boyah, why do so many people date/marry people they don't like?

[hobbit]

i plan on being single forever and just fuck sluts. won't be hard once i'm a rockstar.

but honestly speaking, people have issues and as long as they believe love will solve all their problems they'll keep doing the same dumb shit.

not that i'm claiming to be more well adjusted or anything.

[Houdini]

I have a theory. When you like someone, generally your instinct is to act in a way you think would impress them. Many relationships probably start this way - both partners acting differently than they normally do to impress the other.

Several things can happen with this. Possibility one is that neither partner puts on an act to begin with - they both approach each other acting like themselves, and either they fall in love and live comfortably together or realize they're not compatible and move on.

Possibility two is that both partners gradually let down their act, realize that they both feel the same way about things, and continue on happily. This is also good.

Possibility three is that the two never truly become comfortable together. They think love entails compromising their own happiness and doing things they don't like in order to be with the other person. They inevitably find escapes from each other that allow them to "be themselves" when the other isn't around. This continues on until one or both partners can eventually admit to themselves that they're not right for each other.

I think generally people are just stupid when it comes to relationships and either don't know what they want or are too neurotic to make peace with what they want.

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

I'm super afraid of being alone the rest of my life. So, I can foresee myself being with someone i don't really care for strongly just to not be alone. This fear kind of hurts my relationships, I think.

I see my father, who is almost 50 and in prison and won't have a place to go when he gets out. My dad fucked up a whole lot when he was married to my mom, now he's alone and will most likely be homeless again when he gets out of prison.

It scares the hell out of me, the thought of fucking up a relationship and ending up alone like my dad, so I typically will do whatever I can to please whoever I am dating. When things don't work out, I freak out and imagine being alone forever. It's completely irrational, I know. However, my feelings have a tendency to take away control from my...uh...rational side.

So, long story short, I would be with someone I didn't love out of my fear of being alone.

[spoiler]what's the phobia for this?[/spoiler]

[YPrrrr]

I'm super afraid of being alone the rest of my life. So, I can foresee myself being with someone i don't really care for strongly just to not be alone. This fear kind of hurts my relationships, I think.

I see my father, who is almost 50 and in prison and won't have a place to go when he gets out. My dad fucked up a whole lot when he was married to my mom, now he's alone and will most likely be homeless again when he gets out of prison.

It scares the hell out of me, the thought of fucking up a relationship and ending up alone like my dad, so I typically will do whatever I can to please whoever I am dating. When things don't work out, I freak out and imagine being alone forever. It's completely irrational, I know. However, my feelings have a tendency to take away control from my...uh...rational side.

So, long story short, I would be with someone I didn't love out of my fear of being alone.

[spoiler]what's the phobia for this?[/spoiler]

Eremophobia or monophobia

[just1more]

I dated a girl earlier this year really only because she liked me, and after I realized that she was awkward and I didn't like her anymore, I stopped dating her. I'm not going to date a girl I don't like, because I'm not stupid.

I've seen what happens when you're stuck with someone you just don't fancy, and I absolutely don't want that happening to me. I'm not going to settle for anyone.

[vulpix]

I'm super afraid of being alone the rest of my life. So, I can foresee myself being with someone i don't really care for strongly just to not be alone. This fear kind of hurts my relationships, I think.

It scares the hell out of me, the thought of fucking up a relationship and ending up alone like my dad, so I typically will do whatever I can to please whoever I am dating.

being with/doing things for someone you don't care for isn't a real relationship, and therefore will never last.  as long as you have "relationships" like that, there probably is a higher chance you'll end up alone....because the relationship isn't based on mutual love for who the other truly is.  without that bond, it's screwed.  you've gotta try dating people who really love you for who you are, and who you truly love for who they are. 

Possibility three is that the two never truly become comfortable together. They think love entails compromising their own happiness and doing things they don't like in order to be with the other person. They inevitably find escapes from each other that allow them to "be themselves" when the other isn't around. This continues on until one or both partners can eventually admit to themselves that they're not right for each other.

THIS.  when you're with the person you're dating you should feel the most like yourself.  you should be able to be free to be the person you really are.  but all this compromising for the sake of a relationship traps people in something that's based on a lie.

but you can get rid of all of that by doing this:

Possibility one is that neither partner puts on an act to begin with - they both approach each other acting like themselves, and either they fall in love and live comfortably together or realize they're not compatible and move on.