I'm self-destructive and I don't know why

[snorkel]

I'm not coping with excessive stress. I'm relaxed and easy-going. I don't have confidence problems or feel as if I don't deserve things. I don't actively try to push people away with my actions.

But I do consciously let things that are significant to me slip away and cascade into disarray, regularly fuck myself beyond reason with whatever substance suits my fancy; the motivation to do things that society in general imparts in me is basically all that keeps me from going off the deep end (it's not a struggle because either one is fine with me). And it's so damn fun.

[sans culottes]

release your destructiveness on someone you hate
like osama bin laden

[YPrrrr]

And it's so damn fun.

That's why

[Veal]

Well this is pretty general.

[??????]

I have the same problem.

I sometimes put myself in deep shit until I start to experience physical symptoms such as excessive dandruff and get a sickly-tired look attached to me.  

After that I tend to suffer from neurosis and see sprites.

[luna]

I'm sort of like that.  If things are going alright, I'll ruin then just so I can build them back up again.  I guess it's because I can't stand things being decent....there isn't anything left to strive for if things are going well.  It's definitely not something I enjoy doing, but it almost seems necessary or something to me.

It's like if you spend an hour building a house of cards and then once it's finished, what is there left to do?  So you knock it down yourself, losing all the time you spent into it.  It's going to fall down soon anyway, so why not do it yourself?   

[??????]

I'm sort of like that.  If things are going alright, I'll ruin then just so I can build them back up again.  I guess it's because I can't stand things being decent....there isn't anything left to strive for if things are going well.  It's definitely not something I enjoy doing, but it almost seems necessary or something to me.

It's like if you spend an hour building a house of cards and then once it's finished, what is there left to do?  So you knock it down yourself, losing all the time you spent into it.  It's going to fall down soon anyway, so why not do it yourself?   

I love destroying my own work.

I like to destroy it extremely slow though so I can see each detail burned away.

[Walter]

Sometimes I slit my wrists.

[Socks]

"the motivation to do things that society in general imparts in me is basically all that keeps me from going off the deep end (it's not a struggle because either one is fine with me)"

I don't feel I have to prove anyone, especially since I'm content in my own awareness level and means of perception based action.

[snorkel]

"the motivation to do things that society in general imparts in me is basically all that keeps me from going off the deep end (it's not a struggle because either one is fine with me)"

I don't feel I have to prove anyone, especially since I'm content in my own awareness level and means of perception based action.

I like to think that but I'm too self conscious

[Walter]

I like to think that but I'm too self conscious

You aren't self conscious enough, man.

[the shortest route to the sea]

Sometimes I slit my wrists.

I've wanted to so many times, but so many people would beat me up / get pissed if I did, so I don't.

Also that's something you should talk about with someone...

[snorkel]

I've wanted to so many times, but so many people would beat me up / get pissed if I did, so I don't.

Also that's something you should talk about with someone...

I've never understood deriving pleasure from physically harming oneself, then again I quite like drugs and that's its own sort of self-mutilation

[Walter]

I've never understood deriving pleasure from physically harming oneself, then again I quite like drugs and that's its own sort of self-mutilation

Self mutilation with drugs is so much more interesting. Oh and sorry, I was kidding about slitting my wrist. I dont do that.

[the shortest route to the sea]

I've never understood deriving pleasure from physically harming oneself, then again I quite like drugs and that's its own sort of self-mutilation

It's different for us, I think. You seem to be more agressive-destructive, while this is passive-destructive. Drugs can be both, though.