Ah, welcome back to the Boyah Masterpiece Theatre. For today's story, we will be reading a story from Sir Becky MacKenzie. His stage name is more well known, though. That would be Lawlz, for the uninitated. Much like our last writer, he writes stories based around the same group of characters. Well, not as in the same story! That would be absurd, atrocious, and suspicious! Our story is much more different than the slightly depressing Boyah Apocalypse! The story follows Lawlz, a wacky adminstrator who admins a forum called Boyah but... IT'S LIKE IT'S IN REAL LIFE! Hilarity ensues! Are you ready for the hilarity to ensue? For I sure am! Here, we go!
Oh and what did you think of our last novel, Boyah Apocalypse! I am still unsure what Mariofreak meant in the end of the novel.
I'M A BAD ENOUGH DUDE.
A new one already? This must be Heaven!
Apocalypse was my personal favorite for sure. Had comedy, violence, and craving for next chapter.
ADD ME PLOX
Chapter One: An Introduction Of Sorts
Hello, I am your narrator. I am... Andrew1911. FEAR ME. WATCH ME. LOVE ME. Yes, this is part of the novel. We're actually in the beginning of it, actually. Yes, this story is aware of itself so it's one of those novels. So... How yo doin'? Oh, you want me to get to the novel already? Fuck you... I'll do it... But, fuck you.
So, our story begins with Lawlz. It will also end with him. But, let's stick with the beginning, shall we? Lawlz was jumping for joy. Why is that? Why, Lawlz had just been made adminstrator of his favorite hang out! Boyah! Well, technically, it's not Head Adminstrator... It's Adminstrator... But, still, good show, ol' chap! Even though, you didn't get the big one. Still, commendable effort. But, I digress...
Lawlz met up with his pal, Bassir, and screamed girlishly, "Guess what, Bassir?" Bassir said girlishly, "Like, oh, my, God, what?" Lawlz cheered, "I'VE BEEN MADE ADMINSTRATOR! WHOO!" Bassir was disappointed. He said, "Tell me when something exciting happens." Lawlz said, "Hey, doesn't that mean anything to you?" Bassir said, "No... Not really." He walked away.
Lawlz thought to himself, "I will plot for a way to get Bassir back for this... He will pay." Lawlz walked into the Boyah Cafe and saw the regulars there drinking up their coffee such as Andrew1911, MVP, and various other members I am too bored to mention. Hey, an omnipotent voice gets bored too... Lawlz saw Kaz, cleaning tables and said, "Kaz, you're not cleaning that correctly. SWIVLES, DAMMIT!" Kaz muttered, "I'll swivel you, motherfucker..." Hm... This brings me an idea... I think I will involve myself in this story. I mean, besides narrating, of course. I shall pay a visit to this Kaz...
Grabbed my attention from the start. Intro was great. Whole first chapter was great even.
Kaz responded just like the real Kaz. v;
For those wondering where this story is going, I'm going to turn it into a Macbeth like tale.
Oh, God, I just assumed some of you have read Shakespeare. gonk;
...
Oh, God, I just assumed some of you actually have read a book. gonk;
...
Oh, God, I just assumed some of you can read. gonk;
I'M NOT MEAN ENOUGH. orks;
It sucks, good job.
Chapter Two: Kaz & THE GH-GH-GH-GHOST! gonk;
Reaper screeched at Lawlz, "TAKE OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING GARBAGE, YOU DUMBASS ADMINSTRATOR!" Lawlz screeched at Kaz, "TAKE OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING GARBAGE, YOU DUMBASS MODERATOR! Ha, ha! I love being an adminstrator!" Kaz grumbled and moaned about being treated poorly. Well, good time as any to talk to him. Hello, Kaz... Kaz screamed (Jesus, this is awkward to write and say when trying to have a damn conversation...), "WHO'S THERE?" Well, Kaz, I am the narrator of this story and right now, you're the star of this chapter. But, not of the story. Anyway, have you ever read MacBeth? Kaz answered, "Uh... No."
Well, that's fantastic. So... Now, do you want power, Kaz? Kaz nodded. Kaz, what if I told you I could make you... The Head Adminstrator? Kaz scoffed this request. Oh, so... You want to live being bossed around by a shit like Lawlz? Good on you, Kaz. Nice to know we have some damn Mexicans like you to handle the work we don't want to do. Hey, hear that? Lawlz wants you to lick his ass. Better get lickin', Kaz!
