it's my birthday so read the fucking thread and link goes to the real world

[Andrew1911]

Chapter Four

Link walked into an apartment complex known as Paradise Lost (Editor's Note: No references to anything that could be dealing with religion somewhat. We don't want to offend the blacks.). Link walked up to the register and said, "Shopkeep, I would like to rent a room." The obese man walked up to Link and said, "You ain't some kind of high class prostitute, are you?" Link, taken aback, stated, "No! I am a Hyrulian Knight!" The shopkeep said, "Oh, you're an actor and you're staying in character. Some Daniel Day Lewis ****. I'll give you a room. The rent's five hundred dollars a month." Link removed a purple rupee from his pouch. Link said, "Would this be of adequate pay, shopkeep?" The shopkeep jumped like a 1800s prosecutor and greedily grabbed the rupee.

Link had gotten an apartment. He unlocked the door to find himself in an apartment that smelled vaguely like those poppy leaves Link had smelled in the Opium Shack at the Hyrule Kingdom. At of nowhere, Link spotted a man rotting on the couch. The man looked like Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski (Editor's Note: How the hell does Link know who Jeff Bridges is? Not only that, how could he have possibly seen The Big Lebowski? You're killing me.) as he watched Link enter.

The man said cautiously, "Hey." Link said, "Hello, I am Link." The man replied, "Cool. What's your last name?" Link struggled, "Uh... Um... It's... Well, what's your name?" The man said, "Name's Kev. Want some opium?" Link declined, "No, thanks. Opium destroyed my judgment when I accidently killed an innocent man in Hyrule." Kev said, "Oh, that sucks. So, why you dressed like that?" Link replied, "I am a Hyrulian Knight. I serve to protect the kingdom." Kev looked around and asked himself, "I did take opium, right?"

Link had an apartment and a stoner roommate. All was going well UNTIL

[Houdini]

I like how the story assumes that someone would be willing to edit a fanfic.

[Knig]

All was going well UNTIL

FURY OF A HERO

[Andrew1911]

I like how the story assumes that someone would be willing to edit a fanfic.

I'm going to cover that in the next chapter. It will blow your mind.

[Andrew1911]

Chapter Five

Link grabbed a soda can and asked, "What is this metallic thing?" Kev said, "That's a soda can, man." Link said quietly, "My gods... Where have I been sent to?" Kev said, "You gotta open it up. Pop the top, bra." Link was taken aback and asked, "Bra?" Kev said, "Yeah, bra. Like 'Yo, bra, how's it hangin'?' 'Bra, last night... Let's never talk about it again.'" Link said nervously as he popped the top, "Alright... Bra..." Link drank the soda can and smiled (Editor's Note: Now, this is just getting into cutesy territory. Bring it back a notch. Love, Mom.).

A few hours later, the caffeine has gotten to Link as he left the apartment. With his entire body moving in all sorts of erratic directions on the streets of New York, people were beginning to become frightened by this green tunic wearing, insane man who was moving insanely. One boy walked up to Link and punched him in the balls. Link fell down and clutched them in pain. People laughed at Link as he clutched his tiny, swollen flesh that was known as his testicles. Link grabbed his scrotum and stumbled into a bar.

The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve the gays here." Link said, "Don't worry... I'm not happy, barkeep." Link flopped onto a chair and said, "Give me some murr please." The bartender said, "Sorry, we serve drinks that aren't made by French traitor bastards here, friend-o." Link sighed, "Just give me one of those, bra." The bartender's eyes became red with anger and he screamed, "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" Link shrunk into his chair and said softly, "I said... Bra." The bartender grabbed a beer bottle and broke it on the table.

The bartender had the broken glass in his hand and he moved towards Link as close as he could. The bartender said, "Alright, buddy... NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!" The bartender then-

[Andrew1911]

hey you little whores i want to see some posts

[Houdini]

I'm going to cover that in the next chapter. It will blow your mind.

Nice plot twist, M. Night Shyamalan.

Nice No Country For Old Men reference, too.

[Andrew1911]

Nice plot twist, M. Night Shyamalan.

Nice No Country For Old Men reference, too.

I wouldn't have came up with it if you didn't bring it up so give yourself a pat on the back. 

i know

[Houdini]

I wouldn't have came up with it if you didn't bring it up so give yourself a pat on the back. 

i know

OMG im improtant now 

[Selkie]

is ganondorf gonna be in the story

[Nyerp]

The man looked like Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski (Editor's Note: How the hell does Link know who Jeff Bridges is? Not only that, how could he have possibly seen The Big Lebowski? You're killing me.) as he watched Link enter.

uh, the story is in third person, so whatever the narrator thinks isn't necessarily what the main character thinks

also, "The man looked like Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski as he watched Link enter."

...what?

ANYWAY I LIKE THE STORY PLEASE CONTINUE

[Kalahari Inkantation]

i like it write more please

[Pyrate]

Continue, please.