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these memories are suddenly flowing back to me so let us talk about ourselves some more~


[spoiler]early in the school year during fourth grade, i remember starting these weekly 'chats' with the school counselor.  we were told that these were something that every student was doing and that it was just to have us interacting in smaller groups or something a long those lines.  of course, i should have been able to realise that it was always the same eight or so kids of whom only one was from my class [though, he later became bff lol]. these chats went on until parent-teacher conference time at which point during our turn to be told by the teacher how i was doing in school.  before finishing the teacher invited in the school counselor who had one of those hushed serious conversations with the mother person saying, 'have you ever thought about having david see someone like a psychologist or therapist?' counselor then exchanged psychologist's information who worked with children down at the local children's hospital and arrangements were made for first meeting.

then the weekly meetings with the psychologist started, every thursday at 17:15.  the most difficult part was getting there.  even though after the time mom got off from work, there wasn't enough time for her to come back home and take me so i had to master riding the bus.  it wasn't so bad once i got used to needing to leave an hour before and then negotiating myself to correct bus stop downtown to get to the correct hospital but at first it was rather frightening.  less about that though, the actual first few sessions were abysmal.  he would sit there asking me questions like 'why are you angry?', 'are you sad?', 'why do you feel sad?, 'how do you feel?'' as i would stare dumbly off into the distance, not wishing to talk to him.  things got slightly better and i would talk slightly more, but looking back upon it now maybe i never opened up quite enough for him to actually help me.  though, with his persistence it was learnt that i needed glasses, so i guess one thing that came from it.


i do dread imagining how much money was wasted spent sending me to a child's psychologist at the nicer hospital, though.   [/spoiler]

During 7th grade, my family sent me to a psychologist a few times for I believe "depression". I have no idea what prompted this and I don't remember anything about this, but I do at least remember that's around the time I first realized I'm trans, but I didn't tell anybody including the therapist.

More recently, of course, seeing a psychologist is necessary for me to earn the ability to receive gender transition. It took me a very long time to manage to even start seeing a psychologist for this. At first, it seemed to go well enough (albeit much slower than I liked), then in January I had the problems I posted about earlier of my mom threatening this psychologist which resulted in my case being dropped even though my mom has no legal authority over me.

After that, I was immediately transferred to another psychologist. I don't like this psychologist nearly as much as that other one. She seems to strongly believe in a stereotype-based diagnosis for gender dysphoria, expresses doubt that I really am transgender, says I have to restart the process of getting approval from her despite already being approved for hormones from the previous psychologist, and seems distracted by my social anxiety with thinking it needs to be addressed/resolved before anything. She also seems difficult for me to communicate effectively with; for example, she seems to expect definite answers to questions about like how exactly I expect my female self to be, while I think in the more realist way of "I can't set definitive expectations for something uncertain, but I can say in a broad sense how I intend to handle transitioning", but she seems to interpret those answers as "I don't know what I want".

I don't honestly believe I need a psychologist's help for anything like sorting out my thoughts. I just want to be allowed to have gender transition. The steps for this are getting hormones, having a legal identity change, and (eventually, optionally) having sex reassignment surgery, all of which require psychologist approval.

maybe try getting out of the south as soon as you graduate so you can meet with more reasonable psychologists

Quote from:  link=topic=63830.msg1415271#msg1415271 date=1395151249
maybe try getting out of the south as soon as you graduate so you can meet with more reasonable psychologists

the first psychologist I saw for gender dysphoria seemed great until my mom ruined everything with threats.

Dropping my case is the only problem I had with her. She seems to insist this is the best option for me because there's no undoing letting my mom know who my psychologist was and I can't quite escape my mom's toxic influence in my life.

But yeah, leaving Florida would still solve this.

no, but during recent months i've thought about going to my university's counseling center
there's just been a couple things that happened to me over the last year that i haven't really been able to get off my mind that my friends aren't really good support for since they were semi-involved

but idk i'm at the point where i've decided that there's nothing that i can gain from talking to anybody and the only way to feel better is to just distract myself and let time go on

i am still curious about counseling, though. i'm tempted to go just to see how it is, since all my friends who take advantage of therapy speak very highly of it (although many of them have legitimate issues unlike myself)

Quote from: udderfailure on March 18, 2014, 10:10:47 AM
no, but during recent months i've thought about going to my university's counseling center
there's just been a couple things that happened to me over the last year that i haven't really been able to get off my mind that my friends aren't really good support for since they were semi-involved

but idk i'm at the point where i've decided that there's nothing that i can gain from talking to anybody and the only way to feel better is to just distract myself and let time go on

i am still curious about counseling, though. i'm tempted to go just to see how it is, since all my friends who take advantage of therapy speak very highly of it (although many of them have legitimate issues unlike myself)

maybe you do have legitimate issues and they just have not been diagnosed

i really should get checked out because i'm pretty sure i have a pretty extreme case of adhd lol

Little known fact, I did take some anger management throughout highschool.

