Your Worst Fear

[Socks]

Well, up until 7th grade I had one friend. And then I had 4 and a few acquaintences. I was pretty isolated from the get-go. I started self-abusing a bit because I felt isolated and worthless. But that wasn't the insanity part. That happend when I fell in love and got rejected very quietly. Something about what happened really pushed me hard, and then I ended up all sorts of fucked up: panic attacks and crying spells, total apathy and emptiness, these terrible mesmerizing dreams, nervous twitching, talking to myself, more self-abuse. I was pretty sure I was developing schizophrenic symptoms.

I hung on just enough until last year, when things got easier.

I'm pretty sure that's called life.

[?????]

Bus rides sucked at first... Oh god I remember my first friend. I just walked really close to this group until they started talking to me, I was so pathetic. Why did you change districts? I changed because we moved.

Btw my mom does know English she just has an accent and it takes a while for her to translate what she thinks into English. IMO it's just an irrational fear I dont think she's that bad.

Also once you get over something depressing you feel so fucking good afterwards. Makes you feel like a stronger person and like you can dick anyone. The realization phase sucks too. You know, when you realize you're weird. It also suck when everything was awkward to me, I couldn't talk. Everything was so weird.

Also @ Socks: didn't seem like everyone had my problems.

[the shortest route to the sea]

I changed because we moved, and I had the chance. I didn't know what it meant...I was picked on at my first school too.

I...never got over my depression, I relapse when things go wrong. The cause of a lot of it is still sort of unknown to me, and yet I'm getting there. Something's gonna happen!

[?????]

I got over my depression when I realized everyone wasn't out to get me.

[the shortest route to the sea]

Once I realize that some people are, I'll have a bit more difficulty. Ah well.

[?????]

Once I realize that some people are, I'll have a bit more difficulty. Ah well.

Do you get picked on or something? If so why, you seem like a great person?

[Slim]

I got over my depression when... nah, jk, I've never had depression because I'm not a loser ROFL. xDD

[Socks]

Also @ Socks: didn't seem like everyone had my problems.

NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND ME!

[?????]

Oh Slim, you're so perfect

Also @ Socks: lol no I didn't mean it that way, I meant that no one else was as shy as me but oh well

[??????]

I worry a little about my sense of hearing, and spiders freak me out.

I guess my worst fear has always been becoming insane, losing touch with everything, being controlled. But that kind of fear is just borne out of pride and selfishness, and I recognize that, so I try not to sweat it. In fact, I'm sort of scared of a lot of things, but at the end of the day, I consider almost everything pretty worthless. So I don't sweat it in a nihilistic sort of way? I'm not THAT negative.

You're already insane.  cjlubdoods;

I fear uh, losing one of my senses as well. (My eyes got dilated and I started to get extremely anxious with "What if I'm blind FOREVER". Basically anything that causes my body to get destroyed is my fear, but whenever it does happen I tend to not give a shit and put more focus somewhere else on my body. 

[the shortest route to the sea]

Do you get picked on or something? If so why, you seem like a great person?

Thanks, dear. I do get picked on at my school, but they don't really know me. It's a trans thing. There's an anti-trans hate crime killing once every two days, and are numbers aren't that large in the first place. It's mostly in South America, but in the city, anything can happen.