nothing and I didn't complain or ask for anything.  You wanted me to write some powerpoint slides for you and I did while you completely ignored me to talk to Socks--do you know how that felt, trying to do something for you while you ignored me and made me feel boring? Once I finished the powerpoint stuff you didn't say anything to me.  I did another powerpoint, nothing was said.  I didn't expect anything from you.  I bought you another game, you didn't say anything in return.  I did all of those things because I love you and I wasn't expecting anything in return, the fact that you never even thanked me didn't even bother me. There was that one time in the summer you said you felt bad for never saying thank you, but you never actually said it.

Same with apologizes. Have you ever seriously said sorry once? Most of the time it's just "sowwie[:". No, I forgave you for each of those times too. You didn't need to say anything.

So please, if you really did feel bad about any of that, don't try to "make up for it" by ignoring me.  Just tell me and forgive me.

I'm always writing posts like this and PMs to you, spending hours writing programs for you, an hour here for a drawing, another hour for another drawing, and maybe weeks just planning to do something special for you, and you ignore the posts and PMs, you never say anything about the drawings or programs.  Why?
  Are they that bad, that meaningless that you don't care to think about what they really mean?

Do you realize how much I cry over this? How often I lie in bed crying, or wake up in the middle night to cry? It's much more than you think.  Everything seemed fine, then you tried leaving in June.  Then we started arguing, and you tried leaving again, and that repeated all summer. 
I wish things could be like they were before that... without constantly arguing; without always being afraid that you're going to try leaving again; without either one of us ending up crying at least once a week. Can you at least try?  I can't do that by myself.

I'm sorry, and I love you.  Please just stop this and talk to me, I didn't mean it and you know it. I just want to try to make things work.

holy shit

[Boyager]

i'm going to be honest here

the whole clucky/jmv thing pisses me off because jmv's a great guy and he deserves what he wants, especially since he's so loving toward clucky

he deserves a straight answer back for once, even if it's bad news

and for once in her goddamn life, clucky should let someone really help her instead of filling her void with nonsensical babble about how she's such a bad person

she's only making everything worse for herself, not to mention i know it hurts jmv to see her like that

[Boyager]

my childhood was pretty much perfect compared to what a bunch of people here have gone through

[Boyager]

i'm going to be honest here

the whole clucky/jmv thing pisses me off because jmv's a great guy and he deserves what he wants, especially since he's so loving toward clucky

he deserves a straight answer back for once, even if it's bad news

and for once in her goddamn life, clucky should let someone really help her instead of filling her void with nonsensical babble about how she's such a bad person

she's only making everything worse for herself, not to mention i know it hurts jmv to see her like that

I can only agree. It really saddens me to see them both struggling through what should be happy times. Poor guys. I really do worry about them, and I'm not even involved. :'(

[Boyager]

it must be mating season because i want it. 

[Boyager]

it must be mating season because i want it. 

want what

[Boyager]

want what

to mate with her.