It didn't have any effect on me.  hocuspocus;

Quote from:  link=topic=63830.msg1415297#msg1415297 date=1395170190

Quote from: udderfailure on March 18, 2014, 10:10:47 AM
no, but during recent months i've thought about going to my university's counseling center
there's just been a couple things that happened to me over the last year that i haven't really been able to get off my mind that my friends aren't really good support for since they were semi-involved

but idk i'm at the point where i've decided that there's nothing that i can gain from talking to anybody and the only way to feel better is to just distract myself and let time go on

i am still curious about counseling, though. i'm tempted to go just to see how it is, since all my friends who take advantage of therapy speak very highly of it (although many of them have legitimate issues unlike myself)

maybe you do have legitimate issues and they just have not been diagnosed

i really should get checked out because i'm pretty sure i have a pretty extreme case of adhd lol

it's possible. just about all of my "mental health" concerns come from when i started dating my ex-friend's ex and my hesitations about the future.

the former is something that nobody can do anything about, and i have more or less come to terms with. it's gotten easier as i've started to love my girlfriend more and more, but i can't ever see myself forgetting about a great friendship that i pushed into the gutter. that's why i don't think counseling will really help

and regarding the future that is also something that i just need to deal with myself. i have a couple opportunities lined up that i am satisfied with, but i think that most of my concerns are from trying to please my family and close friends, or just coming to terms with them not being pleased with certain life decisions.

Quote from: Classic HD on March 18, 2014, 12:18:24 PM
Little known fact, I did take some anger management throughout highschool.

It didn't have any effect on me.  hocuspocus;

I have the opposite problem

I almost can't feel anger at all hocuspocus;

I can only remember one time ever when I was legitimately angry and that was at my mom for what she did to me this January

Basically... I had a few different counselors for anger management. Each session only really succeeded in making me angry. I would also be told I had confidentiality only for them to tell my parents afterward. So really it was more for my parents than my own well being

Shit sucked. I do have a hell of a temper though

Quote from: YPR Classic on March 18, 2014, 12:52:29 PM
Basically... I had a few different counselors for anger management. Each session only really succeeded in making me angry. I would also be told I had confidentiality only for them to tell my parents afterward. So really it was more for my parents than my own well being

Shit sucked. I do have a hell of a temper though

You and I are so alike.  lubdoods;

all of boyah has anger issues

Quote from: David on March 18, 2014, 01:13:04 PM
all of boyah has anger issues

i know i do

in any case, i've never been to a psychologist/psychiatrist

i had developmental psychologists as an infant because i was distant and aloof
some speech pathologists in elementary for selective mutism and broken language
a children's psychologist once I hit 13
psychiatric ward placement at 14

then probably 10 more psychologists/psychiatrists until now
right now i see three people, psychiatrist/psychologist/psychometrist for clarification

Quote from: David on March 18, 2014, 01:13:04 PM
all of boyah has anger issues

I don't think I do. So now that I am not a true member, no I haven't ever been.

Quote from: David on March 18, 2014, 01:13:04 PM
all of boyah has anger issues

i think it's funny how i'm among the bitchiest members here but i never really get angry at people in real life

i can't recall being angry at all in the past few months actually

sometimes frustrated but idk

i hold in anger in an unhealthy way

I think I have but i dont remember

Well, this was interesting.  

I was going over a few old documents and I'm going over case studies of myself in high school and here are my composites for the WISC-IV.  All of these tests are from 2008 and it was administered by a school Psychologist.  I'm excluding intervals, percentiles, age and grade equivalents, b/c lazy af.  I'm laughing @ myself because I remember so much anxiety from all of the comprehension tests and I got low on them.  

Verbal Comprehension: 96
Perceptual Reasoning: 110
Working Memory: 91 (lol)
Processing Speed: 106
Full scale IQ: 102

Then for the subtests & composites for the WIAT-II.

Word Reading: 108
Reading Comprehension: 95
Pseudoword Decoding: 109
Numerical Operations: 108
Math Reasoning: 108
Spelling: 111
Written Expression: 96
Listening Comprehension: 90

Composites:
Reading: 101
Mathematics: 108
Written Language: 103

cool

Six years later I wonder how I'd do on the tests now.  And I think I can handle anxiety more.  I think I could do better.  And I definitely think I've become a way better writer than before.  Though, maybe my math has gotten worse since I barely practice it unless it's ASMD.  I usually do it in my head first, then use a calculator to check.  

Anyway, I went to a Social Worker, Psychologist, pssh a lot of faculty for stuff, weekly.  Went to a Psychiatrist every few months for prescriptions.  Most of the faculty did such a good job being there for me.  Those guys were the shit.  brb crying

I went to one a few months ago and they told me that I suffer from moderate depression and social anxiety. I started taking Zoloft and tried to stop thinking negative thoughts all the time and it's really helped me out. I still have it pretty bad, but not even remotely close to how bad it was before.

lol
my mother has been going to a psychiatrist since before i was born
when i was like 2-3 my mom got sent to some mental institutions off and on a couple times
after that we went to many family therapyish session things
my mother always got close to her doctors. our original family psychiatrist was named casey. i actually named my little stuffed bear after her. very nice
we saw the psych so often she is pretty much a family friend now

then once my dad died i started seeing my own psychiatrist and i think he really messed with my head. i know i was grieving and shit, but it just seemed like the questions he asked me got me to think in really weird ways. i dunno. i was diagnosed with clinical depression, which may or may not have been associated with the grieving process ?? and an underlying anger suppression problem something something. although i feel like i've overcome these for the most part, i still have my break downs. they make me very self concious still
but yea psychiatry has been a main staple in my family as long as i can remember