Kaz finally succumbed. Kaz said, "What do I have to do?" Well, you've got to kill Reaper. Kill him secretly... There's a clause in Boyah Cafe's rules where if the Head Adminstrator is killed, the Moderator takes over. Strange fucking place you morons run there... Place the blame on someone else. I suggest... Good ol' Mariofreak. Lover's quarrel, if you will. Take the knife... You'll know what to do.
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:57:30 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
No.
(http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/585/1181927292416oj9.jpg)
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:57:46 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:57:30 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
No.
Why would it be so implausible that I am in actuality, Fireman?
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 10:00:35 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:57:46 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:57:30 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
No.
Why would it be so implausible that I am in actuality, Fireman?
Because you are not you.
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 10:01:24 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 10:00:35 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:57:46 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:57:30 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
No.
Why would it be so implausible that I am in actuality, Fireman?
Because you are not you.
I am me.
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 10:01:48 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 10:01:24 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 10:00:35 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:57:46 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:57:30 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
No.
Why would it be so implausible that I am in actuality, Fireman?
Because you are not you.
I am me.
Only a fake would say that.
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 10:05:58 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 10:01:48 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 10:01:24 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 10:00:35 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:57:46 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:57:30 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:55:22 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:53:44 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:53:08 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:51:55 PM
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 19, 2007, 09:51:17 PM
Quote from: Fireman.exe on June 19, 2007, 09:48:21 PM
It sucks, good job.
Wow, I knew I did a good job. If you liked it, I might have been worried I had made something terrible. gonk;
Indeed, seeing as how I am a complete idiot.
Right on the dot. Very unusual...
Indeed it is, Andrew. Maybe I should abandon Boyah and go kill myself, as well?
Yes...
You're not Fireman. argh;
Or maybe I just realized how much of a idiotic, immature being I was?
No.
Why would it be so implausible that I am in actuality, Fireman?
Because you are not you.
I am me.
Only a fake would say that.
Okay then, it's not me.
Chapter Three: The Death of Reaper
Kaz closed the shop up and watched Reaper leave the building with Mariofreak, holding hands. He thought to himself, "Damn, that ghost was right!" Hey, I'm an omnipotent being, jackass. Not someone who threatens Abbot and Costello in one of those funny Halloween movies they always made! Anyway, Kaz followed Reaper's car on his motorized scooter. Yeah, real cool, Kaz. Do you pick up the hot babes on that love machine? Oh, I crack me up...
Finally, Reaper pulled up to a hotel and the dynamic duo rented a room for the night. Kaz studied the two for a while and thought of ways to pinpoint Mariofreak. Hey, Kaz... Why don't you take your fingerprints off the knife? Dumbass. Kaz washed the fingerprints off the knife and handled the knife using a washcloth. When the two finally finished, Mariofreak went into the bathroom to clean up. It was Kaz's time to shine. Kaz rushed in without a sound and slit Reaper's throat. Whoa, that was rad. Kaz hid along the wall and waited for Mariofreak to enter.
Mariofreak heard the ruckus and went into the room. Kaz put the sleeper hold on Mariofreak and planted evidence to make it look like the two fought against each other and Mariofreak pulled a knife on Reaper. The final piece to place inside Kaz's puzzle was to call 9/11. Kaz disguised his voice and said, "Hello, I saw some dick pull a knife on some guy in a hotel room! I'm at fourth and seventh! Hurry!" Kaz had only had to create an alibi... Easy. He was masturbating in his room so loudly his neighbors heard the noise and made a complaint.
See, Kaz had an actually brilliant plan where he placed a tape recording of him masturbating in his room for the entire night. His neighbors have already complained about him before so it was guaranteed they would complain about it. Kaz made it to his house in time and turned the tape recording off. A cop knocked on the door. Kaz answered, "What's the matter, Officer?" The officer said, "Well, got a complaint about moaning... Very loud moaning from this room." Kaz feigned embarrsement and said, "Oh, yeah, I was masturbating a while ago... Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue..." The officer laughed, "Well, I'll let you off with a warning. Have a nice night and just keep it down, man." Kaz thanked the officer and smiled. He had literally got away with murder.
Si Swimsuit Issue? Fucking amazing. Good job Kaz. It was funny how Kaz said he saw some dick pull a knife on someone to the cops. Now, what will happen to MF..
Quote from: WrenchNinja on June 19, 2007, 10:19:00 PM
Si Swimsuit Issue? Fucking amazing. Good job Kaz. It was funny how Kaz said he saw some dick pull a knife on someone to the cops. Now, what will happen to MF..
