i nearly DIED

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I was finishing my essays and whatnot at around midnight last night, and I needed to print. My printer was out of ink, but I had purchased new cartridges the day before. I was silly enough to leave them in the van.

So I went to go get the ink out of the van, at nearly 1:00AM. I walked outside towards the driveway when I noticed a woman, who was pretty far away from me at this point, walking down the street. I heard her talking, but I wasn't wearing my glasses and couldn't be sure if she was conversing with another person. It sounded like she was speaking in Spanish, but I wasn't really paying attention and couldn't be sure. I didnââ,¬â,,¢t think much of it, so I opened the door and got the ink. I got out of the van, closed the door, and realized that the strange woman was a bit closer to me now, and still talking. But then I realized that there was nobody else around who she could be talking to. I began to get suspicious and found the situation a bit creepy.

I attempted to lock the van door, but it wouldn't lock. I tried again and again, but there was no response. I had to go back inside and lock it manually. So I did that, and when I got out for the second time, the woman was standing right in front of the van. I almost had a heart attack at that instant. AND SHE WAS STILL TALKING AND I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND

Now she was walking into my yard. I thought I was going to die. I was utterly terrified at this point and didnââ,¬â,,¢t know how to react. I simply screamed, and ran for my life. That was the fastest I have ever moved.

I got inside and locked the doors immediately. I was shivering.
And I managed to lose my shoes while I was scampering, but I was far too frightened to go back outside and retrieve them. I got almost no sleep last night because of that incident. I woke up today wondering if it was just an extremely clear and realistic dream, or if I had hallucinated, but I found my shoes outside, right where I remembered losing them.

i will never leave my house when it's dark out again

but, uh, at least i got my final project done

[l a c e y]

I would have shit my pants.

[famy]

you're so gay

[Hiro]

This is both extremely sad and hilarious 

[ME##]

That reminds me of a few years ago, it was about midnight and I was going to the car as I had left my backpack in it.  When I was looking for my bag in the car, my neighbour tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I had a phone on me.  I nearly died. :'(

[Veal]

She just wanted a hug.

[Det in F♯ Major]

that's why some people keep their cars in their garages 

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I think the scariest part is, I had no idea what she wanted and I didn't know what she was saying. And I looked out the window after what happened, and she wasn't even there anymore. She simply vanished.  What a peculiar character.

[Travis]

one time a bald guy looked in the front door window at my mom and she got scared.

[Kalahari Inkantation]

that's why some people keep their cars in their garages 

my house has no garage

[Feynman]

In other news—how do I kiss a girl?

[Hiro]

that's why some people keep their cars in their garages 

some people don't have garages 

In other newsââ,¬â€�how do I kiss a girl?

You press your lips onto hers, the rest you can figure out on your own. 

[l a c e y]

In other newsââ,¬â€�how do I kiss a girl?

You don't need to kiss her. Just shove your dick in her mouth.

[superclucky]

Social anxiety disorder.
Also I would've conversed with her, you FAGGOT.

[Feynman]

You don't need to kiss her. Just shove your dick in her mouth.

You have to learn to walk before you can run.