I'm tired as fuck and I wrote this shit and I posted it on tumblr but no one's e

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

ver gonna reblog something this long.

It's been a long day. I pull into the driveway of our two-story suburban bungalow. Getting out of the vehicle is such a chore these days. I lumber out of my 2002 Range Rover and onto our brick doorsteps, through the entrance, and into the dark abyss where the hope I once had repeatedly nails it’s dick to the floorlamp with mySurebonder 16-Gauge Straight Finish Nail Gun and honestly I’m really glad someone’s using the goddamn thing.

Loosening the power tie from my soggy neck, i remember when I knew the version of yourself you think you are now. You aren’t that person, by the way. The person of your youth was one of extreme passion, you were someone who would actively engage in any sort of new idea, regardless of how esoteric the subject. I remember when I was in my “art” stage and we had a 6 hour discussion on how Man-Ray’s solarization technique was probably the coolest fucking technique and developed the best goddamn photo’s of any surrealist photographer. Nowadays, I’m not even sure you dream or have any conscious thought. Our recent conversations do nothing but reaffirm my suspicions.

I’ve stripped my clothes off, except for my Ralph Lauren silk boxers you bought me for our anniversary. You’re lying in the bed already, staring at the ceiling. I can’t tell what you’re thinking. Are you as dissatisfied with everything around us too? Is the superficiality so dense in this house that its killed any original thought either one of us could muster? Do we cling to this banal relationship because we desperately want to think that the other one is doing something remarkable and extraordinary? What does it make us when we live vicariously through someone who is the flesh and bone equivalent of “white noise”? Is our life shaped by a boring (and possibly more pretentious) Eno, playing random notes in our hearts that don’t add to anything and shouldn’t even be the focus or our lives?

You avert your gaze from the ceiling and we get the closest to eye contact we have in years. You’re staring into my chin, and I into the picture of us hanging right about the headboard. You scooch yourself deeper into the bed and raise your legs high. The heat emanating from your pussy is lying straight to my crotch. I climb onto the bed and we begin the most excruciating session of sex ever performed by mammals. It’s the longest three and a half minutes of my life and the whole time I’m thinking of amazing it must be for dogs to have sex.

Male dogs have a gland in their penis that expands when the penis is fully inside of the dog. The gland engorges with blood while the vulva constricts the penis. The constriction binds the dogs so tight that both the dogs are in pain. I’ve heard of a few cases where the gland actually explodes during the ejaculation and when I remember this I pray to god that my dick explodes into you so I never have to fuck you again. In my wildest fantasy my dick explodes and the wound gets infected and the infections runs into my brain and kills me slowly over the course of six months. I want it to be six because I know you’ll leave after the first goddamn week and I’ll have twenty-seven weeks of pure bliss, or rather the closest thing to bliss one can have while having an exploded dick.

The end finally comes. I pull out and cum onto the towel you left out for me. I look at your face and I notice that your eyes are closed and were probably closed the entire time. Which is just as well as I was screaming in my head the entire time and I probably looked like some sort of mad man hopped up on dexedrine. I collapse onto my side of the bed, our backs miles apart.

[FAMY2]

That's the saddest ting I have read in a long time.   

[Nyerp]

tl;dr

[Hiro]

i'm sorry corey i love ya but i'm way too tired to read something that long right now, i'll try later
i just skimmed over it and saw that you took your clothes off and then you fucked a dog or something

[applesauce]

is this about you an your television boxes at work. because fuck, i'd want my dick to explode in that shit either.

[snoorkel]

toty?

[Boogus Epirus Aurelius]

toty?

Totyly toty

[Kalahari Inkantation]

what the

[Snowy]

I heard exploding dicks and came running

[??????]

is this another one of your horribly sad dreams

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

is this another one of your horribly sad dreams

not all my dreams are sad

also no

[?????]

That shit was raw man.

[YPrrrr]

Sounds like suburbia man

[crystalpepsi]

 Good read, post your tumblr so I can follow more shit like this. 

[me003]

You avert your gave from the ceiling

This ruined the whole story for me.