how do u console someone who's mother was just diagnosed with liver cancer

[Mando Pandango]

Get that lump checked out ASAP. Do it for your girlfriend. The last thing she needs is two tragedies back to back. It's probably nothing but GET IT CHECKED.

Honestly the best thing you can do is just listen and be there. Obviously you don't have the answers. Hell, just ask her what you can do for her, and listen. If she lashes out, don't get angry back. The whole situation is miserable. As long as you're not adding to it, you're doing a good job.

[C.Mongler]

yeah i'm doing my best. it's kinda weird because i've had to become kind of a blank wall and just consume all the shit thrown at it and i haven't had much of an outlet myself, whereas she has me (and friends) obviously. i can't regurgitate how i'm feeling to her at all about this because i absolutely do not want her to feel guilty or like she's being a burden on me. she didn't choose for her mom to have cancer obviously, so it's not something i hold against her whatsoever, but i know she would take it that way. it's still extremely stressful though. that said i did talk to my mom for a while about everything a few nights ago and that was a huge relief. my grandfather (her dad)  passed from a brain tumor when my mother was around my current age so she knows how hard this shit is.

anyway, about the lump-o: yeah i plan to get it checked ASAP. from what i read it's extremely rare for forearm lumps to be dangerous, but yeah don't need to prolong any other further complications. only issue is find time off to go to my own doctor right now is a huge bitch, but hopefully once her treatments are back to taking place in teh city I can find the time to get over to my doctor.

it's also weird how you don't think about any of this shit and the affects it has on the entire family ecosystem until it happens. it's bonkers how it's always just like 'oh it won't happen to me' and then when it does it swallows you like a whale. frig

[FAMY2]

There should be people at the hospital to explain the insurance and help you get payment. From experience with my dad I know there are different types of Medicare. Find out if she has a Medigap plan which helps pay deducibles. If she has Medicaid it should cover anything Medicare doesn't. It maybe she has a 2 thousand dollar deductible they want up front to start treatment. If that's the case there should be financial aid or a payment plan you could use. They should have explained all this to you long ago.

We had a Case Manager that did all this for us. I'm not sure what they call them now. Don't be afraid to ask for help because there are people out there that are supposed to guide you through all this.

Sounds like you may have a lipoma. But please get it checked out.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/lipoma/symptoms.../syc-20374470

[C.Mongler]

thank u rae, that was v comforting. yeah i do feel like the whole insurance thing thus far has been a bit of an afterthought, and we were also supposed to have been reached out to by a social worker at the hospital at this point too, which has yet to happen. i think what you said about the deductible is what's happening; my gf and I are both p. not well versed in this shit, and she is especially ignorant about healthcare stuff. they called while i was driving down the highway and she basically just panicked and didn't have any questions, and i was too busy with trying to drive to really be able to help her. but yeah, when she was like "uhhh i don't have 2000 dollars" she said we would talk with a financial advisor tomorrow, so hopefully that's will give us some clarity.

and also the social worker if he ever calls since we need to get disability and shit rolling now too

[FAMY2]

thank u rae, that was v comforting. yeah i do feel like the whole insurance thing thus far has been a bit of an afterthought, and we were also supposed to have been reached out to by a social worker at the hospital at this point too, which has yet to happen. i think what you said about the deductible is what's happening; my gf and I are both p. not well versed in this shit, and she is especially ignorant about healthcare stuff. they called while i was driving down the highway and she basically just panicked and didn't have any questions, and i was too busy with trying to drive to really be able to help her. but yeah, when she was like "uhhh i don't have 2000 dollars" she said we would talk with a financial advisor tomorrow, so hopefully that's will give us some clarity.

and also the social worker if he ever calls since we need to get disability and shit rolling now too

Some medical conditions qualify for immediate benefits. Medicare has a waiting period but if she already has it then it won't make a difference.

https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/13.00-NeoplasticDiseases-Malignant-Adult.htm#13_19

13.19 Liver or gallbladder-- cancer of the liver, gallbladder, or bile ducts.


Has no exceptions or defining terms as to what is needed to be accepted.

Hope this helps as sad as it is. It's what you can do for her and her mom to help them. Her doctor is the one who fills out the medical paper work which you can get from SS. The rest you fill out. The whole process shouldn't take more than a month or so. It goes faster if you turn the paper work into an SS office instead of mailing it.

[Kalahari Inkantation]

Once again, I was afraid something was up due to your relatively lower activity these past few days.

well, like we said earlier, there's practically nothing you can do except for lend as much support as you reasonably can (which you seem to doing), try to keep educated/informed (which you also seem to be doing), be a sponge for emotion, and do what you can to maintain your own composure, though of course even as relatively little as you can do, all of that is still a lot to ask

from our perspective it seems like you're already going above and beyond the call for gf and family, but

i also have a quarter sized lump in my arm that im paranoid as fuck about so thats cool.

you do also need to keep yourself in top condition to be best able to help them lol

you have exactly no excuse not to get that czeched out

At your age, and in that area, it's probably nothing serious, but why take the risk?

i had a dermatology screening for abnormalities a few weeks ago and it took no more than half an hour for a head-to-toe examination, a small biopsy, and for them to ultimately tell me 'looks good come back in six months'

And the doctor was a total mommy to boot.

you likely wouldn't be referred to a dermatologist for a lump on the arm but a thorough check up to assess your symptoms is unlikely to be much more involved than that

So assuming you yourself are insured, please do go to the doctor every now and again. Now especially might be a good time. If you're not insured, it's time to fix that.

apparently her insurance isn't covering it? we're not really sure what the fuck the deal is, as she has both medicaid and medicare coverage. we're meeting with a financial advisor to try and figure this shit out, but i'm feel like i'm going to have a hard time not becoming angry during that shit. like what the fuck is healthcare for if it won't have your back when you have one of the worst diseases immaginable? the fuck america. also why the fuck do they think it's appropriate to just drop a 'oh hey you'll need 2 grand tomorrow btw' on a god damn cancer patient less than 24 hours before her appointment. idk.

we'll figure it out i guess, maybe i'll get to make one of those cool gofundmes that everyone is wild about.

