years ago i used to be more sociable
now i hardly ever initiate a close friendship online
with my patterns of communication, i tend to communicate with bursts of text
about maybe 5 minutes of quick-paced conversation
then i'd usually say "brb lol"
and don't talk to them until some other day
do other people do this?
i feel really mean and rude whenever i do this :'(
i just don't know what to say anymore
or care
i used to be very awkward with talking to anybody online
but in the past month or two i've been trying to talk to as many people as possible and actually communicated through voice/video with people online for the first time ever
much luv 2 u silvertone & tyler
also initiating a conversation you don't feel comfortable with through text is awkward. until i've had 20+ conversations with a person, i don't know how to talk to them and i usually won't initiate a conversation. that's why i pretty much never talk to boyagers until they talk to me first. zidone was i think the first person to randomly message me and now i've been talking to him for i think 6 years and now he probably knows more about me than anybody ever
also while i post like a complete goddamn asshole i'm really not like it in personal conversations. i'm sure nobody believes me but after our video conversation last week i'm sure tyler would agree that i seem decent
i just don't know how to talk to people so i resort to being a shithead because some part of my mind tells me that it's better to be recognized for being an asshole than to be completely ignored lol
i can initiate conversions very easily and wonderfully
but i just can't keep any of them
it's not boredom, or, not the end-all culprit
i guess i get intimidated the closer i get to a stranger
i feel like the closer i get in contact with someone the more i'd have to know about their interests and favorites to extend communication between us
i don't feel comfortable speaking on my personal interests because they're so unusual (hardly anyone enjoys speaking about their insecurities, obscure fine-art painters, outdated psychology or ambient music)
so i become flamboyantly ironic and sardonic because it has elements of humor to it and can attract people, and i can also vent suppressed anger as a form of catharsis
but it doesn't make me feel....alive :'(
Quote from: K L U X on November 23, 2013, 05:51:23 PM
i don't feel comfortable speaking on my personal interests because they're so unusual (hardly anyone enjoys speaking about their insecurities, obscure fine-art painters, outdated psychology or ambient music)
how about instead of only having interests in existing material you develop hobbies in which you create something
because then you become a person who does interesting things instead of simply liking things you think are interesting
i make fun of people both irl and online in my IMs especially clucky
all of my hobbies are very solitary in nature
art gallery hopping, reading poetry, watching artwork, practicing painting
i have a friend that i art gallery hop with
but we never speak to one another when we actually do
we communicate with subtleties and knowing that we're both enjoying ourselves
i don't know, we're both very unusual people
he's incredible intellect and artist, and only 2 years older than me
i feel a bit worthless around him because i gave up on college and i'm idling in the pursuit of art
i thought people that were very interested in fine arts or philosophy would have this type of demeanor?
i had that thought until i met some guy at NYU and had a hook-up with him
i knew that he hated me and gave me subtle accusations of being a dilettante, elitist shit
because i couldn't really contribute to whatever the fuck he was talking about
(because i didn't give a fuck, i don't care much for cynicism, i don't care for pipe-dreams)
i also can't think without an emotion guiding me
it's why i do so well in flirtatious moments or in intimacy
there's heavier emotion and thus i can spin out more elegant sentences pulsed with energy
but the downside is that people think i'm actually interested
also once I guy i was dating said I communicate with placing extreme emphasis on myself
yeah, but shouldn't that invite the other onto speaking about themselves too?
i mean, the shit i say has a general theme, and because it's general you should at least have some experience in your life to speak about similar things while simultaneously allowing the other person see what you value/believe/etc
all my friends are ppl online.
Quote from: K L U X on November 23, 2013, 05:59:55 PM
also once I guy i was dating said I communicate with placing extreme emphasis on myself
yeah, but shouldn't that invite the other onto speaking about themselves too?
idk some people might see you as a shit who only cares about himself
if people i'm talking to tell me nothing about themselves then i just start talking about myself and i hope that they'll find some way to interject or talk about their interests or hobbies
it never happensso i don't know if people think i'm a dick or if they're all just boring
it's probably a combination but really people are fucking boring
I'm a lot nicer online than in real life. giggle;
cfalcon used to be my best friend ever but we have kind of drifted and now we mostly only snapchat
Real talk in hindsight cfalcon was kind of a shithead
Quote from: Patrick Stickles on November 23, 2013, 11:07:26 PM
cfalcon used to be my best friend ever but we have kind of drifted and now we mostly only snapchat
saem
aren't you that girl
who is that in your pic
SOLIDSNK FROM NSIDER??
Quote from: Sir Popsicle the Sesquipedalian on November 23, 2013, 11:17:24 PM
Real talk in hindsight cfalcon was kind of a shithead
he's super racist but we got to know each other on a more personal level and i think he's a good guy deep down, but uh yeah i think he legitimately hates black people
Quote from: K L U X on November 24, 2013, 07:13:30 AM
saem
aren't you that girl
who is that in your pic
SOLIDSNK FROM NSIDER??
what i'm a dude
that dude in my pic is me
yes that is me
Quote from: Patrick Stickles on November 24, 2013, 07:33:06 AM
he's super racist but we got to know each other on a more personal level and i think he's a good guy deep down, but uh yeah i think he legitimately hates black people
[spoiler]to be honest, i can see why. just travel to richmond and see for yourself.[/spoiler]
that's what he always said
i went there and i liked it
i find it awkward to start conversations online and offline~
i'm nervous when im'ing but when it's like a forum then it's not as bad
im self-conscious as shit but at the same time it's easier for me to express shit- well maybe pictures are a problem though.
regardless- i don't have any close friends online no matter how much more comfortable i am expressing shit. idk why im so scared to talk to people anywhere... i feel like i havenothing to talk about aside from just life very vaguely and in stupid baseless metaphors. it always made me wonder how people talk to others outside of boyah. or actually anywhere. maybe it's just me and that im boring. when socializing im kind of an enabler and i just run away in the end. ill try to talk to someone but when it doesn't work out ill just be highly discouraged from trying again until i get tired of being lonely. im just really clueless when it comes to me socializing with others. i don't get it. and it's not like im autistic or anything. i don't know... i just feel like im never gonna find an actual friend- whether online or offline. im only an acquaintance to most people. hell i don't even do much better when im anonymous. i even try to go to other communities but i never end up making a friend. same irl, i go to to places/events alone but i don't know what im trying to find when people already go to places in groups from my experiences.
lol i don't even know how im in boyah still
while i'm active on boyah there aren't really any members that i talk to consistently. i used to have a lot of internet friends from small forums, bu they eventually puttered out
during that that transition i became a lot more outgoing irl and made a lot of good friends from college.
i don't really pursue friends on the internet anymore, but i definitely miss having them. they don't compare to irl friends, but they can be nice, especially when irl isn't going very well
i think i've ended my phase of having internet friends, and it bums me out occasionally. i met some really nice people online who i don't ever talk to anymore.
i'm tired
For a while I didnt talk to any boyagers outside of maybe cam and juni for a little bit. Really until about a year ago i never felt too attached to boyah, though I would still have called you guys friends at that point. It wasn't until the google hangouts or uncharted that I started getting more "Attached" and valued internet friendships. I never really saw that internet as a place to socialize or whatever. More like a place to engage interests or express myself in ways that I couldn't irl.
I don't really hold many friendships with people online or irl. Even people I've known for several years or I talk to on a day to day, there is still the weird "how do i start a conversation" thing that happens and I kind of blank and dont know what do to. and I still don't properly know how to end conversations.
idk if this made any sense