JMV's Journal of the Psych Ward

[Daddy]

I think this is one of the first accurate uses of the "Dear Diary" message icon.

This is a bit tl;dr and somewhat whiney, but I hope you guys like it.

[spoiler=Monday, October 20]
5:00 PM - I arrived at the E.R. and was sent to the crisis center and was asked why I OD'd
5:45-11:00PM - I sat in a bed for over 5 hours, so damn boring.  An exception to this wait was 15 minutes in an empty white room where some bitch tried to convince me I was suicidal and told me I had to stay for at least 3 days in the psychriactric ward.
11-12AM - Finally transferred from the E.R. to the psychriactric ward where I sat in a room similar to the room where McMurphy got a lobotomy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  Oh Joy.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Tuesday, October 21]
12-? Oh yay a nurse who doesn't make me nervous showed up. I answered some questions then went to my room.
? - NO DAMN CLOCKS ARE IN MY ROOM.
8:00AM? - They woke me up for breakfast, vital signs and then a group meeting.  I want to go home. ;_;

10:00AM- Therapy for anxiety. I went since I was bored as fuck.  Shortly after I saw my psychiatrist who said because of the amount I OD'd on I was "high risk" and then pulled me off my medication for a few days to get it out of my system.  I then received a string order; yay I got my shoes and belt back. They won't give me my iPhone.

12PM(I think; I have no clock): Lunch.   I then decided to write this shit down.  How many fucking room checks do they need to do? And why are visiting hours so late? I WANT MY DAMN IPHONE! Or at least something to read.  3 days of this will be boring.

Rest of the day - More group therapy. I colored a turtle ^__________^.  I attempted to attend another therapy but my case worker pulled me out to ask me the same redundant questions then told me that I'd be here until Monday or later: shit.  I wrote a note for my sister to give Clucky my number to call and give to Det, ProtectedMember32, and Rae. Back to events here, I played poker with some of the patients then my mom visited and brought me some chicken and my iPod--yay having a clock and music.  I watched TV for a while then came back to my room to write this and listen to music.  Oh yeah, for some reason there was a Bible on my desk earlier. [/spoiler]

[spoiler=Wednesday, October 22]
I've pretty much stopped memorizing what time stuff happened at.  I went to sleep around 12; unfortunately this was interrupted by someone yelling at 3 in the morning.  I got a few more hours of sleep before breakfast and another meeting. Good News: Two of the annoying crazy people are being discharged.  Bad News: So are 2 of the people I talk to. After the meeting I took a shower.  No therapy that applies to me is until 1 PM.  After lunch I did some art stuff and painted a mouse keychain which I'll try to send to a member of Boyah.  I then went outside on the gated balcony( with supervision |: ) for a bit then my damn iPod died and I can't charge it until 6:30 so I watched some TV and talked to other patients before eating.  No one is answering their phones when I call--fuck.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Thursday, October 23]Headache and any other noticeable symptoms of withdrawal are gone.  Other than being stuck in a hospital, I feel a lot better than when I was on meds.  I shall try to find when I can go home and get as early a date as possible...
As of now I'm leaving Monday, which I will try to get pushed to Saturday or Sunday. My mom came to visit again and bring me a hoodie. In order to prove I am not suicidal I gave my psychiatrist the URL to Boyah-- hopefully some dumbfuck didn't post Goatse.  Other than an abnormally high blood pressure and heart rate I feel good. I spent most of the day eating and talking to other patients.  3 days to go. [/spoiler]

[spoiler=Friday, October 24]
I'm going home at 11:30am on Monday--60 hours from now. My dad found out I was here and called me for the first time in 2 months and is visiting tomorrow. OH GOD A BABY WAS JUST BORN (10:42 PM )  My mom and sister visited tonight I start regular therapy on Wednesday.
I don't know what caused the breakdown that led me here: family, broken promises, disappointment in my failure and inadequacy to help, shattered hope, the way I am treated?  All of it?  I feel bad for asking for so much help from some member and still hospitalizing myself. I hope they can forgive me. I'll be back soon.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Saturday, October 25]38 hours left.My dad and brother visited and that's basically all.  I want to go home. :'( ...
I just painted a racooon and annoyed the staff. MY DAY IS COMPLETE!