Now this is baffling to me and I feel like there must some mistake or oversight somewhere. It sounds like she has a life-threatening condition with a standard practice treatment method, and that's the very core of what insurance is designed to and supposed to cover. To hear that both plans have denied coverage is quite suspicious. I think talking to financial advising (also consider speaking with the insurance agencies themselves) to figure out why she was denied, whether there might have been some error, and what you can do, is the best you can do with regard to payment at this time. To suddenly drop a $2,000 anvil on your head in the midst of all this is undeniably callous and insensitive, but here in particular is where you have to maintain your composure. Keep the anger at bay and just try to extract as much useful information from them as you possibly can, and try to work with them rather than against them to the extent that you can. They are not your enemies here, it's literally the system that is the problem. I seriously do you hope you won't have to rely on GoFundMe for such a basic thing.

Strictly to satiate my own curiosity, what were the symptoms that prompted her to seek medical attention in the first place?

boyah you're my therapist now

you say that like it's a new thing

boyah always has been your own and everyone else's collective therapist, and so long as boyah exists that's not going to change

[Kalahari Inkantation]

it's kinda weird because i've had to become kind of a blank wall and just consume all the shit thrown at it and i haven't had much of an outlet myself, whereas she has me (and friends) obviously. i can't regurgitate how i'm feeling to her at all about this because i absolutely do not want her to feel guilty or like she's being a burden on me. she didn't choose for her mom to have cancer obviously, so it's not something i hold against her whatsoever, but i know she would take it that way. it's still extremely stressful though.

boyah is a five-star therapist and has repeatedly been found to be among the most potent antidepressants and stress alleviators and all but you might want to consider seeing someone with a license for all of this too lol (i mean like though)

unfortunately, boyah does not have its own license yet (though we're working on it), and naturally, you need your own place to vent particularly high life stresses

[C.Mongler]

i kind of want to see a therapist just to shoot the shit and air my grievances, however, it's interesting, despite how absurdly stressful and uncontrollable this all is, it is somehow also calming in other aspects? like i've had really shit anxiety for years now, and it all feels somehow comparatively trivial. like i could worry about having to make a phone call or prep for a meeting or whatever like i used to, but at least it's not fucking cancer. idk lol. as much as i am i'm bummed that i don't have a ton of free time right now and that we have to figure out like 5 random, complicated things a day between insurance, doctors visits, living situations, etc., i'm not actually really anxious about much. i guess probably just because i know it's just so literally out of my hands that as long as i'm doing my piece, shit is kind of is what it is.

and yeah, i will do my best to remain calm about the money situation, it is baffling to me that shit's not covered, especially in post-ACA 'murica. i feel like something must have fallen through the cracks and/or my gf/her mom didn't understand something or it was literally lost in translation (my gf's mom doesn't speak very good english).

from our perspective it seems like you're already going above and beyond the call for gf and family, but

thanks, tho i feel like i am meeting the call. as stated in other thread, this lady will one day be my wife. additionally, her mom is literally the only family she has on this earth. i could not be monstrous enough of a person to give anything less than 100% to the two of them in this situation

[Kalahari Inkantation]

and yeah, i will do my best to remain calm about the money situation, it is baffling to me that shit's not covered, especially in post-ACA 'murica. i feel like something must have fallen through the cracks and/or my gf/her mom didn't understand something or it was literally lost in translation (my gf's mom doesn't speak very good english).

that's exactly what i'm thinking, for one insurance agency to deny coverage for something like this in obama's america is questionable enough, let alone two separate public agencies

i can only hope that something did indeed fall through the cracks, and that whatever it is it'll be found out and corrected quickly and burdenlessly enough

it's interesting, despite how absurdly stressful and uncontrollable this all is, it is somehow also calming in other aspects? like i've had really shit anxiety for years now, and it all feels somehow comparatively trivial.

Well I can tell you from experience that enduring substantially life changing medical events really does put things in perspective, as cliche as that sounds.

i am not surprised to hear that all this seems to have ironically tempered your angst somewhat, although for some people it can understandably cause exactly the opposite thing to happen

I mean, yeah, all things considered it could always be way worse, again as cliche as that sounds.

i guess probably just because i know it's just so literally out of my hands that as long as i'm doing my piece, shit is kind of is what it is.

it's also good that you realize this, as helpless as it feels it's a good attitude to have and takes a lot of weight/guilt/anxiety off your shoulders, sometimes the best and only thing to do is just go through the motions without worrying about it too much

nonetheless,

i kind of want to see a therapist just to shoot the shit and air my grievances

I still think this is probably a good idea.

thanks, tho i feel like i am meeting the call.

well whatever you're doing, keep it up

but don't neglect your own needs in the process lol

[Hiro]

I don't have anything to add but shit, just know I hope you're alright

[The artist formally known]

Be there for her. Let her tak and listen, but don't try to fix her problems or solve them. Just give her hope and let her know her mom loves her.

And try to make her laugh smile and stuff. That's pretty much it champ.