Chapter 1: The Space Kid
Link wiped the sweat off of his womanly brow. He was outnumbered. One to one. He swung his sword wildly at the enemy. The enemy easily dodged it. Link sighed, "God dammit, this is ridiculous. Stay still and let me kill you." The enemy quickly said, "What? Why would I let you kill me?" Link said, "Well, it would be easier for me." The enemy replied, "Well, I don't feel like dying." Link asked, "Are you depressed?" The enemy said, "Yeah, kind of. Going through a rough divorce. My whore bitch of a wife wants sole custody. My kids don't even like me. Sometimes, I wish I could just die." Link said, "Well, I can fulfill that request." The enemy happily complied as Link chopped the enemy's head off.
Link smiled and said, "All in a day's work." He walked off in the distance when the sky went pitch black. The ground began to shake. Link screamed, "What the hell is going on? This is more insane than the time I fought the moon kid!" Finally, a light emerged from the clouds and a space kid came forth from the clouds. The space kid wore space clothing and spoke with a space accent. Link asked, "What are you? Some kind of space kid?" The space kid angrily stated, "Well, yeah. I came from space. Do you see my clothing? Can't you hear my obvious space accent?" Link paused for a moment and replied, "Yeah, now that I think about it, I can hear the space accent. Why are you here, space kid?"
The space kid replied without a sense of emotion, "I am here to take you into the real world, Link. My species has been watching since you were born. We are bored with your antics of doing the same **** over and over again. Oh, kill, Ganondorf. Oh, real original. Haven't done that twenty times already. See, Link, we've been watching you. You have fans. Unfortunately, your die hard fans fear you've jumped the shark two seasons ago. This is why we're putting you into the real world. To boost the ratings of your show. Now, make us proud. Step into the light." Link was shocked. He had a feeling he was on an intergalatic television show before so that didn't shock him but the fact that they feel he jumped the shark shocked him. He said, "I'm not stepping into there." The space kid's eyes began to glow red. The evil shade of red. The space kid said, "That's not a choice, Link."
Link looked down and saw his feet were not touching the ground anymore. He was slowly moving towards the light. He screamed, "RAPE! I'M BEING RAPED!" The space kid laughed, "Yes, Link. Scream rape. No one can hear you in the real world. Well, except for the people in the real world. Other than that, no one on can hear you." Link was surrounded by complete darkness. He screamed at the top of his lungs, "NOOOOOOOOO!" He would never escape.
I can't wait to see where this one goes. Perhaps Link will get a job at the meat packing plant?
Chapter 2: The Real World
Link escaped as he exited the portal. He was in the middle of a dank, disgusting alleyway. He looked around this strange world. No longer were things pixelated and stylized. They were real. Link looked at his hands. He had five fingers. He screamed, "I'M A FREAAAAAAAAAAK!" His girlish scream awoke a homeless heroin addict. The hobo screamed, "Unless you're giving away free drugs, get the hell out of my alleyway." Link looked at the homeless man. He had facial features and a shirt that actually moved. Link was shocked to see this and ran as fast as he could out of the alleyway.
Link exited into a busy street where a car was hurtling towards him. Link screamed, "Metal monster!" (Editor's Note: What is this? Crocodile Dundee? Change it or you're fired.) Link threw his sword threw the windshield, narrowly missing the driver's head. Since the driver was asleep, he did not notice Link and ran him over with the sword still inside the car. Link fell on the ground hard. Link said, "Damn you, metal monster... Damn you..." He blacked out. He had died.
End of fanfic?
Chapter Three
Link did not die as he awoke in a hospital room. Link was groggy and barely managed to say, "Where... Am... I?" A doctor next to him said, "Sir... I'm not sure how to tell you this... But... You have no organs." Link interrupted the doctor, "What are organs?" The doctor said, "Well, let me start out here alright. Don't interrupt me. That's just rude. Now, as I was saying, you were hit by a car by a driver who was somehow asleep. They found a sword in his car. Anyhoo, we had to do an emergency organscopy. When we tried to take your clothes off, they... Stuck to your body. It was like... A second skin. For you, it is your skin. We had to cut your clothes off using futuristic equipment such as this chainsaw. As we opened your body, we found a note where your organs should be. It said to be rendered later. So... How you are alive right now... It's just beyond me. It's not even science. We sewed your shir- Uh, skin back up. You're clear to go, I guess. Oh, no interruptions?"
Link said, "Well... What does this no organ thing mean?" The doctor shrugged. Link shrugged in return. The doctor returned Link's shrug. Link was confused and left the hospital. He had to find shelter in this strange world. Link walked down the street in his shining green tunic with his trademarked by the company of Nintendo green hattm.
Link was alone in this strange world. Could he live long enough to live?
Quote from: Houdini on August 18, 2008, 02:59:26 PM
End of fanfic?
No, just making fun of cliffhanger endings.
also if you dont comment god hates you
god is me by the way
This is based off the Truman Show, correct?
Quote from: Flying Circus on August 18, 2008, 03:11:00 PM
This is based off the Truman Show, correct?
None of this based on anything. I'm just throwing shit and see what sticks.
i lol'd
Happy Birthday. meaty cocks
This story is awesome.