Raccoon Painting:
[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Sunday, October 26]
My last night here--15 hours to go.  There is some guy pacing in the halls talking to himself, save me.  Dear Atheos, I think being here has made me more of an ass. I've avoided writing/saying mean things about/to the other patients but it's getting harder not to. I burst out at some girl who wouldn't shut the fuck up about a banana saying, "There is no fucking banana". I think it follows this chart:

As I become less anxiety-ridden I become more of a dick.

I tore a contact earlier and that shit stings I had to get a new one when my mom and aunt came to visit.  I then used my kewn skills to talk to the nurses, then I  was sad. ( ) so a nurse asked if I was okay and I said yes, and she knew I was lying. ;_; A staff member's "you know: that's why you're smirking" brings me to a protip.  PROTIP: I guess we are not allowed in other patients' rooms, even if the door is open, I'm in a chair, and she's on a bed. 'Twas not our fault the community room is loud.

Dramatic Reconstruction

As of now, this is nearly 4 pages front and back so you better enjoy this.  On a sadder note, I'm faced with possibly needing to withdraw from school for the rest of the semester.  I need to weigh my options...
After eating more, washing clothes, and chilling I'm down to 12 1/2 hours left.  I need to shave + cut my hair. I don't feel like starting a new page so I'll stop here for tonight to leave room for tomorrow.  One last thing: I finally told my mom I am an atheist.  Dhit Boyah.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Monday, October 27]Four hours until discharge. I shall return soon Boyay.

I have a few final things to attend to like talking to a patient or two before I go.[/spoiler]

More of my Psych Ward Art
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]

[j o e i n c]

Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?

[Classic]

Sounds awfully depressing. I'm glad you're back.

[The spy who loves you]

Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?

you make life worth living

[wawi]

I thought it was sort of ironic that I'm reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest right now. I was constantly worrying about you. How did your mom react to the Atheist thing? Also, do you think you'll stay in school? I hope you do

[j o e i n c]

you make life worth living

O!, hath thou beenth gulling I with thou language?

[FAMY2]

 I am not so sure I could of shared that openly. It takes a lot of guts to open up like that and share.  Thanks JMV. <3

[luna]

jmv please dont be sad like that anymore :'( it makes me sad to know youre that sad 

[Lotos]

So Clucky is bipolar?

I was going to save this for a +1 post in this thread, but since I have to go, I'll just edit it in here.  That must be why I can relate to a lot of this.  My ex was bipolar.  It ended with a "you're too good for me" and "I need some time alone."  The whore was with another guy a few days later   I'm still depressed, more at times than at others.  The one year anniversary since this happened would be I think the week after Thanksgiving.

[One Man Freak Show]

I had no idea, JMV. Glad you're back. I was wondering where you were. What happened?

[Kalahari Inkantation]

I have massive amounts of respect for you, JMV. You're such a great person, and it's sad to see you like this. :'(
But it's also nice that you're back and able to share your journal with us. Thank you, JMV. ;_;

[strongbad]

That was actually an entertaining read.
I lol'd at this:
"in order to prove I am not suicidal I gave my psychiatrist the URL to Boyah-- hopefully some dumbfuck didn't post Goatse."

But whoa I didn't know that you cared about Clucky that much. I thought you were always joking around, but hell, I barely spend any time on boyah anyway, so what do I know.

Anyway, I'm glad that you're feeling alot better. From reading all that, I'm somewhat amazing on how much one internet site can affect a person's life.

[Skylark]

this all just kind of makes me sad.

[Daddy]

boyah is jmv's life

So, anyway, when I got home I threw out all of my pills and I'm refusing to take it or any other medication(psychiatrist tried seeing if I wanted to try Paxil or something; lol no)

[One Man Freak Show]

So, anyway, when I got home I threw out all of my pills and I'm refusing to take it or any other medication(psychiatrist tried seeing if I wanted to try Paxil or something; lol no)

That's good.

We all love you very much, JMV. It's sad to think of you like this. You always seemed to be happy, and your posts have always made me laugh.