Year in review

[FAMY2]

I posted this at Outsider and thought I would here too. I got this in an email and itums up how things are. Anyone have any to add?

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past
year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

THANKS TO YOU  I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE  I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump.  I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . .

Oh, by the way..... 
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their
hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Classic]

I HAD MY HAND ON THE MOUSE THE ENTIRE TIME!!

[Hensa]

great now I'm even more paranoid than before