I fucking hate how little I do to make my life any better but that only makes me less and less inspired to do anything lol
I wish I made more money.
i have no real idea what lies ahead but to be honest i'm living a pretty comfortable life right now and just...idk, whatever. i'm living and things don't suck too bad. good enough for me.
i don't really buy into the idea that i should be rushing around to find a job and a girlfriend just because that's what everyone else does, and neither of those things really sound like something i want right now
the amount of time it takes me to take ideas from their starting points to completion is longer than I'd like it to be.
I have that same feeling and I mostly hate the stability I'm about to lose as I move to a new city
Very mixed. Happy in the love department, but besides that, SHIT. I hate my job, I am struggling with school right now, and I have no motivation
i've dug myself into an enormous hole and its swallowing me no matter how hard i try n_n
better off not being alive.
i think that my life is ok. there are a lot of ups and downs and im still not very motivated to do things but that will pass. i think i just need a kick in the ass.
i think im going to spend a year in Athens. then do a year in Americorps (where ever they will have me). At the end of that time, i will have money for school and hopefully an idea of what i want to do. but im not worried about that right now.
life is ok. its not always going to be bad and thats the motivating factor for me i think. (i feel like i talk about this alot)
Generally helpless and hopeless, which honestly hasn't changed for as far as I remember. n_n
Especially with trans stuff. School vacations, like now, are the only time I have access to any sort of transportation necessary for anything as basic as a doctor or therapist visit, but even then, I have to rely on my mother for anything and she's been too busy for me to even have a meaningful conversation with her to bring it up, let alone take me to repeated appointments during work hours.
My social situation is of course lonely and friendless and I can't even outwardly be myself
My family's financial situation is pathetic, with my mom currently spending most of her pay (from a teacher-like job for a day camp) on craft/supplies/activities for that job and using most of the rest on whimsical things. She's not much better during the school year (when she's a substitute teacher) with whimsical spending. At least my grandmother manages to pay for bills and groceries with her retirement. My school expenses somehow get covered (largely by loans), which include upfront payment for housing and food plans, so I usually am feeling detached from finances by living on those and rarely using real money.
But as far as daily life is concerned, I'm fairly satisfied by being able to spend most of every day at the computer for whatever I want to do, with plenty of access to food and whatnot. Also, having both an interest and skill in programming is fairly promising for future career, or so I'm told.
Pretty much the same as last year but with less money.
it's okay but i'm not really doing anything meaningful
i feel like vomiting
i don't know what to do with my current relationship because i'm incredibly instable
and i felt hopeless ever since my psychiatrist recognized that i couldn't do basic things and questioned if i'm 'capable'
(i felt like i was some retard like jmv or felt)
i feel afraid of seeing my boyfriend tomorrow
i don't know what to say to him anymore, too afraid of brutally unleashing my fears vividly to him (because he'd leave me? just another insecure thought xoxoxox)
yet that's what i want anyways
brutality
i am also starting to understand my parents much more in depth
and i'm afraid that my psychologist might do a good job at treating me
because i'm afraid of losing that clucky-esque behavior of being so erratic
because it gave me a lot of wonderful things
like my string of relationships
I DON'T WANT IT TO GO AWAY BUT I WANT IT TO GO AWAY
BEING EATEN ALIVE BY AMBIVALENCES
idk i wish i had ground
but at the same time i don't lol
but my life's painfully steeping down to boredom
and boredom is one of my strongest fears
i fear so much to become m86 or something
i missed out on starting at the fall semester of college again
i felt so disappointed in myself cry;
I don't really know we will see. It is what it is.
At the moment it's non-existent but I'm too scared to change it. goowan
Quote from: eeeeeee on July 18, 2012, 11:19:30 AM
I don't really know we will see. It is what it is.
that's pretty much how I feel. It has it's ups and downs but I really have no feeling about it at the moment and am just kinda going along for the ride
Quote from: Clucky on July 18, 2012, 07:05:54 AM
*typical narcissistic rant about living*
you ought to take a sabbatical from boyah
Quote from: Patsy Stone on July 18, 2012, 02:39:00 PM
you ought to take a sabbatical from boyah
i'm sorry you're not as psychiatrically cool as i am with your autism diagnosis cry;
Quote from: Clucky on July 18, 2012, 05:05:58 PM
i'm sorry you're not as psychiatrically cool as i am with your autism diagnosis cry;
why are you my aunt who posts bulletins about her nephew with autism on facebook
Absolutely incredible.
Everything is where I didn't think it would be five years ago which is exactly where everything should be.
I feel like I'm at a cross roads where I can either follow my heart or my head.... I can either quit the job that I hate and go to a lesser paying but funner job.... Or I can wait and suffer in my job and gain "experience" and money.
I submitted more applications today though.
Also, I (am) going back to school to get a masters in education. I'm going back either this spring if I can, or in the fall next year. It feels really good to have a plan that *I* am excited for.