Depression

[silvertone]

isnt hte Point of the Pills just there so u get up and do shit 

[Hippopo]

isnt hte Point of the Pills just there so u get up and do shit 

Get you out of the "FUNK""""

[Hiro]

i've probably been depressed since age 12 or so

[Travis]

i've probably been depressed since age 12 or so

probably

[6M69I69B9]

Diagnosed with major depression here.

I cope with it...by just going on the Internet, trying to go outside sometimes, and/or I'll e-mail a friend or two about it.  (Not actually peers...they're professors I just got along with and talk with.)  I do take medication- but my medicated days are depleting because I can't afford them anymore.  They only somewhat worked for me, anyway.  Depression for me can be triggered by "random" things.  But most of the time, it's just caused by the present- for now. 

I hope things have gotten better ever since then, NotSid. 

[strongbad]

Diagnosed with major depression here.

I cope with it...by just going on the Internet, trying to go outside sometimes, and/or I'll e-mail a friend or two about it.  (Not actually peers...they're professors I just got along with and talk with.)  I do take medication- but my medicated days are depleting because I can't afford them anymore.  They only somewhat worked for me, anyway.  Depression for me can be triggered by "random" things.  But most of the time, it's just caused by the present- for now. 

I hope things have gotten better ever since then, NotSid. 

I'm really sorry to hear that man.
I used to consider myself mildly depressed but I went through a weird life transition where I stopped using the internet excessively and it helped a lot. Might not be a solution to your problem, since for me it was mostly having better friends on the internet than in real life.

[Samus Aran]

so yeah, this

this depression thing

for me it's always been something that comes and goes, i usually "get over it" pretty quickly at least to the point where i can do things i enjoy and be happy about them. of course it's usually still lurking in the back of my mind and it sometimes comes back out briefly at night. but for the most part, it's cyclical and lasts for a few days and then goes away for a while again.

and it's been hitting me full force since i woke up yesterday. like a lot worse than usual. i don't know. yesterday i like seriously just sat and stared at my computer all day. for a while i was whining on tumblr and i was listening to a lot of andrew jackson jihad (i listen to them a lot regardless of my mood though), but for the most part i just sat and did literally nothing but stare at my screen or around the room and feel like shit and i could never get myself to do anything i wanted to.

that's the part that i dislike the most about it, really - not being able to do anything. it's like, you know if you just did something you enjoy, it could probably take your mind off your feelings and make you feel better for a while. you know it would. but you just can't. it's across the room and you can't get up.

also, something in my life that's kinda dumb happened recently that has probably contributed to this, which is that i started being a pretty close friend with a nice girl online who got overly attached to me and i just sorta let it happen and she's got crippling depression and she's bipolar and has billions of problems like you wouldn't believe. and i have been shitty and largely ignoring her lately because literally every single day i'd have to deal with her depressive side and it was a huge stressful ordeal and i just can't handle that shit because i'm just as weak myself. i mean i already told her that i just wanted to be her friend, like i seriously cannot do relationships right now, let alone a shitty one over the goddamn internet, but really meeting me has just made her life worse and meeting her made mine worse so whoops

today i'm at work, and there's little to do. tonight when i have shit to do, closing up shop and all, i'll probably feel a little better. but when it's dead like this, i have nothing to keep my mind off my feelings.

[PLEASEHELP1991]

I feel like I'm more productive when I get depressed. I hate when I'm happy because my anxiety somehow rises because I become maniacal.

