The best thing I have ever written for a grade

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

Finally I had a moment to myself. The press had been following me around ever since I found that giant orange. I was just walking around in my grove trying to collect my thoughts when I got tired. I thought it would be a great idea to sleep underneath an orange tree. Orange trees are the most comfortable of all fruit trees. Cherry trees are pretty comfortable, but I always end up with sore back when I sleep underneath them. Anyway, I was sleeping pretty hard when all of a sudden a rock or something fell on my head. But it wasnââ,¬â,,¢t a rock. It was a rock lobster! The rock lobster then directed me to a cave.
   
It was a scary cave. It was full of bats and snakes. Also, there was turtle. He was a cool turtle; he stayed in his shell though. I bet he was tired too. The rock lobster took me all through the cave. I felt like I was walking forever. I told the rock lobster to stop and let me take a break, but he couldnââ,¬â,,¢t understand me because he was a lobster. Finally, we got out of the cave and everything seemed bigger. The rocks seemed bigger. The bugs seemed bigger. Even the grass seemed bigger. I was in awe of this amazing sight, but the rock lobster just kept walking or crawling or whatever it is they do.
   
The rock lobster just kept walking. He wasnââ,¬â,,¢t a kind rock lobster; he wasnââ,¬â,,¢t a mean rock lobster. He was just a rock lobster. I figured he was something special seeing as how he fell from the sky. But now, Iââ,¬â,,¢m starting to think it was a bad idea to follow a lobster around. Just when I was about to turn back around and go back to my orange grove, the rock lobster stops. He stopped in front of the biggest orange tree I ever saw. It was gigantic, and at the very top of the tree was the most beautiful orange I had ever seen. I decided to claim this orange as mine.
   
I started my climb up. Its tough climbing up an orange tree, itââ,¬â,,¢s even tougher climbing up one that is abnormally large. I had been climbing for what seemed like months when I looked down. A thick layer of clouds were blocking my view of the ground. I knew now that it was either make it to the delectable orange. I resumed my climb. Even though my arms were weak, my legs were strained, and my face was itchy and pressed onward. Only thoughts of the money I would make from the orange filled my head. Also I thought of my wife, but not the ugly one. The hot new one was in my thoughts.
   
Finally, after what was the most difficult and stressful thing I have done in my life (besides getting married to my whopper of a wife, bah-zing!), I made it to the top. I took out my knife and stood upon the orange. Holding on with one hand, I used my pocket knife to cut the thin vine holding the orange to the tree. I gritted my teeth and sawed through the vine which Iââ,¬â,,¢m sure was made out of some sort of iron. Back and forth, I worked my knife, back and forth until my eyes started bleeding, until my hand started cramping, until my teeth were breaking under the pressure.
   
Then, when I nearly gave up, the vine snapped like a postal worker who worked like a dog for forty years and is getting sent into early retirement. I tumbled down, down, down, down. The wind was cutting my face, but I hung on for dear life. My family flashed before my eyes. My wife, with her bowl of potatoes in her hand, eating like a cougar in a day care, stared at me with her cold, gray eyes. My son, who hates me, was standing there. I can barely see at my son, because my wifeââ,¬â,,¢s fat nearly blocks him out.
   
ââ,¬Å"I have the perfect muumuu to wear to your funeral!ââ,¬Â� My wife says. ââ,¬Å"Not yet,ââ,¬Â� I whisper underneath the roar of the wind, ââ,¬Å"I will not die this day!ââ,¬Â� I reaffirm my grip on the oranges leaves and I ride it down. I hit the ground with a loud squish. Fearing I had damaged my orange, I climb off the orange and inspect it. Thankfully, the squish was just of the orange landing on the rock lobster. I breathe a sigh of relief and roll my orange into the cave I have entered from. I pass the bats and snakes, and the turtle finally comes out of his shell. I say hello to him, but he just stares. Turtles are awesome.
   
I enter back into my grove and roll the orange onto my truck. I strap the orange into the bed, and tell my wife to pack her things and Iââ,¬â,,¢ll be back to roll her onto the bed of my truck next. I drive my truck to the local newspaper and show them the amazing thing I had found. They rush outside and take pictures almost as soon as I pull up. They told me that the orange had to be the biggest in the world. I called those people at Guinness to measure it, and they came down and told me that it was without a doubt the biggest one in the world.
   
All sorts of reporters were paying me for my story. It wasnââ,¬â,,¢t long that I was wearing designer suits and eating fancy meat. I didnââ,¬â,,¢t know that horse meat was fancy, but thatââ,¬â,,¢s what the local butcher told me so I bought all he had. But, the paparazzi kept hounding me. I couldnââ,¬â,,¢t go anywhere without them asking ââ,¬Å"Whereââ,¬â,,¢s the orange at?ââ,¬Â� Itââ,¬â,,¢s enough to drive a guy crazy. I ran as fast as I could to escape the ââ,¬Å"houndsââ,¬Â�. I ducked around a corner and broke down and cried. Why didnââ,¬â,,¢t I just leave the rock lobster alone! Iââ,¬â,,¢m such an idiot.
   
Thatââ,¬â,,¢s when I remembered I had a hot wife.  I remembered I was supposed to meet her for lunch. I walk to Applebeeââ,¬â,,¢s, where all the other fancy people around here eat at, and got a twenty dollar steak. I ordered my wife a salad, because I paid a lot of money for my new bride and sheââ,¬â,,¢s going to stay in shape. I wash my steak down with enough liquor to kill a cow, and then I called a cab to take me and my new wife home. I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby "Yo, home smell you later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

[Zach]

tl:dr

[Mettalik]

rofl

I told the rock lobster to stop and let me take a break, but he couldnââ,¬â,,¢t understand me because he was a lobster.

cool story bro

[snorkel]

incorrect use of semicolon, choppy sentences

[Zach]

incorrect use of semicolon, choppy sentences

Yeah, pretty much. Sentence structure is a wreck.

[Hiro]

If you actually wrote it, that was the greatest thing ever.

[Slim]

So what? I wrote BS like this all the time in 5th grade (and middle school too, for that matter). It's nothing special.

The fact that you're so proud of it is actually kind of pitiful.

[NOA_Haunted]

tl:dr

[Nyerp]

What the fuck is this supposed to be?

You want a grade? I'll give you a grade: A for Appalling

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

for the record, it's all bullshit. I just did it for an easy A.

[Slim]

for the record, it's all bullshit. I just did it for an easy A.

Why would you get an A for that? What the fuck kind of a class is this?

[Wrench]

Decently funny story. I enjoyed it.

[The Hand That Fisted Everyone]

Why would you get an A for that? What the fuck kind of a class is this?

Computer Applications 2

[Socks]

Edgar Allen Poe you are not.