Jurassic Park III II: The Remake or FUCKING READ, YOU FUCKING WHORES

[Andrew1911]

Jurassic Park III was a colossal pile of shit. I'm sure most of us could agree with that statement, right? So... I'm remaking it. Right now. At this very moment. From what was something so awful that Spielberg refused to direct it will become a beautiful monument to my greatness. Enjoy Jurassic Park III II: The Remaking.



Alternative titles included Jurassic Park III: The Cash In, Jurassic Park III: Whoops, Jurassic Park III: Thanks for your Money, Sucka!, and Jurassic Park III: When Spielberg doesn't direct this one and he directed the Lost World, you should've known.



"Hey, is this rope safe, bra? I mean, it doesn't feel very sturdy."



"Hey, senor, I checked it last month. What the hell could have happened to it from one month? Whiny gringo... You gringos ready to take off or what?"



"Let's do it to it, bra! You sure you'll be safe here, bra?"



"Hey, I'll be fine, gringo! It's not like dinosaurs can swim or anything! Enjoy your flight, gringos!"



"Whee! It's like I'm flying! Hey, what happened to those Latino guys? It appears that a well placed fog is blocking our view of the ship. Hm... Hope nothing ate them."





"Oh, snap, bra."

[Samus Aran]

Oh god, that movie was horrible. I almost cried when I watched it, but then I redeemed myself by watching the original Jurassic Park that same day.

Also, yes, well-placed fog and people disappearing. How cliche, right? The whole movie was a steaming pile of cliches, rehashes, and drawn out...everything. ;-;

[Andrew1911]

"Kill, my pets! Kill for my amusement!"



"Now, Billy, those dinosaurs wouldn't kill each other. See, they're from different time periods. What you want to do is put the T-Rex in to fight the Triceratops."



"I don't care, dinosaur man. I'm playing."



"Listen, fuck rat. Do you know what kind of things a T-Rex will do to your body? First, he'll sniff you out. Then, he'll open his jaw and bite down hard. But, you'll still be alive. You'll feel every crunch as he chews your tiny body until you dissolve into a nice, spongy mass for his stomach to slowly digest. Now, I will shove these fucking plastic toys down your god damn throat unless you don't fucking play with the fucking right dinosaurs. Got it, you motherfucker?"

[ncba93ivyase]

Oh god yes, CONTINUE.

[Andrew1911]

new one 4 lawlz



Blacks. Jews. Mexicans. Japanese. Always causing trouble in the neighborhood. Why shouldn't we do just kill them off? I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? The whites are pure. Hey, don't leave! I see you there! I'm still talking, dammit! Fine, I'll take a question. Christ, I need a drink."



"Excuse me, sir... But, isn't this a dinosaur lecture?"



"What the fuck? Dinosaurs? Kid, how old are you? Lemme guess... Eighteen? Well, let me put it to you straight. Dinosaurs are bullshit. Total. Fucking. Bullshit. There's nothing real about them. I may have seen them in the flesh but those weren't dinosaurs. They were... Different things. Lemme tell you something... There's no possible way I will ever ever go back to that island. Not even if you could somehow cut to the next scene and show me on a plane going to that island. No way, Jose."



"Boy howdy! I can't believe I'm on a plane to that island I swear I would never go to! I was sure proven wrong!"



"There's something funny about those sleepy fun time pills I took..."



"Hey, Alan... I'm going to eat you. Boo."



"God dammit! That's the last time I take pills from strangers offering me candy!"



"Hi, Alan. Were you dreaming of me?"



"Uh, Billy, I'd rather eat my own vomit than dream of you. Oh, thank God... We're finally over this god forsaken island."

[The artist formally known]

HOLY SHIT YES this is awesome thanks

[ncba93ivyase]

This is your greatest idea ever.

I DEMAND YOU FINISH THIS MOVIE, AND POSSIBLY MOVE ONTO ANOTHER SOME OTHER TIME.

[The artist formally known]

great idea, dub over a movie and post it as a video on some form of website. probably meta cafe or youtube

[Andrew1911]

new one 4 reefer



You love me, Alan... You just don't know it yet. Soon... You will find out. If you don't... Hope you lived a full life, Alan Grant..."



"Wow! Everyone, check that out over there! It's something that kind of looks like a dinosaur if you look at it from the right angle! Kind of!"



"I'm ignoring you! La-la-la-la-la-la!"



"Oh, please! That is so juvenille! I won't even give it a response!"



"We're all ignoring you! La-la-la-la-la-la!"



"That's it! I'm going to bum rush, you motherfuckers! This bitch motherfucker plane is going to burn down to the ground! Stop ignoring me! STOP IGNORING ME!"



"Mr. Grant, please sit down or that weird guy who knows us from church is going to bash you on the head! After that, I will be forced to make a funny face!"

[Samus Aran]

CUE THE EATING OF THE PILOTS

[Andrew1911]

We're going to have a special guest commentator in the panel after this one. He's a great director who was happy to comment on this film. I'll hope you'll be happy to have him.

HINT: He's black.

[The artist formally known]

We're going to have a special guest commentator in the panel after this one. He's a great director who was happy to comment on this film. I'll hope you'll be happy to have him.

HINT: He's black.

FUCK YOU V

[Andrew1911]

FUCK YOU V

no its a real person nub

[Samus Aran]

is it james earl jones

[Andrew1911]

is it james earl jones

FUCK ITS A DIRECTOR NOT AN ACTOR