My God, you just gave me the greatest idea ever. THANK YOU SO MUCH. GO LOOK AT THE OLD BOYAH THEATRE ONE.
pin'd 4 awsum
I like it. But I'm Lawlz, Bassir, everyones whore. Where am I? Oh wait I'm dead.
I've actually read Macbeth, so I understand where it's going.
HOORAY LITERACY.
Chapter Four: The New Head Adminstrator, Kaz
Ah, the skillful art of deception and... Whatnot. Kaz had successfully framed Mariofreak for murder in the first degree. Kaz had planted evidence such as PCP and LCD to suggest that Mariofreak got so high that he began to hallucinate and kill Reaper. With Reaper's death and Mariofreak being arrested, Kaz would become the sole head adminstrator. Finally, he could have his revenge on that bastard, Lawlz... Kaz said to himself, "Excellent."
Kaz entered work the next day excited. Kaz screamed, "LAWLZ, GO CLEAN THE DISHES NOW!" Lawlz smacked Kaz and yelled, "I'M AN ADMINSTRATOR AND YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKING MODERATOR! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kaz showed Lawlz the newspaper showing Mariofreak being arrested. Lawlz scoffed, "So what? There's still Reaper." Kaz said, "He murdered Reaper. Looks like you're my bitch. I'm demoting you to... Moderator. Ha, ha, ha! You god damn piece of shit."
Now, we are going to our main character... Lawlz. Now, Lawlz is a sad little man. All he has is his job. Now, being demoted to moderator... It made him angry. So angry that he could... Murder... Ah, my plan is only coming to frutation, dear reader... It's only coming to frutation...
I believe the word you were looking for is "fruition", not "frutation".
I LOVE IT
Quote from: Silverhawk79 on June 20, 2007, 07:11:51 PM
I believe the word you were looking for is "fruition", not "frutation".
SHUT THE FUCK UP argh;
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 20, 2007, 07:25:46 PM
Quote from: Silverhawk79 on June 20, 2007, 07:11:51 PM
I believe the word you were looking for is "fruition", not "frutation".
SHUT THE FUCK UP argh;
JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU SOUND SMARTER. gonk;
Loved it, especially how you mentioned I was a regular in the first chapter. wub;
new addition today i guess :|
Chapter Five: I'm like that guy... You know... That guy... He's white... He's in the Star Wars movies... Oh, wait, they're all white... Yeah, Lando is white too. Dumb motherfucker.
Ah, now, Lawlz is being forced to take out the trash. He had a moment of glory but sic transit gloria... That means glory is fleeting. Dumbass. Now, I shall help Lawlz rise out of his funk. Ah, hello, Lawlz, I am an omnipotent being here to guide you back to your spot but bring you even higher. Lawlz said, "God?" Ha, ha, ha... No, no, no... Well, yes. I am Andrew1911 so... Yes. Now, Lawlz... I understand you have been demoted to a lowly moderator? That's bullshit! You're you! You shouldn't have to take that shit!
Lawlz screamed, "Yeah! I'm Lawlz! He's Kaz! What the fuck, man?" Now, Lawlz, you know how he got his position? He killed Reaper and framed Mariofreak. Well, obviously, to become Head Adminstrator, you can't tell on Kaz or Mariofreak returns. You need to get rid of Kaz somehow. Now, I suggest to take the same route Kaz took. We will take him out the way he took Reaper out... With violence. Lawlz said, "I have no problems with that. In fact, I'm going to drink the blood from his body." Uh... 'Kay.
So, Lawlz, I want you to take him out silently so you won't be noticed and you become ruler of the Boyah Cafe. Also, make sure you get rid of Bassir. Remember, that bastard didn't give you no respect! Lawlz screamed, "I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL DESTROY REAPER AND KAZ WITH THE POWER OF HE-MAN!" What the? Fine. Just kill them. Don't care, just do it.
WHEN DO I GET THOR'S HAMMER? orks;
Quote from: ⠸⠁⠺⠸⠵ on June 23, 2007, 10:04:11 PM
WHEN DO I GET THOR'S HAMMER? orks;
wtf
thor /=/ he-man
learn ur saturday morning cartoons :| :|
Quote from: Andrew1911 on June 23, 2007, 10:05:29 PM
Quote from: ⠸⠁⠺⠸⠵ on June 23, 2007, 10:04:11 PM
WHEN DO I GET THOR'S HAMMER? orks;
wtf
thor /=/ he-man
learn ur saturday morning cartoons :| :|
i tink i no dis but thor is stil kewl :|