Quote from: Andrew1911 on August 18, 2008, 02:55:49 PM
Link screamed, "Metal monster!" (Editor's Note: What is this? Crocodile Dundee? Change it or you're fired.)
pump your brakes kid, that man is a national treasure
But really, good story. Beats the other shit you have shat out in the past. I actually laughed this time. lol @ the "space kid" part in the first chapter
Haha, great story. Favorite parts were when he realized he had five fingers, and the space kid's accent.
Oh yeah, happy birthday. doodella;
Is it really your birthday. And good story so far.
Interesting, enjoyable story. I'm liking it so far. Continue please.
Chapter Four
Link walked into an apartment complex known as Paradise Lost (Editor's Note: No references to anything that could be dealing with religion somewhat. We don't want to offend the blacks.). Link walked up to the register and said, "Shopkeep, I would like to rent a room." The obese man walked up to Link and said, "You ain't some kind of high class prostitute, are you?" Link, taken aback, stated, "No! I am a Hyrulian Knight!" The shopkeep said, "Oh, you're an actor and you're staying in character. Some Daniel Day Lewis ****. I'll give you a room. The rent's five hundred dollars a month." Link removed a purple rupee from his pouch. Link said, "Would this be of adequate pay, shopkeep?" The shopkeep jumped like a 1800s prosecutor and greedily grabbed the rupee.
Link had gotten an apartment. He unlocked the door to find himself in an apartment that smelled vaguely like those poppy leaves Link had smelled in the Opium Shack at the Hyrule Kingdom. At of nowhere, Link spotted a man rotting on the couch. The man looked like Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski (Editor's Note: How the hell does Link know who Jeff Bridges is? Not only that, how could he have possibly seen The Big Lebowski? You're killing me.) as he watched Link enter.
The man said cautiously, "Hey." Link said, "Hello, I am Link." The man replied, "Cool. What's your last name?" Link struggled, "Uh... Um... It's... Well, what's your name?" The man said, "Name's Kev. Want some opium?" Link declined, "No, thanks. Opium destroyed my judgment when I accidently killed an innocent man in Hyrule." Kev said, "Oh, that sucks. So, why you dressed like that?" Link replied, "I am a Hyrulian Knight. I serve to protect the kingdom." Kev looked around and asked himself, "I did take opium, right?"
Link had an apartment and a stoner roommate. All was going well UNTIL
I like how the story assumes that someone would be willing to edit a fanfic.
Quote from: Houdini on August 18, 2008, 09:31:09 PM
I like how the story assumes that someone would be willing to edit a fanfic.
I'm going to cover that in the next chapter. It will blow your mind.
Chapter Five
Link grabbed a soda can and asked, "What is this metallic thing?" Kev said, "That's a soda can, man." Link said quietly, "My gods... Where have I been sent to?" Kev said, "You gotta open it up. Pop the top, bra." Link was taken aback and asked, "Bra?" Kev said, "Yeah, bra. Like 'Yo, bra, how's it hangin'?' 'Bra, last night... Let's never talk about it again.'" Link said nervously as he popped the top, "Alright... Bra..." Link drank the soda can and smiled (Editor's Note: Now, this is just getting into cutesy territory. Bring it back a notch. Love, Mom.).
A few hours later, the caffeine has gotten to Link as he left the apartment. With his entire body moving in all sorts of erratic directions on the streets of New York, people were beginning to become frightened by this green tunic wearing, insane man who was moving insanely. One boy walked up to Link and punched him in the balls. Link fell down and clutched them in pain. People laughed at Link as he clutched his tiny, swollen flesh that was known as his testicles. Link grabbed his scrotum and stumbled into a bar.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve the gays here." Link said, "Don't worry... I'm not happy, barkeep." Link flopped onto a chair and said, "Give me some murr please." The bartender said, "Sorry, we serve drinks that aren't made by French traitor bastards here, friend-o." Link sighed, "Just give me one of those, bra." The bartender's eyes became red with anger and he screamed, "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" Link shrunk into his chair and said softly, "I said... Bra." The bartender grabbed a beer bottle and broke it on the table.
The bartender had the broken glass in his hand and he moved towards Link as close as he could. The bartender said, "Alright, buddy... NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!" The bartender then-
hey you little whores i want to see some posts
Quote from: Andrew1911 on August 18, 2008, 09:33:30 PM
I'm going to cover that in the next chapter. It will blow your mind.
Nice plot twist, M. Night Shyamalan.
Nice No Country For Old Men reference, too.
Quote from: Houdini on August 18, 2008, 10:04:44 PM
Nice plot twist, M. Night Shyamalan.
Nice No Country For Old Men reference, too.
I wouldn't have came up with it if you didn't bring it up so give yourself a pat on the back. doodella;
i know :O
Quote from: Andrew1911 on August 18, 2008, 10:07:17 PM
I wouldn't have came up with it if you didn't bring it up so give yourself a pat on the back. doodella;
i know :O
OMG im improtant now baddood;
is ganondorf gonna be in the story
Quote from: Andrew1911 on August 18, 2008, 09:29:16 PM
The man looked like Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski (Editor's Note: How the hell does Link know who Jeff Bridges is? Not only that, how could he have possibly seen The Big Lebowski? You're killing me.) as he watched Link enter.
uh, the story is in third person, so whatever the narrator thinks isn't necessarily what the main character thinks
also, "The man looked like Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski as he watched Link enter."
...what?
ANYWAY I LIKE THE STORY PLEASE CONTINUE thumbup; thumbup;
i like it write more please UNLEASH THE BEAST
Continue, please. baddood;