[strongbad]

so yeah, this

this depression thing

for me it's always been something that comes and goes, i usually "get over it" pretty quickly at least to the point where i can do things i enjoy and be happy about them. of course it's usually still lurking in the back of my mind and it sometimes comes back out briefly at night. but for the most part, it's cyclical and lasts for a few days and then goes away for a while again.

and it's been hitting me full force since i woke up yesterday. like a lot worse than usual. i don't know. yesterday i like seriously just sat and stared at my computer all day. for a while i was whining on tumblr and i was listening to a lot of andrew jackson jihad (i listen to them a lot regardless of my mood though), but for the most part i just sat and did literally nothing but stare at my screen or around the room and feel like shit and i could never get myself to do anything i wanted to.

that's the part that i dislike the most about it, really - not being able to do anything. it's like, you know if you just did something you enjoy, it could probably take your mind off your feelings and make you feel better for a while. you know it would. but you just can't. it's across the room and you can't get up.

also, something in my life that's kinda dumb happened recently that has probably contributed to this, which is that i started being a pretty close friend with a nice girl online who got overly attached to me and i just sorta let it happen and she's got crippling depression and she's bipolar and has billions of problems like you wouldn't believe. and i have been shitty and largely ignoring her lately because literally every single day i'd have to deal with her depressive side and it was a huge stressful ordeal and i just can't handle that shit because i'm just as weak myself. i mean i already told her that i just wanted to be her friend, like i seriously cannot do relationships right now, let alone a shitty one over the goddamn internet, but really meeting me has just made her life worse and meeting her made mine worse so whoops

today i'm at work, and there's little to do. tonight when i have shit to do, closing up shop and all, i'll probably feel a little better. but when it's dead like this, i have nothing to keep my mind off my feelings.

what are things that you'd like to be doing that you aren't because of your depression?

[Samus Aran]

my typical hobbies. games, anime, reading, writing. the last one i'm struggling to get back into right now because i feel like it's my ~calling in life~ or whatever you want to call it but depression is just making it harder to do so

even though depression is exactly what i've been writing about lately lol

i've been also thinking of other things i could try to get into to help me. i've been thinkign about making silly noisy gay music in garageband if i can figure out how all that works.

but yea basically i just mean depression is making it really hard to do any of the hobbies that i normally would do

i have managed to not let it overtake my musical growth though, so that's good

[me003]

After downloading Yume Nikki yesterday, and playing only a half hour of it. It just took me into this desolate hole of space and I couldn't focus on my homework, I had to get offline and just watch netflix streaming. All the neon colors in horrible contrast just made me feel sick like I was stuck on shrooms or something as if my room was a place I didn't know very well. It made me feel like the creator knew exactly what it was like to be in that stuck field and used it. Those patterns man, I like them a lot but never want to see them when I'm in certain head-spaces, they instantly give me like a wave of headaches.  I seriously could only take that game for so long before feeling like i was falling in a void. It's like a dizzy feeling where I can't focus on anything and can't think about anything else other than this nauseous feeling. When it gets to be the most intense I physically can't stop shaking. Thankfully I've been getting better at controlling it, and rarely it gets that bad.
It was probably a bad time to be playing it because like you said depression comes in cycles, and I've been feeling really faint all week. It feels like my consciousness is letting go and I got to stop myself from falling out of consciousness, which at the same time increases my heartbeat into a panic state. I wasn't going to mention it, but here I am in the depression thread. The weird thing is this started a year ago in February, then went away, and started coming back again this year in February-March.  Oh and a very important note: this usually happens after I smoke weed. Like I smoked before playing Yume Nikki. I've been trying to narrow down what's causing this for a year now, and I think it's the weed. But the thing is after it somewhat went away last year, I could smoke and be totally fine. So I didn't stop smoking. This year I'm pretty sure the weed helps trigger it, so this month I haven't really been smoking.
So what works for me is just putting on a show I enjoy and wait for it to subside.I think it could have to do with not eating right and not exercising enough.  Actually hip hop is one of the best tools to make me happy. I also feel some people are miserable because they want people to know they're miserable/hate everything, when on the other hand people are miserable but don't let it get them down, and that's what I strive for. Never let em see you weak.

I wrote more, but I hate saying more than needed. Sometimes it's nice to just write it all out, and then delete it.

[Samus Aran]

i can understand Yume Nikki making you feel that way - especially because Madotsuki probably feels that way, and that's probably why her dreams are the way they are

for me, i wouldn't say that it makes me any more depressed, more like i feel like i get more out of it when i am lol

in other depression related news, i am actually feeling a lot better now. like i said, cyclical. but in very quick cycles.

[me003]

Glad to hear that!
Have you heard of dirty electricity? Cuz my room is rampant with cables and powered things that are constantly running.
Just something to be aware of. I don't take it very seriously, but maybe I should.

"Many people complain about a variety of side effects to dirty power, these can include headaches, ringing in the ears, trouble focusing, and a variety of other symptoms. If you suffer from some of these symptoms then you may want to discuss this with your doctor. For more information on the health effects of dirty electricity please read Health Effects of Electrical Pollution."

[6M69I69B9]

so yeah, this

this depression thing

for me it's always been something that comes and goes, i usually "get over it" pretty quickly at least to the point where i can do things i enjoy and be happy about them. of course it's usually still lurking in the back of my mind and it sometimes comes back out briefly at night. but for the most part, it's cyclical and lasts for a few days and then goes away for a while again.

and it's been hitting me full force since i woke up yesterday. like a lot worse than usual. i don't know. yesterday i like seriously just sat and stared at my computer all day. for a while i was whining on tumblr and i was listening to a lot of andrew jackson jihad (i listen to them a lot regardless of my mood though), but for the most part i just sat and did literally nothing but stare at my screen or around the room and feel like shit and i could never get myself to do anything i wanted to.

that's the part that i dislike the most about it, really - not being able to do anything. it's like, you know if you just did something you enjoy, it could probably take your mind off your feelings and make you feel better for a while. you know it would. but you just can't. it's across the room and you can't get up.

also, something in my life that's kinda dumb happened recently that has probably contributed to this, which is that i started being a pretty close friend with a nice girl online who got overly attached to me and i just sorta let it happen and she's got crippling depression and she's bipolar and has billions of problems like you wouldn't believe. and i have been shitty and largely ignoring her lately because literally every single day i'd have to deal with her depressive side and it was a huge stressful ordeal and i just can't handle that shit because i'm just as weak myself. i mean i already told her that i just wanted to be her friend, like i seriously cannot do relationships right now, let alone a shitty one over the goddamn internet, but really meeting me has just made her life worse and meeting her made mine worse so whoops

today i'm at work, and there's little to do. tonight when i have shit to do, closing up shop and all, i'll probably feel a little better. but when it's dead like this, i have nothing to keep my mind off my feelings.

[Posting this in parts if this works.]

Part I:

(Most are within my opinion, perspective, schema, etc..  I may be fallacious, irrational, judgmental, and etc..  I am limited in knowledge.  There may be typos in this post, so certain parts may be dismissed.  I don't intend to offend, but I'm sorry if I do in the end.) 

You've described some of the symptoms I experience.  And I know I don't truly have a say in your personal events and don't know what is actually going on in-depth, but regardless, I do feel like giving some of my input.  And maybe you've already reflected what I'm about to say- or it could be irrelevant- fuck it I'll start now: 

About your scenario with the bi-polar girl, if you feel guilty about ignoring her- note that it isn't only you who is at "fault" (I'm assuming that you offered her to vent.) but she is, too, when she expects someone to help her deal with her emotions and endeavors when you have your own.  Though, I'm not trying to say that letting one express shit to another is bad, but there's no doubt that there's a point to when it gets overwhelming.  And the main point is not trying to shift the guilt- but emphasizing that it's not your "fault" that you have limits- and I'm glad you've expressed your limits.  It also seems she has problems with boundaries- not considering how she's past the limit of your involvement.  At least you've established that you still wanted to be friends. 

(Cont.)

[6M69I69B9]

[Hey, it's actually bypassing the 404.]

Part II:

Although you say you're weak, the only things I can suggest are:

-  That you introduce yourself into things you've never considered before when your default hobbies are just not working for you  
-  When you're willing and unwilling at the same time to do something, push yourself towards the option with more productivity

(Cont.)